Rollercoaster.......
This has been a crazy week for me. Not because of anything in particular happening but because ive just gone through many different emotional periods throughout the week. My trip to Amsterdam was great but i think it was the trigger to the emotional rollercoaster ive been on. I feel like a menopausal women one second I'll be really happy and the next i'll be sad I don't know why. Well i guess I do.....
I took a lot of pictures in Amsterdam mostly at the House of Viktor and Rolf. Amsterdam is kinda like san francisco: it's a beautiful city and everyone in the streets is fucked up on one drug or another. I did my fair share of pot smoking while there so I'm not judging. At first while in Amsterdam I was feeling a bit down because I was there alone in a tiny hotel room in a city. Walking the streets by myself taking tours alone.... this was the beginning of my sadness....
One night at the hotel I was staying I began to feel a bit better when they guy at the desk started a conversation with me and we ended up talking for like 3 hours. It wasnt a flirtation or anything like that just a friendly conversation between people occupying the same space. IT FELT SO GOOD!!!! Just to have someone i the same room as me listen to what i had to say and talk to me! It was great! The rest of Amsterdam was pretty uneventful so I'll Jump back to paris.
So the night i arrived back in Paris I was so happy to be home.... I use the term home loosely. I wasnt very tired that night and I wanted to do something. But seeing as I dont have many friends I ended out going out Dancing alone. The club was packed and i went to get a drink. people usually don't approach me at clubs but this night was something different. First this one boy came to me he was beautiful like uncommonly good looking. His face looked as if it was carved by angels better than model good looks. He talked to me for a while and blah blah blah. Then he tried to get me to take him home. i wasnt feeling particularly in a sexy mood so i told him no maybe some other time after we know each other or something. He told me he wasnt interested in knowing me atleast not knowing for more than one night.... This happened 4 more times that night... Everyone wanted to fuck me but no wanted anything more.
I guess i should be flattered that people want to have sex with me but i left the club early with hurt feeling. People want to fuck me but no one wants to be my friend and that really bothered me. so that night i came home depressed. I came to the painful realization something that I've been trying to avoid since moving here but something i think I can say now.
I'm not happy! I really dont have any friends. Most of my communication with other people is through the internet or phone. I'm always alone. Theres no one to talk to.
Yesterday was a good day went out with an older friend of mine and we had lunch. He works as a pattern maker for Lanvin and he said he would help me get an internship there for the summer so I was very excited about that. Afterwards he reminded me about the designer sale which starts next week. That made me happy so i was feeling good for a while thinking of all the new things i will get for my re-design. Also Out of my sadness came inspiration! I wrot a short story that was inspired by my current attitude and from that it gave my inspiration to make a small collection for my portfolio so that should occupy my time.
For the new year I think i'm going to start making video blogs instead of text! and i'll post the amsterdam pictures in a bit.... I feel lazy
I took a lot of pictures in Amsterdam mostly at the House of Viktor and Rolf. Amsterdam is kinda like san francisco: it's a beautiful city and everyone in the streets is fucked up on one drug or another. I did my fair share of pot smoking while there so I'm not judging. At first while in Amsterdam I was feeling a bit down because I was there alone in a tiny hotel room in a city. Walking the streets by myself taking tours alone.... this was the beginning of my sadness....
One night at the hotel I was staying I began to feel a bit better when they guy at the desk started a conversation with me and we ended up talking for like 3 hours. It wasnt a flirtation or anything like that just a friendly conversation between people occupying the same space. IT FELT SO GOOD!!!! Just to have someone i the same room as me listen to what i had to say and talk to me! It was great! The rest of Amsterdam was pretty uneventful so I'll Jump back to paris.
So the night i arrived back in Paris I was so happy to be home.... I use the term home loosely. I wasnt very tired that night and I wanted to do something. But seeing as I dont have many friends I ended out going out Dancing alone. The club was packed and i went to get a drink. people usually don't approach me at clubs but this night was something different. First this one boy came to me he was beautiful like uncommonly good looking. His face looked as if it was carved by angels better than model good looks. He talked to me for a while and blah blah blah. Then he tried to get me to take him home. i wasnt feeling particularly in a sexy mood so i told him no maybe some other time after we know each other or something. He told me he wasnt interested in knowing me atleast not knowing for more than one night.... This happened 4 more times that night... Everyone wanted to fuck me but no wanted anything more.
I guess i should be flattered that people want to have sex with me but i left the club early with hurt feeling. People want to fuck me but no one wants to be my friend and that really bothered me. so that night i came home depressed. I came to the painful realization something that I've been trying to avoid since moving here but something i think I can say now.
I'm not happy! I really dont have any friends. Most of my communication with other people is through the internet or phone. I'm always alone. Theres no one to talk to.
Yesterday was a good day went out with an older friend of mine and we had lunch. He works as a pattern maker for Lanvin and he said he would help me get an internship there for the summer so I was very excited about that. Afterwards he reminded me about the designer sale which starts next week. That made me happy so i was feeling good for a while thinking of all the new things i will get for my re-design. Also Out of my sadness came inspiration! I wrot a short story that was inspired by my current attitude and from that it gave my inspiration to make a small collection for my portfolio so that should occupy my time.
For the new year I think i'm going to start making video blogs instead of text! and i'll post the amsterdam pictures in a bit.... I feel lazy