rm
in
descensus_hp
April 15, 1978
TITLE: April 15, 1978
SERIES: Facilis Descensus Averno: BACKSTORY
CHARACTERS: Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Black
AUTHORS: kalichan and rm
RATING: 13+
WARNINGS: house elf death match
SUMMARY: Lucius offers more than advice.
FEEDBACK: early and often if you so desire
ARCHIVING: please ask
Severus did his best not to narrow his eyes too much as Lucius looked him up and down. He knew that form of appraisal, had seen Lucius do it before, and was perfectly aware that it was about little more than money.
"Acceptable," Lucius said curtly, striding for the edge of the grounds.
Severus grit his teeth, trotting after him for a few strides to catch up.
"Where are we going?"
"Alston's," Lucius said with studied casualness.
"Which is?"
Lucius stopped. "A private club where we can have any number of necessary discussions, and you can get yet another much needed look at the world as it should be."
"For you," Severus said as they started walking again.
"For you as well, Severus, if you would just refine your tastes, desires and conduct."
"Lucius --"
"You asked for advice. You're going to get advice. Resign yourself to it."
Severus growled.
Lucius chuckled. "Can you apparate yet?"
"Of course!"
"Well?"
"Meaning?"
"Somewhere you've never been before if I tell you landmarks?"
"I'm not an imbecile."
"No, you're hardly that. Not everyone can do it."
"Where?" Severus asked, impatient.
"Intersection of Mystic and Physic."
Severus hadn't even finished nodding when Lucius popped out of existence.
*
Alston's was a white townhouse in the middle of the block. It possessed no sign, just an ornate lamppost with a strong flame and a doorman who seemed to recognize Lucius.
As they entered, Severus tried not to look around too conspicuously, although there was plenty of time to do so as Lucius fussed with his gloves, greeted staff and noted that he had reserved a table in the Blue dining room. Everything was ornate, dark, grand and significant, and Lucius seemed to fit into it all perfectly. He looked older, and Severus wondered if that meant he himself looked younger. He hoped not, but thought it likely and was relieved, for perhaps the first time, that they looked nothing alike at all; at least he would not be taken for a poor relation, not that his own actual position was really any better at all.
Seated at a small table by an excessively curtained window, Severus was struck most palpably by the sound of the room. Men, and only men, speaking in low, intense tones to each other. Whether it was about learning or politics or assignations, he didn't know or care, he merely knew he loved this sound of quiet and focus; it was the world as he had always imagined it.
Lucius smiled, but said nothing and Severus, feeling as if he'd been caught at something, busied himself with his napkin and stared down at the street below as Lucius procured them alcohol. Oh why couldn't this have merely been a five minute discussion after tea with Narcissa?
"Shouldn't you be indulging Narcissa with this sort of thing?" Severus asked.
"I do, but this wouldn't be appropriate. Well, on Wednesdays, after the wedding, I can bring her if she likes, but this is a place for the matters of men, in which she has very little interest, as surely you know."
"Politics you mean?" Severus asked bluntly.
"That, and finance." Lucius shrugged. "She certainly has a world of things that don't interest me in the least."
"Like what?" Severus asked, having a hard time imagining it, as he had always found her interesting if mildly annoying at times.
Lucius laughed. "I wouldn't know."
Severus looked at his place setting and frowned when it provided no answers.
"I was glad to get your letter," Lucius said, finally deigning to rescue his dining companion from himself. "It pleases me that you look to me in that way and that you took the initiative. And of course listened to Narcissa's counsel as well."
Severus nodded. "I hadn't wanted it to be an an imposition. Or an event."
"All the more reason I'm glad you wrote. It should be an event. Narcissa has led me to believe the offers are impressive."
"Astreza in Spain, Trelosca in Italy, Ashwort here."
"Serious names. Your own leanings?"
"Astreza."
"Why?" Lucius asked.
"Ashwort doesn't take the tradition seriously; Trelosca is brilliant but disorganized, and I don't actually want to spend three years doing his filing."
Lucius laughed and it was nearly genuine. "Well, that certainly eliminates one. Expand for me on your thinking about Ashwort and Astreza. Your choice shouldn't necessarily be based on who you find the most unpalatable."
"If I speak about Astreza I will embarrass myself," Severus said with unusual candor.
Lucius merely raised an eyebrow but remained silent.
"Ashwort is a businessman, not a scholar, not a scientist."
"I've read his papers, Severus, and I know you have as well --"
Severus waved Lucius' remark away. "Of course, I wouldn't have applied otherwise, but philosophically, I am not what he is."
"And you are what Astreza is?"
"No," Severus said, coloring. "Astreza is what I want to be."
"You might have a lot to gain by studying with someone like Ashwort. I realize talk of business is crass, and I don't wish to discomfort you by being excessively blunt about your situation, but unless you intend to take up a teaching post, what Ashwort has to offer may be the best route to being able to provide for yourself in a style to which Narcissa and I can't help but hope you will become accustomed."
Severus didn't reply immediately. There was a lot to take in, some of it clearly and obviously valid. The rest of it unclear, but Severus knew, surely important.
"I am concerned that choosing Ashwort means missing out on the apprenticeship experience entirely."
"May I be blunt, Severus?"
"You always are."
Lucius smirked.
"Sorry."
"An apprentice-master is neither a replacement for a father nor a lover. That Ashwort is less entangling is probably better for a man like you, and certainly for these times."
Lucius had called him a man, and that pleased Severus, who definitely felt like a boy in his company. The rest of it though was just plain embarrassing, and so he seized on the only part of the remark that wasn't about him at all really.
"What do you mean by these times?"
"Surely you're aware of the political climate. The encroachment of the muggle world for which I know you cannot have much love."
Severus nodded.
"Wizarding England needs brilliant men. Our future leaders need exceptional advisers -- men of science and magic, like yourself. Certainly, as I step into my father's shoes, I will need certain sorts of allies."
"What sort is that?" Severus said, trying to sound sophisticated.
"That still remains to be seen. I'm quite certain though that they won't be residing in Spain. No matter. Think on it; ask me questions; I do know Galen personally. But now we should eat and partake of some excellent brandy. This is, after all, only our first stop of the evening."
Severus felt overwhelmed, and his first refuge from it, trying to calculate how much Lucius was spending on him, only made him more anxious. He tried to tell himself it was pocket change to Narcissa's fiance, and sipped at his drink noisily before gaining control of himself.
He tried not to scowl as the food arrived, catching Lucius watching at first to see if he would need to correct his table manners, but he knew Lucius would find nothing wanting. Narcissa might have been a child herself, but she was always useful for making sure Severus never had to appear as one.
The food was delicious, if overwhelming, and Severus watched Lucius for clues as to how hard it was appropriate to work to remove meat from the bones of some delicate bird or other and when fingers were an option. He was also quickly careful not to ask too many questions about the dishes after Lucius was seemingly overeager to discuss geese force fed with enchanted crickets.
As Severus watched the other man, he began to focus on his air of unconcern, and Severus admired the way he moved with certitude even over the simplest things. It was something to emulate, to practice even, in his dormitory when he was alone. Lucius seemed to draw all of the light in the room to him, but only emit it as he chose, and whether it was a magic Severus had not yet learnt, or merely beauty, he wasn't sure.
"Don't waste that," Lucius said, pointing at the drink. "It's better than you're likely to see... well, until the next time our paths cross. Besides, we've a carriage for the rest of the evening, so no apparation worries."
"Thank you," was all Severus could think of to say, but when he did it came out half-swallowed.
*
Severus was conscious peripherally of Lucius handing him into the carriage like a girl, but he didn't really care, memorizing the feel of his hand on his elbow through the layers of his robes. Of course, Narcissa deserved a devastatingly attractive fiance, but oh it was inconvenient. In the brief moment of Lucius gathering his own robes to find his way into the carriage without incident, Severus managed a quick swig from the sobriety potion he was glad he had thought to bring. Lucius, he noted, had the decency to look away and say nothing when he clearly caught him fumbling to stash it away as he took the seat opposite him.
"And now a bit of a less refined treat, but I didn't really think the evening would be complete without it," Lucius said.
"All this trouble really wasn't --"
"If you're truly planning to leave England, there is much you must see first."
"I'd come back!" Severus said, outraged.
"I don't know what place there's going to be for anyone who isn't here for what's coming."
"And what is coming, Lucius?" Severus asked, annoyed, as the carriage started to move.
"A remaking or restoration, if you will, of our society. And I imagine, some violence with it. Some people, as I'm sure you're aware, don't know how to listen."
"And how do you know all this? What do you do anyway?"
"Right now? Look after family interests. Later? More of the same but in a far more public capacity. My father's position on the Board of Governors will certainly pass to me, probably not that long after the marriage." Lucius was quiet for a moment. "I have had the good fortune of meeting some of the most astounding people. One of whom, by the way, I think would take quite the interest in you."
"Not another apprentice-master to consider," Severus said, exasperated. This was hard enough, and his evening with Lucius, had, thus far, only served to muddy the waters.
"No, nothing like that. Well, something like that. It would be presumptuous and inappropriate structurally for me to say it, but I do like to consider myself his apprentice in a fashion. All sharp minds are political minds he says. He would find much to appreciate in you."
"Must you be cryptic?"
"It's called discretion, Severus. But wouldn't you be happier if our world were set aside for only the worthy?"
"What do you mean?"
"You believe things ought to be done a certain way, as evidenced by your obsession with this Astreza business, among other things. I believe this too, so does my mentor. Be here so you can be a part of it."
"How can I accept an offer I don't understand?"
"The same way you accept an apprenticeship, with certitude and blindness."
The phrase was so beautiful, Severus had to force himself not to gasp. And then he was silent, absorbing it, and only distantly aware of Lucius studying him as he did so.
*
The carriage let them off a half block from what Severus assumed was the residential end of Knockturn Alley.
"Where are we --"
Lucius shushed him. "Sport. Don't dawdle," he said curtly as he led them into what seemed to be a darkened shop.
Severus could hear noise coming from a back room and followed dutifully and ever more curious.
The room was larger than he had expected and there was a press of men there -- the air smelled of alcohol and smoke and sweat. There was cheering and the stamping of feet, more noise than Severus could bear really, and from the faces and clothes he saw as he followed Lucius deeper into it, whatever it was seemed to be for all classes. He watched as money changed hands -- betting, and it happened with an air of desperation amongst the less well-dressed and an air of boredom amongst those with whom it seemed Lucius might be acquainted.
"Don't look at them, look at the match," Lucius said, taking Severus by the shoulders once they had stopped and turning him around.
While Severus hadn't know what to expect, it certainly hadn't been this. There, in the pit, just like those awful, sad dogs his father would take him to see when he was a child, were two house elves, wrestling, but to say wrestling implied that this was some gentlemanly sport with rules and that it was certainly not. The wretched things were naked, and a cheer went up around him again followed by a sigh of disappointment as one tried to gouge out an eye of the other and failed. More cheering then, and money changing hands as the second returned the attack with interest, and tore a dripping chunk out of his opponent with his teeth.
"Lucius?"
"Yes, Severus?" he said benignly.
"What on earth --?"
"A guilty pleasure amongst many classes. Certainly an environment more conducive to business than whoring."
"But those creatures are vile!"
"Truly."
"Why would you even want to watch that?" Severus asked, trying to be neither hysterical or outraged, but feeling a bit of both.
"Really now. What is your objection? I thought we were having such a lovely time."
Severus chose to ignore the second half of the remark and seized on the first. "Well, it's grotesque for one. And it seems a terrible waste. I mean, they horrify me, but I know they're expensive."
"The money changing hands here is more than enough to buy new. Besides, for a wizard fallen on hard times, it puts food on the table."
"But, don't they object?"
"The elves?"
"Yes!"
"Why should they? They're grateful for the opportunities to please their masters. It's why they fight so well. Even if they are disinclined to, their natures make such points irrelevant."
Lucius had just defined Severus' objection precisely, but not, of course, as an objection, and so he shuddered and said nothing, being glad neither to be nor own such a thing. It seemed like a grave debt for tea he could just as well get himself.
"Are you a sympathizer with them, Severus?" Lucius asked with mocking indulgence.
"No. No! I just... I had no idea," he said, making a point to study the faces in the crowd again. He'd always hated the house elves at Hogwarts and wherever else he had encountered them, but he found them no less unsettling for being vicious or bleeding.
"We have so much to teach you," Lucius said, leaning a bit closer to practically whisper it in his ear; Severus felt dizzy.
"My father used to take me to dog fights."
"Did you enjoy them?"
"That's not why he took me."
"Why then?"
Severus shrugged. "To show me he was a classless bastard, one imagines."
"I'd hate to think you were casting aspersions, Severus," Lucius said, in a tone all the more chilling for its bland friendliness.
"I'm not if you're not," Severus said grimly.
"As far as I'm concerned," Lucius said lightly, "Yorkshire needn't exist for either of us."
Severus was still nearly certain he was being insulted in one way or another, but he nodded curtly. It was good enough, and this company had to be some compliment if nothing else.
"Do any of yours fight?"
"Merlin, no," Lucius said. "You should ask Regulus though. One of his family's was quite the champion in his day before they acquired him; they thought he might have some security applications, I suppose."
Severus nodded. He was bad enough at normal small talk, and nothing about this was normal at all. He let the sounds wash over him, focused his eyes on the pattern of the tweed on the shoulder of the jacket in front of him and did his best to react in time with the crowd around him. Lucius watched him, he knew, but he must have been getting away with it, as no further remarks or correction were forthcoming.
*
This time Lucius slid into the carriage beside him, stretched his legs out and tilted his head back.
"This has been a supremely enjoyable evening, Severus," he said. "And I get to see my Narcissa tomorrow as well. You'll be sure to tell her I'm looking forward to it, yes?"
"Of course," Severus said a little tightly, sensing that the evening's awkwardness was far from done.
"Good," Lucius said and turned his head to look at Severus. "You are going to think seriously on all I've said?"
"Of course. I already am."
Lucius nodded approvingly. "Take your time. There are moments for a man to live by his instincts, but I would say this issue is not one of them."
Severus nodded. As much as he had wanted to disagree with nearly every piece of advice Lucius had given him in the course of the evening the man's logic had seemingly contained no flaws, and Severus was working on accepting that his friend's fiance might well be right both on the subject of his apprenticeship in general and Ashwort in particular. There was a way to be his own man sooner rather than later, and it wasn't, clearly, studying with Astreza. The heart can wish us to terrible places he remembered his mother saying to him once, and wondered absently if it was in a story she read to him or if she had just been sad or bitter or frightened that evening.
"What are you contemplating?" Lucius asked, combing Severus' hair back behind his ear with his fingers.
Severus was too startled by the gesture to answer, and then Lucius kissed him, and he couldn't have answered anyway.
He found he had to amend his observation of the moment. Lucius was kissing him; it was an ongoing condition. One of the most beautiful men he had ever laid eyes on, was kissing him. Hungrily, and he realized it was time to respond or be damned forever for sheer stupidity.
Lucius tasted of drink and smoke and perfection. Severus wasn't entirely inexperienced, and he certainly had had to put up with enough sexual gossip from Regulus to be fairly certain of what was liked and what wasn't, but even so, when Lucius nipped at his bottom lip and seemed to smile, Severus was undone in a way he couldn't have described. Certainly, it lacked the matter-of-factness of his encounters with boys his own age and the things he and Cissy had done. Quickly, half in a panic, he locked his mind down on that because Lucius really musn't know that they had kissed and touched and all sorts of things, even more than she really probably shouldn't know that they were doing this here and now.
Severus moaned softly, although whether that was for the pleasure or the misery of it, he was unsure. He felt Lucius' hand brush between his legs and moved them apart, and Lucius laughed softly into his mouth. Finally, finally, it occurred to Severus to put an arm around Lucius, to touch his back, to know the shape of him, to comb his fingers through that perfect hair.
Lucius arrested the motion by catching Severus' wrist hard between his fingers. He made a faintly chiding noise, and Severus felt his face flood with a hot blush of embarrassment.
And then he realized the carriage had stopped.
"This is where I leave you, as I have other appointments this evening. This will take you back to the school. Write if you have questions," Lucius said and was gone before Severus could even utter a sound.
The carriage started moving again, and he sat there hard and stunned and just a tad dishevelled wondering what in Merlin's name he was supposed to do now.
Surprisingly, his mind offered up a steady stream of answers, one after another. Deep breaths, sit up, straighten clothes and think. Why was this happening? Severus smiled as if he held wild birds in his hands. He could enjoy this later in his bed in the dark. But right now he had to think. And then tomorrow, he'd probably have to think some more too. And write to Ashwort again with more queries and talk to Slughorn, and yes, he would figure it all out, because he was capable. In a weird way, the evening had certainly proved that. Severus smiled, swiped his tongue over his bottom lip, and settled back into the seat, oddly comfortable in the folds of his cloak.
*
The castle was, thankfully, mostly quiet. Those coming and going in the corridors were similarly wrapped up in their own worlds -- late night studying or a date somewhere inappropriate. No one bothered him and he was glad, relieved even. And he wondered if it was his one set of good clothes or if something showed of his having spent the evening as an adult, with an adult. Lucius was seven years older than him, and Severus smiled; they both knew he didn't belong here anymore.
He saw her just in time, sitting on his bed, a small globe of light floating in front of her. She was flipping through one his books, looking bored. No doubt wanting news of Lucius or thanks for having been more than a bit responsible for the evening.
Severus held his breath and backed away from the door, turning quickly to run halfway up a flight of stairs that merely went to an unused faculty office attached to one of the Defense classrooms. Right now he needed to be alone to figure out the differences between secret, safe and sin in such a strange night. He also needed to figure out how to say, "Lucius is looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, and he kissed me."
He sat down on the steps and sighed, hugging his knees, and wishing, not for the first time, that there was some way to be alone and also have comfort. His world had turned so sharply in just a few hours, and now suddenly, more than anything, he wanted to stay in England, even if one of the many hammerings in his heart was telling him he'd surely hate himself for such a choice.
He twisted his body to lean back against the stone wall and started composing a thank you letter to Lucius in his head.
SERIES: Facilis Descensus Averno: BACKSTORY
CHARACTERS: Severus Snape, Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Black
AUTHORS: kalichan and rm
RATING: 13+
WARNINGS: house elf death match
SUMMARY: Lucius offers more than advice.
FEEDBACK: early and often if you so desire
ARCHIVING: please ask
Severus did his best not to narrow his eyes too much as Lucius looked him up and down. He knew that form of appraisal, had seen Lucius do it before, and was perfectly aware that it was about little more than money.
"Acceptable," Lucius said curtly, striding for the edge of the grounds.
Severus grit his teeth, trotting after him for a few strides to catch up.
"Where are we going?"
"Alston's," Lucius said with studied casualness.
"Which is?"
Lucius stopped. "A private club where we can have any number of necessary discussions, and you can get yet another much needed look at the world as it should be."
"For you," Severus said as they started walking again.
"For you as well, Severus, if you would just refine your tastes, desires and conduct."
"Lucius --"
"You asked for advice. You're going to get advice. Resign yourself to it."
Severus growled.
Lucius chuckled. "Can you apparate yet?"
"Of course!"
"Well?"
"Meaning?"
"Somewhere you've never been before if I tell you landmarks?"
"I'm not an imbecile."
"No, you're hardly that. Not everyone can do it."
"Where?" Severus asked, impatient.
"Intersection of Mystic and Physic."
Severus hadn't even finished nodding when Lucius popped out of existence.
*
Alston's was a white townhouse in the middle of the block. It possessed no sign, just an ornate lamppost with a strong flame and a doorman who seemed to recognize Lucius.
As they entered, Severus tried not to look around too conspicuously, although there was plenty of time to do so as Lucius fussed with his gloves, greeted staff and noted that he had reserved a table in the Blue dining room. Everything was ornate, dark, grand and significant, and Lucius seemed to fit into it all perfectly. He looked older, and Severus wondered if that meant he himself looked younger. He hoped not, but thought it likely and was relieved, for perhaps the first time, that they looked nothing alike at all; at least he would not be taken for a poor relation, not that his own actual position was really any better at all.
Seated at a small table by an excessively curtained window, Severus was struck most palpably by the sound of the room. Men, and only men, speaking in low, intense tones to each other. Whether it was about learning or politics or assignations, he didn't know or care, he merely knew he loved this sound of quiet and focus; it was the world as he had always imagined it.
Lucius smiled, but said nothing and Severus, feeling as if he'd been caught at something, busied himself with his napkin and stared down at the street below as Lucius procured them alcohol. Oh why couldn't this have merely been a five minute discussion after tea with Narcissa?
"Shouldn't you be indulging Narcissa with this sort of thing?" Severus asked.
"I do, but this wouldn't be appropriate. Well, on Wednesdays, after the wedding, I can bring her if she likes, but this is a place for the matters of men, in which she has very little interest, as surely you know."
"Politics you mean?" Severus asked bluntly.
"That, and finance." Lucius shrugged. "She certainly has a world of things that don't interest me in the least."
"Like what?" Severus asked, having a hard time imagining it, as he had always found her interesting if mildly annoying at times.
Lucius laughed. "I wouldn't know."
Severus looked at his place setting and frowned when it provided no answers.
"I was glad to get your letter," Lucius said, finally deigning to rescue his dining companion from himself. "It pleases me that you look to me in that way and that you took the initiative. And of course listened to Narcissa's counsel as well."
Severus nodded. "I hadn't wanted it to be an an imposition. Or an event."
"All the more reason I'm glad you wrote. It should be an event. Narcissa has led me to believe the offers are impressive."
"Astreza in Spain, Trelosca in Italy, Ashwort here."
"Serious names. Your own leanings?"
"Astreza."
"Why?" Lucius asked.
"Ashwort doesn't take the tradition seriously; Trelosca is brilliant but disorganized, and I don't actually want to spend three years doing his filing."
Lucius laughed and it was nearly genuine. "Well, that certainly eliminates one. Expand for me on your thinking about Ashwort and Astreza. Your choice shouldn't necessarily be based on who you find the most unpalatable."
"If I speak about Astreza I will embarrass myself," Severus said with unusual candor.
Lucius merely raised an eyebrow but remained silent.
"Ashwort is a businessman, not a scholar, not a scientist."
"I've read his papers, Severus, and I know you have as well --"
Severus waved Lucius' remark away. "Of course, I wouldn't have applied otherwise, but philosophically, I am not what he is."
"And you are what Astreza is?"
"No," Severus said, coloring. "Astreza is what I want to be."
"You might have a lot to gain by studying with someone like Ashwort. I realize talk of business is crass, and I don't wish to discomfort you by being excessively blunt about your situation, but unless you intend to take up a teaching post, what Ashwort has to offer may be the best route to being able to provide for yourself in a style to which Narcissa and I can't help but hope you will become accustomed."
Severus didn't reply immediately. There was a lot to take in, some of it clearly and obviously valid. The rest of it unclear, but Severus knew, surely important.
"I am concerned that choosing Ashwort means missing out on the apprenticeship experience entirely."
"May I be blunt, Severus?"
"You always are."
Lucius smirked.
"Sorry."
"An apprentice-master is neither a replacement for a father nor a lover. That Ashwort is less entangling is probably better for a man like you, and certainly for these times."
Lucius had called him a man, and that pleased Severus, who definitely felt like a boy in his company. The rest of it though was just plain embarrassing, and so he seized on the only part of the remark that wasn't about him at all really.
"What do you mean by these times?"
"Surely you're aware of the political climate. The encroachment of the muggle world for which I know you cannot have much love."
Severus nodded.
"Wizarding England needs brilliant men. Our future leaders need exceptional advisers -- men of science and magic, like yourself. Certainly, as I step into my father's shoes, I will need certain sorts of allies."
"What sort is that?" Severus said, trying to sound sophisticated.
"That still remains to be seen. I'm quite certain though that they won't be residing in Spain. No matter. Think on it; ask me questions; I do know Galen personally. But now we should eat and partake of some excellent brandy. This is, after all, only our first stop of the evening."
Severus felt overwhelmed, and his first refuge from it, trying to calculate how much Lucius was spending on him, only made him more anxious. He tried to tell himself it was pocket change to Narcissa's fiance, and sipped at his drink noisily before gaining control of himself.
He tried not to scowl as the food arrived, catching Lucius watching at first to see if he would need to correct his table manners, but he knew Lucius would find nothing wanting. Narcissa might have been a child herself, but she was always useful for making sure Severus never had to appear as one.
The food was delicious, if overwhelming, and Severus watched Lucius for clues as to how hard it was appropriate to work to remove meat from the bones of some delicate bird or other and when fingers were an option. He was also quickly careful not to ask too many questions about the dishes after Lucius was seemingly overeager to discuss geese force fed with enchanted crickets.
As Severus watched the other man, he began to focus on his air of unconcern, and Severus admired the way he moved with certitude even over the simplest things. It was something to emulate, to practice even, in his dormitory when he was alone. Lucius seemed to draw all of the light in the room to him, but only emit it as he chose, and whether it was a magic Severus had not yet learnt, or merely beauty, he wasn't sure.
"Don't waste that," Lucius said, pointing at the drink. "It's better than you're likely to see... well, until the next time our paths cross. Besides, we've a carriage for the rest of the evening, so no apparation worries."
"Thank you," was all Severus could think of to say, but when he did it came out half-swallowed.
*
Severus was conscious peripherally of Lucius handing him into the carriage like a girl, but he didn't really care, memorizing the feel of his hand on his elbow through the layers of his robes. Of course, Narcissa deserved a devastatingly attractive fiance, but oh it was inconvenient. In the brief moment of Lucius gathering his own robes to find his way into the carriage without incident, Severus managed a quick swig from the sobriety potion he was glad he had thought to bring. Lucius, he noted, had the decency to look away and say nothing when he clearly caught him fumbling to stash it away as he took the seat opposite him.
"And now a bit of a less refined treat, but I didn't really think the evening would be complete without it," Lucius said.
"All this trouble really wasn't --"
"If you're truly planning to leave England, there is much you must see first."
"I'd come back!" Severus said, outraged.
"I don't know what place there's going to be for anyone who isn't here for what's coming."
"And what is coming, Lucius?" Severus asked, annoyed, as the carriage started to move.
"A remaking or restoration, if you will, of our society. And I imagine, some violence with it. Some people, as I'm sure you're aware, don't know how to listen."
"And how do you know all this? What do you do anyway?"
"Right now? Look after family interests. Later? More of the same but in a far more public capacity. My father's position on the Board of Governors will certainly pass to me, probably not that long after the marriage." Lucius was quiet for a moment. "I have had the good fortune of meeting some of the most astounding people. One of whom, by the way, I think would take quite the interest in you."
"Not another apprentice-master to consider," Severus said, exasperated. This was hard enough, and his evening with Lucius, had, thus far, only served to muddy the waters.
"No, nothing like that. Well, something like that. It would be presumptuous and inappropriate structurally for me to say it, but I do like to consider myself his apprentice in a fashion. All sharp minds are political minds he says. He would find much to appreciate in you."
"Must you be cryptic?"
"It's called discretion, Severus. But wouldn't you be happier if our world were set aside for only the worthy?"
"What do you mean?"
"You believe things ought to be done a certain way, as evidenced by your obsession with this Astreza business, among other things. I believe this too, so does my mentor. Be here so you can be a part of it."
"How can I accept an offer I don't understand?"
"The same way you accept an apprenticeship, with certitude and blindness."
The phrase was so beautiful, Severus had to force himself not to gasp. And then he was silent, absorbing it, and only distantly aware of Lucius studying him as he did so.
*
The carriage let them off a half block from what Severus assumed was the residential end of Knockturn Alley.
"Where are we --"
Lucius shushed him. "Sport. Don't dawdle," he said curtly as he led them into what seemed to be a darkened shop.
Severus could hear noise coming from a back room and followed dutifully and ever more curious.
The room was larger than he had expected and there was a press of men there -- the air smelled of alcohol and smoke and sweat. There was cheering and the stamping of feet, more noise than Severus could bear really, and from the faces and clothes he saw as he followed Lucius deeper into it, whatever it was seemed to be for all classes. He watched as money changed hands -- betting, and it happened with an air of desperation amongst the less well-dressed and an air of boredom amongst those with whom it seemed Lucius might be acquainted.
"Don't look at them, look at the match," Lucius said, taking Severus by the shoulders once they had stopped and turning him around.
While Severus hadn't know what to expect, it certainly hadn't been this. There, in the pit, just like those awful, sad dogs his father would take him to see when he was a child, were two house elves, wrestling, but to say wrestling implied that this was some gentlemanly sport with rules and that it was certainly not. The wretched things were naked, and a cheer went up around him again followed by a sigh of disappointment as one tried to gouge out an eye of the other and failed. More cheering then, and money changing hands as the second returned the attack with interest, and tore a dripping chunk out of his opponent with his teeth.
"Lucius?"
"Yes, Severus?" he said benignly.
"What on earth --?"
"A guilty pleasure amongst many classes. Certainly an environment more conducive to business than whoring."
"But those creatures are vile!"
"Truly."
"Why would you even want to watch that?" Severus asked, trying to be neither hysterical or outraged, but feeling a bit of both.
"Really now. What is your objection? I thought we were having such a lovely time."
Severus chose to ignore the second half of the remark and seized on the first. "Well, it's grotesque for one. And it seems a terrible waste. I mean, they horrify me, but I know they're expensive."
"The money changing hands here is more than enough to buy new. Besides, for a wizard fallen on hard times, it puts food on the table."
"But, don't they object?"
"The elves?"
"Yes!"
"Why should they? They're grateful for the opportunities to please their masters. It's why they fight so well. Even if they are disinclined to, their natures make such points irrelevant."
Lucius had just defined Severus' objection precisely, but not, of course, as an objection, and so he shuddered and said nothing, being glad neither to be nor own such a thing. It seemed like a grave debt for tea he could just as well get himself.
"Are you a sympathizer with them, Severus?" Lucius asked with mocking indulgence.
"No. No! I just... I had no idea," he said, making a point to study the faces in the crowd again. He'd always hated the house elves at Hogwarts and wherever else he had encountered them, but he found them no less unsettling for being vicious or bleeding.
"We have so much to teach you," Lucius said, leaning a bit closer to practically whisper it in his ear; Severus felt dizzy.
"My father used to take me to dog fights."
"Did you enjoy them?"
"That's not why he took me."
"Why then?"
Severus shrugged. "To show me he was a classless bastard, one imagines."
"I'd hate to think you were casting aspersions, Severus," Lucius said, in a tone all the more chilling for its bland friendliness.
"I'm not if you're not," Severus said grimly.
"As far as I'm concerned," Lucius said lightly, "Yorkshire needn't exist for either of us."
Severus was still nearly certain he was being insulted in one way or another, but he nodded curtly. It was good enough, and this company had to be some compliment if nothing else.
"Do any of yours fight?"
"Merlin, no," Lucius said. "You should ask Regulus though. One of his family's was quite the champion in his day before they acquired him; they thought he might have some security applications, I suppose."
Severus nodded. He was bad enough at normal small talk, and nothing about this was normal at all. He let the sounds wash over him, focused his eyes on the pattern of the tweed on the shoulder of the jacket in front of him and did his best to react in time with the crowd around him. Lucius watched him, he knew, but he must have been getting away with it, as no further remarks or correction were forthcoming.
*
This time Lucius slid into the carriage beside him, stretched his legs out and tilted his head back.
"This has been a supremely enjoyable evening, Severus," he said. "And I get to see my Narcissa tomorrow as well. You'll be sure to tell her I'm looking forward to it, yes?"
"Of course," Severus said a little tightly, sensing that the evening's awkwardness was far from done.
"Good," Lucius said and turned his head to look at Severus. "You are going to think seriously on all I've said?"
"Of course. I already am."
Lucius nodded approvingly. "Take your time. There are moments for a man to live by his instincts, but I would say this issue is not one of them."
Severus nodded. As much as he had wanted to disagree with nearly every piece of advice Lucius had given him in the course of the evening the man's logic had seemingly contained no flaws, and Severus was working on accepting that his friend's fiance might well be right both on the subject of his apprenticeship in general and Ashwort in particular. There was a way to be his own man sooner rather than later, and it wasn't, clearly, studying with Astreza. The heart can wish us to terrible places he remembered his mother saying to him once, and wondered absently if it was in a story she read to him or if she had just been sad or bitter or frightened that evening.
"What are you contemplating?" Lucius asked, combing Severus' hair back behind his ear with his fingers.
Severus was too startled by the gesture to answer, and then Lucius kissed him, and he couldn't have answered anyway.
He found he had to amend his observation of the moment. Lucius was kissing him; it was an ongoing condition. One of the most beautiful men he had ever laid eyes on, was kissing him. Hungrily, and he realized it was time to respond or be damned forever for sheer stupidity.
Lucius tasted of drink and smoke and perfection. Severus wasn't entirely inexperienced, and he certainly had had to put up with enough sexual gossip from Regulus to be fairly certain of what was liked and what wasn't, but even so, when Lucius nipped at his bottom lip and seemed to smile, Severus was undone in a way he couldn't have described. Certainly, it lacked the matter-of-factness of his encounters with boys his own age and the things he and Cissy had done. Quickly, half in a panic, he locked his mind down on that because Lucius really musn't know that they had kissed and touched and all sorts of things, even more than she really probably shouldn't know that they were doing this here and now.
Severus moaned softly, although whether that was for the pleasure or the misery of it, he was unsure. He felt Lucius' hand brush between his legs and moved them apart, and Lucius laughed softly into his mouth. Finally, finally, it occurred to Severus to put an arm around Lucius, to touch his back, to know the shape of him, to comb his fingers through that perfect hair.
Lucius arrested the motion by catching Severus' wrist hard between his fingers. He made a faintly chiding noise, and Severus felt his face flood with a hot blush of embarrassment.
And then he realized the carriage had stopped.
"This is where I leave you, as I have other appointments this evening. This will take you back to the school. Write if you have questions," Lucius said and was gone before Severus could even utter a sound.
The carriage started moving again, and he sat there hard and stunned and just a tad dishevelled wondering what in Merlin's name he was supposed to do now.
Surprisingly, his mind offered up a steady stream of answers, one after another. Deep breaths, sit up, straighten clothes and think. Why was this happening? Severus smiled as if he held wild birds in his hands. He could enjoy this later in his bed in the dark. But right now he had to think. And then tomorrow, he'd probably have to think some more too. And write to Ashwort again with more queries and talk to Slughorn, and yes, he would figure it all out, because he was capable. In a weird way, the evening had certainly proved that. Severus smiled, swiped his tongue over his bottom lip, and settled back into the seat, oddly comfortable in the folds of his cloak.
*
The castle was, thankfully, mostly quiet. Those coming and going in the corridors were similarly wrapped up in their own worlds -- late night studying or a date somewhere inappropriate. No one bothered him and he was glad, relieved even. And he wondered if it was his one set of good clothes or if something showed of his having spent the evening as an adult, with an adult. Lucius was seven years older than him, and Severus smiled; they both knew he didn't belong here anymore.
He saw her just in time, sitting on his bed, a small globe of light floating in front of her. She was flipping through one his books, looking bored. No doubt wanting news of Lucius or thanks for having been more than a bit responsible for the evening.
Severus held his breath and backed away from the door, turning quickly to run halfway up a flight of stairs that merely went to an unused faculty office attached to one of the Defense classrooms. Right now he needed to be alone to figure out the differences between secret, safe and sin in such a strange night. He also needed to figure out how to say, "Lucius is looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, and he kissed me."
He sat down on the steps and sighed, hugging his knees, and wishing, not for the first time, that there was some way to be alone and also have comfort. His world had turned so sharply in just a few hours, and now suddenly, more than anything, he wanted to stay in England, even if one of the many hammerings in his heart was telling him he'd surely hate himself for such a choice.
He twisted his body to lean back against the stone wall and started composing a thank you letter to Lucius in his head.