When do you say enough is enough?
"When two people love each other, when do they say enough is enough?"
That's from a movie called 'The Mexican'.
Iris was the only person that could get me to watch any movie other than what I WANTED to watch.
Strange.
I had another blue-mat last week. I failed.......AGAIN.
That's 4 in a row now.
It sux.
But, I was a lot closer than the last time.
Jack said that if I just had a little more energy in my character, I would have passed.
I knew I should have interacted with the people a little more.
I wish people would stop putting words in my mouth.
There are so many things that people tell others that I say.
When the truth is, I know what to say, and what not to say nowadays.
I admit that how I feel isn't exactly my best point.
But, how I feel, isn't exactly something I can change.
It's just how I feel. I don't know how to change it.
And, even if I did know, I probably wouldn't change it.
I always thought things would go back to normal.
But, 'normal' isn't the best thing.
Things have to change in order for them to get better.
And, although things aren't the greatest right now, they're much better than they used to be.
Maybe not between me and I, but, I'd rather they be the way they are now, then the way they were 2 months ago.
I remember when she told me to get over her.
Sometimes I wish I could.
But, the majority of the time, I don't want to get over her.
Not because I think she's gonna come back.
But, because I feel that it's a part of my life that I can improve on.
One of many.
But, the main part. I always felt that I would be happy if she came back.
But, I know that it isn't just a happiness issue.
Although she feels differently now, I still feel that she's a part of me that I can't let go of.
If I could have let go of her, I would have let her go in less than 3 years. Much less.
She spent the night last weekend. It was nice.
I haven't slept that well in over 3 months.
Even though I didn't sleep for a few hours.
I just stayed awake, watching her sleep.
She's so beautiful when she sleeps.
She reminds me of an angel.
I know it sounds sappy. But, she does.
I mean, she's always beautiful.
I just miss holding her while she's sleeping.
I miss everything about her.
I don't mean to sound that weird. Like a sappy, hopeless romantic.
I don't know.
I mean, I wish she would come back, but, I know she won't.
She feels it's unhealthy.
People used to tell her that a lot.
Especially, Mellisa.
Mel hates me now. For what I did to Iris.
Not that Mel has any room to talk.
I mean...she still hangs out with the guy that did the same thing to her.
But, we don't talk about that.
I don't want to be an asshole about it.
Yes, I know your wall slants.
But, at least it's a wall.
I started the security job.
I make $9.00 an hour.
I'm intending to make sure my school's paid off so I can get a car finally.
I should have a car by at least Feb. or March.
Yeah, I know.
A '21-yr-old, high school dropout, with no job, no car, and no ambitions' has no business being in a wrestling school.
HA-FUCKING-HA-FUCKING-HA!!!
I figured my mom would be proud of me when she found out I was going to a wrestling school.
I figured she'd be proud of me for having some AMBITION!!!
BUT, NOOOOO.
Instead, She's all about what I owe her, instead of her son finally doing something with his life that he can actually enjoy doing.
I admit, there's no money in pro-wrestling, unless you own your own company and school.
Which is exactly what I intend on doing.
But, it doesn't matter.
Because, they won't see me for a long time.
Not that they really want much to do with me anyways.
I was their embarassment.
I was their scapegoat.
I came to them for help and they shot me down.
My dad had no faith in me from day one.
Yeah, my sister can steal $5,000 right out from under their noses.
But, as soon as I end up owing less than 1/4 of that much, I'm more or less out of the family.
If that's what family is all about... then I shouldn't even exist to them.
Maybe it would make their lives better.
I got screwed on that house a lot more than my mom did.
I'm not the one that screwed her over.
I have people that, altogether, owe me 3 times as much money as I owe my mother.
Old roommates, friends in need, etc. etc.
I haven't seen a dime of it.
I accept it from some more than others.
I know that Gene Lee is good for it, but, he doesn't have the greatest job in the world right now.
So that's no big deal.
But, others have blatantly refused to pay when they owed.
Thinking I'd forget, or let it slide.
I'm sick of it.
If they don't wanna pay their dues, then why do they bother with me?
I know I haven't been the greatest person as of the last few years.
But, when I said this was the beginning of an new era...I meant this was the end of who I used to be.
And the beginning of who I'll be for years to come.
OH,
And to answer the question at the beginning of this entry.
"When two people love each other, when do they say that enough is enough?"
well,
Never.....they never say 'enough is enough'.
Well, if that's true........then what happned?
That's from a movie called 'The Mexican'.
Iris was the only person that could get me to watch any movie other than what I WANTED to watch.
Strange.
I had another blue-mat last week. I failed.......AGAIN.
That's 4 in a row now.
It sux.
But, I was a lot closer than the last time.
Jack said that if I just had a little more energy in my character, I would have passed.
I knew I should have interacted with the people a little more.
I wish people would stop putting words in my mouth.
There are so many things that people tell others that I say.
When the truth is, I know what to say, and what not to say nowadays.
I admit that how I feel isn't exactly my best point.
But, how I feel, isn't exactly something I can change.
It's just how I feel. I don't know how to change it.
And, even if I did know, I probably wouldn't change it.
I always thought things would go back to normal.
But, 'normal' isn't the best thing.
Things have to change in order for them to get better.
And, although things aren't the greatest right now, they're much better than they used to be.
Maybe not between me and I, but, I'd rather they be the way they are now, then the way they were 2 months ago.
I remember when she told me to get over her.
Sometimes I wish I could.
But, the majority of the time, I don't want to get over her.
Not because I think she's gonna come back.
But, because I feel that it's a part of my life that I can improve on.
One of many.
But, the main part. I always felt that I would be happy if she came back.
But, I know that it isn't just a happiness issue.
Although she feels differently now, I still feel that she's a part of me that I can't let go of.
If I could have let go of her, I would have let her go in less than 3 years. Much less.
She spent the night last weekend. It was nice.
I haven't slept that well in over 3 months.
Even though I didn't sleep for a few hours.
I just stayed awake, watching her sleep.
She's so beautiful when she sleeps.
She reminds me of an angel.
I know it sounds sappy. But, she does.
I mean, she's always beautiful.
I just miss holding her while she's sleeping.
I miss everything about her.
I don't mean to sound that weird. Like a sappy, hopeless romantic.
I don't know.
I mean, I wish she would come back, but, I know she won't.
She feels it's unhealthy.
People used to tell her that a lot.
Especially, Mellisa.
Mel hates me now. For what I did to Iris.
Not that Mel has any room to talk.
I mean...she still hangs out with the guy that did the same thing to her.
But, we don't talk about that.
I don't want to be an asshole about it.
Yes, I know your wall slants.
But, at least it's a wall.
I started the security job.
I make $9.00 an hour.
I'm intending to make sure my school's paid off so I can get a car finally.
I should have a car by at least Feb. or March.
Yeah, I know.
A '21-yr-old, high school dropout, with no job, no car, and no ambitions' has no business being in a wrestling school.
HA-FUCKING-HA-FUCKING-HA!!!
I figured my mom would be proud of me when she found out I was going to a wrestling school.
I figured she'd be proud of me for having some AMBITION!!!
BUT, NOOOOO.
Instead, She's all about what I owe her, instead of her son finally doing something with his life that he can actually enjoy doing.
I admit, there's no money in pro-wrestling, unless you own your own company and school.
Which is exactly what I intend on doing.
But, it doesn't matter.
Because, they won't see me for a long time.
Not that they really want much to do with me anyways.
I was their embarassment.
I was their scapegoat.
I came to them for help and they shot me down.
My dad had no faith in me from day one.
Yeah, my sister can steal $5,000 right out from under their noses.
But, as soon as I end up owing less than 1/4 of that much, I'm more or less out of the family.
If that's what family is all about... then I shouldn't even exist to them.
Maybe it would make their lives better.
I got screwed on that house a lot more than my mom did.
I'm not the one that screwed her over.
I have people that, altogether, owe me 3 times as much money as I owe my mother.
Old roommates, friends in need, etc. etc.
I haven't seen a dime of it.
I accept it from some more than others.
I know that Gene Lee is good for it, but, he doesn't have the greatest job in the world right now.
So that's no big deal.
But, others have blatantly refused to pay when they owed.
Thinking I'd forget, or let it slide.
I'm sick of it.
If they don't wanna pay their dues, then why do they bother with me?
I know I haven't been the greatest person as of the last few years.
But, when I said this was the beginning of an new era...I meant this was the end of who I used to be.
And the beginning of who I'll be for years to come.
OH,
And to answer the question at the beginning of this entry.
"When two people love each other, when do they say that enough is enough?"
well,
Never.....they never say 'enough is enough'.
Well, if that's true........then what happned?