Boo
And so she died. My partner, my faithful companion. My dear and sweet companion died today. I had her for 12 and a half years, and through all of it she was there. My Dad's death, my best friends suicide, my small tedious fumblings of manic depressive bouts with life and cosmic uncertainty. The ending of the longest relationship I'd been in. She was there through all of it, helping me through life, my trials my problems. All she knew was love, and sweetness, and she never stopped giving. The most constant, pure and wholesome thing in my entire life is gone now.
A tumor, an un-fucking preventable tumor, or rather complications to such, that was the cause. There was nothing more that I could have done. I was powerless to stop this -- even this, as with anything critical or so it seems in my life I am powerless to prevent. Thats the first step though isn't it? We blame ourselves for things we cannot control? Does it make us feel better, does taking responsibility for circumstances beyond our means or understanding help? Is that healthy?
I don't even know where or how to begin to handle this. All I can do is cry like a little bitch everytime I talk or think about it. I don't know entirely what that means. No other pet, could ever take her place, nor shall it even be considered. She was so unique, so comforting, her ways, her actions, our connection. We had an understanding of one another, I can't really describe it, but we just sort of knew what the other was thinking and feeling.
After watching the slow deterioration of her condition, I didn't want her to suffer anymore. After having exhausted all of our options, I did what was left, I had her put to sleep. She died in my arms today. I took her home, kissed her on the head, and buried her in her favorite sleeping position in the backyard, with a little headstone, and grave. I stood there for a couple of hours, just thinking about this, the situation, what had happened, why it all came to this, and I cried. I couldn't stop crying.
She was loved and cared for. She had a good life, and I guess thats the way I have to think of it now. The important part is she will no longer suffer earthly pain as we know it, she's beyond that now, and I can only hope in a better state of existence than this shithole.
I love you Boo, and I don't know what I'm going to do without you. You are, and will always be missed, and loved.
A tumor, an un-fucking preventable tumor, or rather complications to such, that was the cause. There was nothing more that I could have done. I was powerless to stop this -- even this, as with anything critical or so it seems in my life I am powerless to prevent. Thats the first step though isn't it? We blame ourselves for things we cannot control? Does it make us feel better, does taking responsibility for circumstances beyond our means or understanding help? Is that healthy?
I don't even know where or how to begin to handle this. All I can do is cry like a little bitch everytime I talk or think about it. I don't know entirely what that means. No other pet, could ever take her place, nor shall it even be considered. She was so unique, so comforting, her ways, her actions, our connection. We had an understanding of one another, I can't really describe it, but we just sort of knew what the other was thinking and feeling.
After watching the slow deterioration of her condition, I didn't want her to suffer anymore. After having exhausted all of our options, I did what was left, I had her put to sleep. She died in my arms today. I took her home, kissed her on the head, and buried her in her favorite sleeping position in the backyard, with a little headstone, and grave. I stood there for a couple of hours, just thinking about this, the situation, what had happened, why it all came to this, and I cried. I couldn't stop crying.
She was loved and cared for. She had a good life, and I guess thats the way I have to think of it now. The important part is she will no longer suffer earthly pain as we know it, she's beyond that now, and I can only hope in a better state of existence than this shithole.
I love you Boo, and I don't know what I'm going to do without you. You are, and will always be missed, and loved.