(no subject)
Today really wasn't so bad. It was goin pretty well actually but then out of no where I just got all depressed. I felt like I had lost everything I had belived in, just by feeling slightly depressed (which obviously didn't help). So I took out the phone book and started callin people....no one was home it was all so lonely. Mandy wrode her bike over and then we went for a walk in the rain. I felt so free...so wonderful.....so innocent, the rain has some profound unspeakable beauty which makes everything seem ok. Mandy made me laugh and I had a good time running over to the mall only to find that we had no reason to go to the mall, I needed to just no that someone was out there it was just one of those afternoons where I found myself sitting around wondering if there was anyone there. I couldn't belive some of the people I ended up calling. Its not like I left messages...but it was just odd.....I even tried to call Larry for the first time in about 8 months. I just wanted to know that I wasn't alone, I needed to hear someone's voice....not just some words on a computer screen, and that is what I found. No matter where I am, no matter how many people aren't around, there is always someone, thinking of you, caring, and its a nice thought. And in that thought there is an unbelievable peace. It may sound like I am unhappy...and I am not gunna lie and claim that I am, I'm not but I am not sad either....I am overcome with a feeling of wholeness...I feel like I belong in the world, I'm just not some forgoten piece of the puzzle. It all fits together perfectly in place and I am whole.