[Gintama] Love's Redemption
Title: Love's Redemption
Rating: G for this chapter
Genre: drama/romance/angst/humor
Pairing: HijiOki
Chapter: 4/?
Summary: In order to gain forgiveness and erase his own guilt Hijikata made an agreement with Okita who was still blaming him for Mitsuba's death. He expected pain, humiliation, even death. But Hijikata never expected love.
chapter 1 ~ chapter 2 ~ chapter 3 ~ chapter 4
A/N: Sorry to those who’ve waited! Hope this is good enough to make up for my mistake…
Disclaimer: Gintama does NOT belong to me.
Chapter 5
Okita didn’t approach him anymore since that last argument. Hijikata should feel more relaxed now without the burden of their little agreement but he wasn’t at ease at all. It’s stupid to think that Okita was done with his revenge -Hijikata knew it would never end. Maybe he’s plotting something more sinister now, something more painful and the strange thing was that this thought exactly was what comfort Hijikata.
Hijikata waited and waited for Okita’s next scheme in punishment. He waited for another murder attempt from the boy but nothing happened. Hijikata’s life hadn’t been so peaceful since he met Okita. It’s so peaceful in fact, that it was unnatural. Okita always tried to harm him, he always found a way to try to eliminate him. Or was this silence his form of torture? If indeed it was, why did it work so well?
“Are you fighting with Sougo?” Kondou asked, startling Hijikata from his daydream. Hijikata glanced at the man sitting next to him on the porch. Any other time, he would’ve been able to sense Kondou before he got so near but it seemed like his thoughts had dulled his senses. “How rare.”
“Aren’t we always fighting?” Hijikata replied with as much nonchalance as he could muster, lighting up a new stick of cigarette as he had let his previous one burnt away.
Kondou gave him a knowing look, fitting the respected and beloved leader of Shinsengumi. “He always tried to kill you.” He said as if it was supposed to mean something else entirely. When Hijikata refused to acknowledge his point, he continued. “He never ignored you like this.”
So it’s come to a point where others could see it, too. Hijikata frowned, trying to find an excuse. “It’s more peaceful this way.” He said gruffly.
Kondou chuckled. “You don’t seem very happy with this peacefulness.”
Thankfully Kondou didn’t try to probe further and sent him to patrol the city instead. Work could be the key to make him forget his troubles and return him to the regular, boring life he once had. Hijikata’s hope to distract himself by working disappeared when he found out that he had been assigned to patrol the city with Okita. As their car left the compound, he threw one last glare at a grinning Kondou. He could already tell that it wouldn’t end well but was unable to do anything about it.
Even in private, Okita was still unwilling to talk to him. He looked outside all the time, looking as bored as usual. Hijikata knew better than to think that Okita’s silence meant his mind was idle but the ignorance upset him. Okita wasn’t being himself and Hijikata knew for sure it was because of him.
Hijikata’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. He wanted to bash Okita’s head to wring a response from the boy but he knew violence would only make things worse between them. Unfortunately he wasn’t good at starting conversation or solving personal conflicts. It was too much to expect Okita to forgive and forget Hijikata’s mistake, but he could at least find a solution to the tension between them. How should he approach Okita to make him talk about whatever it was he’s going through?
“Kondou-san is worried about you.” Hijikata finally said, covering his embarrassment with grumpiness perfectly. His cigarette helped calm his nerves slightly but he could feel his limbs trying to betray his apprehension.
For the first time since a long while, Hijikata’s presence was finally acknowledged. Okita turned away from the window but still didn’t look at Hijikata. “There’s nothing to be worried about.” He said calmly though Hijikata had the impression that he was being a sulking little boy.
Hijikata gritted his teeth, forcing his next words out. “We know it’s not true.”
“Oh, really?” Okita said in a mocking tone that clearly reflected his doubt of Hijikata’s concern.
“What are you trying to say?” Hijikata asked defensively. In hindsight it’s probably not the best approach to the situation but there was no way to take those words back.
“Nothing.” Okita said, looking out again. Hijikata knew that he’s going to be silent again if he didn’t do anything.
“If you have something to say to me, then say it!”
Okita’s glace was the coldest Hijikata has ever received. Okita had often looked at him with contempt, anger, or disrespect but he’d never looked at Hijikata as if the man didn’t matter in his life at all. “I have nothing to say.” He said.
Fury burnt his veins, almost making him lose control right then and there. Hijikata made a sudden turn to the right, causing the cars behind them to honk their horns angrily, and stopped at a darkened alley. This wasn’t a conversation to be had while driving. He turned to face Okita who was looking back at him with his usual non-expression. The attention did relief a little of Hijikata’s anger but failed to completely put it off.
“Trying to kill civilians? You should....”
“What do you want me to say?” Hijikata interrupted him angrily.
Okita tilted his head as he feigned innocence. Hijikata couldn’t be fooled, he could see anger in Okita’s eyes. “What do you want to say, Hijikata-san?” Okita asked in mock-politeness.
“You…” Hijikata stopped himself before he lost his temper. Yelling at Okita wouldn’t solve the problem, if anything it would only make matter worse. Okita might’ve expected him to get angry so he shouldn’t fall into this trap. Hijikata took a deep breath and chose his next words carefully. “I don’t know what I’ve done wrong but I’m sorry.”
“Why should you feel sorry for something you don’t know?”
Okita wouldn’t make this easy, would he? “Then let me know what I’ve done wrong so I can apologize properly.” He stopped, searching for an answer in Okita’s face. “Is this about Karin?” Did Okita like her?
Okita’s eyes flashed with something cold when he mentioned Karin’s name. “Oh, yes. I think you owe me a thank you for helping you lose your virginity in such a pleasurable way.”
Hijikata flushed in embarrassment. He had no doubt that Okita had heard him that night since their rooms were next to each other. The memory of that night returned to him. It had been enjoyable, that much was true. But it was also humiliating. “Stop joking around! And stop talking about her like that!”
Instead of replying, Okita turned away from him and made to undo his safety belt. Hijikata immediately held his hand to stop him. He wasn’t going to let Okita leave this conversation unfinished. “Please remove your hand and die, Hijikata-san.” Okita said in a bored tone he often adopted in the past. It occurred to Hijikata that he hadn’t been subjected to that tone for a long while -Okita had been cruel but not indifferent to him like this since their little agreement. Was Okita going to revert back to the way he used to be? Hijikata hesitated. Should he let Okita be or should he continue his attempt to resolve the strange tension between them?
When Okita attempted to resume undoing his safety belt again, Hijikata’s attention returned. He held Okita’s hand tighter and leaned closer as much as possible with his own safety belt still strapped around his body. “Sougo, listen to me!” He demanded. Hijikata took a deep breath to calm himself when Okita ceased his struggle for the time being. “I’m sorry. I still don’t know what I’ve done wrong but I’m really sorry.” The apology still tasted strange on his tongue. He was unaccustomed to apologies but he figured he was willing to do almost anything to fix this situation. “Let me make it up to you.” He raked his brain for inspiration. A glance at Okita’s beloved bazooka reminded him that the most effective way to stop the boy’s anger was by offering his life. Hijikata shook his head slightly -there should be another way. “There’s a festival next Saturday, let’s go there.”
“I imagine we will go there to guard the event anyway.” Okita said dryly, unimpressed by Hijikata’s offer.
“It’s a small festival, our help would be unneeded.” Even if their presences were required, he’d try to talk Kondou into giving them a day off. Kondou would probably be curious and start asking questions and Hijikata would have to find a way to avoid the truth. He was nervous but he also didn’t want to let this chance escape. “So what do you think?” Hijikata asked, doubt creeping into his voice.
The time Okita took to consider seemed to last too long. Hijikata began to consider persuading the boy further but Okita made his decision finally. “Why not?” Okita replied with a shrug.
Hijikata released the breath he wasn’t aware of holding. “All right.” He said, leaning back to his seat and gripping the steering wheels tightly. He eyed the empty street ahead blankly, his mind still unable to comprehend what he had just gotten himself into. “All right. All right.”
*
Hijikata was nervous. It was the first time he ever initiated a date with Okita. In the past, Okita had always been the one who demanded to go to dates. Hijikata honestly had no idea of what he was doing. His knowledge in dating was limited to what he had seen in dramas but he hoped that cliché would work for once.
Thankfully Kondou didn’t think their help was necessary and let them have a day off. It didn’t mean that there would be no Shinsegumi member in the festival though. Hijikata wasn’t sure he wanted to be seen with Okita but it might worth the risk. Okita seemed to like festivals. Hopefully by bringing him to one, Hijikata would be forgiven.
“Sougo, are you ready?” Hijikata called out from outside Okita’s room. He was worried that Okita might change his mind at the last minute but the boy seemed to still be in his room.
The sound of the door sliding open drew Hijikata’s attention. Okita stared at him calmly, not a trace of emotion in his face. He wasn’t carrying any kind of weapon with him but it didn’t mean that he couldn’t harm Hijikata if he wanted to. Hijikata wondered what could be in that devious mind right now but he couldn’t even hazard a guess.
“Let’s go.” He said, trying to match Okita’s aloofness with his own brand of indifference.
He noted that unlike their previous dates, Okita didn’t even try to come near him this time. He walked behind Hijikata quietly, acting as if he didn’t know the older male at all. Not being a good conversationalist, made Hijikata unable to start a proper conversation. He knew there was no point in apologizing since he had been denied forgiveness before but starting a topic and acting like nothing happened between them would just upset Okita more. He could only hope that the festival would lift Okita’s mood and make him talk to Hijikata.
Much to HIjikata’s relief, the moment they entered the crowded festival, Okita was immediately taken by the stands around him. Being the competitive person he was, Okita immediately tried some games, winning all of them and claiming top prizes easily. It was hard to read his mood and he had only briefly spared few glances to his taller companion as they looked around the place to look for interesting games. Hijikata wasn’t really sure whether he had been forgiven since Okita seemed so focused on winning everything that could be won but at least he was able to return to his usual self. So he waited as Okita played, smoking cigarette at his leisure and helping to carry huge, stupid dolls Okita won just to spite other people. Maybe later when Okita was less occupied with making the stall owners bankrupt he would be able to try to talk to him again. Right now, people, mostly girls, began to surround Okita, amazed by his skills and making it more difficult for Hijikata to talk to him. He gritted his teeth, trying to not break the crowd with violence, when the girls began cheering at Okita and even flirting with him. What was wrong with young people these days?
Hijikata scanned the area around them, to distract himself from his annoyance. He had seen several uniformed Shinsengumi patrolling the place and everything seemed to be under control for once. Still, there was nothing wrong with being careful. The Joui could be anywhere, waiting to strike. Though there was no politician or members of the imperial family coming to this small festival, it didn’t mean that things would be safe. Hijikata knew the organization would do almost anything to draw attention to their cause; some of them don’t even care if innocent people would die in the process. He couldn’t hlp but be worried that they hadn’t sent enough people to watch the event.
“Did you see any Joui member?”
The question startled Hijikata though he didn’t show it. He looked at Okita, wondering if it was indeed the boy talking to him. The boy was lazily looking at anything but him but Hijikata was sure it was Okita talking to him at last.
“No.” He muttered, feeling a little guilty for being distracted in a date he initiated. He grabbed the white alien doll Okita had won and stuffed it in the large bags he used to carry Okita’s prizes. “What do you want to do next?” He sighed when Okita merely shrugged as an answer. “Are you hungry yet? Let’s have something to eat.”
They bought light snacks and ate them in a quieter part near of the festival, behind the noisy stalls. There were only few people there taking a break from all the noise, sights, and crowd. Every now and then Shinsengumi members passed by, nodding to Hijikata and Okita in greetings before continuing to patrol the place. He hoped that the silence and the games Okita had partaken would make the boy talk or yell at him, at this point Hijikata didn’t care as long as Okita said something. But he merely ate quietly, his mind obviously in a place Hijikata couldn’t reach. Hijikata didn’t understand the work of Okita’s mind and maybe he wouldn’t. He had thought that by being closer to Okita, he’d be able to understand a little more but all he got was more confusion, more chaos. Okita was still as eccentric as he used to be, if not more, and Hijikata still couldn’t understand him.
“They seem to like you.” Okita said a little absently.
“Huh?” Hijikata asked intelligently. He followed Okita’s line of sight and saw a pair of girls hiding their giggles behind their hands as they looked at him and Okita. Hijikata frowned, not liking being stared at. “Oh.”
“The one in pink looks like my sister.”
Mitsuba? Hijikata looked at the pair of girls who seemed to enjoy his attention and assessed said girl, seeing nothing remotely resembling his old flame in the dark-haired youth. Was it the yukata she was wearing or the way she did her hair? Hijikata scrutinized the stranger, seeing nothing like Mitsuba there at all. Even Karin with her heavy makeup had more resemblance to Mitsuba. Or had his eyes or memory fooled him? It seemed unlikely. He would never forget Mitsuba.
“Kidding.” Okita said, breaking the silence with his flat tone.
Hijikata growled at him angrily. “Sougo…”
“But she’s pretty, isn’t she?”
Hijikata glared at Okita for a while but then realized that it wouldn’t affect the boy at all. He sighed, reaching for his pack of cigarette and his lighter. “Is she your type, Sougo?” He asked, feeling annoyed by his own stupidity and the girl for daring to interrupt his night with Okita.
“I was thinking that she might be your type.”
“Hey, you’re not thinking of setting me up with another girl are you?” Hijikata asked warily. “I mean Karin was…” He trailed off. He recalled the night he spent with Karin and flushed with embarrassment. It was true that he had enjoyed it but it hadn’t felt right. He wasn’t a romantic person but he felt that it wasn’t the right way to make a memory. He had been tricked, fooled into submission. It left a bad aftertaste, making him feel miserable and guilty for betraying Mitsuba.
Except he didn’t really betray Mitsuba. He wasn’t hers just as she wasn’t his. What he betrayed was his memory of Mitsuba, his secret dreams that would never come true now. It hurt more than if he really betrayed Mitsuba because he had no one to apologize to. Because now he could only live with the guilt and not be able to remove it.
“No.” Okita answered, much to Hijikata’s relief. “I’m just thinking that I’m tired of this.”
Hijikata looked at his companion in surprise. Tired of what? Tired of the festival? Tired of playing games? Or…
“You don’t have to try to please me anymore, Hijikata-san. I’m done with this. I’m done with you.” And with that said, Okita turned away and left.
Hijikata was stunned and could only stare at Okita’s distancing figure. His mind scrambled to explain, to find solution but he felt numb. He couldn’t even make himself move to chase after Okita, to find him then make him talk. What just happened? How did it become like this? Obviously Okita hadn’t been very happy lately but he hadn’t given any indication of breaking their deal, he hadn’t made any indication he’d leave Hijikata alone. Hijikata staggered back and leaned heavily on a nearby tree, confusion overwhelming him.
Done with him. Okita was done with him. Hijikata should’ve felt relieved but he only felt tired. It was done. Their deal was over. And Hijikata didn’t know what to do anymore.
TBC
A/N: I must admit I wrote this on a whim so I didn’t really know where it’s going. It will (most probably) end in happy ending, but no promises. Please don’t kill me… Reviews will feed my muse!
Rating: G for this chapter
Genre: drama/romance/angst/humor
Pairing: HijiOki
Chapter: 4/?
Summary: In order to gain forgiveness and erase his own guilt Hijikata made an agreement with Okita who was still blaming him for Mitsuba's death. He expected pain, humiliation, even death. But Hijikata never expected love.
chapter 1 ~ chapter 2 ~ chapter 3 ~ chapter 4
A/N: Sorry to those who’ve waited! Hope this is good enough to make up for my mistake…
Disclaimer: Gintama does NOT belong to me.
Chapter 5
Okita didn’t approach him anymore since that last argument. Hijikata should feel more relaxed now without the burden of their little agreement but he wasn’t at ease at all. It’s stupid to think that Okita was done with his revenge -Hijikata knew it would never end. Maybe he’s plotting something more sinister now, something more painful and the strange thing was that this thought exactly was what comfort Hijikata.
Hijikata waited and waited for Okita’s next scheme in punishment. He waited for another murder attempt from the boy but nothing happened. Hijikata’s life hadn’t been so peaceful since he met Okita. It’s so peaceful in fact, that it was unnatural. Okita always tried to harm him, he always found a way to try to eliminate him. Or was this silence his form of torture? If indeed it was, why did it work so well?
“Are you fighting with Sougo?” Kondou asked, startling Hijikata from his daydream. Hijikata glanced at the man sitting next to him on the porch. Any other time, he would’ve been able to sense Kondou before he got so near but it seemed like his thoughts had dulled his senses. “How rare.”
“Aren’t we always fighting?” Hijikata replied with as much nonchalance as he could muster, lighting up a new stick of cigarette as he had let his previous one burnt away.
Kondou gave him a knowing look, fitting the respected and beloved leader of Shinsengumi. “He always tried to kill you.” He said as if it was supposed to mean something else entirely. When Hijikata refused to acknowledge his point, he continued. “He never ignored you like this.”
So it’s come to a point where others could see it, too. Hijikata frowned, trying to find an excuse. “It’s more peaceful this way.” He said gruffly.
Kondou chuckled. “You don’t seem very happy with this peacefulness.”
Thankfully Kondou didn’t try to probe further and sent him to patrol the city instead. Work could be the key to make him forget his troubles and return him to the regular, boring life he once had. Hijikata’s hope to distract himself by working disappeared when he found out that he had been assigned to patrol the city with Okita. As their car left the compound, he threw one last glare at a grinning Kondou. He could already tell that it wouldn’t end well but was unable to do anything about it.
Even in private, Okita was still unwilling to talk to him. He looked outside all the time, looking as bored as usual. Hijikata knew better than to think that Okita’s silence meant his mind was idle but the ignorance upset him. Okita wasn’t being himself and Hijikata knew for sure it was because of him.
Hijikata’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. He wanted to bash Okita’s head to wring a response from the boy but he knew violence would only make things worse between them. Unfortunately he wasn’t good at starting conversation or solving personal conflicts. It was too much to expect Okita to forgive and forget Hijikata’s mistake, but he could at least find a solution to the tension between them. How should he approach Okita to make him talk about whatever it was he’s going through?
“Kondou-san is worried about you.” Hijikata finally said, covering his embarrassment with grumpiness perfectly. His cigarette helped calm his nerves slightly but he could feel his limbs trying to betray his apprehension.
For the first time since a long while, Hijikata’s presence was finally acknowledged. Okita turned away from the window but still didn’t look at Hijikata. “There’s nothing to be worried about.” He said calmly though Hijikata had the impression that he was being a sulking little boy.
Hijikata gritted his teeth, forcing his next words out. “We know it’s not true.”
“Oh, really?” Okita said in a mocking tone that clearly reflected his doubt of Hijikata’s concern.
“What are you trying to say?” Hijikata asked defensively. In hindsight it’s probably not the best approach to the situation but there was no way to take those words back.
“Nothing.” Okita said, looking out again. Hijikata knew that he’s going to be silent again if he didn’t do anything.
“If you have something to say to me, then say it!”
Okita’s glace was the coldest Hijikata has ever received. Okita had often looked at him with contempt, anger, or disrespect but he’d never looked at Hijikata as if the man didn’t matter in his life at all. “I have nothing to say.” He said.
Fury burnt his veins, almost making him lose control right then and there. Hijikata made a sudden turn to the right, causing the cars behind them to honk their horns angrily, and stopped at a darkened alley. This wasn’t a conversation to be had while driving. He turned to face Okita who was looking back at him with his usual non-expression. The attention did relief a little of Hijikata’s anger but failed to completely put it off.
“Trying to kill civilians? You should....”
“What do you want me to say?” Hijikata interrupted him angrily.
Okita tilted his head as he feigned innocence. Hijikata couldn’t be fooled, he could see anger in Okita’s eyes. “What do you want to say, Hijikata-san?” Okita asked in mock-politeness.
“You…” Hijikata stopped himself before he lost his temper. Yelling at Okita wouldn’t solve the problem, if anything it would only make matter worse. Okita might’ve expected him to get angry so he shouldn’t fall into this trap. Hijikata took a deep breath and chose his next words carefully. “I don’t know what I’ve done wrong but I’m sorry.”
“Why should you feel sorry for something you don’t know?”
Okita wouldn’t make this easy, would he? “Then let me know what I’ve done wrong so I can apologize properly.” He stopped, searching for an answer in Okita’s face. “Is this about Karin?” Did Okita like her?
Okita’s eyes flashed with something cold when he mentioned Karin’s name. “Oh, yes. I think you owe me a thank you for helping you lose your virginity in such a pleasurable way.”
Hijikata flushed in embarrassment. He had no doubt that Okita had heard him that night since their rooms were next to each other. The memory of that night returned to him. It had been enjoyable, that much was true. But it was also humiliating. “Stop joking around! And stop talking about her like that!”
Instead of replying, Okita turned away from him and made to undo his safety belt. Hijikata immediately held his hand to stop him. He wasn’t going to let Okita leave this conversation unfinished. “Please remove your hand and die, Hijikata-san.” Okita said in a bored tone he often adopted in the past. It occurred to Hijikata that he hadn’t been subjected to that tone for a long while -Okita had been cruel but not indifferent to him like this since their little agreement. Was Okita going to revert back to the way he used to be? Hijikata hesitated. Should he let Okita be or should he continue his attempt to resolve the strange tension between them?
When Okita attempted to resume undoing his safety belt again, Hijikata’s attention returned. He held Okita’s hand tighter and leaned closer as much as possible with his own safety belt still strapped around his body. “Sougo, listen to me!” He demanded. Hijikata took a deep breath to calm himself when Okita ceased his struggle for the time being. “I’m sorry. I still don’t know what I’ve done wrong but I’m really sorry.” The apology still tasted strange on his tongue. He was unaccustomed to apologies but he figured he was willing to do almost anything to fix this situation. “Let me make it up to you.” He raked his brain for inspiration. A glance at Okita’s beloved bazooka reminded him that the most effective way to stop the boy’s anger was by offering his life. Hijikata shook his head slightly -there should be another way. “There’s a festival next Saturday, let’s go there.”
“I imagine we will go there to guard the event anyway.” Okita said dryly, unimpressed by Hijikata’s offer.
“It’s a small festival, our help would be unneeded.” Even if their presences were required, he’d try to talk Kondou into giving them a day off. Kondou would probably be curious and start asking questions and Hijikata would have to find a way to avoid the truth. He was nervous but he also didn’t want to let this chance escape. “So what do you think?” Hijikata asked, doubt creeping into his voice.
The time Okita took to consider seemed to last too long. Hijikata began to consider persuading the boy further but Okita made his decision finally. “Why not?” Okita replied with a shrug.
Hijikata released the breath he wasn’t aware of holding. “All right.” He said, leaning back to his seat and gripping the steering wheels tightly. He eyed the empty street ahead blankly, his mind still unable to comprehend what he had just gotten himself into. “All right. All right.”
*
Hijikata was nervous. It was the first time he ever initiated a date with Okita. In the past, Okita had always been the one who demanded to go to dates. Hijikata honestly had no idea of what he was doing. His knowledge in dating was limited to what he had seen in dramas but he hoped that cliché would work for once.
Thankfully Kondou didn’t think their help was necessary and let them have a day off. It didn’t mean that there would be no Shinsegumi member in the festival though. Hijikata wasn’t sure he wanted to be seen with Okita but it might worth the risk. Okita seemed to like festivals. Hopefully by bringing him to one, Hijikata would be forgiven.
“Sougo, are you ready?” Hijikata called out from outside Okita’s room. He was worried that Okita might change his mind at the last minute but the boy seemed to still be in his room.
The sound of the door sliding open drew Hijikata’s attention. Okita stared at him calmly, not a trace of emotion in his face. He wasn’t carrying any kind of weapon with him but it didn’t mean that he couldn’t harm Hijikata if he wanted to. Hijikata wondered what could be in that devious mind right now but he couldn’t even hazard a guess.
“Let’s go.” He said, trying to match Okita’s aloofness with his own brand of indifference.
He noted that unlike their previous dates, Okita didn’t even try to come near him this time. He walked behind Hijikata quietly, acting as if he didn’t know the older male at all. Not being a good conversationalist, made Hijikata unable to start a proper conversation. He knew there was no point in apologizing since he had been denied forgiveness before but starting a topic and acting like nothing happened between them would just upset Okita more. He could only hope that the festival would lift Okita’s mood and make him talk to Hijikata.
Much to HIjikata’s relief, the moment they entered the crowded festival, Okita was immediately taken by the stands around him. Being the competitive person he was, Okita immediately tried some games, winning all of them and claiming top prizes easily. It was hard to read his mood and he had only briefly spared few glances to his taller companion as they looked around the place to look for interesting games. Hijikata wasn’t really sure whether he had been forgiven since Okita seemed so focused on winning everything that could be won but at least he was able to return to his usual self. So he waited as Okita played, smoking cigarette at his leisure and helping to carry huge, stupid dolls Okita won just to spite other people. Maybe later when Okita was less occupied with making the stall owners bankrupt he would be able to try to talk to him again. Right now, people, mostly girls, began to surround Okita, amazed by his skills and making it more difficult for Hijikata to talk to him. He gritted his teeth, trying to not break the crowd with violence, when the girls began cheering at Okita and even flirting with him. What was wrong with young people these days?
Hijikata scanned the area around them, to distract himself from his annoyance. He had seen several uniformed Shinsengumi patrolling the place and everything seemed to be under control for once. Still, there was nothing wrong with being careful. The Joui could be anywhere, waiting to strike. Though there was no politician or members of the imperial family coming to this small festival, it didn’t mean that things would be safe. Hijikata knew the organization would do almost anything to draw attention to their cause; some of them don’t even care if innocent people would die in the process. He couldn’t hlp but be worried that they hadn’t sent enough people to watch the event.
“Did you see any Joui member?”
The question startled Hijikata though he didn’t show it. He looked at Okita, wondering if it was indeed the boy talking to him. The boy was lazily looking at anything but him but Hijikata was sure it was Okita talking to him at last.
“No.” He muttered, feeling a little guilty for being distracted in a date he initiated. He grabbed the white alien doll Okita had won and stuffed it in the large bags he used to carry Okita’s prizes. “What do you want to do next?” He sighed when Okita merely shrugged as an answer. “Are you hungry yet? Let’s have something to eat.”
They bought light snacks and ate them in a quieter part near of the festival, behind the noisy stalls. There were only few people there taking a break from all the noise, sights, and crowd. Every now and then Shinsengumi members passed by, nodding to Hijikata and Okita in greetings before continuing to patrol the place. He hoped that the silence and the games Okita had partaken would make the boy talk or yell at him, at this point Hijikata didn’t care as long as Okita said something. But he merely ate quietly, his mind obviously in a place Hijikata couldn’t reach. Hijikata didn’t understand the work of Okita’s mind and maybe he wouldn’t. He had thought that by being closer to Okita, he’d be able to understand a little more but all he got was more confusion, more chaos. Okita was still as eccentric as he used to be, if not more, and Hijikata still couldn’t understand him.
“They seem to like you.” Okita said a little absently.
“Huh?” Hijikata asked intelligently. He followed Okita’s line of sight and saw a pair of girls hiding their giggles behind their hands as they looked at him and Okita. Hijikata frowned, not liking being stared at. “Oh.”
“The one in pink looks like my sister.”
Mitsuba? Hijikata looked at the pair of girls who seemed to enjoy his attention and assessed said girl, seeing nothing remotely resembling his old flame in the dark-haired youth. Was it the yukata she was wearing or the way she did her hair? Hijikata scrutinized the stranger, seeing nothing like Mitsuba there at all. Even Karin with her heavy makeup had more resemblance to Mitsuba. Or had his eyes or memory fooled him? It seemed unlikely. He would never forget Mitsuba.
“Kidding.” Okita said, breaking the silence with his flat tone.
Hijikata growled at him angrily. “Sougo…”
“But she’s pretty, isn’t she?”
Hijikata glared at Okita for a while but then realized that it wouldn’t affect the boy at all. He sighed, reaching for his pack of cigarette and his lighter. “Is she your type, Sougo?” He asked, feeling annoyed by his own stupidity and the girl for daring to interrupt his night with Okita.
“I was thinking that she might be your type.”
“Hey, you’re not thinking of setting me up with another girl are you?” Hijikata asked warily. “I mean Karin was…” He trailed off. He recalled the night he spent with Karin and flushed with embarrassment. It was true that he had enjoyed it but it hadn’t felt right. He wasn’t a romantic person but he felt that it wasn’t the right way to make a memory. He had been tricked, fooled into submission. It left a bad aftertaste, making him feel miserable and guilty for betraying Mitsuba.
Except he didn’t really betray Mitsuba. He wasn’t hers just as she wasn’t his. What he betrayed was his memory of Mitsuba, his secret dreams that would never come true now. It hurt more than if he really betrayed Mitsuba because he had no one to apologize to. Because now he could only live with the guilt and not be able to remove it.
“No.” Okita answered, much to Hijikata’s relief. “I’m just thinking that I’m tired of this.”
Hijikata looked at his companion in surprise. Tired of what? Tired of the festival? Tired of playing games? Or…
“You don’t have to try to please me anymore, Hijikata-san. I’m done with this. I’m done with you.” And with that said, Okita turned away and left.
Hijikata was stunned and could only stare at Okita’s distancing figure. His mind scrambled to explain, to find solution but he felt numb. He couldn’t even make himself move to chase after Okita, to find him then make him talk. What just happened? How did it become like this? Obviously Okita hadn’t been very happy lately but he hadn’t given any indication of breaking their deal, he hadn’t made any indication he’d leave Hijikata alone. Hijikata staggered back and leaned heavily on a nearby tree, confusion overwhelming him.
Done with him. Okita was done with him. Hijikata should’ve felt relieved but he only felt tired. It was done. Their deal was over. And Hijikata didn’t know what to do anymore.
TBC
A/N: I must admit I wrote this on a whim so I didn’t really know where it’s going. It will (most probably) end in happy ending, but no promises. Please don’t kill me… Reviews will feed my muse!