Stream of conciousness vomitting of thought and emotion

[desirerofhesed]

Three weeks. Seems so much longer than that and yet it all seems to have happened in an instant. One week. That's how long I've been home. Only one week? That just doesn't seem possible to me. Everything here is still some sort of surreal experience removed from time. The days are simultaneously filled with an incompletable to-do list while perfused with the quiet downtime of meals together, boardgames, and naps. I feel everything from anger to joy to extreme gratitude to exhaustion to frustration to love, yet an overarching Peace still pervades the house and I just feel calm. I want to write, to process everything that has happened and is happening, to tell you and myself everything that God is doing, everything I am feeling, all of it, but it's like trying to write the ocean. How do I write choir practice - do I write singing or praising God or laughing or normalcy or just joy at my favorite family activity? How do I write prayer somehow being even more real than before? How is that even possible?!? How do I write experiencing the Body of Christ in a real way? How do I write cleaning? Or oatmeal? Or walking or dishes or counting or dinner or friends or any of it? How do I write an experience that I feel both deep in my spirit, yet detached from? The phrase 'washing over me' is perfect. Everything - good, bad, joyful, frustrating - keeps coming in rolling waves, and I can do nothing but experience it.

When clouds brought rain
And disaster came
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
When waters rose
And hope had flown
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul
Oh, my soul

Oh, my soul
Overflows
Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, my soul
Fills hope
Perfect love that never lets go

Oh, what love, oh, what love
Oh, what love, oh, what love
In joy and pain
In sun and rain
You're the same
Oh, You never let go