Essay #3 Peer Review Draft
If you could do me a huge favor and read over my third crappy essay and provide some feedback below, I'd really appreciate it. All I ever get from my classmates is "It was good," which is useless to me. If you don't feel like reading, though, don't feel bad. It's pretty basic stuff, and I'm sure you guys have better stuff to do. But if you get a
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My only other quibble would be with this passage in the second paragraph:
Even if it doesn’t provide you with a topic outright, it should at least point you in the right direction. Think about the assignment, and write down a few ideas right away. The brainstorming doesn’t stop right away, though.
Ending a sentence with "though," seems -- to me, anyway -- a little awkward (I'm guilty of it, too, though. Hah.), and you used the term "right away" twice in two consecutive sentences. I might reword it like this:
Even if it doesn't provide you with a topic outright, it should, at least, point you in the right direction. Think about the assignment and write down a few ideas, though the brainstorming doesn't have to stop there.
Or, I would probably excise the sentences about writing down ideas (because you mention that later in the paragraph) and the sentence ending with "though" altogether. Stating that you won't have a topic outright implies that you'll have to think about it for a bit -- which you can then follow up with your description of waiting for a bus, etc:
Even if it doesn't provide you with a topic outright, it should, at least, point you in the right direction. I don't know how many ideas I've gotten while running errands or waiting for the bus, or even while working on another assignment. Write these ideas down when you get them, no matter how silly or unworkable they may seem. You’re not committed to anything at this point, and you’ll kick yourself later if you forget the details of a great idea, all because you didn’t want to write it down....
Then again, your writing needs to reflect your own style, grammatical choices, etc., and I have a tendency to completely rewrite other people's essays when they ask me to look at them.
(Whatever you do, don't learn about comma usage from me. I tend to go a little heavy on the commas, which I attribute to my grandmother's German background/influence. Germans use commas like they're going out of style.)
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"Even if they don’t provide you with a topic outright, they should at least point you in the right direction. Think about the assignment, and write down a few ideas right away, although the brainstorming won’t stop there."
I'm still uncomfortable with that "although," but I think it's a step in the right direction.
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