Looking for feedback
This may be an exercise in futility, as I suspect that the handful of people who might have read my entries in the past have probably moved on while I neglected this journal during the last few months. Nonetheless, I've been thinking about something that I would like to submit for feedback if anyone is listening.
A significant part of my recent funk was the fact that since I've come back to Denver, I don't even have the faintest possibility of a romantic opportunity. Now, nothing has changed that I think that I should now be finding success where I have met with failure so often in the past, but I do need some small measure of plausibility to have me hope and to the lend heft to the products of my imagination that sustain me in the absence of the real thing.
The biggest obstacle that I face is the fact that I no longer know anyone here (not that I knew that many before), and I am incredibly inept at connecting with people I don't know. One important element of my limited social repertoire is the fact that I don't know how to flirt. It struck me while I was at work today that working at Starbucks does provide me with a small but not insignificant number of opportunities to flirt with women, if only I was capable of recognizing and acting upon them.
All of this long-winded preamble has been to set up the fact that what I think I need now is a gameplan. It's clear that I cannot rely on instinct or improvisation, so I've been thinking about a rough plan of action that would give me a framework within which to operate. At this point I will outline the gameplan that I have developed so far, in hopes that if someone has actually read this far they might point out any mistakes or things I have overlooked (or perhaps make it clear why the whole idea of a gameplan is the wrong way to go).
This is a very general plan, and as such is for the most part setting-neutral and should work equally well in a supermarket, coffeehouse, or wherever.
The first step is finding a suitable (not obviously unavailable, attractive, roughly the same age, etc.) woman and making eye contact, followed by a smile. If the woman doesn't make eye contact or doesn't return the smile, that is an indication that she isn't open to being approached by a stranger.
If she does return the smile, then it is time to initiate conversation, ideally by giving a polite compliment (which should flow relatively easily out of whatever made her attractive at first glance). Possible examples would be something like, "That's a really nice skirt," or "I think that's a cool shirt."
Although it's tempting to try to make the initial compliment into a question or to otherwise use it to advance into conversation, I am thinking that it's probably better just to make the compliment and then gauge her reaction. With luck she will respond in a way that allows the opening stages of a conversation to develop naturally, and even if that doesn't have but she does react positively to the compliment, that is the time to introduce myself and find out her name.
At this point there is a hole my plan, due to the fact that I am also pretty lousy at small-talk. I can chat about the weather, but beyond that I don't even know what might be possible topics (I can also chat easily about sports of any sort, but that doesn't help me much with women).
This is probably where my plan breaks down into awkwardness, but I do think that if a conversation does develop, it is probably a good sign because it means that she is interested enough to invest at least enough social energy to overcome my conversational failings.
If it's gotten this far and there's been some semblance of a conversation, then whenever it comes to a conclusion, that's the time to extend an offer to talk again over coffee or lunch.
By this point, assuming that she is also interested in meeting again, we are safely past the stranger stage, and into acquaintance territory, which is a field in which I can function at least tolerably well.
If anyone has actually gone to the trouble of reading this far, I would hope that it's not too much more to ask for a comment, even if it's to tell me that I've severely overthought this whole thing. I envision that if I do get any comments, they will come from members of the fairer sex, but I would also welcome the feedback of guys as well.
Thanks.
A significant part of my recent funk was the fact that since I've come back to Denver, I don't even have the faintest possibility of a romantic opportunity. Now, nothing has changed that I think that I should now be finding success where I have met with failure so often in the past, but I do need some small measure of plausibility to have me hope and to the lend heft to the products of my imagination that sustain me in the absence of the real thing.
The biggest obstacle that I face is the fact that I no longer know anyone here (not that I knew that many before), and I am incredibly inept at connecting with people I don't know. One important element of my limited social repertoire is the fact that I don't know how to flirt. It struck me while I was at work today that working at Starbucks does provide me with a small but not insignificant number of opportunities to flirt with women, if only I was capable of recognizing and acting upon them.
All of this long-winded preamble has been to set up the fact that what I think I need now is a gameplan. It's clear that I cannot rely on instinct or improvisation, so I've been thinking about a rough plan of action that would give me a framework within which to operate. At this point I will outline the gameplan that I have developed so far, in hopes that if someone has actually read this far they might point out any mistakes or things I have overlooked (or perhaps make it clear why the whole idea of a gameplan is the wrong way to go).
This is a very general plan, and as such is for the most part setting-neutral and should work equally well in a supermarket, coffeehouse, or wherever.
The first step is finding a suitable (not obviously unavailable, attractive, roughly the same age, etc.) woman and making eye contact, followed by a smile. If the woman doesn't make eye contact or doesn't return the smile, that is an indication that she isn't open to being approached by a stranger.
If she does return the smile, then it is time to initiate conversation, ideally by giving a polite compliment (which should flow relatively easily out of whatever made her attractive at first glance). Possible examples would be something like, "That's a really nice skirt," or "I think that's a cool shirt."
Although it's tempting to try to make the initial compliment into a question or to otherwise use it to advance into conversation, I am thinking that it's probably better just to make the compliment and then gauge her reaction. With luck she will respond in a way that allows the opening stages of a conversation to develop naturally, and even if that doesn't have but she does react positively to the compliment, that is the time to introduce myself and find out her name.
At this point there is a hole my plan, due to the fact that I am also pretty lousy at small-talk. I can chat about the weather, but beyond that I don't even know what might be possible topics (I can also chat easily about sports of any sort, but that doesn't help me much with women).
This is probably where my plan breaks down into awkwardness, but I do think that if a conversation does develop, it is probably a good sign because it means that she is interested enough to invest at least enough social energy to overcome my conversational failings.
If it's gotten this far and there's been some semblance of a conversation, then whenever it comes to a conclusion, that's the time to extend an offer to talk again over coffee or lunch.
By this point, assuming that she is also interested in meeting again, we are safely past the stranger stage, and into acquaintance territory, which is a field in which I can function at least tolerably well.
If anyone has actually gone to the trouble of reading this far, I would hope that it's not too much more to ask for a comment, even if it's to tell me that I've severely overthought this whole thing. I envision that if I do get any comments, they will come from members of the fairer sex, but I would also welcome the feedback of guys as well.
Thanks.