Comments | desideratum: Essay #3 Peer Review Draft

desideratum

Essay #3 Peer Review Draft

Jan 18, 2008 01:13

If you could do me a huge favor and read over my third crappy essay and provide some feedback below, I'd really appreciate it. All I ever get from my classmates is "It was good," which is useless to me. If you don't feel like reading, though, don't feel bad. It's pretty basic stuff, and I'm sure you guys have better stuff to do. But if you get a ( Read more... )

school, writing

Comments 8

cyran January 18 2008, 09:05:39 UTC

Boo, whenever I'm asked to give feedback, I'm always tempted to proofread and reword things, but that's probably not what you want (especially given most of the things I'd reword would be language preferences, not things that are actually mistakes ( ... )

desideratum January 18 2008, 09:16:01 UTC

This is exactly what I'm looking for. As it is, I don't really get any sort of constructive feedback with regard to my writing, and it's frustrating as hell. I generally find out what I could have fixed or changed when I get my final grade, which is obviously too late to be of any use on that assignment.

I agree completely re: the bibliography/footnotes mention. I was already working on something like that. It felt awkward, especially since there wasn't a paragraph about them in the body.

Great idea on the final paragraph, also.

And YES, I totally already re-wrote the guidelines sentence (and likely will again). It was awkward. The new-ish version is "You've probably already been given a few guidelines by your instructor, either via the syllabus, or in-class discussion. Even if they don’t provide you with a topic outright, they should at least point you in the right direction."I kept making that semicolon a comma, and Word kept telling me to make it a back into a semicolon. Then again, grammar check generally sucks ( ... )

desideratum January 18 2008, 09:17:28 UTC

Seriously though, thanks. I'm still really new at this whole "writing with a purpose in mind" thing, and I haven't exactly found my voice or style, or whatever just yet. So this stuff is a huge help.

cyran January 18 2008, 19:08:03 UTC

You definitely seemed to have a purpose in the writing above, despite being "new" at it. :) I hope you get an A on this paper!

davenport_6 January 18 2008, 15:44:38 UTC

I'd agree with most of these suggestions...

My only other quibble would be with this passage in the second paragraph:

Even if it doesn’t provide you with a topic outright, it should at least point you in the right direction. Think about the assignment, and write down a few ideas right away. The brainstorming doesn’t stop right away, though.

Ending a sentence with "though," seems -- to me, anyway -- a little awkward (I'm guilty of it, too, though. Hah.), and you used the term "right away" twice in two consecutive sentences. I might reword it like this:

Even if it doesn't provide you with a topic outright, it should, at least, point you in the right direction. Think about the assignment and write down a few ideas, though the brainstorming doesn't have to stop there.Or, I would probably excise the sentences about writing down ideas (because you mention that later in the paragraph) and the sentence ending with "though" altogether. Stating that you won't have a topic outright implies that you'll have to think about it for a bit -- ( ... )

desideratum January 18 2008, 15:50:53 UTC

I'm one step ahead of you. I've re-written that section as:

"Even if they don’t provide you with a topic outright, they should at least point you in the right direction. Think about the assignment, and write down a few ideas right away, although the brainstorming won’t stop there."

I'm still uncomfortable with that "although," but I think it's a step in the right direction.

davenport_6 January 18 2008, 15:52:27 UTC

Yes.. that's better.

desideratum January 18 2008, 15:53:58 UTC

Your ellipses and I agree.