A place to make my thoughts explode
The good news is, no one reads this LJ anymore. Good news part 2? I am looking for a place to unload all of my thoughts and feelings in a therapeutic vomit that may somehow help me to find some clarity.
So where can I start? Everything is so awesome and so crappy all at once, it's hard to even know. I suppose I shall recap my year and go from there.
January
I brought in the New Year in Sydney, watching fireworks and drinking beer on the balcony of a tall building and enduring one of the most painful moments of my life. There's nothing more to say about it other than somehow the idea of starting a new year while filled with self-loathing is kind of difficult to do and maintain sanity.
February-March
Honestly, I don't remember what I did in this zone except lay in bed a lot and think about death. I think I spent some time with some friends, but mostly just cruised the internet and stayed up until 6am. Kind of the extended version of what I've been doing for my Christmas vacation the past several days.
April
My job started and I was instantly whisked away to San Francisco where I was wooed with free alcohol, meals, sport events, and hilarious co-workers. There is something to be said for the springtime. I moved in with my Aunt and Uncle which was strange, but I still feel nostalgic about it. Their home and my job possessed me. Everything I did felt like someone else.
May
I moved into my own place in the ghetto supreme and ran into Jon at Cost-co (where you can find mass quantities at discounted prices!) My first impression was that he was living this ultra-popular life full of superfriends, complete with dozens of jock dudes that he hung around with constantly and partied with, who would quickly find me too nerdy and rule me out as a friend. This was assumed by me in 10 seconds when I pulled up to his house and saw tons of people "hanging out" in the front. Of course, these people were the Johnsons and Dave Steele.
Following Jon's relief upon finding out my status as a giant homo, and therefore non-interested in his masculinity, our friendship of best friend proportions began. This entailed me being present at his house/Johnson's house constantly until...
June-September
Sarah came to visit. For therapy purposes I should talk about this, right? I don't want to. Maybe later. But I won't lie, there were a lot of pretty great times.
Later in September
Things started to become ultra confusing for me. My depression started up again.
October
I would probably call this rock bottom, at least as far as entire months are concerned. I had a fling with a high school girl. Can't decide if that makes me cool or pathetic. Started smoking again, started drinking until I passed out every night for roughly two weeks. Quit going to Karate.
The good sides of October included meeting Tiffany and discovering an amazing bar. Also Halloween was pretty great.
Of course, all my turmoil caused me to start writing... and writing... and writing...
November
Felt some extreme angst about my job. Had a thanksgiving break which I now cannot remember. Sage was born. Saw Missy Higgins with Angela.
December
Best month of the year for friendships. Katt stayed an entire week at my house. Tiffany and I decided to move in together. Eddie and I spent heaps of time hanging out.
So that's where I'm at now. It was a big damn year. Now I'm too tired to go off on my therapy that I kind of need to address... but I should survive by leaving my rants unranted for a few hours.
So where can I start? Everything is so awesome and so crappy all at once, it's hard to even know. I suppose I shall recap my year and go from there.
January
I brought in the New Year in Sydney, watching fireworks and drinking beer on the balcony of a tall building and enduring one of the most painful moments of my life. There's nothing more to say about it other than somehow the idea of starting a new year while filled with self-loathing is kind of difficult to do and maintain sanity.
February-March
Honestly, I don't remember what I did in this zone except lay in bed a lot and think about death. I think I spent some time with some friends, but mostly just cruised the internet and stayed up until 6am. Kind of the extended version of what I've been doing for my Christmas vacation the past several days.
April
My job started and I was instantly whisked away to San Francisco where I was wooed with free alcohol, meals, sport events, and hilarious co-workers. There is something to be said for the springtime. I moved in with my Aunt and Uncle which was strange, but I still feel nostalgic about it. Their home and my job possessed me. Everything I did felt like someone else.
May
I moved into my own place in the ghetto supreme and ran into Jon at Cost-co (where you can find mass quantities at discounted prices!) My first impression was that he was living this ultra-popular life full of superfriends, complete with dozens of jock dudes that he hung around with constantly and partied with, who would quickly find me too nerdy and rule me out as a friend. This was assumed by me in 10 seconds when I pulled up to his house and saw tons of people "hanging out" in the front. Of course, these people were the Johnsons and Dave Steele.
Following Jon's relief upon finding out my status as a giant homo, and therefore non-interested in his masculinity, our friendship of best friend proportions began. This entailed me being present at his house/Johnson's house constantly until...
June-September
Sarah came to visit. For therapy purposes I should talk about this, right? I don't want to. Maybe later. But I won't lie, there were a lot of pretty great times.
Later in September
Things started to become ultra confusing for me. My depression started up again.
October
I would probably call this rock bottom, at least as far as entire months are concerned. I had a fling with a high school girl. Can't decide if that makes me cool or pathetic. Started smoking again, started drinking until I passed out every night for roughly two weeks. Quit going to Karate.
The good sides of October included meeting Tiffany and discovering an amazing bar. Also Halloween was pretty great.
Of course, all my turmoil caused me to start writing... and writing... and writing...
November
Felt some extreme angst about my job. Had a thanksgiving break which I now cannot remember. Sage was born. Saw Missy Higgins with Angela.
December
Best month of the year for friendships. Katt stayed an entire week at my house. Tiffany and I decided to move in together. Eddie and I spent heaps of time hanging out.
So that's where I'm at now. It was a big damn year. Now I'm too tired to go off on my therapy that I kind of need to address... but I should survive by leaving my rants unranted for a few hours.