HI THERE AND HELLO.
'ELLO WORLD. TOP OF THE MORNIN' TO YA.
I am doing laundry, watching the episodes of "Will & Grace" where they try to make a babywaby, drinking a Coke and seriously wishing I hadn't asked Jase to call me in the morning so I could go run. And YES, I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW ALL OF THIS.
FURTHERMORE, hereto, thereafter and THUS, I am dumb enough to ask my super athletic, up at the ass-crack of dawn (5:00AM, PEOPLE. FIVE IN THE MORNING. IN. THE. MORN. ING.), adorable boyfriend to please call me at the cleavage of dawn (6:00AM, PEOPLE. SIX IN THE MORNING. IN. THE. MORN. ING.) so I could wake up, go for a run and be refreshed enough to shower, pack my bag for a sleepover at his and pack a lunch for work.
I mean, really? It is now 11:42 pm and I am not in bed. I don't know if Jason's aware of this or not, but 6:00am is like... the middle of the night. I mean, that's dead-time. The time of zombies. Not Safe To Be Out Running time. Especially if that Die Hard villain is loose on the streets again. I can't believe he didn't say "Baby, what?! 6:00am? But honey, you need that extra two hours of sleep. I know you do. You can't possibly function that early and it'll only make you grumpy and curse the world and wish Pandora had that box shoved up her ass because obviously the first goddamn evil to fly out of it was THE ALARM CLOCK and then you'll have your day at the liquor store WHICH SUCKS ENOUGH ALREADY completely ruined. Get some sleep, gorgeous girl who does not need to go running even one mile, it'll only hurt your dainty feet and sexy knees. And I'll be over with chocolate chip pancakes. And cheese and butter grits. And coffee. And sex after your food coma."
No. No. NO. You know what Jason said?! He said "Ok sweet thing!"
....
If I don't regret this in the morning... I'll... well fuck that doesn't make any sense. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'LL DO IF I DON'T REGRET THIS. I guess enjoy the light crisp of the morning air VOMIT and the chirping birds I DIDN'T KNOW YOU MADE NOISES OTHER THAN HOOT HOOT and the glorious morning the world has bestowed upon me all shiny and ready and waiting for any opportunity I may find within it.
I'm hoping these opportunities include hookers and blow. 'Cause after this 6:00am wake-up call, I'll need a pick-me-up.
I am doing laundry, watching the episodes of "Will & Grace" where they try to make a babywaby, drinking a Coke and seriously wishing I hadn't asked Jase to call me in the morning so I could go run. And YES, I THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW ALL OF THIS.
FURTHERMORE, hereto, thereafter and THUS, I am dumb enough to ask my super athletic, up at the ass-crack of dawn (5:00AM, PEOPLE. FIVE IN THE MORNING. IN. THE. MORN. ING.), adorable boyfriend to please call me at the cleavage of dawn (6:00AM, PEOPLE. SIX IN THE MORNING. IN. THE. MORN. ING.) so I could wake up, go for a run and be refreshed enough to shower, pack my bag for a sleepover at his and pack a lunch for work.
I mean, really? It is now 11:42 pm and I am not in bed. I don't know if Jason's aware of this or not, but 6:00am is like... the middle of the night. I mean, that's dead-time. The time of zombies. Not Safe To Be Out Running time. Especially if that Die Hard villain is loose on the streets again. I can't believe he didn't say "Baby, what?! 6:00am? But honey, you need that extra two hours of sleep. I know you do. You can't possibly function that early and it'll only make you grumpy and curse the world and wish Pandora had that box shoved up her ass because obviously the first goddamn evil to fly out of it was THE ALARM CLOCK and then you'll have your day at the liquor store WHICH SUCKS ENOUGH ALREADY completely ruined. Get some sleep, gorgeous girl who does not need to go running even one mile, it'll only hurt your dainty feet and sexy knees. And I'll be over with chocolate chip pancakes. And cheese and butter grits. And coffee. And sex after your food coma."
No. No. NO. You know what Jason said?! He said "Ok sweet thing!"
....
If I don't regret this in the morning... I'll... well fuck that doesn't make any sense. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'LL DO IF I DON'T REGRET THIS. I guess enjoy the light crisp of the morning air VOMIT and the chirping birds I DIDN'T KNOW YOU MADE NOISES OTHER THAN HOOT HOOT and the glorious morning the world has bestowed upon me all shiny and ready and waiting for any opportunity I may find within it.
I'm hoping these opportunities include hookers and blow. 'Cause after this 6:00am wake-up call, I'll need a pick-me-up.