Goodbye
Title : Goodbye
Author : dephi
Pairing : Ryoda
Rating : PG - 13 for the angst
Disclaimer : I own the plot only. The title is taken from Juana's song.
Summary : A scar in one's heart can't be healed easily. There might even be someone else beside you, but it doesn't really help, or perhaps it is you who don't want to open your heart?
Notes : Written for karla_chiro's request. Beta-ed by annatanhe
Didn't mean to hurt you badly
Don't think that I am fooling around with you
So sorry for the time you've wasted on me
So sorry for the things that you went through
But I know that the problem's within me
You're so nice but your love don't deserve me
Or maybe I'm just so scared to fall in love again
A man was walking leisurely to the rooftop at his own pace. Some juniors greeted him along the way and he replied them with some mumblings and a simple smile. He walked faster till he reached the door then opened the door nervously. Another man was already there, probably waiting for him. He stopped for a while and took a deep breath.
“R-ryo..”
“Ah, Tatsuya, you are finally here. You are late for almost an hour. Please enlighten me, who asked to meet here at this hour?” the waiting man, Nishikido Ryo, retorted.
“Ah, s-sorry Ryo. Something held me up earlier.” Tatsuya, Ueda Tatsuya, replied apologetically. “P-please forgive me.” He said while bowing down.
Ueda couldn’t see Nishikido’s expression since he bowed down, or actually, he preferred not to meet Nishikido’s eyes at that moment. He was just too afraid, not because of Nishikido’s wrath; it was just about something else.
Nishikido put on a cold face at first but his expression suddenly changed when he saw Ueda bowing in front of him like that. He released a sigh as he patted Ueda’s head. “It’s okay, Tatsuya. Are you alright? Why did you call me anyway?” he asked worriedly.
Ueda’s body stiffened when he heard Nishikido’s question. He was not ready yet, but he knew he had to face it sooner or later. He still didn’t dare to look at Nishikido though so he just kept his gaze on the floor. He tried to open his mouth, to utter some words, but nothing came out of his mouth. He bit his lower lip in frustration.
Nishikido noticed Ueda’s strange behavior. It was strange of him to be like that though. They have been in quite a good relationship these past weeks, or actually, almost a month. It started when Nishikido accidentally saw Ueda being dumped by some guy. He could still remember that scene when Ueda’s eyes widened as he saw him standing there, knowing that he had seen the whole cruel breakup. Ueda couldn’t hold back his tears anymore and he cried in Nishikido’s embrace. Nishikido didn’t know how to react so he just stood there, trying to calm Ueda down.
The situation now reminded him of that time. Nishikido smiled then he placed his hand in Ueda’s shoulder, trying to calm him down. “It’s okay, just tell me slowly.”
“I-I’m sorry Ryo..” Ueda muttered.
“Sorry? For what?” Nishikido asked in confusion.
“L-Let’s get over it. Don’t meet me anymore, I mean when it is just both of us. I-I don’t want to hurt you. We are not going to be anything more than this. I’m sure about that. So please, it is the best for us.” Ueda answered nervously. He was afraid, afraid of seeing the expression on Ryo’s face, afraid that if he looked up, he would not bear to say anything anymore.
“But why, Tatsuya?”
“It is just the best for us. I’m sorry, Ryo.” Ueda answered before running away from the rooftop. Tears started flowing out from his eyes and he stopped when he reached the first empty room he could see. He walked into the room and locked it. I’m sorry Ryo, I’m just not good enough for you.
----------
I can still remember the days
So many times I've been hurt
So much trust I put in a relationship
So much suffering I got and the pain still remains
You know I like you but I don't wanna take the risk
So confused and I don't know how to deal with it
Need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
“Tat - chan, where are you going?” a voice was heard along the corridor.
“Ah, I need to take something from the dressing room, Kame. Just leave first; I’ll join you guys later.” Ueda Tatsuya replied with a smile in his face. His band mates looked worriedly at each other but Ueda had disappeared from their sight before they even had the chance to give any response.
“Is he really going to be all right, Maru?” Kamenashi asked Nakamaru who happened to be with him.
“Hopefully..”
Ueda’s smile was gone right after he left the two members from his band. He walked hastily to his dressing room and closed the door when he arrived there. He fell onto the couch. A soft sigh came from his mouth as he placed both of his palms under his chin. It has been a month but I still can’t get over it ne…
xxxxx
It was a cold night, yet a man was sitting on a bench in the park alone, wearing thin clothes. He looked at his watch for the second time then sighed. His eyes wandered around until he caught sight of a girl. That girl looked at her watch many times and uttered some words. He couldn't hear what the girl was saying though, since they were quite a distance from each other.
"Sorry for keeping you waiting." a man's voice was heard behind him. A smile formed on his face as he looked behind. But his smile was gone when he saw the source of the voice. That man ran in the girl's direction while saying some apologetic words. That girl pouted at first, acting as if she didn't want to forgive him, but she gave in at the end. The couple walked away happily and Ueda could only watch them from where he sat.
Another sigh escaped from Ueda's mouth. He looked at his watch again and decided to call the person he was supposed to meet. He took his cell phone from his pocket then dialed the number he had memorized. He waited patiently for the other to receive the call while trying to think of what he should say to the other. But only the operator's voice could be heard on the other line. He closed his phone, and not long after that, a melody was heard from it. He opened his phone, ready to receive the call enthusiastically.
"I'm sorry Tatsuya, I still have another meeting to attend." the other guy said. Ueda wanted to reply but the phone call had already ended. He looked at his phone helplessly before leaving the park.
Another time, Ueda was at the other guy's house. He was preparing some food for their dinner in the kitchen. He hummed some melodies happily while chopping the meat. After it was ready, he put the food on the table and arranged them nicely. Just when he had finished arranging them, a bell was heard. He ran excitedly to the door then opened it.
"Tadaima," he greeted the guy at the door. The other guy didn't reply anything, he just went inside his house and gave his suit to Ueda. Ueda was hanging it when a note fell out from the pocket. He picked up that note but couldn't read what was written since the owner took it from Ueda's hand. What Ueda could catch was just a shade of red lipstick in the note.
"W-what is that?" Ueda asked nervously.
"It's nothing." The other guy replied shortly.
"R-really?" Ueda asked again to assure himself. Unfortunately, it made the other guy angry. He slapped Ueda's face and pushed him till he fell to the floor. Tears started coming out from Ueda's eyes and that made the guy stop kicking him. "I'm sorry Tatsuya, I didn't mean it." he kissed Ueda's forehead.
There was one time when Ueda decided to pay a visit to the other guy's office on his off day. He brought along a lunch box for him. Ueda greeted the workers along the way to his office. When he arrived there, he saw piles of papers on that guy's desk he was talking on the line about some business things. He sat down on the couch while waiting for the other guy to finish his call. The guy smiled apologetically, signaling that he was really busy now, so Ueda decided to not interrupt him. He put the lunch box on the table and left the office immediately.
Ueda was already outside the office building when he realized that he dropped his watch. He was at the door of that guy's office and stopped when he heard some voices coming from the room.
"Was that your boyfriend earlier?" a girl's voice was heard. "He looked familiar somehow."
"Yes, well, you might have seen him in some magazines or something, he's an idol I think." he heard the familiar voice replying that girl.
"Eh, why did you say 'I think'? He's your boyfriend, right?" that girl said while giggling.
"Hmm.." was the only reply heard from Ueda's boyfriend. Curiously, Ueda took a peek inside the room, where he saw his boyfriend kissing that girl, at that moment, Ueda’s heart had died a little.
The last time, that guy asked Ueda to meet at a restaurant. Ueda was nervous seeing his boyfriend as he thought about the previous incident, he was afraid that he might just lose control and confront him. As Ueda greeted his boyfriend, he tried to remain calm while his heart was beating vigorously inside.
That guy coughed awkwardly then opened his mouth and uttered. "I want to break up."
"W-what?" Ueda asked, unsure of what he had heard earlier.
"It's over, between us." he replied shortly.
"N-No, please don't do that to me." Ueda pleaded as tears came out from his eyes.
"We're not meant to be together." that man said then he stood up, leaving Ueda alone.
"N-no." Ueda murmured between his sobs. Just then, he felt a touch on his head. He looked up, hoping that it was his boyfriend who returned, but he caught sight of another guy.
"N-Nishikido." Ueda muttered, tears came out harder than before, then he fell into Nishikido's embrace.
Don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye
I need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
Don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye
I need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
Ueda smiled although tears still coming out from his eyes. I'm stupid ne, still thinking about the past. I don't even know why I cried.. Why?
Ueda kept recalling the incidents that happened this one month. He was crying and laughing at the same time; crying because of his broken heart and laughing over his silliness.
Ueda just didn't want to face the truth in front of him. He was too afraid to start a new relationship, yet he didn’t want to say a proper goodbye to the person who was there for him through this difficult time..
----------
Now I know I wasn't thinking before
That's why I'm always ending up with Mr. Wrong
Learning from the past, don't wanna make a mistake
You could be Mr. Right or could be a fake
You know I like you but I don't wanna take the risk
So confused and I don't know how to deal with it
Need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
Ueda stood up lazily from his bed. His eyes were swollen as a result of crying throughout the entire night. He went into his bathroom to wash his face then he looked at the mirror. He could see his face clearly and he hated that. People said that he should be grateful to have such a beautiful face. They said that even girls envied him. But that didn't make him happy at all. He hated himself for that face which made him suffer time and time again.
All of his previous lovers became close to him because of the face he had. It was always the same pattern; and they would just leave him with a broken heart at the end. He remembered how he gave his all to the other but the relationship would always get ruined.
He sat on the sofa aimlessly then turned on the television in front of him. He picked the channel randomly then increased the volume. But his mind wasn't there. He kept reminiscing. It was the 7th relationship he had and it was over, with him pleading for the other person to stay. Why did everyone leave him alone in the end? He was desperately trying to find the answer in his head.
He couldn't forget how he dared not look at Nishikido’s eyes that day. He was afraid, afraid that Nishikido would look at him like how his past lovers used to. He thought that it would be better if he cut off all ties between the two of them before it got deeper. Ueda was tired of loving someone, it might be better to be loved than to love. But it hurt him and now he was hesitating whether he had made the right decision, for ending everything with Nishikido.
Ueda stood up then he turned on the radio. “Code” was heard from there. Terrified by hearing the person’s voice, Ueda turned the radio off hastily. His mind was so unstable so he decided to return to his bed room and continue his sleep, and secretly wished that everything would be settled when he woke up again.
Don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye
I need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
Don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye
I need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
E/N: So, this is a song fic, the song is Juana's Goodbye. Written for karla_chiro, I hope this won't disappoint you...^^
Special thanks to annatanhe as usual for beta-ing this..=D
Author : dephi
Pairing : Ryoda
Rating : PG - 13 for the angst
Disclaimer : I own the plot only. The title is taken from Juana's song.
Summary : A scar in one's heart can't be healed easily. There might even be someone else beside you, but it doesn't really help, or perhaps it is you who don't want to open your heart?
Notes : Written for karla_chiro's request. Beta-ed by annatanhe
Didn't mean to hurt you badly
Don't think that I am fooling around with you
So sorry for the time you've wasted on me
So sorry for the things that you went through
But I know that the problem's within me
You're so nice but your love don't deserve me
Or maybe I'm just so scared to fall in love again
A man was walking leisurely to the rooftop at his own pace. Some juniors greeted him along the way and he replied them with some mumblings and a simple smile. He walked faster till he reached the door then opened the door nervously. Another man was already there, probably waiting for him. He stopped for a while and took a deep breath.
“R-ryo..”
“Ah, Tatsuya, you are finally here. You are late for almost an hour. Please enlighten me, who asked to meet here at this hour?” the waiting man, Nishikido Ryo, retorted.
“Ah, s-sorry Ryo. Something held me up earlier.” Tatsuya, Ueda Tatsuya, replied apologetically. “P-please forgive me.” He said while bowing down.
Ueda couldn’t see Nishikido’s expression since he bowed down, or actually, he preferred not to meet Nishikido’s eyes at that moment. He was just too afraid, not because of Nishikido’s wrath; it was just about something else.
Nishikido put on a cold face at first but his expression suddenly changed when he saw Ueda bowing in front of him like that. He released a sigh as he patted Ueda’s head. “It’s okay, Tatsuya. Are you alright? Why did you call me anyway?” he asked worriedly.
Ueda’s body stiffened when he heard Nishikido’s question. He was not ready yet, but he knew he had to face it sooner or later. He still didn’t dare to look at Nishikido though so he just kept his gaze on the floor. He tried to open his mouth, to utter some words, but nothing came out of his mouth. He bit his lower lip in frustration.
Nishikido noticed Ueda’s strange behavior. It was strange of him to be like that though. They have been in quite a good relationship these past weeks, or actually, almost a month. It started when Nishikido accidentally saw Ueda being dumped by some guy. He could still remember that scene when Ueda’s eyes widened as he saw him standing there, knowing that he had seen the whole cruel breakup. Ueda couldn’t hold back his tears anymore and he cried in Nishikido’s embrace. Nishikido didn’t know how to react so he just stood there, trying to calm Ueda down.
The situation now reminded him of that time. Nishikido smiled then he placed his hand in Ueda’s shoulder, trying to calm him down. “It’s okay, just tell me slowly.”
“I-I’m sorry Ryo..” Ueda muttered.
“Sorry? For what?” Nishikido asked in confusion.
“L-Let’s get over it. Don’t meet me anymore, I mean when it is just both of us. I-I don’t want to hurt you. We are not going to be anything more than this. I’m sure about that. So please, it is the best for us.” Ueda answered nervously. He was afraid, afraid of seeing the expression on Ryo’s face, afraid that if he looked up, he would not bear to say anything anymore.
“But why, Tatsuya?”
“It is just the best for us. I’m sorry, Ryo.” Ueda answered before running away from the rooftop. Tears started flowing out from his eyes and he stopped when he reached the first empty room he could see. He walked into the room and locked it. I’m sorry Ryo, I’m just not good enough for you.
----------
I can still remember the days
So many times I've been hurt
So much trust I put in a relationship
So much suffering I got and the pain still remains
You know I like you but I don't wanna take the risk
So confused and I don't know how to deal with it
Need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
“Tat - chan, where are you going?” a voice was heard along the corridor.
“Ah, I need to take something from the dressing room, Kame. Just leave first; I’ll join you guys later.” Ueda Tatsuya replied with a smile in his face. His band mates looked worriedly at each other but Ueda had disappeared from their sight before they even had the chance to give any response.
“Is he really going to be all right, Maru?” Kamenashi asked Nakamaru who happened to be with him.
“Hopefully..”
Ueda’s smile was gone right after he left the two members from his band. He walked hastily to his dressing room and closed the door when he arrived there. He fell onto the couch. A soft sigh came from his mouth as he placed both of his palms under his chin. It has been a month but I still can’t get over it ne…
xxxxx
It was a cold night, yet a man was sitting on a bench in the park alone, wearing thin clothes. He looked at his watch for the second time then sighed. His eyes wandered around until he caught sight of a girl. That girl looked at her watch many times and uttered some words. He couldn't hear what the girl was saying though, since they were quite a distance from each other.
"Sorry for keeping you waiting." a man's voice was heard behind him. A smile formed on his face as he looked behind. But his smile was gone when he saw the source of the voice. That man ran in the girl's direction while saying some apologetic words. That girl pouted at first, acting as if she didn't want to forgive him, but she gave in at the end. The couple walked away happily and Ueda could only watch them from where he sat.
Another sigh escaped from Ueda's mouth. He looked at his watch again and decided to call the person he was supposed to meet. He took his cell phone from his pocket then dialed the number he had memorized. He waited patiently for the other to receive the call while trying to think of what he should say to the other. But only the operator's voice could be heard on the other line. He closed his phone, and not long after that, a melody was heard from it. He opened his phone, ready to receive the call enthusiastically.
"I'm sorry Tatsuya, I still have another meeting to attend." the other guy said. Ueda wanted to reply but the phone call had already ended. He looked at his phone helplessly before leaving the park.
Another time, Ueda was at the other guy's house. He was preparing some food for their dinner in the kitchen. He hummed some melodies happily while chopping the meat. After it was ready, he put the food on the table and arranged them nicely. Just when he had finished arranging them, a bell was heard. He ran excitedly to the door then opened it.
"Tadaima," he greeted the guy at the door. The other guy didn't reply anything, he just went inside his house and gave his suit to Ueda. Ueda was hanging it when a note fell out from the pocket. He picked up that note but couldn't read what was written since the owner took it from Ueda's hand. What Ueda could catch was just a shade of red lipstick in the note.
"W-what is that?" Ueda asked nervously.
"It's nothing." The other guy replied shortly.
"R-really?" Ueda asked again to assure himself. Unfortunately, it made the other guy angry. He slapped Ueda's face and pushed him till he fell to the floor. Tears started coming out from Ueda's eyes and that made the guy stop kicking him. "I'm sorry Tatsuya, I didn't mean it." he kissed Ueda's forehead.
There was one time when Ueda decided to pay a visit to the other guy's office on his off day. He brought along a lunch box for him. Ueda greeted the workers along the way to his office. When he arrived there, he saw piles of papers on that guy's desk he was talking on the line about some business things. He sat down on the couch while waiting for the other guy to finish his call. The guy smiled apologetically, signaling that he was really busy now, so Ueda decided to not interrupt him. He put the lunch box on the table and left the office immediately.
Ueda was already outside the office building when he realized that he dropped his watch. He was at the door of that guy's office and stopped when he heard some voices coming from the room.
"Was that your boyfriend earlier?" a girl's voice was heard. "He looked familiar somehow."
"Yes, well, you might have seen him in some magazines or something, he's an idol I think." he heard the familiar voice replying that girl.
"Eh, why did you say 'I think'? He's your boyfriend, right?" that girl said while giggling.
"Hmm.." was the only reply heard from Ueda's boyfriend. Curiously, Ueda took a peek inside the room, where he saw his boyfriend kissing that girl, at that moment, Ueda’s heart had died a little.
The last time, that guy asked Ueda to meet at a restaurant. Ueda was nervous seeing his boyfriend as he thought about the previous incident, he was afraid that he might just lose control and confront him. As Ueda greeted his boyfriend, he tried to remain calm while his heart was beating vigorously inside.
That guy coughed awkwardly then opened his mouth and uttered. "I want to break up."
"W-what?" Ueda asked, unsure of what he had heard earlier.
"It's over, between us." he replied shortly.
"N-No, please don't do that to me." Ueda pleaded as tears came out from his eyes.
"We're not meant to be together." that man said then he stood up, leaving Ueda alone.
"N-no." Ueda murmured between his sobs. Just then, he felt a touch on his head. He looked up, hoping that it was his boyfriend who returned, but he caught sight of another guy.
"N-Nishikido." Ueda muttered, tears came out harder than before, then he fell into Nishikido's embrace.
Don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye
I need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
Don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye
I need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
Ueda smiled although tears still coming out from his eyes. I'm stupid ne, still thinking about the past. I don't even know why I cried.. Why?
Ueda kept recalling the incidents that happened this one month. He was crying and laughing at the same time; crying because of his broken heart and laughing over his silliness.
Ueda just didn't want to face the truth in front of him. He was too afraid to start a new relationship, yet he didn’t want to say a proper goodbye to the person who was there for him through this difficult time..
----------
Now I know I wasn't thinking before
That's why I'm always ending up with Mr. Wrong
Learning from the past, don't wanna make a mistake
You could be Mr. Right or could be a fake
You know I like you but I don't wanna take the risk
So confused and I don't know how to deal with it
Need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
Ueda stood up lazily from his bed. His eyes were swollen as a result of crying throughout the entire night. He went into his bathroom to wash his face then he looked at the mirror. He could see his face clearly and he hated that. People said that he should be grateful to have such a beautiful face. They said that even girls envied him. But that didn't make him happy at all. He hated himself for that face which made him suffer time and time again.
All of his previous lovers became close to him because of the face he had. It was always the same pattern; and they would just leave him with a broken heart at the end. He remembered how he gave his all to the other but the relationship would always get ruined.
He sat on the sofa aimlessly then turned on the television in front of him. He picked the channel randomly then increased the volume. But his mind wasn't there. He kept reminiscing. It was the 7th relationship he had and it was over, with him pleading for the other person to stay. Why did everyone leave him alone in the end? He was desperately trying to find the answer in his head.
He couldn't forget how he dared not look at Nishikido’s eyes that day. He was afraid, afraid that Nishikido would look at him like how his past lovers used to. He thought that it would be better if he cut off all ties between the two of them before it got deeper. Ueda was tired of loving someone, it might be better to be loved than to love. But it hurt him and now he was hesitating whether he had made the right decision, for ending everything with Nishikido.
Ueda stood up then he turned on the radio. “Code” was heard from there. Terrified by hearing the person’s voice, Ueda turned the radio off hastily. His mind was so unstable so he decided to return to his bed room and continue his sleep, and secretly wished that everything would be settled when he woke up again.
Don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye
I need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
Don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye
I need some time for awhile before I give my heart away
E/N: So, this is a song fic, the song is Juana's Goodbye. Written for karla_chiro, I hope this won't disappoint you...^^
Special thanks to annatanhe as usual for beta-ing this..=D