Worthless and unimportant
I don't feel important... I don't feel like people will remember me when I'm gone... I mean sure my kids but they can't help remembering me. I feel like a burden to my husband... nd an annoyance to my family and friends. I need everyone so much more than they need me. Heck I even feel like I need my kids more than they need me. And here I am bored and depressed and feeling sorry myself... so pathetic. I need to get over myself. I owe it to my kids and my husband to just shut up and be good... at least that's the way I'm starting to feel. We haven't been to counseling because we have to have someone watch the kids and well that's never going to happen... it never does. My mom probably would but she had her hand surgery so she can't for another couple of weeks at least.
I talked to tom and asked him to only go to rob's after the kids go to bed and he agreed on that though he wasn't happy. But then today during the kids nap his dad called saying he was at rob's and needed help with his car. So he went over to help. I am glad he's willing to help people. I'm just pissed that his dad basically assumes that Tom never has anything better to do so he just calls the exact moment he wants him to come over instead of calling and asking ahead of time. He's taking him for granted and in the process causing tom to do the same to me. Maybe that's not the reality but that's how i see it.
At this point i really feel like the only way I can make anyone else happy is to completely ignore myself. And that's why I'm depressed because no matter how nice and selfless I try to be I can't ignore my own needs and still be happy. I'm not tired but I seriously want to just crawl in bed and cry myself to sleep right now. And i don't want to have to get up for a very long time either. But I have no control in my life these days and I'm not lucky enough to be able to do anything for myself more than once a month because my mom is the only one I can count on being able to go out with without the kids.
I'm supposed to hang out with Jon tomorrow night but he's so busy with work that I haven't heard from him since night before last and even then it was a short conversation and he was at the store and maybe he didn't say eh had to go and thought I hung up on him but I swore he said he was going to call me back because he was at the store. I feel like such a pest calling him and all but I'm jus trying to figure out if he and I are still on for saturday night and I'm only calling him once a day. But maybe that's unreasonable. i would just come out and ask him but I can't because that would require getting a hold of him or catching him online.
I just wish someone could make me feel important again... And I wish Tom would read this so he would understand why I'm so upset today and maybe do something about it but he refuses to read my journal. He said he was going to read my post about religion but he still hasn't. I haven't bothered to remind him because I'm tired of having to be the one to remember everything important in this household when I have such a bad memory.
Oh god this is going to be such a long day... Aiden already got my liquid eye liner and covered himself and painted keeley's nose when I first started typing this. So obviously they need a bath tonight when I have no help.
I swear I can't even handle the kids anymore. What good am I?!
I talked to tom and asked him to only go to rob's after the kids go to bed and he agreed on that though he wasn't happy. But then today during the kids nap his dad called saying he was at rob's and needed help with his car. So he went over to help. I am glad he's willing to help people. I'm just pissed that his dad basically assumes that Tom never has anything better to do so he just calls the exact moment he wants him to come over instead of calling and asking ahead of time. He's taking him for granted and in the process causing tom to do the same to me. Maybe that's not the reality but that's how i see it.
At this point i really feel like the only way I can make anyone else happy is to completely ignore myself. And that's why I'm depressed because no matter how nice and selfless I try to be I can't ignore my own needs and still be happy. I'm not tired but I seriously want to just crawl in bed and cry myself to sleep right now. And i don't want to have to get up for a very long time either. But I have no control in my life these days and I'm not lucky enough to be able to do anything for myself more than once a month because my mom is the only one I can count on being able to go out with without the kids.
I'm supposed to hang out with Jon tomorrow night but he's so busy with work that I haven't heard from him since night before last and even then it was a short conversation and he was at the store and maybe he didn't say eh had to go and thought I hung up on him but I swore he said he was going to call me back because he was at the store. I feel like such a pest calling him and all but I'm jus trying to figure out if he and I are still on for saturday night and I'm only calling him once a day. But maybe that's unreasonable. i would just come out and ask him but I can't because that would require getting a hold of him or catching him online.
I just wish someone could make me feel important again... And I wish Tom would read this so he would understand why I'm so upset today and maybe do something about it but he refuses to read my journal. He said he was going to read my post about religion but he still hasn't. I haven't bothered to remind him because I'm tired of having to be the one to remember everything important in this household when I have such a bad memory.
Oh god this is going to be such a long day... Aiden already got my liquid eye liner and covered himself and painted keeley's nose when I first started typing this. So obviously they need a bath tonight when I have no help.
I swear I can't even handle the kids anymore. What good am I?!