(no subject)
Tequila is a beautiful thing. Sometimes i think that if I could have a tequila IV, along with something that would make me functional, that life would be perfect.
This may shock some of you (or not), but I used to do Coke. A lot of coke. I'm a different person now, and I would never take my life down that path again, but at times like these, I crave it. Every once in a blue moon, I wish for a bottle of tequila, a babysitter, and a couple of grams. Damn the consequences. I never act on it, of course. But damn does it sound good sometimes. This post isn't filtered, and I'll probably be appalled that I said this shit tommorrow, but fuck it. Judge me, judge me not. *shrugs*
On another rambling, drunken note, how many of you believe in God? I mean, really and tuly beleive. Instinctively, with all of my Catholic upbringing engrained in me, my answer is yes. That I do. But sometimes, I wonder about this world, and the sucky things that it hands out, and I wonder how there could possibly be one. Then I look at my kid'd little faces, and I'm positive that there is one all over again.
The toll that the past year and a half have taken on my marriage are strange. There's tension constantly. Jeff's disbaility, and the different ways in which we each deal with it, have us at odds a lot of the time. i'm a realist. he's a dreamer.(read:denial). But, as much as I feel like throttling him much of the time, are marriage is stronger as well. Stronger than it's ever been. It's like the finale of Angel, or really the entire theme of Angel (God, you know I'm wasted to be doing this analogy). The bad shit ain't going anywhere. It's how we react to it, and it's about tying to not let it define you or take you over. It's an effort at times, but I feel like the Senior Partners have hit us with all they've got. And my response has to be to spit in their faces, and say fuck you, and just keep on keeping on regardless. And, although hubby's attitude at times can drive me batty, I think it took a little of each of our perspectives to get us where we are. Uh...yeah. this all sounded better in my head. :)
And, as hard as my life can be(/melodrama), there's an odd contentment i feel. sitting here drunk, typing on my eljay, to my friends, in my livingroom, with American idol on in the background, and my hubby and kids waiting for me on the couch. So, I guess, in the longrun, based on what really, really matters, we win.
The end.
/drunken ramblings.
This may shock some of you (or not), but I used to do Coke. A lot of coke. I'm a different person now, and I would never take my life down that path again, but at times like these, I crave it. Every once in a blue moon, I wish for a bottle of tequila, a babysitter, and a couple of grams. Damn the consequences. I never act on it, of course. But damn does it sound good sometimes. This post isn't filtered, and I'll probably be appalled that I said this shit tommorrow, but fuck it. Judge me, judge me not. *shrugs*
On another rambling, drunken note, how many of you believe in God? I mean, really and tuly beleive. Instinctively, with all of my Catholic upbringing engrained in me, my answer is yes. That I do. But sometimes, I wonder about this world, and the sucky things that it hands out, and I wonder how there could possibly be one. Then I look at my kid'd little faces, and I'm positive that there is one all over again.
The toll that the past year and a half have taken on my marriage are strange. There's tension constantly. Jeff's disbaility, and the different ways in which we each deal with it, have us at odds a lot of the time. i'm a realist. he's a dreamer.(read:denial). But, as much as I feel like throttling him much of the time, are marriage is stronger as well. Stronger than it's ever been. It's like the finale of Angel, or really the entire theme of Angel (God, you know I'm wasted to be doing this analogy). The bad shit ain't going anywhere. It's how we react to it, and it's about tying to not let it define you or take you over. It's an effort at times, but I feel like the Senior Partners have hit us with all they've got. And my response has to be to spit in their faces, and say fuck you, and just keep on keeping on regardless. And, although hubby's attitude at times can drive me batty, I think it took a little of each of our perspectives to get us where we are. Uh...yeah. this all sounded better in my head. :)
And, as hard as my life can be(/melodrama), there's an odd contentment i feel. sitting here drunk, typing on my eljay, to my friends, in my livingroom, with American idol on in the background, and my hubby and kids waiting for me on the couch. So, I guess, in the longrun, based on what really, really matters, we win.
The end.
/drunken ramblings.