(no subject)
Click to viewIm rather pissy ATM.. nuff said.
In all reallity im looking foward to me n jenis convo today, she has so many things to get off her chest n i have so many things as well. Im sure none of it will lead to a fight tho its all stuff we could seriously help each other with i just seriously wish people would just leave us the fuck alone n let us work at our relationship for once n for all. It should be great as long as we both keep open minded n work together to deal with the problems. It was nice she actually promised to sit down n talk with me.
i can't wait i have so many things to say n im sure she does too!
Cary im sorry, but thanks for your comment on yesterdays entry it was real nice and thank you for the pointers on how to try to go around some relationship problems, it was really helpful and im gonna tell them to jeni to see if she wants to give them a shot and maybe uve just helped cure us.
<3
This morning i had to run into the incoming lane of traffic because some guy was gonna crash into me because he got SCARED that some guy making a right turn in an intersection MIGHT hit him so he figured let me ram this guy off ot the incoming turn lane instead. I slammed the breaks and i stopped about a foot infront of the bumper to the car in the incoming lanes turn lane. I swear i saw my life flash before my eyes n it made me wanna puke. This close encounter got me to think n re-evaluate my life. A few momments later i came to the conclussion my life aint worth the pretty penny my parents paid for a hospital bill. And much like i think on every other day i wished for the doctor who did the exam on my mom to had slipped with the needle a tiny millimeter more so the scar i have in my heart would have been fatal.
But the accident did help me think about things to discuss with jeni. All in all im glad we are gonna have our converssation in the confines of my bedroom and not the confines of a hospital bed. Altho it was an extremly close call.
And funny enough. I was wearing my seatbelt but it didn't activate the lock. gg for safety. I wonder now how my life would've been had that accident played itself our and were i would be now. Prolly in a hospital bed getting my hand craddled by my mom as she weeped. And if things were that terminally ill i would then tell my last few words to my mom so she would pass it down to jeni. Sadly i would never ask for that, i would view it down as weak and pathetic and worth me dying on the spot for receiving such 2 cent pity from my own mom when she knew i should've been dead as a child. And every day to this day i have to live with taking a shower every morning n looking at that scar and knowing the fact that i could've died had the doctor gone 1 more milimeter into her belly and sometimes it fuels me with so much anger. I should've died the day that happened.
In any case this entire entry is a fucking mess. Take my advice look at the PB video above it will be worth your time more than this shitty entry. Sure PB is turning into an addiction but a healthy one at that. Atleast i can say i have an addiction thats healthy and can lead to better things. -For once.
Maybe ti took 22 years of mistakes to finally get it right.
Hell i took my sister almost 35 years of mistakes to realize her relationship was meaningless. I refuse to live through something like that, i rather be alone.
Update: 12:26am :
BTW i don't wanna sound mean but plz people now that im cool headed from this journal just leave me n jeni alone for a little plz? All your doing is causing MORE problems if u try to pull different directions. We don't need people forcing issues. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE just let us take care of it for each other. And if u have anything to say about me say it to my face talking behind my back is truly a sad display of being a child then again i guess it shows. I wish i could leave now i have so much to talk to her about i think it might take 2 days to finish.
With that said.
im gone.