Rambles
I’m feeling very frustrated right now and I hate when my emotions get like this.
The worst part is I feel I cant go talk to the people involved.
If I bottle the feelings up I’m left unhappy. If I try to talk to the people involved then they are unhappy.
I don’t want to be viewed as being fussy, or a jerk, or being overly emotional. However at the same time I feel I have a right to voice my opinions and I would hope my friends are willing to listen.
But lately I’m scared to go to most of them. They hate any sort of complaining and hey I don’t blame them I tend to turn away from drama too. Unless of course it’s one of my friends, then the least I can do is listen. Then I will try my best to console them or fix the problem if it is within my power. I will try to give it at least one try.
Anyways I’m not sure whats going on but I defiantly am starting to feel unwanted.
There was some weird situation a while ago where I was feeling uncomfortable and voiced that opinion. The reaction I got to that was not well received. I was honestly surprised by this reaction and not wanting it to get crazy I immediately apologized. This didn’t seem to get any better so I removed myself from the situation thinking I was making it worse.
Sense then I’ve had little to no contact. It’s really upsetting because I use to talk to these people on almost a daily basis.
I finally worked up the nerve to approach someone because nothing was getting better.
While I appreciate the fact that someone was taking the time to listen I was still left with a bad feeling by the end of the conversation. Though it seemed like a healthy conversation it felt more like I was talking to a stranger and not a friend. It didn’t seem like anything was resolved. I wasn’t invited back into the group chat. I wasn’t told why everyone got so mad. And by the end of it I was even told about something I had to improve upon. Maybe I’m too greedy? Normally when I’m trying to make up with someone theres a more personal feeling to it and by the end of it we are course friends again. Like maybe we change the subject and talk like we use to or at least have a good laugh at the end. Your left with a feeling of things are going to be ok.
Though this all left me feeling just as empty as the past week I decided not to argue, that maybe everything was my fault and yes I should try harder to be a better person. So I attempted to swallow my personal feelings and just “nod my head”.
Well I feel I’ve made an honest attempt. I have sat in the chat almost every day and poked around for people to interact with. It looks like rp will get going only if there is a group and only if certain people are involved in that group. But I can’t shake this feeling I’m not wanted. Why wont you rp with me? Why will you only rp with those people? Why wont you contact me? Why am I not invited back into group chats? Have I not been forgiven? Were my feelings really so irritating?
I’m really unhappy at the moment and I’m to the point were maybe the only thing to do is disconnect. Maybe I need to delete everything and walk away. I am incredibly affected by people around me, which is why I don’t like drama.
It’s a double edge sword. If I complain I feel I will be rejected or accused again of not trying. Why is it all on me though? Why do I have to be the only one to try? If these are real friendships why do I have to make the first second and third step? How am I to believe people want me around or want me to play when I’m not approached, but I have to make the move and I still get no reactions?
I’m sure these people don’t mean to upset me… but I don’t know what to do.
The worst part is I feel I cant go talk to the people involved.
If I bottle the feelings up I’m left unhappy. If I try to talk to the people involved then they are unhappy.
I don’t want to be viewed as being fussy, or a jerk, or being overly emotional. However at the same time I feel I have a right to voice my opinions and I would hope my friends are willing to listen.
But lately I’m scared to go to most of them. They hate any sort of complaining and hey I don’t blame them I tend to turn away from drama too. Unless of course it’s one of my friends, then the least I can do is listen. Then I will try my best to console them or fix the problem if it is within my power. I will try to give it at least one try.
Anyways I’m not sure whats going on but I defiantly am starting to feel unwanted.
There was some weird situation a while ago where I was feeling uncomfortable and voiced that opinion. The reaction I got to that was not well received. I was honestly surprised by this reaction and not wanting it to get crazy I immediately apologized. This didn’t seem to get any better so I removed myself from the situation thinking I was making it worse.
Sense then I’ve had little to no contact. It’s really upsetting because I use to talk to these people on almost a daily basis.
I finally worked up the nerve to approach someone because nothing was getting better.
While I appreciate the fact that someone was taking the time to listen I was still left with a bad feeling by the end of the conversation. Though it seemed like a healthy conversation it felt more like I was talking to a stranger and not a friend. It didn’t seem like anything was resolved. I wasn’t invited back into the group chat. I wasn’t told why everyone got so mad. And by the end of it I was even told about something I had to improve upon. Maybe I’m too greedy? Normally when I’m trying to make up with someone theres a more personal feeling to it and by the end of it we are course friends again. Like maybe we change the subject and talk like we use to or at least have a good laugh at the end. Your left with a feeling of things are going to be ok.
Though this all left me feeling just as empty as the past week I decided not to argue, that maybe everything was my fault and yes I should try harder to be a better person. So I attempted to swallow my personal feelings and just “nod my head”.
Well I feel I’ve made an honest attempt. I have sat in the chat almost every day and poked around for people to interact with. It looks like rp will get going only if there is a group and only if certain people are involved in that group. But I can’t shake this feeling I’m not wanted. Why wont you rp with me? Why will you only rp with those people? Why wont you contact me? Why am I not invited back into group chats? Have I not been forgiven? Were my feelings really so irritating?
I’m really unhappy at the moment and I’m to the point were maybe the only thing to do is disconnect. Maybe I need to delete everything and walk away. I am incredibly affected by people around me, which is why I don’t like drama.
It’s a double edge sword. If I complain I feel I will be rejected or accused again of not trying. Why is it all on me though? Why do I have to be the only one to try? If these are real friendships why do I have to make the first second and third step? How am I to believe people want me around or want me to play when I’m not approached, but I have to make the move and I still get no reactions?
I’m sure these people don’t mean to upset me… but I don’t know what to do.