i needed us more when we wanted us less. i could not kiss just regress.. don't let the days go by..
i don't know why i even fucking update.. no one ever reads this junk anyways. went to washington dc april 7th- april 10th. it was entertaining.. yet.. somehow a horror. got to know angela lawless which was a plus. me and sarah had fun playing with the elevators.. and so did me and missy. me, missy, and angela got directing to use a back elevator by some arab guy.. it looked like a rape/murder scene waiting to happen so we wlaked in very slowly and when the guy turned away we ran to the elevator [in our heels] and attacked it and dropped half our shit. then the guy randomlly popped out of no where and stuck his hand in front of the elevator that we were trying to shut.. stos randomlly walks in and then a few other people.. we felt somewhat better. it's was the freakiest shit. kinda funny though. the parade went awsome.. found out at the end that we were no longer being judged.. i was WICKED FUCKING pissed. bacon made an asian movie.. and one of missy running up stairs. at the capitol there was some anthorax scare.. a baby's bottle exploded in the mother's baby bag. we saw a guy get arrested and 3 nuns crossing the street together!! ha! me and sam almost got attacked by a flying duck. i took a pic of angela and 3 cows. that was hott. everywhere you turned you saw a cult of at least 15 japs. i got dragged 20 feets by missy at the rec center. well we did a lot in dc.. laughed a lot, goofed off a lot, cried and stressed a lot.. etc etc etc. i had to work saturday which was a pain but then i went to hang out with bacon downtown. we got hit on by bikers and some old guy with an oldies car. "hey ladies how you doing!!" me-"ILLEGAL!!" good times good times. we went to the selected eye and bought stuff. we bought stuff at the bead house too. we saw david marshall with darwin. we went to different stores and had pretty koo convos.. a dog took a shit in front of us. that was funny.. and random. yesterday was band.. went to missy's afterwards. this week is vacation so yeah.. this is gonna be interesting. i am so fucking depressed and lonely. i want to be kissed i want to be loved. no i NEED to be loved. the one i wanted is now lost and "happily" taken. fuck this shit. seriously fuck it all. i hate my life. i'm going to california next summer to look for an apartment. i can't wait to fucking get out of here. and no care gives a shit and i'm going to end up all alone.. even more fucking alone. i have no one right now.. and i'm looking for a boy.. a fucking boy.. after certain events lately.. i fucking hate myself.. i really fucking hate myself. high school is almost over and then what?.. we'll all lose touch and that's it.. we start our own lives.. our new lives. part of me does not want to leave here without closure and without my friends. but i have to go i have to leave and follow my dreams. i don't want to leave by myself but i know it will come to that. i need someone in my life.. especially right noiw.. and especially when that times comes.. we're already looking for colleges and planning our fucking futures this summer and this year. i hate it when it comes to this. i fucking hate change and i can't be alone. i fucking hate this. my mind is so fucking on it and it won't focus on anything else. i'm trying to just live my life with as much fun as possibile 'cause soon it's all gonna end and somehow the fun is always cut short. i need to just get away.. ahh i don't fucking know. i don't fucking know anything. fuck it.. just fuck it all.