(no subject)
I scurry around the internet looking for any signs of contact and rarely do I find what I'm looking for...once in a great while I'll catch a glimpse of sorrow, remorse or vulnerability. These moments make her...these moments make her real, make her love...and keep me in love and I think she knows this. I can't trust anyone and I don't think I will...
I'm alone and I intend to keep it that way. I'll talk to all of these people as if I'm interested in friendship or companionship and then leave without feeling a thing. It's not negativity, believe it or not. I've already begun the process of making sure I've pushed them far enough away so that the transition is painless and meaningless. They'll hardly know the difference, believe me. This way, by the time I'm ready to leave this town, I'll have no reason to stay. I'm already very limited in the friendship department, sooo...it's easy to shut that off. Easier... I just found out that Kat is over me, so my heart's gone also...once again, easier to leave...and I've never been really all that close to my family, so that'll be easy too.
I think, in the back of my mind, I wish that I'll just give Kat her space and allow her to fall back in love with the things that I hold close to my heart and then she'll call or show up and say, "I love you, do you wanna be my boyfriend?" And I'll say,"Yeah, wanna get some Taco Bell and watch Family Guy?" And she'll say yes, of course and we'll move somewhere together and things'll be fine, but that will most likely never take place. I don't say never, because anything's possible, but this matter is highly improbable. I'll miss her...
Remind me to write down all my new year's resolutions on here...I have a list of a good two dozen items...it's funny...
I'm alone and I intend to keep it that way. I'll talk to all of these people as if I'm interested in friendship or companionship and then leave without feeling a thing. It's not negativity, believe it or not. I've already begun the process of making sure I've pushed them far enough away so that the transition is painless and meaningless. They'll hardly know the difference, believe me. This way, by the time I'm ready to leave this town, I'll have no reason to stay. I'm already very limited in the friendship department, sooo...it's easy to shut that off. Easier... I just found out that Kat is over me, so my heart's gone also...once again, easier to leave...and I've never been really all that close to my family, so that'll be easy too.
I think, in the back of my mind, I wish that I'll just give Kat her space and allow her to fall back in love with the things that I hold close to my heart and then she'll call or show up and say, "I love you, do you wanna be my boyfriend?" And I'll say,"Yeah, wanna get some Taco Bell and watch Family Guy?" And she'll say yes, of course and we'll move somewhere together and things'll be fine, but that will most likely never take place. I don't say never, because anything's possible, but this matter is highly improbable. I'll miss her...
Remind me to write down all my new year's resolutions on here...I have a list of a good two dozen items...it's funny...