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[deranged_gofer]

Excellent. Have just finished my essay for Advanced Killing of Fuzzy Things. The topic was particularly trying: How best to go about bludgeoning a baby deer, or, for variety, a rabbit. I think I must have gotten carried away. (There are just so many possibilities!) Luckily George helped to point me in the right direction. His concluding paragraph

Comments

[slytherinthingy]

I can't say for sure, but I do know a bit about blows to the head!!! If you want to eat the head, I don't recommend beating it too much or else it may make things really juicy and mucked. Not something you want to put in your mouth!

If you have a nice hard and heavy bat, and a really great stroke, I think it could be done with two hard blows at the most. I don't recommend blows to other extremities. It may just harm them and not kill them. And what you want is a swift kill.

Of course, if you are just letting out frustration, like I often do, I would suggest muggles. They are resiliant and you can hit them loads of times before they are truly done for.

[deranged_gofer]

Blaise, I get the feeling you aren't really relating this to the killing of fuzzy things at all. You're talking about blows to the head of, er, not fuzzy things.

Are you tense? Do you need a back rub? George tells me that I give great back rubs.

[slytherinthingy]

George, I think I am relating to it just fine!!! What makes you say that/?? I AM talking about blows to the heads of fuzzy things!! Deer, yes?? Deer can be eaten! Just don't mess up their brains, like the Very Dedicated, No-Longer-Living Servant of The Dark Lord said up above.

Yes I do believe I am tense right now. I am tense all the time, but the bat helps me to relax sometimes.

Back rubs are nice.

[deranged_gofer]

Fred, Blaise. This is Fred. How are we supposed to be betrothed when you can't even tell me and George apart?

It is good that you have the bat as an outlet, but really, it isn't a good way to solve all of your problems, you know.

Would you like a back rub, Blaise? I can come find you... Where are you?

[slytherinthingy]

Really, George. Stop!!! You are going to make me smile! I know its you!! Now where is Fred? I was waiting for him to reply. Have you got him "occupied" again? Let him type to me please!! I think he was going to come and find me!

But bats are possibly the BEST outlet for these frustrations! I just get so disappointed with people and their WEAKNESSES!!! It INFURIATES ME!

Tell Fred that his back rub sounds fine. But I will only tell him where I am!!! We need some Blaise and Fred time.

[deranged_gofer]

Blaise! It's me now, and I can assure you that George is most definitely out of the room. I sent him on an errand to the library to find out more about the history of killing fuzzy creatures. He can be rather distracting at times, it's true, but now I am all yours!

I'm sure there are other ways you could work out frustrations. There are plenty of activities out there that don't involve hurting others.

So... where are you hiding?

[slytherinthingy]

Oh Fred! Good! That George!!! He can be VERY distracting!

But I wanted to see YOU about something. I suppose that is part of it. I know you needed a bit of advice on beating heads the proper way. I fancy myself something of an expert on beating heads, what with all of my experience wacking people who try to lure me to drinking, drugs and sex...

I thought I could let you in on a few of my "secrets" or "tricks" of the trade!! I think that my pointers on How To Stop muggles From Harming You In All Sorts Of Ways can easily translate to killing Fuzzy Animals. Don't you agree?

Hurting others sometimes is the BEST way to work out frustrations!!! Especially if they DESERVE it!! DESERVE to be PUNISHED that way!

I am hiding in That Place. You know, the One With The Thing??? The One Near That Statue Of That Object/Person/Being???

[deranged_gofer]

I definitely could use all the help you can give in the matter of beating heads. You indeed have seemed to have perfected the technique! But I still think it would be better if you put your energy to more practical use. So much beating just leads to a sticky mess in the end.

(You're right though. The way one wields a bat against a muggle is probably quite similar to the way one wields a bat against a fuzzy animal.)

I know exactly the place you're talking about, Blaise! I will be there in fifteen minutes. No, ten!

[waitingfortom]

Second Opinion: Some like to eat juicy brains. As I noted previously, it is a matter of personal taste. Some greatly enjoy putting that in their mouths.

Addition: "A swift kill?" Perhaps for some purposes, but where is the love in a swift kill? Where is the pleasure of tracking the target, preparing to strike, finally launching yourself at them, and then savouring the last moments or hours?

[slytherinthingy]

Well I am just assuming that for this purpose, the assignment...

Oh you're right. Sometimes, though, people might want or NEED a swift kill! Imagine if you had a few muggles surrounding you and you were ALL ALONE!! Then you had to get rid of them quickly before they attacked YOU!!! You'd need to be able to kill quickly AND EFFICIENTLY!!

Of course, we are talking about "fuzzy animals" and the killing of those.

They run very fast. You'd need to be able to stop them quicker.

[waitingfortom]

Imagination: I would feel very loving if I were all alone and surrounded by Muggles. They could be stunned or frozen in place or tied up and made to watch what happened to their fellow Muggles. It would add to the enjoyment.

There is no necessity for a quick, efficient kill in that situation. You must learn how to manage multiple opponents.

Addition: Fuzzy or not.

[slytherinthingy]

This is true. Sometimes I forget that I also always have my wand in my pocket. I get so caught up with beating, it slips my mind!!! Which should not happen, but I can manage multiple opponents with or without my wand!! And that was one of my goals when I began my bat regiment.

There IS much to do with an assortment of muggles at your disposal.