Writing Ideas - Cold Redemption
So, I semi-offficially no longer write, but I still post my young ideas here. Feel free to take anything and use it, as long as you mention my name at the end, by the Original Writer - title.
So, I had this idea...it goes like this.
The world changed...too much for people, and well enough for non-people.
Technology reigns supreme, and the future became like a 20nth century sci-fi book.
However, we only wish to being ruled by robots or aliens...
For that would be more...merciful.
My tale starts in the Eastern Ruins, a large continent that harbors the majority of the League's opposers. The huge land would have been discouraging for my troops, if we were not supplied with means that make a mile an inch, make harsh winds, sands, and snow like a cool, refreshing breeze.
I am the commander of the Seventh League, one of the remaining three units that patrol what is left of Planet Earth, after the Great War. Historiens, (if some remains) would call this the Fifth World War, but no one cares any longer.
The ruler of the Supreme League, also sometimes known as the Emperor, has united all of us...despite the pain of the pure-humans, what does their individuality matter against the superior unity of our kind??
Now, I am not recording this stream of thoughts for a campaign for our people, but as a personal record...I know some pure-humans kept diaries, that they reflect upon years after they wrote them, and sometimes grief, sometimes laugh, and sometimes reek bitterness.
But reaping emotions and 'relishing' in them is not anything I am interested in...no, I will learn from my steps...I can never stop learning, that is what the Emperor expects from a commander....that is the most valuable thing I kept when I...transformed.
My mission with this small fleet, the one remaining after the Great War was to head to the far east of the Eastern Ruins, and confront a mechanical contraption made by the pure-humans to oppose us.
"Bring it, intact or destroyed...and if it is in your capacity, bring it intact.
It will show little to no resistance, so it would be easier for you."
Soon enough, I saw a large robot, humanoid-shaped, made purely from steel in the middle of the ruins of a once-great city.
"That must be it, land us close," I sent the order to the autopilot.
We landed close, and as I sent the order, my troops each climbed in their Lighteningbirds, an upgraded version of the traditional humanoid cyborg used in the Great War.
I took my seat in one as well, identical to the others. We learned in the Great War that the only hopes of the pure-humans, is focus fire on the leader. If I camoflage with my troops, they would just randomly choose. And chaos in their ranks is better then being in ours.
We approached the contraption, and I was surprised at the skillness of its maker. Its movments were -although slow- very fluid and human-like. It was if it was controlled by a master engineer or made by one.
"How could the humans make this? Don't they use rifles and bombs?" A trooper asked.
I was on the same frequency, so I pushed the sent button and spoke into the microphone, "Do not underestimate them...see what happened to the Third and Forth squads."
"Yes, sir." The trooper replied shortly.
"They have something on their side, for sure," I said on the general frequency. "Perhaps a master engineer or a robotics scientist, so be wary of high or ground-level ruins, they might harbor flight paths or engineered-guns, respectively."
"Sir, yes, sir!" They shouted in union, and set off flight, well above 100 meters above ground, knowing the capacities of the guns and cannons the humans made.
But things went out of our control once the mechanical contraption turned to us, and lifted a slow hand, gun barrels appearing around its arms like braces of death.
"Oh, no."
A blast shook the area as high-pitched sounds thundered after it. I changed the screen view from naked eye to heat vision, ordering my troops to do the same, and saw seventeen rockets swirl in the air towards us.
"Energy shield, now!" I ordered the support teams, who rocketed to our side, and activated the energy shields-
The rockets exploded a distance from us once they passed the shield, as their rocket fuels ignited by the blocking method--
But the metal shards presisted-
"What the--" the troops asked in unity, based on their half-design orders, before the shards sank deep into the plated armor of our lighteningbirds-- and exploded on their own.
Part of my face paled slightly, before I thought this over as fast as I can.
"The rockets are three seperate rockets! Double the shields!"
Another support mech came to our side, and lifted another shield, and the second blast of rockets all fell before they reached us.
"Electric net, now!" I shouted, knowing well that I must experiment on this robot's capacities.
Something came flying from behind us, a large rocket that split into a large array of metal balls, that -once reaching the target- emitted an electric shortage, that pinned the mech to the ground.
"Fire at will."
The troopers sent a blast of lasers, that reached the fallen contraption instantly, and burnt through its armor, causing small shortages and explosions--
Satisfied, I said, "Enough. Get a support copter to lift this thing up."
And after the deed was done, my troops retreated.
As I left the initial atmosphere, I looked back, asking myself, "Why didn't we see any humans?"
"A job well done," the screen in my room stated, before I nodded, retreating to my charger.
"The Emperor asks if you suspect of anything."
"I included all my passages in my record, TL," I told the screen.
"Suspicions of anything...unusual?" TL asked slyly,- or is the closest human emotion I could think of-
"The lack of humans presence in the area, that is my only concern."
"We will see to it that those concerns are covered...sleep well."
"Sleep well?" I smiled as TL left the ship.
Maybe I was wrong...maybe the ability to learn is not the only prized thing I kept from humans...maybe it is the ability to make 'sarcastic remarks'.
Oh, well, that's the intro.
Second mission is like the first, but involves assassination, where the commander goes personally on a traditional sword-fight with the assassinee.
The third is when things become messy, and he is stranded from the path back, and something unusual happens, and he becomes more...accustomed to humans after some time stranded on Earth.
When he returns, one of the commanders of the Second League, his friend does something unthinkable, and tries to commune with humans. Our hero finds out, and interrogates him, before being touched by the Second commander's thoughts, and makes up a reason to go to Earth, and meet a neutral party, which the Empire belives to be working with the pure-humans.
As you may have found out, our hero is a cyborg, half-programmed.
Anyway, that neutral party includes many scientests and cyborgs like him, and in the middle of everything, the Sixth commander raids the place under orders from the Emperor, and throws the Second commander and many neutral cyborgs in cells, awaiting judgment for their 'conspiring'.
The Seventh commander, our hero, is safe from charges, as he claims to have went with the Third in a diplomatic mission, only taking slight punishment and a scolding.
But when the Second commander and the regenade cyborgs are in trial, the Seventh barges in, and makes up a huge, convincing white lie to bail them out, and it works for a while, before the Emperor lets them all 'go', except for one cyborg.
The Seventh thanks the Emperor, before he heards the Second's scream, followed by the death signal his robot side releases.
All the others are executed, except for the cyborg left in trial, who the Emperor freezes, and says, "You are simply misguided, and I will help you." to the Seventh, and lets him go under the slight threat of killing the imprisoned cyborg, and does a half-format for the recorded events in the Seventh's brain.
Uncovered, that the robot the Seventh imprisoned, was made by that neutral party to help the Emperor initially, before the engineer left to aid the humans, and that the one controlling it was the Third commander, the one who everyone thought has died.
The third and final mission the Seventh does under the Emperor's control is against a regenade faction that opposes the Emperor, and the neutral party, as well as the humans who remained on Earth, which the Seventh is set to destroy, infiltrate their base, and steal all their data bases on his own, which actually works, with the subtle aid of the humans, who don't let themselves known.
So...this was my initial idea.
Not awesome, not great, especially with me as the critic.
This is my view of this:
A cliche' story, flat characters, president conspiracy, helpless humans who aren't really helpless, and cyborgs.
If someone wrote this, I'd hate to read it, and I initially want to throw this whole idea in the garbage, to be honest...
But I know I'm just critisizing myself, and maybe this story is awesome for a cyborg/mech-liking fan, so I'll leave it at that.
I hate this feeling...this is why great authors in the history of the world didn't write stories....self-critisizm.
If I liked Retribution is at Hand this much, then it must be incredibly awesome for people who read it or something......
And God, my spelling is hell today.
So, I had this idea...it goes like this.
The world changed...too much for people, and well enough for non-people.
Technology reigns supreme, and the future became like a 20nth century sci-fi book.
However, we only wish to being ruled by robots or aliens...
For that would be more...merciful.
My tale starts in the Eastern Ruins, a large continent that harbors the majority of the League's opposers. The huge land would have been discouraging for my troops, if we were not supplied with means that make a mile an inch, make harsh winds, sands, and snow like a cool, refreshing breeze.
I am the commander of the Seventh League, one of the remaining three units that patrol what is left of Planet Earth, after the Great War. Historiens, (if some remains) would call this the Fifth World War, but no one cares any longer.
The ruler of the Supreme League, also sometimes known as the Emperor, has united all of us...despite the pain of the pure-humans, what does their individuality matter against the superior unity of our kind??
Now, I am not recording this stream of thoughts for a campaign for our people, but as a personal record...I know some pure-humans kept diaries, that they reflect upon years after they wrote them, and sometimes grief, sometimes laugh, and sometimes reek bitterness.
But reaping emotions and 'relishing' in them is not anything I am interested in...no, I will learn from my steps...I can never stop learning, that is what the Emperor expects from a commander....that is the most valuable thing I kept when I...transformed.
My mission with this small fleet, the one remaining after the Great War was to head to the far east of the Eastern Ruins, and confront a mechanical contraption made by the pure-humans to oppose us.
"Bring it, intact or destroyed...and if it is in your capacity, bring it intact.
It will show little to no resistance, so it would be easier for you."
Soon enough, I saw a large robot, humanoid-shaped, made purely from steel in the middle of the ruins of a once-great city.
"That must be it, land us close," I sent the order to the autopilot.
We landed close, and as I sent the order, my troops each climbed in their Lighteningbirds, an upgraded version of the traditional humanoid cyborg used in the Great War.
I took my seat in one as well, identical to the others. We learned in the Great War that the only hopes of the pure-humans, is focus fire on the leader. If I camoflage with my troops, they would just randomly choose. And chaos in their ranks is better then being in ours.
We approached the contraption, and I was surprised at the skillness of its maker. Its movments were -although slow- very fluid and human-like. It was if it was controlled by a master engineer or made by one.
"How could the humans make this? Don't they use rifles and bombs?" A trooper asked.
I was on the same frequency, so I pushed the sent button and spoke into the microphone, "Do not underestimate them...see what happened to the Third and Forth squads."
"Yes, sir." The trooper replied shortly.
"They have something on their side, for sure," I said on the general frequency. "Perhaps a master engineer or a robotics scientist, so be wary of high or ground-level ruins, they might harbor flight paths or engineered-guns, respectively."
"Sir, yes, sir!" They shouted in union, and set off flight, well above 100 meters above ground, knowing the capacities of the guns and cannons the humans made.
But things went out of our control once the mechanical contraption turned to us, and lifted a slow hand, gun barrels appearing around its arms like braces of death.
"Oh, no."
A blast shook the area as high-pitched sounds thundered after it. I changed the screen view from naked eye to heat vision, ordering my troops to do the same, and saw seventeen rockets swirl in the air towards us.
"Energy shield, now!" I ordered the support teams, who rocketed to our side, and activated the energy shields-
The rockets exploded a distance from us once they passed the shield, as their rocket fuels ignited by the blocking method--
But the metal shards presisted-
"What the--" the troops asked in unity, based on their half-design orders, before the shards sank deep into the plated armor of our lighteningbirds-- and exploded on their own.
Part of my face paled slightly, before I thought this over as fast as I can.
"The rockets are three seperate rockets! Double the shields!"
Another support mech came to our side, and lifted another shield, and the second blast of rockets all fell before they reached us.
"Electric net, now!" I shouted, knowing well that I must experiment on this robot's capacities.
Something came flying from behind us, a large rocket that split into a large array of metal balls, that -once reaching the target- emitted an electric shortage, that pinned the mech to the ground.
"Fire at will."
The troopers sent a blast of lasers, that reached the fallen contraption instantly, and burnt through its armor, causing small shortages and explosions--
Satisfied, I said, "Enough. Get a support copter to lift this thing up."
And after the deed was done, my troops retreated.
As I left the initial atmosphere, I looked back, asking myself, "Why didn't we see any humans?"
"A job well done," the screen in my room stated, before I nodded, retreating to my charger.
"The Emperor asks if you suspect of anything."
"I included all my passages in my record, TL," I told the screen.
"Suspicions of anything...unusual?" TL asked slyly,- or is the closest human emotion I could think of-
"The lack of humans presence in the area, that is my only concern."
"We will see to it that those concerns are covered...sleep well."
"Sleep well?" I smiled as TL left the ship.
Maybe I was wrong...maybe the ability to learn is not the only prized thing I kept from humans...maybe it is the ability to make 'sarcastic remarks'.
Oh, well, that's the intro.
Second mission is like the first, but involves assassination, where the commander goes personally on a traditional sword-fight with the assassinee.
The third is when things become messy, and he is stranded from the path back, and something unusual happens, and he becomes more...accustomed to humans after some time stranded on Earth.
When he returns, one of the commanders of the Second League, his friend does something unthinkable, and tries to commune with humans. Our hero finds out, and interrogates him, before being touched by the Second commander's thoughts, and makes up a reason to go to Earth, and meet a neutral party, which the Empire belives to be working with the pure-humans.
As you may have found out, our hero is a cyborg, half-programmed.
Anyway, that neutral party includes many scientests and cyborgs like him, and in the middle of everything, the Sixth commander raids the place under orders from the Emperor, and throws the Second commander and many neutral cyborgs in cells, awaiting judgment for their 'conspiring'.
The Seventh commander, our hero, is safe from charges, as he claims to have went with the Third in a diplomatic mission, only taking slight punishment and a scolding.
But when the Second commander and the regenade cyborgs are in trial, the Seventh barges in, and makes up a huge, convincing white lie to bail them out, and it works for a while, before the Emperor lets them all 'go', except for one cyborg.
The Seventh thanks the Emperor, before he heards the Second's scream, followed by the death signal his robot side releases.
All the others are executed, except for the cyborg left in trial, who the Emperor freezes, and says, "You are simply misguided, and I will help you." to the Seventh, and lets him go under the slight threat of killing the imprisoned cyborg, and does a half-format for the recorded events in the Seventh's brain.
Uncovered, that the robot the Seventh imprisoned, was made by that neutral party to help the Emperor initially, before the engineer left to aid the humans, and that the one controlling it was the Third commander, the one who everyone thought has died.
The third and final mission the Seventh does under the Emperor's control is against a regenade faction that opposes the Emperor, and the neutral party, as well as the humans who remained on Earth, which the Seventh is set to destroy, infiltrate their base, and steal all their data bases on his own, which actually works, with the subtle aid of the humans, who don't let themselves known.
So...this was my initial idea.
Not awesome, not great, especially with me as the critic.
This is my view of this:
A cliche' story, flat characters, president conspiracy, helpless humans who aren't really helpless, and cyborgs.
If someone wrote this, I'd hate to read it, and I initially want to throw this whole idea in the garbage, to be honest...
But I know I'm just critisizing myself, and maybe this story is awesome for a cyborg/mech-liking fan, so I'll leave it at that.
I hate this feeling...this is why great authors in the history of the world didn't write stories....self-critisizm.
If I liked Retribution is at Hand this much, then it must be incredibly awesome for people who read it or something......
And God, my spelling is hell today.