Fic: Couture - RPS - Part 6
Title: Couture
Rating: R (NC-17 overall)
Pairing: Chris/Zach
Word count: 5222 (this part)
Warning: Language, fluff, angst.
AN: Can I just say a big thank you to everyone who’s been reading so far. You’re all so amazing and supportive.
Summary: Zach is a fashion designer and Chris is a male model that he takes an interest in.
Previous parts: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5
Part 6
“Oh my word, I thought you died in a fiery plane crash,” his mom says as she stands in the hallway as Zach pulls their bags into his mom’s house, the carpet the same since he was born and the familiar smell making him smile. He’s pleased for the warmth considering how cold it is outside and he can hear Chris made a shivering sound behind him as he comes in behind him with his own case and shuts the door.
“Always the dramatic, we all know where I get it from,” Zach says with a smile as he dumps his bag in the middle of the foyer, kissing his mom’s cheek quickly. He can hear Chris shifting anxiously behind him and turns, feeling nervous himself. “Mom, this is Chris.”
His mom’s eyes light up like she’s just been given the biggest present in the world and her arms fly open as she goes to hug Chris warmly, Chris hugging back with a smile.
“Thank you for having me Mrs Quinto,” Chris says politely when Margo pulls away.
“Mrs Quinto? No, none of that. Call me Margo. Oh my goodness, you need to be fed, look at you. I bet the airplane food was awful, you want me to make you some spaghetti and meatballs? I make a wonderful homemade cheese pasta bake with tomato sauce if I do say so myself. I’m good with Italian food thanks to marrying into an Italian family and then raising two boys.”
Chris outright grins at the idea of food, and nods eagerly.
“Mom, he’s a model, he can’t eat stuff like that,” Zach says. Chris opens his mouth in shock and disappointment.
“Yes, yes, I can. Whatever you have would be great.”
Margo tuts at her youngest son and shakes her head. “All I read about these days are these models starving themselves and it breaks my heart. Come on into the kitchen and I’ll rustle some food up for you,” Margo says to Chris who is beaming.
Chris falls into step with Zach as they walk down the hallway. “I love her, and if you try to Italian food block me again, I will eat you.”
Zach just rolls his eyes as they walk into the kitchen and sit down at the small table at one end of the room as his mom moves around grabbing pots and pans.
“You know, when Zach was younger, he’d eat and eat and eat, but ever since college, he looks at my food like it’s a big pile of lard.”
“You don’t even use low fat cheese, Mom. Do you realise the cardio involved in working off one of your meals?” Zach says, shaking his head.
Margo turns around and rolls her eyes at him. “I’m pleased you have a big appetite,” she says to Chris, her eyes twinkling.
“He’ll eat anything,” Zach says dismissively.
“Except the crap you keep in your fridge.”
“It’s healthy,” Zach says defensively.
“It’s boring. Sometimes I just want to go through an entire bag of chips in one go.”
Zach stares at him like he’s stupid. “Do you have any idea how much trans fat there are in chips? You’d be all wobbly and gross and then who would hire you?”
Margo swats him over the head with the back of an oven mitt. “Let Chris eat whatever he wants. You’re obviously starving the poor child.”
Chris nods with a pout like he’s a tragic victim of Zach’s lifestyle. Zach scowls at him.
Once Margo has got everything cooking, she turns to Chris with intent and uses her hands to signal for him to get up. “Let me have a look at you.”
Chris stands, towering over her, and looking a little anxious under her appraising gaze. Margo finally turns, giving Zach a pleased smile before going over to the pan of pasta. Chris looks a little aimless, clearly not sure if he should sit down or not, but decides he probably can since the inspection is over.
“When’s Joe arriving?” Zach asks, running his hand over the table cloth.
“Tomorrow morning,” Margo answers. “Chris, dear, how cheesy do you like your pasta?”
“Enough to make Zach worry if the smell is going to give him calories and make him fat,” Chris says with a wink in Zach’s direction.
Margo smiles. “Zach, he’s a growing boy, you have to feed him like one.”
“He’s 23, Mom. He’s done his growing, and anything extra, is just fat.”
Later, when Chris is tucking into a portion of pasta big enough for three families, Zach coughs “thighs” and receives an unimpressed look from both his mother and Chris.
…
Zach walks downstairs following a refreshing shower, after wanting to get clean from the flight, and heads into the living room to stop in his tracks, his eyes flying wide. Chris is sitting closely next to his mom on one of the couches, both of them bent over what looks like a photo album. All that goes through Zach’s mind is ‘no’ on repeat.
“Oh, this is a picture of when he was having a bath,” Margo says loudly, pointing to a square image on the page.
“Put that away now,” Zach bites out.
Chris shoots him a quick look and smirks. “You were so adorable. Look at your cheeks and your teeny penis,” Chris says as Margo looks up at him affectionately.
“Didn’t you want a shower, Chris?” Zach says pointedly. Chris waves him off, his fingers going to turn the page.
“Oh, this one is during a time when he insisted on not wearing pants. One of those kids things, I guess. He didn’t mind wearing a top though, just pants.”
Zach feels his fists curl as he tries to not stamp his feet and moan like he’s a child again.
“This one is when he dressed up in his Sunday best for mass. He insisted on wearing a flower in his hair, it was adorable.” Margo looks up at Chris. “Do you ever attend church?”
It’s a casual question but Zach can hear his mom’s genuine curiosity. Zach holds his breath, not knowing if they have religion in the Pine household.
“Not really, I go to the odd mass with friends but my mom is Jewish.”
Zach inwardly groans as his mother looks over at him like she’s two heartbeats away from planning their civil union right then and there. She schools her face before turning to Chris. “Oh, that’s good. I’m pleased you attend mass some times. It’s important.”
“I better go shower,” Chris says, standing up and giving Margo a quick smile before pressing a kiss to Zach’s cheek and heading up the stairs, the floorboards creaking and groaning.
Zach walks over and sits next his mom as she shuts the photo album with a snap and puts it on the table in front of her. He sits there for a moment in silence, for some reason overly nervous and anxious to hear his mom’s verdict on Chris. A part of him is craving the reassurance that bringing him here wasn’t a giant mistake.
“He’s wonderful,” his mom suddenly says and reaches over to grab his hand like she understands his nerves. “He is. I knew you wouldn’t bring home anyone who wasn’t worthy of you. He’s lovely.”
Zach feels like a weight is off his shoulders and he squeezes his mom’s hand gently. “Yeah, he’s really great.”
“I’m so pleased you brought him. I mean that.”
“He kind of invited himself.”
“I know you. Deep down, if you didn’t want him here, he wouldn’t be here.” His mom takes a deep breath. “And Zach, even though you two are in the same room together, I expect you to respect this house.”
“Yeah, don’t worry,” Zach says quickly, having flashbacks to when he was a teenager and his mom would say the same thing if anyone stayed over.
“I am so proud of you,” Margo says quietly, giving his hand a squeeze. “And I don’t mean about your career, which you know I’m proud of, but for you finally deciding to find someone you want to spend a long time with. I know you’re not old by a long shot, but it’s been so long since there’s been anybody really special in your life. This is so good for you. Make sure you take good care of him, he seems like he’s the sensitive type.”
Zach just looks down at his lap, a sinking feeling settling in his stomach.
After talking to his mom for a while, he decides he’s tired and heads up to bed early. He walks into his room to find Chris in only his boxer shorts inspecting his CD rack.
“Zach?” Chris asks, not looking in his direction as he bends over further to look at all the CDs. Zach bites his lip at the appealing visual he’s getting.
“Yeah,” Zach says, pulling off his top.
“Why do you have three copies of the Phantom of the Opera cast recording?”
Zach blushes. “I went through a phase.”
“Of buying three copies of the same CD?” Chris looks over at him with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.
Zach rolls his eyes. “I bought three because I thought that if one got scratched and I lost another, I’d still have a copy.”
Chris laughs and walks over to him. “I bet you were the cutest teenager ever with your Phantom obsession.”
Zach smiles and slides his arms around Chris’ waist and kissed him slowly. “I dressed as the Phantom for Halloween one year but none of my friends would dress as Christine.”
Chris grins up at him. “I would have in a heartbeat.”
Zach just chuckles and leans in to start kissing Chris more deeply and with far more intent. Zach slides his hand down Chris’ bare chest and into his boxer shorts, wrapping his hand around Chris’ soft dick and giving it an affectionate squeeze. Chris grabs his hand and pulls it out of his boxers and shoves him away.
“We are not having sex,” Chris scolds, looking stern.
Zach lets out a huff as Chris walks around to the other side of the bed and gets in. “Yeah, yeah. I told my mom we wouldn’t anyway.” Zach gets in his side and looks at Chris thoughtfully. “How about just some over the underwear action?”
“No.”
“What if I jerk you off while we’re both half asleep?”
“No.”
“What if my dick accidentally slips into your ass and-”
“No,” Chris snaps before giggling. “How would your dick accidentally slip into my ass anyway?”
“Turn over and I’ll show you.”
Chris laughs loudly before covering his mouth, trying to keep quiet. “I’m going to sleep now. No molesting me.”
There’s a beat of silence before Zach sighs loudly. “Fine.”
…
Joe arrives the next day and throws his arms around Chris like he’s his brother too, and it sends a look of joy across Margo’s face that makes Zach feel all warm inside knowing that he’s doing something that’s causing his mom such happiness.
“Looking hot,” Joe jokes, giving Chris’ ass a playful slap.
“As are you. You know I have a thing for Quinto men,” Chris says with a suggestive eyebrow waggle, his body leaning into Joe’s.
Zach walks up to them and wraps a strong arm around Chris’ waist, finding the sudden burst of possessiveness a surprise and a bit disconcerting. He catches a look of amusement playing across his mom’s face and drops his arm immediately like he’s been caught, and embraces his brother in a quick hug instead.
“Good flight?” Zach asks.
“Meh, it was alright.” Joe then turns to Margo with a small pout. “Mommy, I’m hungry.”
Chris all out laughs, and Zach smiles at the way his brother turns into a big momma’s boy the second he’s in the house.
“You sit down, I’ll cook you some breakfast,” Margo says, patting his shoulder. “Chris, I was thinking of doing some eggs, bacon, pancakes, is that alright?”
“Sounds awesome,” Chris says eagerly. “You need any help?”
“No, honey, sit down. Zach, what do you want?”
“You have any low fat yoghurt?” Zach asks, heading for the fridge.
“As your breakfast?” Margo says, sounding disapproving as she leans past Zach to grab the ingredients from the fridge. “I wish you’d eat a proper meal.”
“I’ll eat properly later for Thanksgiving meal,” Zach says in defence. His mom lets out an irritated huff and starts cracking eggs.
“Oh by the way, I saw you both in a magazine the other day as one of the most stylish couples,” Margo comments as she gets out a pan.
Zach smirks as he takes a small yoghurt from the fridge and goes to sit next to Chris. “We were, and why was that Christopher?”
“I hate it when you use my full name,” Chris says before Zach raises an expectant eyebrow, waiting for his question to be answered. Chris sighs. “Because you dressed me and made sure my ‘god-awful’ cardigans and ‘horrific’ shoes were no where to be seen.”
“Exactly,” Zach says with a self-satisfied grin.
Joe lets out a laugh. “I remember when Zach was 16 and he would actually go into my room and throw out clothes that he thought were an offence against fashion.”
Chris smiles and reaches for Zach’s hand, entwining their fingers together.
…
“What did you do after Berkeley?” Margo asks, lifting some potatoes on to her plate with a large spoon as they sit around the table eating Thanksgiving meal.
“Well, I worked out pretty quickly the actor thing wasn’t going to happen. I did try really hard, but I just didn’t have enough contacts. One of my mom’s friends said I should try modelling, so I got a portfolio together and headed to New York. I’d only been there a month before I met Zach and my career really took off.”
“So, you’re not thinking about getting back into acting?”
Chris shrugs, piling his plate full of vegetables. “Maybe at some point, but I’ll probably head back to LA for that considering that’s the place to really get your feet off the ground in the industry, you know?”
Zach feels an uncomfortable pang in his stomach at that, but tries to ignore it as he takes the potatoes from his mom and puts a few on his plate.
“So, you don’t see yourself living in New York long term?” Margo asks as casually as she can, but Zach can hear the genuine concern in her tone on his behalf. Zach almost feels like this is the type of conversation he and Chris should have alone at some point in the distant future, and not be discussing during a meal.
Chris gives Zach an uncomfortable look before looking at Margo. “Probably not. I love the city, but the west coast is my true home.”
Joe gives him a quick look too and Zach clears his throat. “You never mentioned that,” Zach comments as casually as he can.
Chris shrugs before leaning across the table for gravy. “You never asked. And anyway, that’d be a long time in the future. It’s not really relevant at the moment.”
A strange, awkward kind of tension settles over them as they eat quietly. Zach feels uneasy, not because of the tension, but because he never realised how little he asked Chris about his future and it’s definitely an unpleasant surprise to find out that Chris intends to go back to California.
“How are you liking New York?” Margo asks quickly, like the silence has gone on one second too long.
Chris swallows his mouthful and smiles. “Yeah, it’s really great.”
“Find a lot of things to do?”
“Yeah, although I actually prefer to just sit in a quiet room and read, which doesn’t seem to be a popular pastime in the fashion industry.”
“I didn’t know that,” Zach says, frowning in confusion. He knew Chris liked to read the odd book but he would never have classed it as ranking at number one in Chris’ preferred activities.
“What did you think I did when you were at work and my arm was broken? I went to the public library a lot.” He turns toward Margo and smiles. “I love historical English literature. I did a lot of essays and work in college on specific periods in English history because they’re literature goes back so much further than ours, and I find it truly fascinating to understand the norms and mores of the times and how they shaped the society we see today.”
Zach stares at him like he’s seeing him for the first time. It’s not that they don’t talk about books sometimes, but it’s the way Chris is talking about it with such passion and enthusiasm which takes Zach off guard.
As the meal ends and the evening drags on, Margo asks Zach questions about his work and how it’s going, which he tries to reply with one word answers where possible, his mind still thinking about how little he asks Chris about his future and what he’s truly passionate about.
Chris talks to Margo animatedly the whole time about what he wants to get out of life, his views on how models are treated and his opinions on recent news stories and the political situation in many African countries. The more he talks, the less Zach feels like he actually knows him.
Zach gets the distinct impression Chris is feeling the same way, but isn’t showing it due to not wanting to be rude to Margo. Joe tells stories about when Zach crashed his car, got his eyebrow pierced, and about how his college boyfriend had insisted on him getting rid of his hats which had led to Zach splitting up with him. Chris had let out forced laughs during the storytelling like he was somewhere between happy because he was hearing the stories, and sad that Zach had never divulged any of this himself.
By the time they all head to bed, Zach feels in a worse mood than he did at dinner and he knows they’ve all noticed, especially Chris who making a frowny face in his direction any time Zach tries to answer someone’s question with a shrug.
“What is going on?” Chris asks as he pulls off his shirt when they’re in their bedroom getting ready for bed.
“What you talking about?”
“Don’t give me that. Have I said something or done something to upset you? Is it about the moving back to LA thing?”
Zach shrugs, and Chris’ jaw tightens at the action. “Sorry. I don’t know, I mean I know quite a lot of stuff about you but I didn’t realise you intended to go back to LA at some point or restart your acting career. We don’t seem to talk about stuff like that.”
Chris crawls onto the bed and crosses his legs. “Zach, you know that if you ever wanted to ask me questions about where I want to be in the future or what I want to be doing, I would tell you in an instant, but you never seem to want to know.”
Zach sighs. “You want me to ask questions about things like that?”
“Yes, because if you ask me serious questions, then I get to ask you serious questions. Unfortunately, that’s probably the reason you try not to ask me anything, because then you’ll be open for me to delve into your inner thoughts, and heaven forbid we have a real discussion about where this relationship is going.” Chris sounds suddenly irritated, like Zach’s brought up something that’s been silently bugging him for a while.
“I don’t see why we need to talk about that stuff.”
“Maybe you don’t, but I do.”
Zach pinches the bridge of his nose in silent frustration, his body on edge and unsettled. “What is it you want me to say here, Chris?”
“I don’t know. Something real and honest for once. Hell, I’ll even settle for you just telling me you love me.”
Zach feels his heart start beating faster and his palms go a little sweaty. He wonders how that’s ‘settling’ exactly considering what a massive step it is. Zach looks down at his feet and shakes his head. “I can’t.”
Chris purses his lips and stands up, walking out of their bedroom and down to the bathroom without a word. When Chris comes back he doesn’t even look at him as he climbs in under the covers and shuts his bedside light off, plunging them into darkness.
…
It seems like the calm before they storm as they sit together on the flight home, Chris with a thick book in one hand and a drink in the other. Zach knows Chris isn’t reading it considering it’s been over 15 minutes since he turned a page. Zach glances at him from the corner of his eye.
“You alright?”
“Sure,” Chris answers without looking up.
It’s the only interaction they have the whole flight and when they finally walk into Zach’s apartment, Noah greeting them eagerly and loudly, Zach just waits for Chris to snap.
Zach turns to find Chris hovering just inside the doorway, looking thoughtful and troubled as he looks down at his case and to the apartment.
“You coming in?” Zach asks, unnerved by the look of contemplation in Chris’ eyes and what it means.
Chris looks up at him, his eyes deep and sorrowful. “Do you want me to?”
“Yes,” Zach says with certainty.
Chris still looks unsure, but he walks in anyway, shutting the door behind him and leaning down to give Noah some much needed attention as he barks once at him.
“We going to do this, then?” Chris asks, folding his arms across his chest, his body defensive like he’s preparing for the inevitable fight.
“I don’t want to fight with you.”
“Neither do I, but we need to do something to get everything out because however much I keep thinking to myself that I’m happy with the way things are, I’m really not, Zach. I need you to tell me how you feel. What happened back in Pittsburgh, you should already know all the stuff I told your mom, you should know all of it. You’ve never bothered to take the time to really talk to me.” Chris looks helpless and he walks over to Zach, eyes pleasing and hopeful. “Do you love me?”
Zach feels the weight of the question settle over him uncomfortably and he knows that his answer to this question will pretty much determine how the rest of their conversation will go. He wants to say yes so badly, but the fear he feels associated with admitting it and the fact it’ll make him vulnerable force him to lie. “I… no. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about you though, because I do.”
Chris looks completely heartbroken and Zach can’t bear to look at him, those emotional blue eyes becoming shiny. “Then why are you with me?”
“Because I like spending time with you.” Zach knows it sounds lame considering how serious their relationship has become but it’s the only thing he can think of saying.
“Spending time with me?” Chris repeats, his voice cracking at the end. “Do you have any idea how hurtful that is for me to hear? You make it sound like we’re just friends. Friends like spending time with each other, we’re a couple, I need more than that.”
Zach opens his mouth to say something before he shuts his mouth and swallows uneasily.
“None of this makes sense to me, Zach. You don’t make any sense. You have no problems showing emotion like when you cried at Toy Story 3 the other week, or when you’re expressing your anger when one of your employees messes up, but when you have to verbalise your emotions and talk about it, you close up.”
“Not all of us where our fucking hearts on our sleeves,” Zach snaps, the statement sounding more vicious than he intended.
Chris’ jaw tightens. “I don’t know how many more times I can have this fight. I just, I’m exhausted. I’m emotionally drained from trying to persuade myself to stick with you because I love you and the hope that one day you’ll reciprocate those sentiments or sit down with me and ask me about my past or future. But you just talk about everything but us.”
Zach feels a stab of defensive anger. “You make it sound like I’m the only one at fault here in this relationship.”
Chris looks at him with wide eyes, like he’s wondering if Zach is serious. “You kidding? I would tell you anything you want to know.”
“I’m not talking about our feelings. I’m talking about the constant hissy fits you throw. I have to put up with every single one of them. And you know what? I always give in and indulge you even when I don’t want to because you wear me down.”
“You need to be pushed.”
“I don’t want to be fucking pushed!” Zach snaps loudly. “It’s not your call to make.” Noah gives a whine and retreats into another room.
Chris stares at him with a mixture of shock and sadness. “One of the things about a relationship is to challenge the other person.”
“Yeah, and you should know when to stop forcing me into stuff. I didn’t want to meet your parents formally and I didn’t want you in Pittsburgh but I keep giving in because I’m weak. I’m so tired of this, Chris.”
“You’re tired? Try being in a relationship with a guy who expresses his everything he feels through clothing designs instead of talking to his boyfriend.”
Zach balls his fists at his side, his emotions pummelling his body over and over again, and making him feel weary. He already knows what all this is leading to but he tries not to think about it as he takes a slow breath in and out. “You want to know why I don’t tell you stuff? Why I don’t ask you questions?”
“Because you’re scared of letting someone in?” Chris bites out, his eyes hard and confrontational.
“Because I don’t see the point.” Chris gives a frown. “Because I know we won’t last and there’s no point in me putting the effort into a relationship that I know has an expiry date on it.”
Chris takes a step back like he’s been punched, his eyes wide and upset.
“You looked shocked but considering at some point you were going to head over to LA to start ‘acting’ then it seems like you knew the same thing I did.”
Chris’ face transforms from hurt and shock to sad and accepting, like he’s just reached a conclusion in his mind and he’s admitting defeat. Zach feels panic flutter in his stomach.
“I would have stayed here for you. The fact that you don’t know that shows how little you think of me and know me. But I guess that’s the point, we don’t really know each other.”
Zach feels a horrible sense of desperation at the almost defeatist tone in Chris’ voice. “What are you talking about? I know that you’re allergic to certain types of fruit, I know you would go straight for Sandra Bullock, I know that even though you’re a model, you’re painfully insecure sometimes and that you sneak off to the gym, and I know that deep down, you don’t really want to be a model.”
Chris looks at him sadly. “That’s the thing; you know me. I have no idea who the hell you are.”
Chris turns, wraps his hand around his case’s handle and walks toward the door. Zach wants to move but something deep within him is forcing him to stay still, like their relationship just reached its inevitable conclusion and there’s no point in fighting. A part of him does desperately want to walk over to Chris, stop him, and beg him to forgive him. He also wants to yell at Chris about how he told him he would never just up and leave which is exactly what he’s about to do.
Chris opens the door and looks over at him, sadness clear in his blue eyes. There’s a moment where they stare at each other and Zach knows Chris is waiting for him to say something to stop him leaving.
Zach looks down and doesn’t say a word. A moment later he hears the door click shut and he looks up to discover he’s alone.
…
Zach barely sleeps for two nights, his mind going over and over the fight they had, analysing every word, every look. He keeps his phone on loud the whole time, waiting for a phone call that he knows won’t come. He keeps blaming himself, knowing it’s primarily his fault, and so to stop his self-loathing overwhelming him, he has to remind himself that Chris is flawed too and that he forced him into situations he wasn’t comfortable with.
On the third day he gets out of bed and pulls on his clothes without a thought at how rumpled and dishevelled he must look considering he hasn’t shaved or tried to make himself look presentable in the past few days. It’s strange that he’s so uncaring about what a mess he must look as he gets into his car and cuts off two taxis as he pulls out into the street in a daze, his body moving like it’s on autopilot.
He parks outside a large grey building, goes inside and walks up the steps one by one, his mind not really thinking ahead to what he’s doing or what he’s going to say as he eyes fix on the ‘23’ hanging on one of the doors he comes to. He lifts his hand and knocks, feeling exhausted and worn out emotionally.
The door opens and Sam’s eyes widen in surprise, no doubt both at him being there and his dishevelled appearance.
“Zach, err, hi.”
“Chris here?” Zach asks bluntly, his tone slow and bordering on emotionless.
Sam shifts, his eyes shooting down to his feet and avoiding Zach’s. “He left.”
“Where he’s staying now?” Zach asks, impatient and moody.
“He’s moved back home, back to LA.”
It takes a few seconds for the wheels in Zach’s brain to click into place and process the simple sentence. “He’s gone for good?”
Sam shrugs, leaning on the open door. “Yeah, think so. He seemed pretty torn up about you guys and I think he thought it’d be better for him to go home and get himself together. I’m really sorry, man.”
“Thanks,” Zach says quietly, turning and walking back down to his car, his brain slightly foggy as he gets in and sits there, not moving.
He’s not sure how long he stays there, the rest of the world blocked out as his eyes stare into nothing. He feels numb and completely detached as he attempts to put all his emotions into some order, trying to work out what’s happening and why. He tries to swallows the lump in his throat before resting his forehead on the top of the steering wheel and letting tears slide down his cheeks.
Part 7
Rating: R (NC-17 overall)
Pairing: Chris/Zach
Word count: 5222 (this part)
Warning: Language, fluff, angst.
AN: Can I just say a big thank you to everyone who’s been reading so far. You’re all so amazing and supportive.
Summary: Zach is a fashion designer and Chris is a male model that he takes an interest in.
Previous parts: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5
Part 6
“Oh my word, I thought you died in a fiery plane crash,” his mom says as she stands in the hallway as Zach pulls their bags into his mom’s house, the carpet the same since he was born and the familiar smell making him smile. He’s pleased for the warmth considering how cold it is outside and he can hear Chris made a shivering sound behind him as he comes in behind him with his own case and shuts the door.
“Always the dramatic, we all know where I get it from,” Zach says with a smile as he dumps his bag in the middle of the foyer, kissing his mom’s cheek quickly. He can hear Chris shifting anxiously behind him and turns, feeling nervous himself. “Mom, this is Chris.”
His mom’s eyes light up like she’s just been given the biggest present in the world and her arms fly open as she goes to hug Chris warmly, Chris hugging back with a smile.
“Thank you for having me Mrs Quinto,” Chris says politely when Margo pulls away.
“Mrs Quinto? No, none of that. Call me Margo. Oh my goodness, you need to be fed, look at you. I bet the airplane food was awful, you want me to make you some spaghetti and meatballs? I make a wonderful homemade cheese pasta bake with tomato sauce if I do say so myself. I’m good with Italian food thanks to marrying into an Italian family and then raising two boys.”
Chris outright grins at the idea of food, and nods eagerly.
“Mom, he’s a model, he can’t eat stuff like that,” Zach says. Chris opens his mouth in shock and disappointment.
“Yes, yes, I can. Whatever you have would be great.”
Margo tuts at her youngest son and shakes her head. “All I read about these days are these models starving themselves and it breaks my heart. Come on into the kitchen and I’ll rustle some food up for you,” Margo says to Chris who is beaming.
Chris falls into step with Zach as they walk down the hallway. “I love her, and if you try to Italian food block me again, I will eat you.”
Zach just rolls his eyes as they walk into the kitchen and sit down at the small table at one end of the room as his mom moves around grabbing pots and pans.
“You know, when Zach was younger, he’d eat and eat and eat, but ever since college, he looks at my food like it’s a big pile of lard.”
“You don’t even use low fat cheese, Mom. Do you realise the cardio involved in working off one of your meals?” Zach says, shaking his head.
Margo turns around and rolls her eyes at him. “I’m pleased you have a big appetite,” she says to Chris, her eyes twinkling.
“He’ll eat anything,” Zach says dismissively.
“Except the crap you keep in your fridge.”
“It’s healthy,” Zach says defensively.
“It’s boring. Sometimes I just want to go through an entire bag of chips in one go.”
Zach stares at him like he’s stupid. “Do you have any idea how much trans fat there are in chips? You’d be all wobbly and gross and then who would hire you?”
Margo swats him over the head with the back of an oven mitt. “Let Chris eat whatever he wants. You’re obviously starving the poor child.”
Chris nods with a pout like he’s a tragic victim of Zach’s lifestyle. Zach scowls at him.
Once Margo has got everything cooking, she turns to Chris with intent and uses her hands to signal for him to get up. “Let me have a look at you.”
Chris stands, towering over her, and looking a little anxious under her appraising gaze. Margo finally turns, giving Zach a pleased smile before going over to the pan of pasta. Chris looks a little aimless, clearly not sure if he should sit down or not, but decides he probably can since the inspection is over.
“When’s Joe arriving?” Zach asks, running his hand over the table cloth.
“Tomorrow morning,” Margo answers. “Chris, dear, how cheesy do you like your pasta?”
“Enough to make Zach worry if the smell is going to give him calories and make him fat,” Chris says with a wink in Zach’s direction.
Margo smiles. “Zach, he’s a growing boy, you have to feed him like one.”
“He’s 23, Mom. He’s done his growing, and anything extra, is just fat.”
Later, when Chris is tucking into a portion of pasta big enough for three families, Zach coughs “thighs” and receives an unimpressed look from both his mother and Chris.
…
Zach walks downstairs following a refreshing shower, after wanting to get clean from the flight, and heads into the living room to stop in his tracks, his eyes flying wide. Chris is sitting closely next to his mom on one of the couches, both of them bent over what looks like a photo album. All that goes through Zach’s mind is ‘no’ on repeat.
“Oh, this is a picture of when he was having a bath,” Margo says loudly, pointing to a square image on the page.
“Put that away now,” Zach bites out.
Chris shoots him a quick look and smirks. “You were so adorable. Look at your cheeks and your teeny penis,” Chris says as Margo looks up at him affectionately.
“Didn’t you want a shower, Chris?” Zach says pointedly. Chris waves him off, his fingers going to turn the page.
“Oh, this one is during a time when he insisted on not wearing pants. One of those kids things, I guess. He didn’t mind wearing a top though, just pants.”
Zach feels his fists curl as he tries to not stamp his feet and moan like he’s a child again.
“This one is when he dressed up in his Sunday best for mass. He insisted on wearing a flower in his hair, it was adorable.” Margo looks up at Chris. “Do you ever attend church?”
It’s a casual question but Zach can hear his mom’s genuine curiosity. Zach holds his breath, not knowing if they have religion in the Pine household.
“Not really, I go to the odd mass with friends but my mom is Jewish.”
Zach inwardly groans as his mother looks over at him like she’s two heartbeats away from planning their civil union right then and there. She schools her face before turning to Chris. “Oh, that’s good. I’m pleased you attend mass some times. It’s important.”
“I better go shower,” Chris says, standing up and giving Margo a quick smile before pressing a kiss to Zach’s cheek and heading up the stairs, the floorboards creaking and groaning.
Zach walks over and sits next his mom as she shuts the photo album with a snap and puts it on the table in front of her. He sits there for a moment in silence, for some reason overly nervous and anxious to hear his mom’s verdict on Chris. A part of him is craving the reassurance that bringing him here wasn’t a giant mistake.
“He’s wonderful,” his mom suddenly says and reaches over to grab his hand like she understands his nerves. “He is. I knew you wouldn’t bring home anyone who wasn’t worthy of you. He’s lovely.”
Zach feels like a weight is off his shoulders and he squeezes his mom’s hand gently. “Yeah, he’s really great.”
“I’m so pleased you brought him. I mean that.”
“He kind of invited himself.”
“I know you. Deep down, if you didn’t want him here, he wouldn’t be here.” His mom takes a deep breath. “And Zach, even though you two are in the same room together, I expect you to respect this house.”
“Yeah, don’t worry,” Zach says quickly, having flashbacks to when he was a teenager and his mom would say the same thing if anyone stayed over.
“I am so proud of you,” Margo says quietly, giving his hand a squeeze. “And I don’t mean about your career, which you know I’m proud of, but for you finally deciding to find someone you want to spend a long time with. I know you’re not old by a long shot, but it’s been so long since there’s been anybody really special in your life. This is so good for you. Make sure you take good care of him, he seems like he’s the sensitive type.”
Zach just looks down at his lap, a sinking feeling settling in his stomach.
After talking to his mom for a while, he decides he’s tired and heads up to bed early. He walks into his room to find Chris in only his boxer shorts inspecting his CD rack.
“Zach?” Chris asks, not looking in his direction as he bends over further to look at all the CDs. Zach bites his lip at the appealing visual he’s getting.
“Yeah,” Zach says, pulling off his top.
“Why do you have three copies of the Phantom of the Opera cast recording?”
Zach blushes. “I went through a phase.”
“Of buying three copies of the same CD?” Chris looks over at him with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.
Zach rolls his eyes. “I bought three because I thought that if one got scratched and I lost another, I’d still have a copy.”
Chris laughs and walks over to him. “I bet you were the cutest teenager ever with your Phantom obsession.”
Zach smiles and slides his arms around Chris’ waist and kissed him slowly. “I dressed as the Phantom for Halloween one year but none of my friends would dress as Christine.”
Chris grins up at him. “I would have in a heartbeat.”
Zach just chuckles and leans in to start kissing Chris more deeply and with far more intent. Zach slides his hand down Chris’ bare chest and into his boxer shorts, wrapping his hand around Chris’ soft dick and giving it an affectionate squeeze. Chris grabs his hand and pulls it out of his boxers and shoves him away.
“We are not having sex,” Chris scolds, looking stern.
Zach lets out a huff as Chris walks around to the other side of the bed and gets in. “Yeah, yeah. I told my mom we wouldn’t anyway.” Zach gets in his side and looks at Chris thoughtfully. “How about just some over the underwear action?”
“No.”
“What if I jerk you off while we’re both half asleep?”
“No.”
“What if my dick accidentally slips into your ass and-”
“No,” Chris snaps before giggling. “How would your dick accidentally slip into my ass anyway?”
“Turn over and I’ll show you.”
Chris laughs loudly before covering his mouth, trying to keep quiet. “I’m going to sleep now. No molesting me.”
There’s a beat of silence before Zach sighs loudly. “Fine.”
…
Joe arrives the next day and throws his arms around Chris like he’s his brother too, and it sends a look of joy across Margo’s face that makes Zach feel all warm inside knowing that he’s doing something that’s causing his mom such happiness.
“Looking hot,” Joe jokes, giving Chris’ ass a playful slap.
“As are you. You know I have a thing for Quinto men,” Chris says with a suggestive eyebrow waggle, his body leaning into Joe’s.
Zach walks up to them and wraps a strong arm around Chris’ waist, finding the sudden burst of possessiveness a surprise and a bit disconcerting. He catches a look of amusement playing across his mom’s face and drops his arm immediately like he’s been caught, and embraces his brother in a quick hug instead.
“Good flight?” Zach asks.
“Meh, it was alright.” Joe then turns to Margo with a small pout. “Mommy, I’m hungry.”
Chris all out laughs, and Zach smiles at the way his brother turns into a big momma’s boy the second he’s in the house.
“You sit down, I’ll cook you some breakfast,” Margo says, patting his shoulder. “Chris, I was thinking of doing some eggs, bacon, pancakes, is that alright?”
“Sounds awesome,” Chris says eagerly. “You need any help?”
“No, honey, sit down. Zach, what do you want?”
“You have any low fat yoghurt?” Zach asks, heading for the fridge.
“As your breakfast?” Margo says, sounding disapproving as she leans past Zach to grab the ingredients from the fridge. “I wish you’d eat a proper meal.”
“I’ll eat properly later for Thanksgiving meal,” Zach says in defence. His mom lets out an irritated huff and starts cracking eggs.
“Oh by the way, I saw you both in a magazine the other day as one of the most stylish couples,” Margo comments as she gets out a pan.
Zach smirks as he takes a small yoghurt from the fridge and goes to sit next to Chris. “We were, and why was that Christopher?”
“I hate it when you use my full name,” Chris says before Zach raises an expectant eyebrow, waiting for his question to be answered. Chris sighs. “Because you dressed me and made sure my ‘god-awful’ cardigans and ‘horrific’ shoes were no where to be seen.”
“Exactly,” Zach says with a self-satisfied grin.
Joe lets out a laugh. “I remember when Zach was 16 and he would actually go into my room and throw out clothes that he thought were an offence against fashion.”
Chris smiles and reaches for Zach’s hand, entwining their fingers together.
…
“What did you do after Berkeley?” Margo asks, lifting some potatoes on to her plate with a large spoon as they sit around the table eating Thanksgiving meal.
“Well, I worked out pretty quickly the actor thing wasn’t going to happen. I did try really hard, but I just didn’t have enough contacts. One of my mom’s friends said I should try modelling, so I got a portfolio together and headed to New York. I’d only been there a month before I met Zach and my career really took off.”
“So, you’re not thinking about getting back into acting?”
Chris shrugs, piling his plate full of vegetables. “Maybe at some point, but I’ll probably head back to LA for that considering that’s the place to really get your feet off the ground in the industry, you know?”
Zach feels an uncomfortable pang in his stomach at that, but tries to ignore it as he takes the potatoes from his mom and puts a few on his plate.
“So, you don’t see yourself living in New York long term?” Margo asks as casually as she can, but Zach can hear the genuine concern in her tone on his behalf. Zach almost feels like this is the type of conversation he and Chris should have alone at some point in the distant future, and not be discussing during a meal.
Chris gives Zach an uncomfortable look before looking at Margo. “Probably not. I love the city, but the west coast is my true home.”
Joe gives him a quick look too and Zach clears his throat. “You never mentioned that,” Zach comments as casually as he can.
Chris shrugs before leaning across the table for gravy. “You never asked. And anyway, that’d be a long time in the future. It’s not really relevant at the moment.”
A strange, awkward kind of tension settles over them as they eat quietly. Zach feels uneasy, not because of the tension, but because he never realised how little he asked Chris about his future and it’s definitely an unpleasant surprise to find out that Chris intends to go back to California.
“How are you liking New York?” Margo asks quickly, like the silence has gone on one second too long.
Chris swallows his mouthful and smiles. “Yeah, it’s really great.”
“Find a lot of things to do?”
“Yeah, although I actually prefer to just sit in a quiet room and read, which doesn’t seem to be a popular pastime in the fashion industry.”
“I didn’t know that,” Zach says, frowning in confusion. He knew Chris liked to read the odd book but he would never have classed it as ranking at number one in Chris’ preferred activities.
“What did you think I did when you were at work and my arm was broken? I went to the public library a lot.” He turns toward Margo and smiles. “I love historical English literature. I did a lot of essays and work in college on specific periods in English history because they’re literature goes back so much further than ours, and I find it truly fascinating to understand the norms and mores of the times and how they shaped the society we see today.”
Zach stares at him like he’s seeing him for the first time. It’s not that they don’t talk about books sometimes, but it’s the way Chris is talking about it with such passion and enthusiasm which takes Zach off guard.
As the meal ends and the evening drags on, Margo asks Zach questions about his work and how it’s going, which he tries to reply with one word answers where possible, his mind still thinking about how little he asks Chris about his future and what he’s truly passionate about.
Chris talks to Margo animatedly the whole time about what he wants to get out of life, his views on how models are treated and his opinions on recent news stories and the political situation in many African countries. The more he talks, the less Zach feels like he actually knows him.
Zach gets the distinct impression Chris is feeling the same way, but isn’t showing it due to not wanting to be rude to Margo. Joe tells stories about when Zach crashed his car, got his eyebrow pierced, and about how his college boyfriend had insisted on him getting rid of his hats which had led to Zach splitting up with him. Chris had let out forced laughs during the storytelling like he was somewhere between happy because he was hearing the stories, and sad that Zach had never divulged any of this himself.
By the time they all head to bed, Zach feels in a worse mood than he did at dinner and he knows they’ve all noticed, especially Chris who making a frowny face in his direction any time Zach tries to answer someone’s question with a shrug.
“What is going on?” Chris asks as he pulls off his shirt when they’re in their bedroom getting ready for bed.
“What you talking about?”
“Don’t give me that. Have I said something or done something to upset you? Is it about the moving back to LA thing?”
Zach shrugs, and Chris’ jaw tightens at the action. “Sorry. I don’t know, I mean I know quite a lot of stuff about you but I didn’t realise you intended to go back to LA at some point or restart your acting career. We don’t seem to talk about stuff like that.”
Chris crawls onto the bed and crosses his legs. “Zach, you know that if you ever wanted to ask me questions about where I want to be in the future or what I want to be doing, I would tell you in an instant, but you never seem to want to know.”
Zach sighs. “You want me to ask questions about things like that?”
“Yes, because if you ask me serious questions, then I get to ask you serious questions. Unfortunately, that’s probably the reason you try not to ask me anything, because then you’ll be open for me to delve into your inner thoughts, and heaven forbid we have a real discussion about where this relationship is going.” Chris sounds suddenly irritated, like Zach’s brought up something that’s been silently bugging him for a while.
“I don’t see why we need to talk about that stuff.”
“Maybe you don’t, but I do.”
Zach pinches the bridge of his nose in silent frustration, his body on edge and unsettled. “What is it you want me to say here, Chris?”
“I don’t know. Something real and honest for once. Hell, I’ll even settle for you just telling me you love me.”
Zach feels his heart start beating faster and his palms go a little sweaty. He wonders how that’s ‘settling’ exactly considering what a massive step it is. Zach looks down at his feet and shakes his head. “I can’t.”
Chris purses his lips and stands up, walking out of their bedroom and down to the bathroom without a word. When Chris comes back he doesn’t even look at him as he climbs in under the covers and shuts his bedside light off, plunging them into darkness.
…
It seems like the calm before they storm as they sit together on the flight home, Chris with a thick book in one hand and a drink in the other. Zach knows Chris isn’t reading it considering it’s been over 15 minutes since he turned a page. Zach glances at him from the corner of his eye.
“You alright?”
“Sure,” Chris answers without looking up.
It’s the only interaction they have the whole flight and when they finally walk into Zach’s apartment, Noah greeting them eagerly and loudly, Zach just waits for Chris to snap.
Zach turns to find Chris hovering just inside the doorway, looking thoughtful and troubled as he looks down at his case and to the apartment.
“You coming in?” Zach asks, unnerved by the look of contemplation in Chris’ eyes and what it means.
Chris looks up at him, his eyes deep and sorrowful. “Do you want me to?”
“Yes,” Zach says with certainty.
Chris still looks unsure, but he walks in anyway, shutting the door behind him and leaning down to give Noah some much needed attention as he barks once at him.
“We going to do this, then?” Chris asks, folding his arms across his chest, his body defensive like he’s preparing for the inevitable fight.
“I don’t want to fight with you.”
“Neither do I, but we need to do something to get everything out because however much I keep thinking to myself that I’m happy with the way things are, I’m really not, Zach. I need you to tell me how you feel. What happened back in Pittsburgh, you should already know all the stuff I told your mom, you should know all of it. You’ve never bothered to take the time to really talk to me.” Chris looks helpless and he walks over to Zach, eyes pleasing and hopeful. “Do you love me?”
Zach feels the weight of the question settle over him uncomfortably and he knows that his answer to this question will pretty much determine how the rest of their conversation will go. He wants to say yes so badly, but the fear he feels associated with admitting it and the fact it’ll make him vulnerable force him to lie. “I… no. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about you though, because I do.”
Chris looks completely heartbroken and Zach can’t bear to look at him, those emotional blue eyes becoming shiny. “Then why are you with me?”
“Because I like spending time with you.” Zach knows it sounds lame considering how serious their relationship has become but it’s the only thing he can think of saying.
“Spending time with me?” Chris repeats, his voice cracking at the end. “Do you have any idea how hurtful that is for me to hear? You make it sound like we’re just friends. Friends like spending time with each other, we’re a couple, I need more than that.”
Zach opens his mouth to say something before he shuts his mouth and swallows uneasily.
“None of this makes sense to me, Zach. You don’t make any sense. You have no problems showing emotion like when you cried at Toy Story 3 the other week, or when you’re expressing your anger when one of your employees messes up, but when you have to verbalise your emotions and talk about it, you close up.”
“Not all of us where our fucking hearts on our sleeves,” Zach snaps, the statement sounding more vicious than he intended.
Chris’ jaw tightens. “I don’t know how many more times I can have this fight. I just, I’m exhausted. I’m emotionally drained from trying to persuade myself to stick with you because I love you and the hope that one day you’ll reciprocate those sentiments or sit down with me and ask me about my past or future. But you just talk about everything but us.”
Zach feels a stab of defensive anger. “You make it sound like I’m the only one at fault here in this relationship.”
Chris looks at him with wide eyes, like he’s wondering if Zach is serious. “You kidding? I would tell you anything you want to know.”
“I’m not talking about our feelings. I’m talking about the constant hissy fits you throw. I have to put up with every single one of them. And you know what? I always give in and indulge you even when I don’t want to because you wear me down.”
“You need to be pushed.”
“I don’t want to be fucking pushed!” Zach snaps loudly. “It’s not your call to make.” Noah gives a whine and retreats into another room.
Chris stares at him with a mixture of shock and sadness. “One of the things about a relationship is to challenge the other person.”
“Yeah, and you should know when to stop forcing me into stuff. I didn’t want to meet your parents formally and I didn’t want you in Pittsburgh but I keep giving in because I’m weak. I’m so tired of this, Chris.”
“You’re tired? Try being in a relationship with a guy who expresses his everything he feels through clothing designs instead of talking to his boyfriend.”
Zach balls his fists at his side, his emotions pummelling his body over and over again, and making him feel weary. He already knows what all this is leading to but he tries not to think about it as he takes a slow breath in and out. “You want to know why I don’t tell you stuff? Why I don’t ask you questions?”
“Because you’re scared of letting someone in?” Chris bites out, his eyes hard and confrontational.
“Because I don’t see the point.” Chris gives a frown. “Because I know we won’t last and there’s no point in me putting the effort into a relationship that I know has an expiry date on it.”
Chris takes a step back like he’s been punched, his eyes wide and upset.
“You looked shocked but considering at some point you were going to head over to LA to start ‘acting’ then it seems like you knew the same thing I did.”
Chris’ face transforms from hurt and shock to sad and accepting, like he’s just reached a conclusion in his mind and he’s admitting defeat. Zach feels panic flutter in his stomach.
“I would have stayed here for you. The fact that you don’t know that shows how little you think of me and know me. But I guess that’s the point, we don’t really know each other.”
Zach feels a horrible sense of desperation at the almost defeatist tone in Chris’ voice. “What are you talking about? I know that you’re allergic to certain types of fruit, I know you would go straight for Sandra Bullock, I know that even though you’re a model, you’re painfully insecure sometimes and that you sneak off to the gym, and I know that deep down, you don’t really want to be a model.”
Chris looks at him sadly. “That’s the thing; you know me. I have no idea who the hell you are.”
Chris turns, wraps his hand around his case’s handle and walks toward the door. Zach wants to move but something deep within him is forcing him to stay still, like their relationship just reached its inevitable conclusion and there’s no point in fighting. A part of him does desperately want to walk over to Chris, stop him, and beg him to forgive him. He also wants to yell at Chris about how he told him he would never just up and leave which is exactly what he’s about to do.
Chris opens the door and looks over at him, sadness clear in his blue eyes. There’s a moment where they stare at each other and Zach knows Chris is waiting for him to say something to stop him leaving.
Zach looks down and doesn’t say a word. A moment later he hears the door click shut and he looks up to discover he’s alone.
…
Zach barely sleeps for two nights, his mind going over and over the fight they had, analysing every word, every look. He keeps his phone on loud the whole time, waiting for a phone call that he knows won’t come. He keeps blaming himself, knowing it’s primarily his fault, and so to stop his self-loathing overwhelming him, he has to remind himself that Chris is flawed too and that he forced him into situations he wasn’t comfortable with.
On the third day he gets out of bed and pulls on his clothes without a thought at how rumpled and dishevelled he must look considering he hasn’t shaved or tried to make himself look presentable in the past few days. It’s strange that he’s so uncaring about what a mess he must look as he gets into his car and cuts off two taxis as he pulls out into the street in a daze, his body moving like it’s on autopilot.
He parks outside a large grey building, goes inside and walks up the steps one by one, his mind not really thinking ahead to what he’s doing or what he’s going to say as he eyes fix on the ‘23’ hanging on one of the doors he comes to. He lifts his hand and knocks, feeling exhausted and worn out emotionally.
The door opens and Sam’s eyes widen in surprise, no doubt both at him being there and his dishevelled appearance.
“Zach, err, hi.”
“Chris here?” Zach asks bluntly, his tone slow and bordering on emotionless.
Sam shifts, his eyes shooting down to his feet and avoiding Zach’s. “He left.”
“Where he’s staying now?” Zach asks, impatient and moody.
“He’s moved back home, back to LA.”
It takes a few seconds for the wheels in Zach’s brain to click into place and process the simple sentence. “He’s gone for good?”
Sam shrugs, leaning on the open door. “Yeah, think so. He seemed pretty torn up about you guys and I think he thought it’d be better for him to go home and get himself together. I’m really sorry, man.”
“Thanks,” Zach says quietly, turning and walking back down to his car, his brain slightly foggy as he gets in and sits there, not moving.
He’s not sure how long he stays there, the rest of the world blocked out as his eyes stare into nothing. He feels numb and completely detached as he attempts to put all his emotions into some order, trying to work out what’s happening and why. He tries to swallows the lump in his throat before resting his forehead on the top of the steering wheel and letting tears slide down his cheeks.
Part 7