Pam Is an Angel
Again I haven’t been updating my journal like I should. It’s been like two weeks since I wrote. Lots going on with midterms and papers and all that. Halloween parties have been fun. And I’m also involved with a couple of students who are trying to start up a film club, so I’ve been quite busy. But I really want to write more because I have so many friends on the internet.
I’d been thinking a lot about Pam. Lots of thoughts, lots of regrets. I won’t go into everything but the thing that really most bothered me, that I felt guilty about because it really was my fault, was when I broke her glass angel that night of the big fight. I decided to go down to the local Hallmark store at the mall and I bought an angel for her. It’s not exactly the same as the one she had, but it was similar. Actually, it was a little bigger, even.
So, this was about a week ago, I got up my nerve and I went over to her dorm. I knocked on her door and she answered it. She didn’t say anything. I just said what I had prepared to say: “I’m sorry I broke your angel and I want you to have this one.” She took it from me. Then she closed the door. And that was that. I felt so bad. I know I did the right thing as far as the angel went, but just seeing her at all gave me this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had enjoyed so much that time with her and hated so much our fight. I guess deep down I had kind of wanted to make up with her, had hoped she’d say thank you and invite me in and maybe we could kiss and make up and have sex and be best friends again. But I guess that was just a stupid fantasy. So instead I just walked back across campus to my dorm.
So that was that. But two days later was Halloween and that’s my favorite holiday so I got all busy preparing for that, and going to all the parties. I dressed up as a princess. Heather went as a cat, Carol went as a football player, and Sandy went as a witch. Every fraternity and sorority on campus gave a party at sometime over those three days. We got to most of them and I had a great time. Lots of wild dancing. I hooked up with this guy John who was dressed as the Pope and we went into someone’s room and fucked. Everything was going fine until Pam and some of her friends showed up at one of the parties. Believe it or not, Pam was dressed as an angel. I don’t know why, but all of a sudden there is all this religious symbolism in my life.
Anyway, when Sandy saw her, Sandy grabbed me and the others and said we’re leaving (she knows Pam and I weren’t getting along, although I never told her the real reason.) Just as well because there were two other parties that night we wanted to get to, but I felt awkward. So as we were walking to the door, we walked right passed Pam and her friends. And Pam said to me, “Hi.” I was kind of shocked that she actually said something to me. I didn’t say anything back.
So I haven’t seen her since Halloween. Anyway, that’s about it. This guy Zach just dropped by. He wants to talk about film club, so I’m just gonna post this entry and that’s it for now. I hope to write again soon.
I’d been thinking a lot about Pam. Lots of thoughts, lots of regrets. I won’t go into everything but the thing that really most bothered me, that I felt guilty about because it really was my fault, was when I broke her glass angel that night of the big fight. I decided to go down to the local Hallmark store at the mall and I bought an angel for her. It’s not exactly the same as the one she had, but it was similar. Actually, it was a little bigger, even.
So, this was about a week ago, I got up my nerve and I went over to her dorm. I knocked on her door and she answered it. She didn’t say anything. I just said what I had prepared to say: “I’m sorry I broke your angel and I want you to have this one.” She took it from me. Then she closed the door. And that was that. I felt so bad. I know I did the right thing as far as the angel went, but just seeing her at all gave me this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. I had enjoyed so much that time with her and hated so much our fight. I guess deep down I had kind of wanted to make up with her, had hoped she’d say thank you and invite me in and maybe we could kiss and make up and have sex and be best friends again. But I guess that was just a stupid fantasy. So instead I just walked back across campus to my dorm.
So that was that. But two days later was Halloween and that’s my favorite holiday so I got all busy preparing for that, and going to all the parties. I dressed up as a princess. Heather went as a cat, Carol went as a football player, and Sandy went as a witch. Every fraternity and sorority on campus gave a party at sometime over those three days. We got to most of them and I had a great time. Lots of wild dancing. I hooked up with this guy John who was dressed as the Pope and we went into someone’s room and fucked. Everything was going fine until Pam and some of her friends showed up at one of the parties. Believe it or not, Pam was dressed as an angel. I don’t know why, but all of a sudden there is all this religious symbolism in my life.
Anyway, when Sandy saw her, Sandy grabbed me and the others and said we’re leaving (she knows Pam and I weren’t getting along, although I never told her the real reason.) Just as well because there were two other parties that night we wanted to get to, but I felt awkward. So as we were walking to the door, we walked right passed Pam and her friends. And Pam said to me, “Hi.” I was kind of shocked that she actually said something to me. I didn’t say anything back.
So I haven’t seen her since Halloween. Anyway, that’s about it. This guy Zach just dropped by. He wants to talk about film club, so I’m just gonna post this entry and that’s it for now. I hope to write again soon.