My Life

Jan 20, 2009 01:43

What is there that I can say, anything that would make sense? I just don't know anymore. It's rough. Times are hard. Things are changing, life is new, and old, and repeating. I remember as a child they always told me that it would get better; they were fucking liars. Sure you have choices these days but you are accountable more so for the consequences. They say that you always hurt the people you love the most? Well that goes both ways. I miss seeing the world in the complex imagination of hopefulness and infinite innocence of a child. I'm a cynic, I'm a realist, I'm a pragmatist, I'm an idealist, I'm whatever I have to be to assume myself into the situation; and well I'm weary. I'm fucking exhausted.

My path isn't clear. That is unusual for me. I have things planned out in details and inner workings, and contingencies accounted for but these days I'm flying by the seat of my pants; and THAT scares me. Not much does. Honestly I don't experience that emotion, hardly ever at all. I'm not sure how to deal with it.

How do you pick up the pieces of a broken life and move forward? It's so hard. I often think about those influential characters in my life that are no longer around, they've long since passed away or moved on. I am alone. And the only person I can count on is myself.
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