(no subject)
Sometimes Leon (meanjoevoodoo) scares me.
Last night he was kind enough to buy me a few things at Big Lots. It was about $30 worth. It was sweet of him, and I made a point of thanking him over and over again so he'd know I didn't take it for granted. I told him I'd pay him back as soon as I had the money. I was nervous as I said it, because I wanted him to understand that I wasn't just trying to get him to buy things for me. I honestly meant it when I said I'd pay him back. He was sweet, though. He said not to worry about it, he loved me, and he was happy to buy these things for me.
We had a great evening and we were really happy. As a guest in my home, Leon is usually polite enough to offer to help out with little things here and there...mainly washing dishes. He says he likes washing dishes. I somehow injured my neck recently, and I was in terrible pain last night. Leon was sleepy, and I wouldn't have dreamed of trying to get him to wash the dishes then. So after I made sure he was as happy and satisfied as it was possible to be, I asked him if he'd be so kind as to do the dishes the following day. After he got a good night's sleep. Just so I wouldn't have to stress out about it. He said no. A little thing that would have taken him about 10 minutes, which would have made me SO happy I would have done absolutely anything in the world for him, and he just said no.
He fell asleep and I washed the dishes myself, despite my sore neck. In the morning I tried to explain to him how much that hurt me, but he kept interrupting me and trying to make it into something it wasn't. It really was scary. He accused me of trying to get him to do my 'housework,' even though I only asked him to please help with the dishes because my neck was causing me so much pain. Then he had the gall to suggest that he helps out with my BILLS. Yes, my bills. He has never even seen any of my bills. He hasn't even reimbursed me for long-distance calls he's made on my phone, much less offered to pay my phone bill. There are men who WOULD offer to help me with my bills, but Leon? NO WAY.
When I tried to explain to him what bills are and that he has in no way ever helped me pay them, he laughed at me and told me I was crazy. I'm crazy, when he is the one who brought up the subject of paying my bills. But Leon doesn't like dealing with reality. Try to tell him the reality of a situation - like the fact that he has never helped with my bills - and he tries to pretend that I'm the crazy one. Then he made a remark about my rent, suggesting that he has somehow helped me pay it. First of all, I'd never dream of asking him for that kind of money unless I knew I'd be able to pay it back right away. I just don't believe in that. I only borrow money from my parents, never anyone else. Leon doesn't even know who I make my rent check out to. He has never, EVER offered to help out with my rent or any other bills. That is the truth, so help me God.
I haven't been able to stop crying since he laughed in my face and stormed out.
There is nothing, nothing more frustrating than when someone makes a statement that's a bald-faced LIE, like Leon saying he has helped with my bills; and then refuses to acknowledge the TRUTH, which is that he has never even seen any of my bills. He sat there laughing at me and telling me I'm crazy, because I was trying to make him acknowledge the truth. I'm not crazy. I'm not the one who made up a bald-faced lie. I WAS hurt, and I WAS crying because I was so frustrated by the fact that he said he had helped out with bills. I know women whose boyfriends actually DO help out with their bills, and believe me...Leon would make my life a living hell if I even suggested such a thing. He makes my life a living hell anyway. Imagine how it feels to hear something like that, after you've just lost your job. I've got way too much pride to ever ask him to help me out with my bills, but he managed to hurt that pride by treating me as though I'm some kind of mooch. Imagine how that feels. It's like no matter how good of a girlfriend I am, no matter how independent I am, no matter how much pride I have, no matter how much love and affection I give him, he just won't appreciate it. I take care of my OWN bills, I NEVER ask him for help, but he'll still treat me as though I do. It doesn't matter what the reality is. I might as well have been asking him for money all this time, because he is going to treat me that way. He's probably going to write in his journal about what a crazy bitch I am, demanding his money, demanding that he does "all" of my "housework", and post it publicly in an attempt to make people believe things about me that aren't true. I don't know how I could possibly be a better person than I already am. He gives so little, and I ask for so little. But I love him, and I want him to love me in return. That's not too much to ask.
I can't eat and I can't stop crying. Leon and I had such incredible sex last night, and I can't believe he laughed at me and hurt me so badly today. All I want is a mutually loving, giving relationship. I want him to appreciate my love and treat me with kindness. I don't think I deserve to be laughed at, and he certainly has no business acting as though he pays my bills when he has never done any such thing. I just wanted him to care enough about me to say, "I love you, Baby. Of course I'll do the dishes if your neck is hurting you that bad, my love." He doesn't realize that if he is kind toward me, I'll do absolutely anything in the world to make him happy. It's the same as usual: nice = good, mean = bad. If he'd been nice, we'd be together right now, possibly out doing something fun, possibly in bed having more awesome sex. But he was mean, so I'm here alone crying and he's off gettting drunk. I don't know that for sure, but it's what he usually does...so it's highly likely. We'd be together if he'd only been kind and rational. We'd be happy if he'd have just apologized for that bullshit comment about paying my bills and been nice. GOD! Why wouldn't he want to be here with me right now, loving me and having more great sex with me? WHY???
Last night he was kind enough to buy me a few things at Big Lots. It was about $30 worth. It was sweet of him, and I made a point of thanking him over and over again so he'd know I didn't take it for granted. I told him I'd pay him back as soon as I had the money. I was nervous as I said it, because I wanted him to understand that I wasn't just trying to get him to buy things for me. I honestly meant it when I said I'd pay him back. He was sweet, though. He said not to worry about it, he loved me, and he was happy to buy these things for me.
We had a great evening and we were really happy. As a guest in my home, Leon is usually polite enough to offer to help out with little things here and there...mainly washing dishes. He says he likes washing dishes. I somehow injured my neck recently, and I was in terrible pain last night. Leon was sleepy, and I wouldn't have dreamed of trying to get him to wash the dishes then. So after I made sure he was as happy and satisfied as it was possible to be, I asked him if he'd be so kind as to do the dishes the following day. After he got a good night's sleep. Just so I wouldn't have to stress out about it. He said no. A little thing that would have taken him about 10 minutes, which would have made me SO happy I would have done absolutely anything in the world for him, and he just said no.
He fell asleep and I washed the dishes myself, despite my sore neck. In the morning I tried to explain to him how much that hurt me, but he kept interrupting me and trying to make it into something it wasn't. It really was scary. He accused me of trying to get him to do my 'housework,' even though I only asked him to please help with the dishes because my neck was causing me so much pain. Then he had the gall to suggest that he helps out with my BILLS. Yes, my bills. He has never even seen any of my bills. He hasn't even reimbursed me for long-distance calls he's made on my phone, much less offered to pay my phone bill. There are men who WOULD offer to help me with my bills, but Leon? NO WAY.
When I tried to explain to him what bills are and that he has in no way ever helped me pay them, he laughed at me and told me I was crazy. I'm crazy, when he is the one who brought up the subject of paying my bills. But Leon doesn't like dealing with reality. Try to tell him the reality of a situation - like the fact that he has never helped with my bills - and he tries to pretend that I'm the crazy one. Then he made a remark about my rent, suggesting that he has somehow helped me pay it. First of all, I'd never dream of asking him for that kind of money unless I knew I'd be able to pay it back right away. I just don't believe in that. I only borrow money from my parents, never anyone else. Leon doesn't even know who I make my rent check out to. He has never, EVER offered to help out with my rent or any other bills. That is the truth, so help me God.
I haven't been able to stop crying since he laughed in my face and stormed out.
There is nothing, nothing more frustrating than when someone makes a statement that's a bald-faced LIE, like Leon saying he has helped with my bills; and then refuses to acknowledge the TRUTH, which is that he has never even seen any of my bills. He sat there laughing at me and telling me I'm crazy, because I was trying to make him acknowledge the truth. I'm not crazy. I'm not the one who made up a bald-faced lie. I WAS hurt, and I WAS crying because I was so frustrated by the fact that he said he had helped out with bills. I know women whose boyfriends actually DO help out with their bills, and believe me...Leon would make my life a living hell if I even suggested such a thing. He makes my life a living hell anyway. Imagine how it feels to hear something like that, after you've just lost your job. I've got way too much pride to ever ask him to help me out with my bills, but he managed to hurt that pride by treating me as though I'm some kind of mooch. Imagine how that feels. It's like no matter how good of a girlfriend I am, no matter how independent I am, no matter how much pride I have, no matter how much love and affection I give him, he just won't appreciate it. I take care of my OWN bills, I NEVER ask him for help, but he'll still treat me as though I do. It doesn't matter what the reality is. I might as well have been asking him for money all this time, because he is going to treat me that way. He's probably going to write in his journal about what a crazy bitch I am, demanding his money, demanding that he does "all" of my "housework", and post it publicly in an attempt to make people believe things about me that aren't true. I don't know how I could possibly be a better person than I already am. He gives so little, and I ask for so little. But I love him, and I want him to love me in return. That's not too much to ask.
I can't eat and I can't stop crying. Leon and I had such incredible sex last night, and I can't believe he laughed at me and hurt me so badly today. All I want is a mutually loving, giving relationship. I want him to appreciate my love and treat me with kindness. I don't think I deserve to be laughed at, and he certainly has no business acting as though he pays my bills when he has never done any such thing. I just wanted him to care enough about me to say, "I love you, Baby. Of course I'll do the dishes if your neck is hurting you that bad, my love." He doesn't realize that if he is kind toward me, I'll do absolutely anything in the world to make him happy. It's the same as usual: nice = good, mean = bad. If he'd been nice, we'd be together right now, possibly out doing something fun, possibly in bed having more awesome sex. But he was mean, so I'm here alone crying and he's off gettting drunk. I don't know that for sure, but it's what he usually does...so it's highly likely. We'd be together if he'd only been kind and rational. We'd be happy if he'd have just apologized for that bullshit comment about paying my bills and been nice. GOD! Why wouldn't he want to be here with me right now, loving me and having more great sex with me? WHY???