no uno wat
okay since ed doesnt use these stupid journal things anymore i can post this here. nevermind that last entry this is wat i meant. its just easier to write to someone..
hey sorry for excess emails but i have to talk to someone dammit. wow ok for the past 45 minutes i was just sitting on my couch having a complete breakdown and it was so different because i couldnt talk to anyone about it.. no one can do anything its too much for everyone else. why do i put myself in othe rpples hands? like my happiness depends on what they do and how they feel and think. fuck that. im done worrying wat they think anymore. i want to be able to cry like that. i want to be able to break downa nd bring myself up BY MYSELF... not stay down low like i always do until someone like you helps me well no ones helping me anymore and i need to get used to it. im done with this and im done wiht you and im done with people throwing my feelings all over the place like theyre trash and they dont matter. maybe i dont matter now but in ten years i will fucking matter because i wont need anyone to keep my head above water. if im gonna drown i have to do it by myself. and if im gonna be fucking alone i guess thatll just have to happen cuz i see no one who cares as much as i need them to. all this fucking work, its gotta be me. and ive got to work through it slowly and ill get it all done itll just be tough but i can handle tough if i listen to myself. okay so fuck, 2nd quarter grades of junior year are supposed to make a difference and ive screwed myself over and i wont get into college yeah yeah. uno i dont even fucking care. ive just got to make it to tomorrow.
u can reply if you have fucking balls or you can let me send this out to cyberspace and let it sit there with me waiting here nervously but it doesnt even matter because im not going to be waiting nervously im gonna be doing my fucking calc homework. im done with being ugly. if no one wants me thats their fucking problem. all that matters right now is getting through school and rehersal. two things... i can manage that. and you, u keep poking at my scars well im through with that. fuck you and fuck what we had. im moving on.
hey sorry for excess emails but i have to talk to someone dammit. wow ok for the past 45 minutes i was just sitting on my couch having a complete breakdown and it was so different because i couldnt talk to anyone about it.. no one can do anything its too much for everyone else. why do i put myself in othe rpples hands? like my happiness depends on what they do and how they feel and think. fuck that. im done worrying wat they think anymore. i want to be able to cry like that. i want to be able to break downa nd bring myself up BY MYSELF... not stay down low like i always do until someone like you helps me well no ones helping me anymore and i need to get used to it. im done with this and im done wiht you and im done with people throwing my feelings all over the place like theyre trash and they dont matter. maybe i dont matter now but in ten years i will fucking matter because i wont need anyone to keep my head above water. if im gonna drown i have to do it by myself. and if im gonna be fucking alone i guess thatll just have to happen cuz i see no one who cares as much as i need them to. all this fucking work, its gotta be me. and ive got to work through it slowly and ill get it all done itll just be tough but i can handle tough if i listen to myself. okay so fuck, 2nd quarter grades of junior year are supposed to make a difference and ive screwed myself over and i wont get into college yeah yeah. uno i dont even fucking care. ive just got to make it to tomorrow.
u can reply if you have fucking balls or you can let me send this out to cyberspace and let it sit there with me waiting here nervously but it doesnt even matter because im not going to be waiting nervously im gonna be doing my fucking calc homework. im done with being ugly. if no one wants me thats their fucking problem. all that matters right now is getting through school and rehersal. two things... i can manage that. and you, u keep poking at my scars well im through with that. fuck you and fuck what we had. im moving on.