[fanfic] You Don't Know [KakaSaku-ish]
Title: You Don't Know
Rating: T
Words: 4271
Warnings/Spoilers: None, unless you need a warning for unrequited love and heartache. I hope you like it.
Sakura had just left her favorite dango shop, munching on her last stick as a serving wrapped neatly to go was held in her other hand. It was a sunny afternoon, not too hot or too cold, and she had spent the morning with Ino at the shop. They didn’t have as much time together these days, so even running the flower store with her was fun. Catching up with her best friend was always something she looked forward to, a luxury in the life they lived.
A grin spread across her face as she neared Ichiraku and the two sets of legs she could see. Disposing of her last stick, she let her feet carry her happily toward them. Lifting the curtain flaps she was finally tall enough to hit she threw her arms around her unsuspecting friends’ shoulders. Well, at least Naruto was unsuspecting. He choked on the mouthful of noodles, hacking as he gasped for air. And Kakashi… well, he simply chuckled and passed on a hello.
Her eyes narrowing in a playful way, she fought back the accompanying smile. “I’m going to get you one of these days, Kakashi.”
“No ‘sensei’ anymore?” he inquired.
“You’re the one that said to stop calling you that.”
“I didn’t think you’d actually listen.”
She rolled her eyes and took her arm away from Naruto to pat him on the back to help his dislodge whatever was still stuck. Teuchi was doubled over in what Sakura assumed was a mixed state of horror and amusement. She turned her gaze back to Kakashi. “I like that you see me as an equal and not your student anymore.”
He pulled back and chuckled, bringing his hand up to ruffle her hair. “I’ll always see my favorite student in you.”
She swatted at his hands. “Ah! Don’t you now that girls don’t like when you mess up their hair!? Kakashi!”
She grumbled as she smoothed out her bangs and Kakashi, ever clever and cunning, took this as his opportunity to slip away. “Thanks for the meal. I’ll treat next time.”
“No you don’t!” Naruto and Sakura exclaimed, but it was too late as he disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Sakura sat in the seat he once occupied and looked down at her gift. “But I brought dango…”
“Can I have some?” Naruto asked eyes wide and full of wanting.
She slid it over to him. “Have at it. May I have a bowl of pork ramen?”
“Sure thing, Sakura,” Teuchi replied with a smile before yelling to his daughter.
The medic looked over at Naruto who was scarfing down the dango with enthusiasm. She was glad he was enjoying it so thoroughly, but… they were for Kakashi.
.oOo.
The next time she saw Kakashi, she didn’t even approach him. He was sitting atop the roof of a general store, nose buried in that book of his. But he didn’t appear to be reading. She thought that he must be reflecting on something, or thinking about something or someone, or… who knew what went on in that head of his. She figured it would be best to let him be; she respected the fact that he treasured his privacy, so she gave it to him.
The time after that he was sitting in a tea shop, shaded beneath the outside canopy. She hopped over the railing and sat beside him. He lifted a hand, not once looking up from his book. “Hey, Sakura.”
She frowned at him and then pulled a face. “One day…”
“Join me for tea?”
She crossed her arms as she sat back. “You probably just want to stick me with the bill again.”
“I would never,” he replied, and she could hear the teasing tone to his voice.
She huffed. “Fine, I suppose I should have some since I’m paying after all.”
“There’s the spirit,” he joked as he turned a page in his book.
They didn’t say much as they drank; the silence was comfortable and just sitting there beside him was enough. Sakura peeked up at him, heart fluttering as she studied his profile.
She couldn’t remember when she started to react to him that way. She had been surprised at first that her heart could even thump so strongly. She chalked it up to the intense training she had done that day, but the next time it happened was when she ran into him at the market. There was no explaining that one. It kept her awake all night, and when she did finally doze off she had dreamt of him. When she stopped for coffee the next morning, Kakashi was there as well. And when he dropped a stir stick into her cup, she nearly dropped it as her body responded to being close to him. He had readied himself to catch the cup, and instead his hand rested over hers, gaze showing concern. She had laughed and brushed it off as her being tired from staying up all night and studying medical texts, and he believed her.
After that day, she knew what it was. She was equal parts mortified and thrilled. How could she be attracted to this man? This person who was once her sensei, and one of her most precious people, how could she… Maybe it was a phase, like her love for Sasuke. It would all pass and he’d go back to being Kaka-sensei in her mind, and in her heart. But every time they crossed paths her heart would flutter, hammer, pound, race, and be short of exploding - until she just grew accustomed to it.
He was fourteen years her senior, held a superior rank, and she had known him practically all her life. How could she even begin to confess her feelings to someone like him? And he was someone she trusted - that trusted her - and she wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. All she could do was love him the way she could right now - which was to be the person he needed, a friend.
If she could be by his side and give him comfort, make him smile, make him happy, and be there when he needed an open ear, a strong shoulder, or a place to stay… Well, that wasn’t a bad way to love was it?
“You feeling okay, Sakura?”
His question snapped her out of her reverie and she nodded with a smile. “It’s just been busy at the hospital. If I’m not with patients, I’m in the lab. And if I’m not in the lab I’m filing paperwork that Tsunade or Shizune should be doing.”
“Don’t let them hear you say that,” he cautioned.
She laughed. “I won’t, trust me; I learned that the hard way.”
He watched as she picked up a flower from the tray the tea came on. She plucked its petals off and put them in her cup. He suddenly seemed interested. “Is that what they’ve been for this whole time?”
Sakura shrugged, a tiny smile tugging at her lips. “Maybe. Being around Ino you learn all the other things you can use flowers for. It doesn’t change the flavor of the tea that much and it smells really nice. Do you want to try some?” She held her cup up for him, and then pointed to his face. “I won’t look.”
She turned her head the other way, and glad she did so as her cheeks warmed when he placed his hands around hers and her cup, lifting it to his mouth to drink. Again, her heart thumped heavily. She closed her eyes and willed her heart to calm itself. She felt him lower her hand, and her cup. She kept her eyes closed, still fighting down her crazed heart.
“It does have a nice fragrance.”
When she didn’t reply or even look at him, he poked the side of her head. “You can look now.”
She wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to look yet, but she couldn’t wait any longer; she didn’t want him to get suspicious. She slowly turned to face him and put on a smile. “Really? So you liked it?”
He nodded with a hum. “Though I’m not sure if I’ll be putting petals in every cup I drink.”
She went to reply when suddenly there was a pair of shadows looming over them. She looked up into the animal guises and sighed. “Let me guess…”
“Haruno, Sakura you are to report to the hospital immediately.”
“Understood.” She glanced at Kakashi and her unfinished cup of tea that touched his lips. “Sorry, it looks like I’m sticking you with the bill today.”
“There’s always next time. You should go.”
She nodded and then hopped over the railing once more before taking to the rooftops and heading toward the hospital.
Locked away in the south ward was a special case. All Tsunade briefed her on was that the patient was once a Konoha shinobi thought to have been killed in action. She was found in the far eastern region of Lightning and brought back. Sakura was to attend to her and oversee her recovery and make sure she went to counseling.
Sakura looked down at the woman sleeping in the bed. She had markings on her face similar to those of the Inuzuka clan except hers were purple, not red. Her brunette hair was tangled, so as she slept Sakura carefully combed out what she could while she waited for Tsunade to return with her file. She wondered about the sleeping woman: who she was, how old she was, if she had family here, why she had been away for so long.
A light knock at the door startled Sakura. Shizune softly smiled at her and then called for her to come see Tsunade. She was given the woman’s file and ordered to keep her mouth shut about her appearance. On the hospital’s roof top, Sakura thumbed through her file. Her name was Rin, she was a jounin, and looking at her birthdate she was around the same age as Kakashi.
As she turned through the next couple of pages, she froze. There was a photo of this Rin woman with Kakashi and a raven-haired boy - and they were young. She picked the photo out of the folder and studied it. Kakashi was cute even back then. She smiled to herself as she put it back. So then Rin knew Kakashi also… and that meant that Kakashi must have thought she was dead this whole time. Her heart jumped a little and she put her hand over her chest. Tsunade said not to tell anyone, but shouldn’t Kakashi know that his former team mate was alive? He had always burdened himself with the fact that he was never able to protect those close to him. Surely Rin had been close to him at one point. Wouldn’t knowing she was alive lift that heaviness, if only a little?
She sighed as she closed the file and stood, dusting off the back of her shorts. She should go back and check on her, and then maybe… maybe she could get permission to tell Kakashi. Even if Tsunade refused, Sakura still felt her resolve building. She had to let Kakashi know. If the roles were reversed, she’d want to know.
The southern ward was relatively quiet, and the echo of her footsteps almost seemed like an ominous sign. Shaking it off, she stopped outside of Rin’s room and paused as she reached for the door handle. There were voices coming from inside and when she peeked through the panel window, she was surprised to see Kakashi already there.
Rin closed her eyes, pushing tears from them, with a smile gracing her face and Kakashi, sitting by her side and holding her hand, appeared to be crying, too.
Sakura knew she should look away, give them a bit of privacy, but morbid curiosity drove her to look on. She had never seen Kakashi look like that before. Sure she had seen him in pain, she had seen him drunk, she had even seen him cry once before… but it hadn’t looked like this. There was sincerity on his face… and then she realized that his mask was down. It was down! He had never shown her his face, and now for her first time looking, and it wasn’t even meant for her.
Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth to hide a gasp as Rin struggled to push herself to sit up. She needed to go in there and-
“Rin, are you crazy? You need to lie down!” Kakashi scolded her.
But Rin didn’t listen, and she grimaced and kept pushing until she was sitting up all the way. The two stared at each other for what felt like eternity before finally Rin threw herself forward into Kakashi’s arms. Kakashi held her tightly, smoothing a hand over her hair as she cried against him. And though Sakura could see tears falling from his face, his smile stood out the most.
The rosette turned away from the door, placing her hand over her chest again, as this time instead of her heart thudding in delight it almost felt like beating was a chore in itself.
That couldn’t be right. She was the one wanting to tell him in the first place. She wanted to be happy for him and for him to be happy. And it was obvious that he was so…
Why did it hurt so much?
Because you wanted him to happy with you, her inner self pointed out.
No way, she argued. She was just surprised by seeing him there all of a sudden. She was happy for him. She was and she was going to prove it to herself.
She knocked and entered the room a moment later, giving Kakashi time to fix himself. She put on her medic face and shook her head at her patient. “You really should be lying down.”
“I’ve already told her that but she won’t listen to me,” Kakashi said, his voice seemingly lighter than before.
“And what are you doing here?” Sakura asked. “Does Tsunade know you’re here? I don’t want to get into any trouble or-“
“No worries, she summoned me herself.”
“Ah, I see.” Somehow she was disappointed that she hadn’t been the one to tell him. “Well, you should probably let her rest. I have to do some tests and-“
“Can’t he stay?” Rin asked, interrupting her.
“Well, it’s against procedures and-“
“Please?”
Sakura looked over to Kakashi for help, but realized that he wasn’t going to, that he wanted to stay as much as Rin did. She sighed and nodded.
.oOo.
For the following weeks Kakashi was around more often than Sakura had ever seen him before. He and Rin were like two peas in a pod, like a kid attached to his first pet, or his favorite toy. While in the village he would visit her, and when visiting hours were over, Sakura would often find him back again, having snuck in through the windows.
She scolded him for it one day, on how he never liked hospitals but now he was always in one. She threatened to put him in it for longer than he wished, which only made Rin laugh.
“I like you, Sakura-chan!” she would often say.
And for some reason, that only made Sakura feel worse.
.oOo.
One afternoon, Sakura was returning from lunch with papers in hand that would grant Rin the opportunity to get out of the hospital and walk around the village that must surely have changed since she was last here.
She paused outside the open door at the voices. Kakashi was there again. That didn’t really surprise her anymore, but the soft laughter inside certainly did.
“When did you start doing that?” Rin asked.
“It was just something a friend of mine showed me. It doesn’t impact the flavor a lot, but it smells really nice doesn’t it?”
“It must’ve been a girl,” Rin stated with little enthusiasm.
“What? Why do you say that?”
“What man puts flowers in his tea?” she teased. “Was it someone you dated after I was gone?”
“Don’t be like that,” he started.
“Well, I was gone for a long time, and you thought I was dead… so I can see why you’d move on, and I can’t be mad at you for that. I just meant-“
“Stop it,” his voice was stern, but then softened. “I tried, but you… you were…” He paused and sighed. “You know Sakura, my former student and your medic? She’s the one that showed me.”
“Oh.” Rin’s voice sounded relieved. “She must be a good friend to you.”
Before Sakura could hear anymore she walked in. “I see you’re feeling better today! That’s great!”
Rin nodded. “Kakashi brought some tea. Would you like some? He even brought flowers to put in like you showed him. Isn’t it great?”
“It is, but no thanks, I just came back from lunch. And I have something that should make you both happy.” Sakura handed over the papers. “You’re being discharged.”
“Really?” Rin’s eyes went wide with happiness.
Sakura smiled in return. “Yup. Now you can keep this oaf out of my hospital.”
“That’s great news,” Kakashi declared as he squeezed Rin’s arm with the kind of tenderness that Sakura longed for. He looked over at Sakura and lightly bowed his head. “Thanks, Sakura.”
“Just doing my job,” she replied, brushing it off.
He walked over to her and ruffled her hair making her squirm and slap at his hands. “Quit it!”
He leaned closer to her. “Really, thanks, Sakura.”
“You can thank me by getting out of here already!”
She certainly didn’t have to tell them twice. In no time at all they were ready to go and waving goodbye as they walked out of the room side by side.
Sakura fell onto the now empty hospital bed and looked over at the abandoned tea. She rubbed her forehead, suddenly feeling more tired than before.
.oOo.
Now that her duty to Rin was complete, Tsunade gave Sakura some time off. It wasn’t necessary of her, but Sakura took it anyway. She enjoyed being out in the open instead of feeling boxed in by hospital walls. She helped Ino at her store, joined Naruto for ramen, helped Hinata with chakra control and healing techniques, and even sparred with Tenten.
But all the things she did to occupy her time still wasn’t enough to keep her from running into Kakashi. Only now when she spotted him, Rin was at his side. The times he noticed her and called her over to join them, she always politely refused. It was different when it was just him, but seeing her there, too, made her heart feel even funnier than before. It made her question her method of loving him, and if he even needed her kind of love any longer. After all, he had Rin. And he obviously saw her as a woman.
And Sakura, he still saw her as a kid, as his former student, and nothing more.
So while she smiled, her heart was crying.
.oOo.
One evening as she was lying in bed, there was a tap at her window before it creaked open. She was surprised to see Kakashi there. She quickly sat up, aware of her state of dress and attempted to cover herself. “What’s wrong?”
He shook his head. “Nothing. Why must there be something wrong for me to see you?”
Sakura deflated. “Because there usually is when you come here.”
“I just wanted to see you,” he stated as he came in and sat atop her desk.
She raised a brow. “And?”
“I feel like you’ve been avoiding me.”
Her cheeks started to heat up a little and she crossed her arms over her thin shirt to cover her chest. “I’m not avoiding you, I just… wanted to give you and Rin some time is all.”
“Really? She thought maybe you found someone you liked and that’s why you weren’t coming around. I guess we were both wrong.”
“Sorry, did I ruin any running bets?”
Kakashi chuckled. “No. I just wanted to come and tell you that I appreciate the privacy, but you can still come and talk to me, even if she is there.”
“I just don’t know Rin very well, so I’d feel uncomfortable talking to you about things around her…”
“Well it’s just me now. Wanna talk?”
As if picking up a shovel to dig her own grave, Sakura couldn’t stop the words from coming. “So, are you happy that she’s back? Is she adjusting well?”
He nodded. “It is strange though, to see her by my side after all these years. I grieved over her for so long. It feels really surreal.”
“I bet she has similar feelings.”
“I suppose she does. She’s always been really shy when it comes to that kind of thing.”
Sakura nodded as she brought her legs up, hugging her knees to her chest. “I understand that.”
“Really? I could never tell; you were so persistent when it came to Sasuke, declaring your love at every opportunity.”
Sakura’s brow furrowed. “You just had to bring that up, didn’t you? Ugh… that wasn’t love…”
The tone of her voice, the distant look in her eyes, it piqued the copy nin’s chatty side - not that he’d ever admit to having one. “Oh… was Rin right by any chance? Is there someone you like? You know he’ll have to get the approval of not just Naruto but me, too.”
Seeing the moonlight reflect against his hair mesmerized her. All she wanted to do was touch it. She hummed to herself. “There is someone. He’s got a certain charm about him, but he’s older than me.”
“So what?”
“He’s really nice, but cheap,” she continued. “His humor’s a bit odd, but I like it. And I thought we were finally getting closer, and I wanted to tell him how I felt…”
“So why didn’t you?”
She could feel that familiar stinging behind her eyes and took a deep breath. “Because apparently, once again, I was the only one that had those feelings. He just sees me as a friend, and he’s been seeing this other girl.” She blew out a frustrated breath to try to hide the coming tears. “And just when I had worked up the nerve to say ‘Hey! I like you’. I feel like such a fool.”
Kakashi sighed. “Don’t worry, Sakura, you’re still young and you’ll find someone. That guy’s an idiot for passing up someone like you.”
Tears began to flow more freely as his words seemed to have made the opposite effect of what he had been hoping for. He really hated seeing her cry. “Maybe… maybe he’ll come around. He’ll see what an amazing friend and woman you are and-“
“It’s okay,” she interrupted him. “You don’t have to try to make me feel better; it just feels good to have finally said it, even if he doesn’t know.”
“So then stop crying, okay? You’re much prettier when you smile.”
She nodded and wiped at her eyes as Kakashi dug around in his pockets. “Rin though that you were feeling a little down, so she thought I should bring this. She said chocolate cures everything, though I’m not sure how true that is.”
She took the small box with the bite size chocolates inside, her heart seeming to squeeze painfully as she did so. “Thanks.”
“Actually, I wanted to tell you something. You really are one of the best medics in the nation. I know I don’t say it often… or at all… but, well…” he scratched the back of his head and then approached her bedside. He hugged her, causing her eyes to go wide. “I… love you, Sakura. Thank you for everything.”
She choked back the tears as she hugged him back, nodding and breathing him in. “Of course. I’d do anything for you. I… I love you, too, Kakashi.”
He quickly broke apart from her and ruffled her hair again to lighten the mood. This time she sat there and took it, scoffing as he messed up her freshly brushed hair. She could tell he was frowning by the look in his eye when he pulled away.
“I thought you didn’t like that?”
She shrugged and offered him a half-smile. “I’ll get used to it.”
“Join me and Rin for lunch tomorrow?”
She inhaled deeply and nodded. “Sure.”
His eye creased and he waved to her as he made his way back to the window. “Don’t be late.”
“Isn’t that my line?” she teased.
He chuckled and then he was gone. Her smile fell and she picked up the small box of chocolates as she went to the window. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to see him any longer; he was always good at making an exit. She picked up a piece of chocolate and held it up, examining it before popping it in her mouth.
“It’s really good,” she whispered as she let it melt. She wasn’t even aware that she had been crying until she went to pick up the next piece and it as wet and salty from her tears. Finally realizing this only made her cry more. “I ruined it,” she sobbed as she leant against the window sill, the chocolates spilling out onto the ground below.
And never once did she see that across the street, Kakashi was staring up at her with his brow pinched.
To be continued... ?
I don't know about continuing this. It was something that just came to me earlier today. But maybe I will...
This song came on my playlist as I reached the end of the fic. I think this song kinda fits now that I look back on it, so I used it as the title (since I didn't have one -.-'). Lovely, heartbreaking song
Rating: T
Words: 4271
Warnings/Spoilers: None, unless you need a warning for unrequited love and heartache. I hope you like it.
Sakura had just left her favorite dango shop, munching on her last stick as a serving wrapped neatly to go was held in her other hand. It was a sunny afternoon, not too hot or too cold, and she had spent the morning with Ino at the shop. They didn’t have as much time together these days, so even running the flower store with her was fun. Catching up with her best friend was always something she looked forward to, a luxury in the life they lived.
A grin spread across her face as she neared Ichiraku and the two sets of legs she could see. Disposing of her last stick, she let her feet carry her happily toward them. Lifting the curtain flaps she was finally tall enough to hit she threw her arms around her unsuspecting friends’ shoulders. Well, at least Naruto was unsuspecting. He choked on the mouthful of noodles, hacking as he gasped for air. And Kakashi… well, he simply chuckled and passed on a hello.
Her eyes narrowing in a playful way, she fought back the accompanying smile. “I’m going to get you one of these days, Kakashi.”
“No ‘sensei’ anymore?” he inquired.
“You’re the one that said to stop calling you that.”
“I didn’t think you’d actually listen.”
She rolled her eyes and took her arm away from Naruto to pat him on the back to help his dislodge whatever was still stuck. Teuchi was doubled over in what Sakura assumed was a mixed state of horror and amusement. She turned her gaze back to Kakashi. “I like that you see me as an equal and not your student anymore.”
He pulled back and chuckled, bringing his hand up to ruffle her hair. “I’ll always see my favorite student in you.”
She swatted at his hands. “Ah! Don’t you now that girls don’t like when you mess up their hair!? Kakashi!”
She grumbled as she smoothed out her bangs and Kakashi, ever clever and cunning, took this as his opportunity to slip away. “Thanks for the meal. I’ll treat next time.”
“No you don’t!” Naruto and Sakura exclaimed, but it was too late as he disappeared in a puff of smoke.
Sakura sat in the seat he once occupied and looked down at her gift. “But I brought dango…”
“Can I have some?” Naruto asked eyes wide and full of wanting.
She slid it over to him. “Have at it. May I have a bowl of pork ramen?”
“Sure thing, Sakura,” Teuchi replied with a smile before yelling to his daughter.
The medic looked over at Naruto who was scarfing down the dango with enthusiasm. She was glad he was enjoying it so thoroughly, but… they were for Kakashi.
.oOo.
The next time she saw Kakashi, she didn’t even approach him. He was sitting atop the roof of a general store, nose buried in that book of his. But he didn’t appear to be reading. She thought that he must be reflecting on something, or thinking about something or someone, or… who knew what went on in that head of his. She figured it would be best to let him be; she respected the fact that he treasured his privacy, so she gave it to him.
The time after that he was sitting in a tea shop, shaded beneath the outside canopy. She hopped over the railing and sat beside him. He lifted a hand, not once looking up from his book. “Hey, Sakura.”
She frowned at him and then pulled a face. “One day…”
“Join me for tea?”
She crossed her arms as she sat back. “You probably just want to stick me with the bill again.”
“I would never,” he replied, and she could hear the teasing tone to his voice.
She huffed. “Fine, I suppose I should have some since I’m paying after all.”
“There’s the spirit,” he joked as he turned a page in his book.
They didn’t say much as they drank; the silence was comfortable and just sitting there beside him was enough. Sakura peeked up at him, heart fluttering as she studied his profile.
She couldn’t remember when she started to react to him that way. She had been surprised at first that her heart could even thump so strongly. She chalked it up to the intense training she had done that day, but the next time it happened was when she ran into him at the market. There was no explaining that one. It kept her awake all night, and when she did finally doze off she had dreamt of him. When she stopped for coffee the next morning, Kakashi was there as well. And when he dropped a stir stick into her cup, she nearly dropped it as her body responded to being close to him. He had readied himself to catch the cup, and instead his hand rested over hers, gaze showing concern. She had laughed and brushed it off as her being tired from staying up all night and studying medical texts, and he believed her.
After that day, she knew what it was. She was equal parts mortified and thrilled. How could she be attracted to this man? This person who was once her sensei, and one of her most precious people, how could she… Maybe it was a phase, like her love for Sasuke. It would all pass and he’d go back to being Kaka-sensei in her mind, and in her heart. But every time they crossed paths her heart would flutter, hammer, pound, race, and be short of exploding - until she just grew accustomed to it.
He was fourteen years her senior, held a superior rank, and she had known him practically all her life. How could she even begin to confess her feelings to someone like him? And he was someone she trusted - that trusted her - and she wouldn’t want to do anything to jeopardize that. All she could do was love him the way she could right now - which was to be the person he needed, a friend.
If she could be by his side and give him comfort, make him smile, make him happy, and be there when he needed an open ear, a strong shoulder, or a place to stay… Well, that wasn’t a bad way to love was it?
“You feeling okay, Sakura?”
His question snapped her out of her reverie and she nodded with a smile. “It’s just been busy at the hospital. If I’m not with patients, I’m in the lab. And if I’m not in the lab I’m filing paperwork that Tsunade or Shizune should be doing.”
“Don’t let them hear you say that,” he cautioned.
She laughed. “I won’t, trust me; I learned that the hard way.”
He watched as she picked up a flower from the tray the tea came on. She plucked its petals off and put them in her cup. He suddenly seemed interested. “Is that what they’ve been for this whole time?”
Sakura shrugged, a tiny smile tugging at her lips. “Maybe. Being around Ino you learn all the other things you can use flowers for. It doesn’t change the flavor of the tea that much and it smells really nice. Do you want to try some?” She held her cup up for him, and then pointed to his face. “I won’t look.”
She turned her head the other way, and glad she did so as her cheeks warmed when he placed his hands around hers and her cup, lifting it to his mouth to drink. Again, her heart thumped heavily. She closed her eyes and willed her heart to calm itself. She felt him lower her hand, and her cup. She kept her eyes closed, still fighting down her crazed heart.
“It does have a nice fragrance.”
When she didn’t reply or even look at him, he poked the side of her head. “You can look now.”
She wasn’t sure if she was strong enough to look yet, but she couldn’t wait any longer; she didn’t want him to get suspicious. She slowly turned to face him and put on a smile. “Really? So you liked it?”
He nodded with a hum. “Though I’m not sure if I’ll be putting petals in every cup I drink.”
She went to reply when suddenly there was a pair of shadows looming over them. She looked up into the animal guises and sighed. “Let me guess…”
“Haruno, Sakura you are to report to the hospital immediately.”
“Understood.” She glanced at Kakashi and her unfinished cup of tea that touched his lips. “Sorry, it looks like I’m sticking you with the bill today.”
“There’s always next time. You should go.”
She nodded and then hopped over the railing once more before taking to the rooftops and heading toward the hospital.
Locked away in the south ward was a special case. All Tsunade briefed her on was that the patient was once a Konoha shinobi thought to have been killed in action. She was found in the far eastern region of Lightning and brought back. Sakura was to attend to her and oversee her recovery and make sure she went to counseling.
Sakura looked down at the woman sleeping in the bed. She had markings on her face similar to those of the Inuzuka clan except hers were purple, not red. Her brunette hair was tangled, so as she slept Sakura carefully combed out what she could while she waited for Tsunade to return with her file. She wondered about the sleeping woman: who she was, how old she was, if she had family here, why she had been away for so long.
A light knock at the door startled Sakura. Shizune softly smiled at her and then called for her to come see Tsunade. She was given the woman’s file and ordered to keep her mouth shut about her appearance. On the hospital’s roof top, Sakura thumbed through her file. Her name was Rin, she was a jounin, and looking at her birthdate she was around the same age as Kakashi.
As she turned through the next couple of pages, she froze. There was a photo of this Rin woman with Kakashi and a raven-haired boy - and they were young. She picked the photo out of the folder and studied it. Kakashi was cute even back then. She smiled to herself as she put it back. So then Rin knew Kakashi also… and that meant that Kakashi must have thought she was dead this whole time. Her heart jumped a little and she put her hand over her chest. Tsunade said not to tell anyone, but shouldn’t Kakashi know that his former team mate was alive? He had always burdened himself with the fact that he was never able to protect those close to him. Surely Rin had been close to him at one point. Wouldn’t knowing she was alive lift that heaviness, if only a little?
She sighed as she closed the file and stood, dusting off the back of her shorts. She should go back and check on her, and then maybe… maybe she could get permission to tell Kakashi. Even if Tsunade refused, Sakura still felt her resolve building. She had to let Kakashi know. If the roles were reversed, she’d want to know.
The southern ward was relatively quiet, and the echo of her footsteps almost seemed like an ominous sign. Shaking it off, she stopped outside of Rin’s room and paused as she reached for the door handle. There were voices coming from inside and when she peeked through the panel window, she was surprised to see Kakashi already there.
Rin closed her eyes, pushing tears from them, with a smile gracing her face and Kakashi, sitting by her side and holding her hand, appeared to be crying, too.
Sakura knew she should look away, give them a bit of privacy, but morbid curiosity drove her to look on. She had never seen Kakashi look like that before. Sure she had seen him in pain, she had seen him drunk, she had even seen him cry once before… but it hadn’t looked like this. There was sincerity on his face… and then she realized that his mask was down. It was down! He had never shown her his face, and now for her first time looking, and it wasn’t even meant for her.
Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth to hide a gasp as Rin struggled to push herself to sit up. She needed to go in there and-
“Rin, are you crazy? You need to lie down!” Kakashi scolded her.
But Rin didn’t listen, and she grimaced and kept pushing until she was sitting up all the way. The two stared at each other for what felt like eternity before finally Rin threw herself forward into Kakashi’s arms. Kakashi held her tightly, smoothing a hand over her hair as she cried against him. And though Sakura could see tears falling from his face, his smile stood out the most.
The rosette turned away from the door, placing her hand over her chest again, as this time instead of her heart thudding in delight it almost felt like beating was a chore in itself.
That couldn’t be right. She was the one wanting to tell him in the first place. She wanted to be happy for him and for him to be happy. And it was obvious that he was so…
Why did it hurt so much?
Because you wanted him to happy with you, her inner self pointed out.
No way, she argued. She was just surprised by seeing him there all of a sudden. She was happy for him. She was and she was going to prove it to herself.
She knocked and entered the room a moment later, giving Kakashi time to fix himself. She put on her medic face and shook her head at her patient. “You really should be lying down.”
“I’ve already told her that but she won’t listen to me,” Kakashi said, his voice seemingly lighter than before.
“And what are you doing here?” Sakura asked. “Does Tsunade know you’re here? I don’t want to get into any trouble or-“
“No worries, she summoned me herself.”
“Ah, I see.” Somehow she was disappointed that she hadn’t been the one to tell him. “Well, you should probably let her rest. I have to do some tests and-“
“Can’t he stay?” Rin asked, interrupting her.
“Well, it’s against procedures and-“
“Please?”
Sakura looked over to Kakashi for help, but realized that he wasn’t going to, that he wanted to stay as much as Rin did. She sighed and nodded.
.oOo.
For the following weeks Kakashi was around more often than Sakura had ever seen him before. He and Rin were like two peas in a pod, like a kid attached to his first pet, or his favorite toy. While in the village he would visit her, and when visiting hours were over, Sakura would often find him back again, having snuck in through the windows.
She scolded him for it one day, on how he never liked hospitals but now he was always in one. She threatened to put him in it for longer than he wished, which only made Rin laugh.
“I like you, Sakura-chan!” she would often say.
And for some reason, that only made Sakura feel worse.
.oOo.
One afternoon, Sakura was returning from lunch with papers in hand that would grant Rin the opportunity to get out of the hospital and walk around the village that must surely have changed since she was last here.
She paused outside the open door at the voices. Kakashi was there again. That didn’t really surprise her anymore, but the soft laughter inside certainly did.
“When did you start doing that?” Rin asked.
“It was just something a friend of mine showed me. It doesn’t impact the flavor a lot, but it smells really nice doesn’t it?”
“It must’ve been a girl,” Rin stated with little enthusiasm.
“What? Why do you say that?”
“What man puts flowers in his tea?” she teased. “Was it someone you dated after I was gone?”
“Don’t be like that,” he started.
“Well, I was gone for a long time, and you thought I was dead… so I can see why you’d move on, and I can’t be mad at you for that. I just meant-“
“Stop it,” his voice was stern, but then softened. “I tried, but you… you were…” He paused and sighed. “You know Sakura, my former student and your medic? She’s the one that showed me.”
“Oh.” Rin’s voice sounded relieved. “She must be a good friend to you.”
Before Sakura could hear anymore she walked in. “I see you’re feeling better today! That’s great!”
Rin nodded. “Kakashi brought some tea. Would you like some? He even brought flowers to put in like you showed him. Isn’t it great?”
“It is, but no thanks, I just came back from lunch. And I have something that should make you both happy.” Sakura handed over the papers. “You’re being discharged.”
“Really?” Rin’s eyes went wide with happiness.
Sakura smiled in return. “Yup. Now you can keep this oaf out of my hospital.”
“That’s great news,” Kakashi declared as he squeezed Rin’s arm with the kind of tenderness that Sakura longed for. He looked over at Sakura and lightly bowed his head. “Thanks, Sakura.”
“Just doing my job,” she replied, brushing it off.
He walked over to her and ruffled her hair making her squirm and slap at his hands. “Quit it!”
He leaned closer to her. “Really, thanks, Sakura.”
“You can thank me by getting out of here already!”
She certainly didn’t have to tell them twice. In no time at all they were ready to go and waving goodbye as they walked out of the room side by side.
Sakura fell onto the now empty hospital bed and looked over at the abandoned tea. She rubbed her forehead, suddenly feeling more tired than before.
.oOo.
Now that her duty to Rin was complete, Tsunade gave Sakura some time off. It wasn’t necessary of her, but Sakura took it anyway. She enjoyed being out in the open instead of feeling boxed in by hospital walls. She helped Ino at her store, joined Naruto for ramen, helped Hinata with chakra control and healing techniques, and even sparred with Tenten.
But all the things she did to occupy her time still wasn’t enough to keep her from running into Kakashi. Only now when she spotted him, Rin was at his side. The times he noticed her and called her over to join them, she always politely refused. It was different when it was just him, but seeing her there, too, made her heart feel even funnier than before. It made her question her method of loving him, and if he even needed her kind of love any longer. After all, he had Rin. And he obviously saw her as a woman.
And Sakura, he still saw her as a kid, as his former student, and nothing more.
So while she smiled, her heart was crying.
.oOo.
One evening as she was lying in bed, there was a tap at her window before it creaked open. She was surprised to see Kakashi there. She quickly sat up, aware of her state of dress and attempted to cover herself. “What’s wrong?”
He shook his head. “Nothing. Why must there be something wrong for me to see you?”
Sakura deflated. “Because there usually is when you come here.”
“I just wanted to see you,” he stated as he came in and sat atop her desk.
She raised a brow. “And?”
“I feel like you’ve been avoiding me.”
Her cheeks started to heat up a little and she crossed her arms over her thin shirt to cover her chest. “I’m not avoiding you, I just… wanted to give you and Rin some time is all.”
“Really? She thought maybe you found someone you liked and that’s why you weren’t coming around. I guess we were both wrong.”
“Sorry, did I ruin any running bets?”
Kakashi chuckled. “No. I just wanted to come and tell you that I appreciate the privacy, but you can still come and talk to me, even if she is there.”
“I just don’t know Rin very well, so I’d feel uncomfortable talking to you about things around her…”
“Well it’s just me now. Wanna talk?”
As if picking up a shovel to dig her own grave, Sakura couldn’t stop the words from coming. “So, are you happy that she’s back? Is she adjusting well?”
He nodded. “It is strange though, to see her by my side after all these years. I grieved over her for so long. It feels really surreal.”
“I bet she has similar feelings.”
“I suppose she does. She’s always been really shy when it comes to that kind of thing.”
Sakura nodded as she brought her legs up, hugging her knees to her chest. “I understand that.”
“Really? I could never tell; you were so persistent when it came to Sasuke, declaring your love at every opportunity.”
Sakura’s brow furrowed. “You just had to bring that up, didn’t you? Ugh… that wasn’t love…”
The tone of her voice, the distant look in her eyes, it piqued the copy nin’s chatty side - not that he’d ever admit to having one. “Oh… was Rin right by any chance? Is there someone you like? You know he’ll have to get the approval of not just Naruto but me, too.”
Seeing the moonlight reflect against his hair mesmerized her. All she wanted to do was touch it. She hummed to herself. “There is someone. He’s got a certain charm about him, but he’s older than me.”
“So what?”
“He’s really nice, but cheap,” she continued. “His humor’s a bit odd, but I like it. And I thought we were finally getting closer, and I wanted to tell him how I felt…”
“So why didn’t you?”
She could feel that familiar stinging behind her eyes and took a deep breath. “Because apparently, once again, I was the only one that had those feelings. He just sees me as a friend, and he’s been seeing this other girl.” She blew out a frustrated breath to try to hide the coming tears. “And just when I had worked up the nerve to say ‘Hey! I like you’. I feel like such a fool.”
Kakashi sighed. “Don’t worry, Sakura, you’re still young and you’ll find someone. That guy’s an idiot for passing up someone like you.”
Tears began to flow more freely as his words seemed to have made the opposite effect of what he had been hoping for. He really hated seeing her cry. “Maybe… maybe he’ll come around. He’ll see what an amazing friend and woman you are and-“
“It’s okay,” she interrupted him. “You don’t have to try to make me feel better; it just feels good to have finally said it, even if he doesn’t know.”
“So then stop crying, okay? You’re much prettier when you smile.”
She nodded and wiped at her eyes as Kakashi dug around in his pockets. “Rin though that you were feeling a little down, so she thought I should bring this. She said chocolate cures everything, though I’m not sure how true that is.”
She took the small box with the bite size chocolates inside, her heart seeming to squeeze painfully as she did so. “Thanks.”
“Actually, I wanted to tell you something. You really are one of the best medics in the nation. I know I don’t say it often… or at all… but, well…” he scratched the back of his head and then approached her bedside. He hugged her, causing her eyes to go wide. “I… love you, Sakura. Thank you for everything.”
She choked back the tears as she hugged him back, nodding and breathing him in. “Of course. I’d do anything for you. I… I love you, too, Kakashi.”
He quickly broke apart from her and ruffled her hair again to lighten the mood. This time she sat there and took it, scoffing as he messed up her freshly brushed hair. She could tell he was frowning by the look in his eye when he pulled away.
“I thought you didn’t like that?”
She shrugged and offered him a half-smile. “I’ll get used to it.”
“Join me and Rin for lunch tomorrow?”
She inhaled deeply and nodded. “Sure.”
His eye creased and he waved to her as he made his way back to the window. “Don’t be late.”
“Isn’t that my line?” she teased.
He chuckled and then he was gone. Her smile fell and she picked up the small box of chocolates as she went to the window. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to see him any longer; he was always good at making an exit. She picked up a piece of chocolate and held it up, examining it before popping it in her mouth.
“It’s really good,” she whispered as she let it melt. She wasn’t even aware that she had been crying until she went to pick up the next piece and it as wet and salty from her tears. Finally realizing this only made her cry more. “I ruined it,” she sobbed as she leant against the window sill, the chocolates spilling out onto the ground below.
And never once did she see that across the street, Kakashi was staring up at her with his brow pinched.
To be continued... ?
I don't know about continuing this. It was something that just came to me earlier today. But maybe I will...
This song came on my playlist as I reached the end of the fic. I think this song kinda fits now that I look back on it, so I used it as the title (since I didn't have one -.-'). Lovely, heartbreaking song
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