History
I've been sitting around....trying to relax.
It's not working.
I've been thinking about what I did wrong.
Everything....I did wrong.
They say it's better to reflect on your mistakes, and learn from them.
Because, when the next person comes along, you won't do to them what you did to others.
But, the problem is.....I don't want others.
I only want one.
And she doesn't want me.
I just want to try.
I'm afraid to try because everytime I think it might work.
She shuts me down.
She's not trying to play with my head....or my heart.
But, I just want her to see me.
The way she used to.
It's my fault, though.
I did the exact same thing to her.
Over and over again.
My eyes were everywhere, except for her.
While the whole time, her eyes were on me.
And, as soon as I had an opportunity to change things, I didn't.
I continued on the same collision course I was on.
Well, I crashed.
And when i did, my eyes have been on her, and her only, ever since.
And her eyes where anywhere, but on me.
And they still are.
I deserve it.
I'm feeling the same shit she felt when I broke up with her.
She was having really bad migranes for a couple months before.
We were having problems.
Problems I caused.
She was afraid she might have a tumor.
And, I still fucking left.
I shouldn't have left.
But, I did.
I didn't find out until a few months later that it wasn't a tumor.
I didn't even have the balls to ask how it turned out.
I can never make up for that.
Among other things.
I cheated on her.
I lied to her.
I just want her to know how much I love her.
I can't change the past.
But, I know I can change the future.
I can show that I can be what she wants.
What she desrves.
Not what I used to be.
I won't give up.
All I want is the chance.
But, how can I compete with Jon?
With one of 'da-boyz'?
She doesn't want me.
She wanted Jon for a while.
She knows how I feel about my girlfriends, or ex's, and my friends.
I don't know what to do anymore.
DON'T SAY ANYTHING???
IF I DON'T SAY ANYTHING THEN WHAT I'M I GONNA DO???
JUST KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT AND LET YOU JUST...........
JUST...??
Just let you walk away for good?
Without putting up a fight.
I'm tired of laying down for others.
I'm tired of letting everyone else have their way.
But, I know if I don't stick back from it I'll lose her for good.
What am I supposed to do?
I don't know what to do.
I just want you back.
I don't care what it takes.
I don't care how long it takes.
I don't care what I have to sacrifice.
As long as I have that last chance.
One opportunity is all I'm asking.
One opportunity to prove myself.
I KNOW I can prove myself.
If you don't think I can.....let me prove you wrong.........or at least give me the opportunity, so you can prove ME wrong.
You said you still cared about me.
Well, if you care....then, show me....let me prove it to you.
It's all that's left in me.
What's left of my heart depends on it.
I don't mean to sound desperate....but, sometimes....that's how I feel.
I feel like if I don't do something......then I have nothing else to work for.
Nothing left to prove.
I still have something to prove....but, only to you.
And, to myself.
It's not working.
I've been thinking about what I did wrong.
Everything....I did wrong.
They say it's better to reflect on your mistakes, and learn from them.
Because, when the next person comes along, you won't do to them what you did to others.
But, the problem is.....I don't want others.
I only want one.
And she doesn't want me.
I just want to try.
I'm afraid to try because everytime I think it might work.
She shuts me down.
She's not trying to play with my head....or my heart.
But, I just want her to see me.
The way she used to.
It's my fault, though.
I did the exact same thing to her.
Over and over again.
My eyes were everywhere, except for her.
While the whole time, her eyes were on me.
And, as soon as I had an opportunity to change things, I didn't.
I continued on the same collision course I was on.
Well, I crashed.
And when i did, my eyes have been on her, and her only, ever since.
And her eyes where anywhere, but on me.
And they still are.
I deserve it.
I'm feeling the same shit she felt when I broke up with her.
She was having really bad migranes for a couple months before.
We were having problems.
Problems I caused.
She was afraid she might have a tumor.
And, I still fucking left.
I shouldn't have left.
But, I did.
I didn't find out until a few months later that it wasn't a tumor.
I didn't even have the balls to ask how it turned out.
I can never make up for that.
Among other things.
I cheated on her.
I lied to her.
I just want her to know how much I love her.
I can't change the past.
But, I know I can change the future.
I can show that I can be what she wants.
What she desrves.
Not what I used to be.
I won't give up.
All I want is the chance.
But, how can I compete with Jon?
With one of 'da-boyz'?
She doesn't want me.
She wanted Jon for a while.
She knows how I feel about my girlfriends, or ex's, and my friends.
I don't know what to do anymore.
DON'T SAY ANYTHING???
IF I DON'T SAY ANYTHING THEN WHAT I'M I GONNA DO???
JUST KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT AND LET YOU JUST...........
JUST...??
Just let you walk away for good?
Without putting up a fight.
I'm tired of laying down for others.
I'm tired of letting everyone else have their way.
But, I know if I don't stick back from it I'll lose her for good.
What am I supposed to do?
I don't know what to do.
I just want you back.
I don't care what it takes.
I don't care how long it takes.
I don't care what I have to sacrifice.
As long as I have that last chance.
One opportunity is all I'm asking.
One opportunity to prove myself.
I KNOW I can prove myself.
If you don't think I can.....let me prove you wrong.........or at least give me the opportunity, so you can prove ME wrong.
You said you still cared about me.
Well, if you care....then, show me....let me prove it to you.
It's all that's left in me.
What's left of my heart depends on it.
I don't mean to sound desperate....but, sometimes....that's how I feel.
I feel like if I don't do something......then I have nothing else to work for.
Nothing left to prove.
I still have something to prove....but, only to you.
And, to myself.