Quantum Leap - Wake Up Yesterday
Title: Wake Up Yesterday
Author: Gena S. Durrell
Genre: Quantum Leap, Slash
Pairing: Al/Sam
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: This is a slash story. That means there is M/M sex involved. If such things offend you, or if you are underage, please read no further. Some profanity.
Spoilers: All through the series up to the last episode
Summary: Sam, still leaping alone, finds assistance from a very strange acting truck driver. (Sequel to Go The Distance)
Author’s Notes: The third fic in the “Always” universe. I wrote most of my QL fanfic in 1st person. This one is in Sam’s POV.
DISCLAIMER: Sam Beckett, Al Calavicci and other Quantum Leap characters belong to Belisarius. No profit, no infringement. I'm just having some fun with them for the time being.
Wake Up Yesterday
...All in just a moment my whole life passed before me
In just that time if left me cold and numb
Lying in the darkness like there's nowhere else to be
Wondering if there's nothing more to come
Curiosity compels me and I open my eyes
Like another day the night is gone again
The natural conclusion I'm about to realize
This is the beginning or the end
There's a light at the end of the tunnel I can see
Now I'm not so sure that's the way
I still might find a way to change where I'll be bound tomorrow
But I'm never gonna wake up yesterday
There's no uneasy feeling and no disbelieving
This is something good, there's got to be a sign
Back there in the darkness I see nothing I'd be leaving
Why don't I look back on anything as mine
I'm looking at tomorrow or is it back the other way
Or is where I am where I'm supposed to be
A voice of reassurance says it's just another day
But the voice inside my head don't sound like me
There's a light at the end of the tunnel I can see
That I'm never gonna wake up yesterday
No, I'm never gonna wake up yesterday
No, I'm never gonna wake up...*
Several hours into the new leap and I still had no idea what I was there to fix. There were no feelings tugging at my instincts, nor were there any people around to give me a clue. Worse yet, the clear sky started to disappear behind dark clouds, threatening to rain and I seriously doubted I would find any decent shelter in the nearby vicinity. So far, I hadn't even come across a cave or some sort of ledge to use as shelter.
While still nowhere near even the smallest cluster of lights denoting a town, I felt greatly relieved when I at last wandered into a clearing which a road ran through. Not exactly a large highway, more like a local road, but it had to lead to somewhere, regardless of how far somewhere might be. Not that far, I hoped as I walked to the road. It had started to rain at a steady pace during the last ten minutes before I found the road and it looked as if the worse was yet to come. I thought it would be nice if a car actually came down the road. By that point, I really didn't care which direction it would be traveling in, just as long as it was going towards civilization.
I was wet, hungry and getting cold in the thin cotton shirt and trousers I wore. My wallet had close to fifty dollars, along with credit cards, a driver's license and work-related identification which most probably won't do me any good for quite a few years. Strange, my clothes would change with each leap, but they were still my clothes that I wore. My wallet came along for the ride each time too. Somehow the amount in my wallet was still never enough to get through a leap, so I had to find other means to make ends meet. I hated to admit it, but the reason I sometimes would end up going home with a woman was it usually meant spending the night with her, in a cozy bed, under a roof, and the only payment I had to make for such accommodations was being good enough so she'd keep me around until it was time for me to leave.
Which was why I found myself hoping that should a car ever come down the road, it would be a single female who wouldn't mind male company for the night. It would immediately take care of getting out of the rain that evening.
Thirty minutes later I started to mutter strings of curses when I found myself still walking down the road, drenched to the core and shivering. I tried, but I couldn't find anywhere that I could get out of the downpour. I did the only thing I could think of; I kept walking.
Just when I started to think that I wouldn't be able to physically force myself to go any further, the area started to light up. My chattering mouth cracked a smile. I turned from the direction I came from to see the headlights of a vehicle come towards me. As it got closer, I could make out it was a tractor-trailer. I put out my thumb as it got closer. At the very least, he would be going somewhere worthwhile, I figured. Perhaps it was also the reason I was there. Maybe it was something simple and quick, and upon reaching a town and first chance of being alone, I'd be out of there, leaving behind the wet clothes and the freezing coldness. Too good to be true, I thought as the truck came to a screeching halt.
I climbed up and peered in the open door. "Where are you going?" the truck driver asked, with a warm smile on his face.
I shook my head. "Out of the rain," was my reply. "Other than that, I don't really care."
The truck driver nodded, intense, twinkling eyes studying me, until I started to get uneasy. I suddenly felt as if I was being sized up, which made me wonder if I would have to provide some sort of payback for the rescue.
"Well, are you getting in or what?" the driver asked roughly.
"Uh..." I didn't particularly like the possibility, but to be honest with myself, I hated the thought of being stuck in the middle of nowhere more. And it wouldn't be the first time I had to give myself to another male, but sometimes...whatever it takes to get through a leap or to get the job done is what I'll do.
So I started to climb in all the way. "Thanks," I mumbled, settling down in the comfortable passenger seat of the truck's cab. I glanced at the driver. He was this big, beefy guy with a beard and mustache, long hair pulled back in a ponytail. Even in the dim of the dashboard lights I could see that most of his width was not muscle, but the results of sitting on his duff for long hauls and too many road stops. From the faint scent in the cab, I would guess he was also a little overdue in taking a shower. Chances were he didn't have too much of a chance for that in this middle of nothing.
Well at last I had some clues as to a time period. The cab of the truck was one of those custom jobs circa the late seventies. I couldn't get much of a date from the flannel shirt and tee shirt the driver was wearing. I figured I was right that it had to be at least late seventies because on the radio the Bee Gees were singing about staying alive. Boy, I knew that feeling. It had become a prominent thought in the last hour when I believed I was never going to get out of that rain.
We were still stopped, the driver still staring at me. There was definitely something in his eyes, but I couldn't make out what in the little light available. I decided that a mumbled thanks wasn't really enough, then wondered if he thought so too. So I smiled at him. "I really appreciate you stopping," I stated.
He shook his head. "It's no weather to be wandering around," he replied, his voice gruff. "How long have you been out there? Did your car break down or something?"
I couldn't very well start explaining to him that I didn't know because I suddenly found myself being dropped in the middle of a forest, so I opted for a lie. "Sorta. It's miles back...in a gully. I guess I started to get tired and wasn't paying much attention to the road. The next thing I knew I was off the road. Did considerable damage to the car. Started to walk along the road, hoping to find somewhere to make a call. Then a couple of miles along, it started to rain."
"You've been in this rain since it started?" he asked, worry evident in his voice.
"Yeah."
"You're shivering," he observed, his voice softening. He turned to the back of the cab and started to rummage through the area. "I think I have something back here to help warm you up some. We don't want you to come down with pneumonia or something, do we?"
I wasn't too sure about `we', but I knew about me. No, it would not be a pleasant thing to happen. I just nodded, looking down. Yeah, I caught it in his eyes. There was definitely some kind of interest there. I wasn't too sure if he didn't get what he wanted from me that he would still be so concerned about my health. He just might want to dump me back in the rain and leave me to freeze to death.
His deep voice broke into my thoughts. "Here. Get on back there and get out of those wet things. These may be a bit too big on you, but they are dry and warm."
Just in case I was expected to deliver a payment, I decided to let him know I was willing. Subtly, of course. In the most innocent of manners, I gave him a show as I peeled off the wet clothes. I debated about the underwear, when I heard him say, "Those too. What's the good of dry clothes if you've got those wet, cold things against your skin?" As I peeled them off, he added, "Besides, it would be such a shame to freeze that, wouldn't it?"
I gazed up at him and saw his sparkling eyes rest on my exposed crotch. His eyes met mine when he realized I had stopped moving.
"What's the matter, kid? It's nice piece to look at, but this is hardly the place. Besides, you need to warm up some before you go hypothermic on me."
Slipping into the huge jeans and pullover sweater, I knew for sure what was to go down that night. Or should I say up? I finished dressing and accepted the proffered blanket he had settled on the passenger seat. "There we go, kid. Just wrap yourself in that." He was holding a thermos and a plastic coffee mug that is generic to every truck stop in America. Those type that fit into the little plastic holder on the inside of a door. To my delight, I watched him pour the steamy black liquid into the mug and set it in the expected holder, only it was set on the dashboard between us. "I don't seem to have any sugar or creamer..." he started to apologize.
I immediately picked up the cup and took a grateful swallow, feeling the warmth go from my mouth to the pit of my stomach. Normally, I don't mind black coffee; in fact, more often than not it was the way I drank it, usually out of necessity than preference.
The coffee was strong and perhaps sitting in the thermos for more than a few hours too long, and I did like to sweeten, really sweeten, my coffee, but at that moment the liquid in the cup I held was the most heavenly cup of coffee I had ever had in my life.
"Feel any better now?" he softly asked, leaning over.
I nodded, getting a better look at his face. He wasn't exactly good-looking either. In fact, I had this feeling my eyes would be closed a helluva lot, while I daydreamed it was Al I was doing it with, just as I had done with the other men I found myself doing that with. Only with this one, it would take a massive amount of imagination, even with my eyes closed.
After an inward sigh, and another hefty gulp of the coffee, I looked up and met his eyes again. Somehow I managed to paste a promising smile on my face and purred, "Maybe we should get moving so we could find somewhere that is `the place'?"
He pulled back and blinked, looking taken aback. Which caused me to wonder if I had read his signs right.
"I-is there anything wrong?" I asked him.
He continued to stare at me with shocked eyes. After what seemed like an eternity, he said, "You. Who are you?"
"I'm..." Who will I be this time? I wondered. Will I make up a name and a fictional life to go along with the name, playing into the fantasy persona I created for myself as I sometimes did? Or will I go for my real name. I chose to hold off on the decision until I had more on the leap to go on. As far as a name goes, I'd just come up with another last name, if I chose to go that path. "...Sammy," I replied.
"You're Sammy," he replied in a small voice. "I'm Hank."
"Hiya, Hank," I greeted, extending my hand. When I realized that he wasn't going to take it, I dropped it and went back to drinking my coffee.
"There's more in the thermos when you're done," Hank offered finally putting the truck into gear and pulling back onto the road.
"Thanks. Ah...where are you heading?" I asked, watching the landscape go by, blurred by the rain, ever grateful that I was no longer out there. I was still cold and shivering, but I did feel better being in dry clothes and a warm place. At least I felt as if I was warming up. I noticed that Hank had hiked up the heat some. I actually started to believe I'd survive the leap after all.
The cold must have definitely started to affect my thinking, because I found myself wondering if perhaps Hank was there to save me. It sure as hell felt like it. And I was thankful for that fact. So much so that had Hank really been after what I thought he was, I realized it wouldn't be so bad after all compared to what I could have been doing that night if he didn't stop.
"Right now, to some place to pull over for the night. It's so damn bad out here, I can hardly see the road." I noticed he spared me a sidelong glance. "Besides I think you'll look even better in a bed than in that seat."
So I didn't take it the wrong way after all. I waited until he gave me another look. Yeah, he wanted it, but he was also nervous. The cold must definitely had frozen a few brain cells of mine, because I found myself giving him what I knew was a smile no one was able to resist, and that was when I wasn't trying.
"Well, Hank. I'm still cold and you know what they say about body heat," I suggested in a tone that I knew Hank would have no doubt that he would get his payment in full.
I actually smiled when I noticed the truck sway a little off after I spoke. Quickly enough, he got control back as he muttered a string of curses under his breath. Then to me, he said, "Goddammit, kid! Don't do that to me while I'm driving. Do you want to get us both killed?"
"No. We wouldn't be able to find some place like that, now would we?"
He shook his head, applying all his concentration on the road ahead of us. "So, Sammy, do you have any idea where such a place would be?" he asked.
"Hank, I really appreciate you coming to my rescue. I'm eternally grateful and would do anything to pay you back," I persisted.
"A-anything?" He spared another look at me. "Just what do you mean by anything?"
"Uh...what do you want? I'm yours for the asking." I think I've been one too many male prostitutes as a cover story. This was too good to be coming from me. You know the worse part, or the best, depending how you look at it? I was enjoying myself.
"Sammy, do us both a favor. Shut up and drink your coffee until we get there. Once again, do you know..."
"Sorry. I don't come from around here."
"I don't doubt you don't," I heard Hank mutter.
** ** *** ** **
"Okay, kid," Hank announced, walking into the gift shot where he left me. Poor guy. Ever since we pulled into the town that had a truck stop, he maintained a good distance from me. The guy was nothing but nerves and, judging from his body language, raging hormones. Once we got into a room and fatso was able to relax, I seriously doubted he would last very long. Which suited me just fine.
Upon entering the truck stop, he excused himself to head for the men's room, instructing me to wait in the gift shop. While I waited for him, I came across some tee shirts. Well, I found myself picking out a black tee-shirt, chambray long sleeve work shirt embroidered with silver and black thread, a pair of jeans and a denim jacket with sheepskin lining. I was just picking out a hat when he came back.
Just before he showed up, I realized that he was gone for quite a while. Probably he had to work off some of the steam I created during the ride. The thought that he might have decided to just let me off the hook and cut out since I was out of the monsoon and in a warm, dry civilized area had also crossed my mind. No such luck.
I turned to smile at him. "I can't decide between the black hat or the brown one," I greeted him with a smile, trying both on for his opinion.
He studied me again, his look even more intense in the bright lights of the gift shop. "At first I thought that white one there would be more appropriate, but I think the black one is more you."
"Think so?" I asked, putting it on again and looking in the nearby mirror. "Yeah, you're right. Perfect." I held up the other things I selected. "Maybe I'd go for the black boots as well." I went back to the boot aisle, Hank following, surprisingly graceful and light-footed for a man of his bulk.
"There," Hank pointed out. "The ones with the silver trimming. It'll match the shirt you've got there."
"Too expensive," I replied. "So it's something more simple and much cheaper. In fact, I'm going to put the jacket back."
"Not if I'm buying," he offered.
"Hank, I can't let you..."
"Will you let me..." His eyes finished what he couldn't.
"You know I will," I replied, meeting his eyes.
"Then let me buy you your new outfit, jacket included. I think you'll look wonderful in all that. But then again," he sighed, "you'll look good in anything. You look good in those baggy things and you looked good even as a drenched rat."
I found myself blushing, especially since it was the real me he was complimenting.
"I'm not taking no for an answer," he insisted.
"Okay," I conceded. Hey, if he was that insistent in paying for the items, it meant my money still staying in my pocket, should I need it later in the leap. "It's a deal."
I followed him to the cashier, Hank stopping us at the tobacco aisle. How wonderful, I thought as I watched him. My lover for the evening was a cigar smoker. With a wistful sigh, I wanted very much a certain cigar smoker to be my lover, to taste the tobacco in his mouth, the faint scent lingering about him. Abruptly I had to pull myself out of my dangerous thoughts. One thing which had happened was I suddenly found I had a lot of frustration to work off on ol' Hank when we finally got a room. Good, it would make it easy to get through the night with him.
As he did his selecting, I pondered should Sammy Whoever-My-Last-Name-Might-Be for this leap be a smoker himself. Why the hell not, I decided and glanced over at the cigarettes. I held up a pack of Marlboros in question as he made his choice and looked over at me.
"You want me to buy those for you?" he croaked.
I nodded. "But if you don't want to, I'll pay for them myself. I just figured that you wouldn't mind a smoker since you're buying those things." I pointed to his cigars. Cheap ones, not the imported ones Al preferred. Al always hated to run out of cigars in the middle of nowhere and have to make a selection in one of these kind of places.
"I didn't think you smoked," he stated, then shrugged. "Oh well, if you must," he sighed.
I narrowed my eyes. "Don't tell me you're one of those who hate cigarette smoke?" I asked. "I had a friend like that. I prefer cigarettes, but I can get one of those if it would make you feel better."
"It would most certainly not!" he exclaimed. "You want to smoke those damn cigarettes, put them with the clothes. I don't mind cigarette smoke."
"Thank you," I replied, perplexed at his outburst. As he went to pay for the purchases, I thought of the beginning of my friendship with Al. I hated cigar smoke and he couldn't stand cigarette smoke, yet at the time we were both smokers. A couple of years later, I managed to break my habit, much to Al's relief. Until I started to get on him about his quitting. Cigar smokers are a strange group. They actually don't really consider themselves smokers, since they only puff on them, while cigarette smokers inhale. Personally, I never found a difference. Abusing tobacco products was abuse no matter what you smoked. Unfortunately, in the recent times, I found myself once in a while picking up a smoke, usually of the cigarette variety. Sometimes it helped to fall into a certain persona easier.
Well, the moment had to arrive soon. Once we were finished in the gift shop and after I used the men's room to change into the new outfit, Hank suggested that we get something to eat. He was really a strange guy. It was obvious he wanted something from me, and at times appeared downright excited. Yet he was also nervous, kind of skittish about it. He would blush every time I was forward and up front about what we were to do, in a discreet way, of course, so not to bring attention on us. He was also very distant. Oh, he had this warm, exuberant personality with this great sense of humor which reminded me a lot of Al, but he always maintained his distance, making it clear that touching in any manner was a no-no. I understood why he was hesitant to answer any personal questions in light of what we were to do. This wasn't the start of some big romance. By the next morning, he'd be properly thanked and then rested. He'd be back on his way, and I'd be staying in the town seeking out what it was I had to do. I knew it wasn't for Hank. He just happened to be in the right place at the right time and kind enough to stop for me. Never mind what I was expected to do in return. Simple fact was the man probably saved my life and by the time we ended up in a room, what was to go down seemed petty in light that I was there and healthy enough to engage in such activities.
Despite his strangeness, I trusted Hank, feeling secure that he wouldn't hurt me. I didn't think he got much of a chance at sex with his overall appearance, so he probably relieved himself of male needs wherever he could. A poor, drenched idiot wandering along the side of a road during a downpour in the middle of nowhere would most probably be thankful enough to give Hank what he needed. I discovered I was. Anyway, there was something about the way he looked at me that I knew he cared. I could see it in his eyes. I was amazed to discover that since almost the start, I felt comfortable with him and we fell into easy camaraderie, as if we were old friends. His concern for my health was a nice touch from a complete stranger to a wandering fool. We talked, we laughed, we even checked out the females in the truck stop, making comments, most notably about the waitresses.
We ended up riding in the truck for another hour to the next town, since there was no vacancies in the one we stopped in, and another thirty minutes before we found a room once we got into town.
Immediate friendship aside, like I said, this wasn't going to be the start of any great love, because even should Hank decide to keep me around, there would come a time when I would have to leave, if not very soon.
Simple.
Or it should have been. Once inside a room, Hank offered to allow me to use the bathroom first, suggesting I take a hot bath. It was such a tempting idea that I jumped at it. I left the bathroom dressed again in the clothes he bought for me, and then it was his turn to get washed up.
I was relaxing in a chair by a small table, feet propped up on a nearby bed, watching the television and smoking a cigarette when he came out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but his undershorts. Wow, the old boy looked worse than with his clothes on. As I watched him stride across the room with an agility which a man his size should not possess and settled himself on the bed, I started to have some second thoughts.
He gazed over at me, a strange look settling on his face as his eyes rested on my cigarette, as he did every time I lit that first one during our meal. He ended his scrutiny by lighting up the cigar he picked up as he sat down from where he put it out in the ashtray on the end table. "What are you watchin', kid?" he asked.
The way he looked over at me, the twinkle in his eyes and the way he asked the question set off pangs of loneliness within me. If this was another place and time, it could have been Al and me. The whole scene reminded me so much of him that it hurt.
"Hey, what's the matter, Sammy? You don't look very good," he observed, warning me that I was projecting what I was thinking on my face. "I hope you're not getting sick after all."
I just shook my head. "No. I'm fine."
"Then what?"
"Nothing. I'm not really interested in the television," I stated.
"Why should you be when there's other things to do," he commented.
Oh boy! That was a lead-in line if I ever heard one.
He got up and stood before me. "Are you sure you feel well?"
"Yeah. I'm fine."
He studied my face for a few seconds. "Am I that repulsive?" he inquired.
I gazed up into kind, gentle eyes, realizing what an incredible jerk I've been. It wasn't the packaging that counted. It was the person inside and what I saw in his eyes and from the way he treated me since he stopped his truck, I knew down inside was a beautiful person. I also pieced together his strange behavior. He had all the signs of someone who was very lonely.
My heart suddenly went out to this man who had saved my butt earlier in the evening. Our eyes met and I smiled at him. "No," I answered his question. "Not at all."
He blinked, looking very shocked, then returned my smile with a small, hesitant one of his own. "Listen, kid. I know most men would take advantage of this situation, but I'm not like that. So if you don't want to... I mean, I don't want you to feel like this is my reward for getting you out of the rain. If we are to do anything, I don't want it to be because you think you owe me one. If you don't want to, then I'll get dressed and get on my way. The room's already paid for and tomorrow you can see what you can do about getting your car since you're now back in civilization."
I stood up, assuring there was still some distance between us, reaching up to undo my shirt buttons, my eyes holding his. "Do you want me?" I asked him, licking my lips.
He closed his eyes for a moment, trembling, then opened them. I swear he was blinking back tears. I figured all he needed was someone to make him feel good about himself. He sure was one of the good guys who cared about others' welfares. Maybe I was wrong and was here to help Hank out after all. "Yes, Sammy. I want you. God, you don't know how badly I want you," he sighed in a soft voice, threatening to break with his unshed tears.
I suddenly had a need burning inside me. I needed to be held, loved, possessed. It would never be what I really needed, but at least I could attempt to take away some of the loneliness by burying myself in Hank's caring. To have him blanket me and shelter me from the world for a while; to have someone else be the strong one for once. For years I always had to be the strong one for those in a leap, to dominate and lead. It wasn't something that was new to me, but before I leaped it felt good to take a step back and let someone else take the lead once in a while. Even Al mentioned that once shortly after he discovered that I was able enough to take the reigns at StarBright, giving Al a chance to be a human being instead of an Admiral in charge of all the men and women on the project. I knew how he felt when I found myself in charge of everyone at PQL. Thankfully, by that time Al and I had become a team. For years already we were able to show a side of ourselves we never dared to show to the rest of the world. Even while leaping, when I had Al with me, we were still able to do it. Since leaping alone, I never had that chance, showing my weaknesses only to the empty walls of wherever I would find myself alone in the night. For the rest of the time I built up walls, distanced myself somewhat, very much like when I was an intern. You still cared, but you were tough enough to walk away when you had to. I was no longer a man who would dare cry or show his fear around others. My poker face became a part of me. Without Al around, no one would ever see what I was really feeling inside. In relationships, I always took the lead and I was the one to walk away.
Just once I decided I could let my defenses down enough to let another show me a little human closeness and intimacy, hoping it would also help to remind me that I was not really alone in the world; it just seemed so because I haven't had Al by my side in so long. Despite the overwhelming physical difference, there were many ways Hank reminded me of Al. Like I mentioned before, the way he would look at me in concern, or that twinkle in his eyes when the mood was light. When he spoke in that soft voice, for some reason it almost sounded like Al to me. His concern was touching. To think, regardless of how he felt about having me, he was willing to let me go.
That was enough to make up my mind. I removed my shirt and without either of us touching, I offered myself to him.
He started to reach out to me, then abruptly pulled his hand back. "No!" he cried out. "I need to hear you say that you want me."
"I want you," I intoned. "I need you. I can't promise you tomorrow, but I want us to make what we can of tonight."
"Are you sure? Why?" he asked, his eyes glistening.
"I don't know. I guess because inside is this wonderful person that I realized I can't resist any longer. And," I added with a small smile, "we're both lonely and in need of love. You also remind me of someone I used to know, who I care about very much and miss. Anyway, would this lie to you?" I answered, dropping my eyes to my jeans.
His eyes fell to where mine lead them, then watched as my eyes took in the swelling in his boxers. "That's not lying either."
He still seemed taken aback by my boldness, but this time he recovered quickly enough. "You don't know the half of it," he remarked with a wry smile.
"Hey."
"Huh?"
I opened my arms, striking a pose that said I was fair game. "Why are we wasting precious time?"
"Because...because... Oh hell," he groaned.
He took a step forward and suddenly I was being enfolded by massive arms as lips hungrily attacked mine. Upon impact, I felt such a surge of electricity; I found it hard to believe that just a single kiss can do that to me. Never had I felt something like that while engaging in sexual activities. His tongue wantonly poked and pried in my mouth, while I bid it welcome, my head light and dizzy from what we were doing.
Everything started to feel strange, surreal. At first I thought that I was starting to leap, but it felt somewhat different than leaping out. I started to think that maybe I wasn't feeling well after all, but what he was doing to me felt too good to stop. Nothing felt so good as being held by him. I suddenly felt as if all the emptiness I've been harboring in my soul was being filled with something I thought I'd never feel again. He even started to feel like a different person to me, forgetting that I had this deep ache to make love to a three hundred plus male I had met only hours ago. It didn't matter, because I felt as if I had known him all my life.
My eyes were closed as the world started to spin. He gently broke the kiss and held me up.
"Sam? Are you all right?" I was being asked.
"Al," I whispered dreamily, then realizing what I did, I tried to snap myself out of the spell I found myself caught in. I couldn't and I knew why. I heard those exact words before, that voice. Oh my God, I must be sick after all and started to hallucinate. Probably blew Hank's ego all to hell too.
I was shaken, hard, then, "Sam? What's the matter?" Al's frantic voice was calling to me.
I snapped my eyes open, expecting to find that I had lost all touch with reality for a short time and see Hank standing there.
Only to find I was being held up by...Al! Fear and concern clouded his beautiful warm brown eyes.
With a gasp, I grabbed the arms which should have been wide and flabby, but weren't. They were lean and muscular, shocking the hell out of me.
I opened my mouth and managed to croak out one syllable. "A-al?"
He nodded. "It's me, buddy. But you don't look very well," Al exclaimed, starting to lead me to the closest bed. "I thought you were going to pass out on me."
"I almost did," I gasped. "I-I'm fine now. I think. Where's Hank?" I dared to ask him.
"In the Waiting Room."
"The..."
Al settled me on the bed and started to check my pulse. "Yeah."
"How long?"
"He was never here with you," came Al's reply.
I stared at him with wide eyes as his revelation struck home. The odd behavior, the concern, the sudden feelings of friendship. The effects of the kiss.
"I thought that the kiss was that electrifying," I moaned, "but it was really your metamorphosis when we touched."
Al nodded, still studying me. "Perhaps you should try to get some sleep," he suggested.
I bolted up into a sitting position, grabbing Al's wrist, marveling that was really the one person I never expected to see again, all too aware that it was even longer since we were able to touch. "Oh no," I stated, suddenly feeling angry that he had played me for so long. "You. You leaped in before the truck stopped out there?"
"Yeah. Suddenly I found myself driving this truck in the middle of nothing in this horrible downpour. I just barely made out your form on the side of the road. Then I saw it was you."
"Why didn't you tell me?!?" I demanded through clenched teeth, squeezing the flesh I still held.
Al winced, but I didn't let up. "I was going to, but when you...you... You offered yourself to a strange man because he picked you up!" Al accused, mortified.
"Yeah, that's what they call it," I snapped back. "A pick up."
"Why?" was Al's pained question, eyes no longer twinkling, and darkening with his turbulent emotions.
"I asked first," still holding my ground.
"And I answered." At my continued stare, he added, "Oh dammit, Sam. I couldn't believe I was reading your signs right, and then when it was apparent that you were... I wanted to see just how far you would actually take it."
"And that's the only reason why you gave me the chance to back out?"
He shrugged. "Maybe. Part of it was... I couldn't be angry at you any longer when you made it quite clear that when it came down to you, you wanted me for who I was inside and not the outside appearance. Everything I was since you climbed in the truck was me, hiding beneath the aura of a behemoth, and I could see that's what you wanted the most."
"You sneaky son of a bitch," I croaked. "You kept it quiet so... Well, now you know. Your best buddy can be a little fag when he wants to be. Okay? Sorry you had to leap to find this out," I snapped defensively. I turned away from him, attempting to get up.
"Sam, don't get mad at me." Al was struggling to hold me in place.
"Why the hell not?" I snapped, almost gaining my freedom.
"Male or female doesn't matter to me," he shot back. I found myself suddenly sitting firmly on the bed again. "Well, maybe it did get to me a little more because Hank is male, but... Oh, Sam, I never knew you as the type to offer yourself so easily in such a short time. Hardly five minutes went by. And I know you're an open-minded person, but if you were going to throw yourself at anyone within five minutes, I didn't think you would be able to with another guy. I find it hard to believe with a woman."
"Well, I can." I lifted my chin and stared at him in defiance.
Al shook his head mournfully, pained brown eyes meeting mine, trying to look into my soul. "Why? What has happened to you that you can lower your standards like this?" It wasn't an accusation or in anger. He would have said the same if the other person involved was a woman.
The only answer I was able to give him was the thought that popped into my mind. I started to feel my anger fade. The look on his face, in his eyes, his tone of voice, how was I to remain mad at him when he was in such obvious misery. I let out a heavy sigh. "How am I to explain everything I've been through since I started to do this alone?"
"You didn't have to go at this alone!" Al screamed. I pulled back a bit and winced at the unexpected explosion coming from him. I felt my arm shake up and down. I glanced down to find I was still holding onto his wrist. "Why, Sam? Why did you do it?" he continued. "Ziggy says that you could have been home two years ago. Why did you have to leave me? One minute I leave the Imaging Chamber to find a way to help you out, the next Ziggy's alarm is going off, informing me that he lost all trace of you." The tears which were held back before started to spill over. "You were gone. Do you know how many days I stayed in that damn chamber hoping to establish a link with you? They had to drag me out; SHE finally showed up to take me home. SHE!!! That's when it hit. After I spent some time with Ziggy, all I could think about that moment was Tom and Maggie. A life for a life. You did something to make her wait for me and in exchange gave up your chance for freedom."
"You did it for me."
"And I knew how it was going to end. I survived not being rescued that day the first time around. But you...you had no idea how it was going to turn out." He held up a hand to stop my protest. "And even if I didn't have that knowledge when we were back in Vietnam, couldn't you see why I did you? Or did you think that by making Beth wait for me, I'd stop waiting for you? No, Sam. It didn’t work that way. At least you gave me and Beth thirty-nine years together, but that's all we have. She lost me the day you disappeared on us. She all but lost me for six years before that while we were still a team. Why, Sam? I need to know why. I know what it did to me, and I can see the toll of the last two years on you."
"It's been more than two years for me."
"How long?"
"Longer. I don't know. Four, maybe five."
"That long?" Al asked in anguish. I nodded. "All alone, trapped to live out this lifestyle."
I shook my head, then released Al's wrist, raising the hand to his face and gently wiped the tears streaking his proud cheekbones. "No, Al," I stated softly, my eyes forcing his to meet mine. "Not alone. Never completely alone." With my free hand, I pointed to first my head, then my heart. "In here, and in here, I could never be alone. Not when I have memories of you with me all the time."
Al covered the hand still caressing his cheek with his own and after pressing it closer moved it to his mouth and kissed my palm. He gazed up at me with realization burning brightly in his eyes. "You did it because you loved me," he stated in awe.
I nodded, fighting to hold back my own onslaught of tears. "Yes," I whispered, finally admitting the truth I kept hidden for years.
"And you thought that since I couldn't return that love to you, you might as well give me the one person who I could love as much as you love me."
I nodded again, feeling the tears start to slip from my eyes.
"There's only one problem."
"What's that?" I somehow managed past the lump in my throat.
"I love you more than I have ever loved Beth. Couldn't you see that from the time I helped you save Tom? Why do you think I've stood by your side all those years willingly as you battled all the evils of the universe? Not because I'm a good soldier, Sam. I'd follow you to hell and back without question because I love you, and I never want to lose you. That's why I leaped once Ziggy decided to produce the odds of my leaping taking me to wherever you are. That's why I'm here with you right now. And if we're to never return home again, I don't care because my home is wherever you are."
"You mean..." I gasped, my mouth dropping open. "W-what about Beth? The girls? Your life--"
Al covered my mouth with his fingertips. "You, Sam Beckett, are my life. Now no more arguments, 'cause we've wasted enough precious time afraid to say what's really in our hearts due to fear of how the other would react."
"You kept your mouth shut because you were afraid of what I might think?" I asked, Al's fingers still resting on my lips. I couldn't resist a small lick.
Al let out a sigh. "Well, I know you believe in human rights, but fighting for black rights doesn't make you black. So while you fought for gay rights, you still never gave me any reason to believe that you'd welcome such advances from another male, especially your best friend who you trust." His fingers started to trace my mouth and he smiled up at me. "I love you, Sam."
"Oh, Al," I moaned as he closed the distance between us, his lips replacing the roving fingers. The fingers moved to run through my hair, then settled on my neck, while his other arm pulled me in, pressing me close against him.
My arms encircled his waist as our kiss deepened in urgency to be as physically close as possible. I started to feel as if I'd overload, but persisted, losing myself further in the kiss, my hands starting to explore the glorious naked torso pressed against my bare chest.
Al let out a moan as my hands ran up and down his back. Groping hands rubbed my shoulders, down my arms, to my back and finally resting on my ass, causing my lower half to rub against his. You couldn't ignore the heat the friction caused. I grabbed Al's ass and pressed him further against me, imprisoned cocks crashing against each other. But it wasn't nearly enough. I managed to pry myself away from Al's body, Al still maintaining his hold on me. He let out a little whimper.
I captured his hands between my hands. "Shush, love. I'm not going anywhere," I assured him before I thoroughly kissed his delicious mouth, feeling my head spin. Everything I had wistfully imagined, most recently less than an hour ago, was happening. I was afraid that I would eventually wake up and discover that it was all a fever-induced hallucination. One thing I knew for sure, I was definitely burning up. I took great pleasure in exploring his mouth, coming into contact with his own hungry tongue, reveling in the taste of his cigar. I hated to admit it, but I did like the scent and taste of his cigars, identifying it as Al -- my Al.
At last I pulled away, feeling my legs threaten to give out under me. "This is wonderful," I sighed, "and I could kiss you all night long, but there's more to life than just this," I told him, running my hands appreciatively down his chest, circling his nipples. I captured them with my fingers and started to pull and pinch on them. I discovered that Al was like me. I thought he was going to just slide to the floor. I smiled and bought my mouth to his for another deep probing kiss as my hands continued to make him crazy. He was moaning into the kiss and his hands rested on my shoulders, fingers digging into my flesh.
I realized that both of us were fast going past the point of being able to continue standing for much longer. I guided us the few feet back to the bed we recently vacated. We remained sitting up. My mouth finally left Al's and I started to attack his neck, his shoulders, then down his chest until my lips, tongue and teeth took over what my hands were doing to him. Which left my hands free to find new territory to find pleasure with. They started with his sides, then waist and hips before moving onto his stomach. I pulled on the boxers, tugging them off. It wasn't very long before my mouth once again got into the act.
He was close, just a little more when I felt him pushing me away. "No!" Al gasped. "Not like this."
I sat up and peered down at him. He was gorgeous, his body hard and lean, chest rising and falling with each ragged breath. Lust glazed eyes taking in my body. "I want..." he started, "I want us to come together."
He leaned over, undoing the buttons on my jeans. I was pushed back, and it was my turn to feel the pleasures of what Al could do to me. I never felt so full and complete. I was no stranger to sex by far, and even with those I thought I loved and wanted to stay with seemed pale in comparison to how I felt for Al. I never once thought Al could return love to me in the same way I felt for him. That was before I leaped back to Beth. Since then, what I felt for Al really didn't matter because I believed that I would never see him again, except to come across a past Al in a leap.
Al was with me again and he was making love to me. I didn't think I would last much longer and I made sure Al knew that. "Al," I wheezed, "in the jeans you gave me to wear, there's something I picked up while you were in the men's room."
He gazed at me, his eyes sparkling. "You didn't," he stated in wonder.
I nodded. "I did. Get it now, quick."
After another loving kiss, Al rushed to the pants and removed the small bag with a tube of lubricant in it. After taking it out of the bag, he stared at it, then at me, shaking his head.
"Don't go getting that way at a time like this, and just be thankful that it's here," I hissed. "Especially knowing you. Now get over here with that and fuck me!" I all but screamed.
His eyes opened wide at the crude and, to him for me, rare way of putting it, but he didn't hesitate any longer. With a promising smile, he returned to the bed. "You're a little slut," he accused me teasingly.
"The better to love you," I purred in his ear as I offered my assistance in applying the stuff to his hard, throbbing cock. "Come on, Al," I cajoled, all too aware that he didn't need any encouragement. "I wanna feel you inside me."
I had just barely accommodated him, and a few smooth, hard thrusts later had us both howling in pleasure. Al collapsed on the bed alongside me and I gathered him in my arms, needing to still feel his solid reality. I was amazed by the turn of events. What started as a promise to a long, rough leap turned into a reunion I had never thought possible.
Al was tracing the lines of my face with his fingers until our mouths met for a sweet, loving kiss. "I love you, Sam," he vowed.
That was it for me. With those words, while reveling in the afterglow of making love to Al, all the emptiness and loneliness which filled me for the last few years came to the surface. I was suddenly being gathered close to Al's warm body as I shook from the force of the sobs that took over.
"Hey, what's wrong, baby?" Al asked gently, planting little loving kisses on my face as hands stroked the pain away.
"I-I'm just... I can't explain it. Just all these years of not having you and before that unable to touch you..." I collapsed into tears again. I felt a purging of a soul which threatened to turn dark, but hadn't yet because of an internal fight; one I wasn't sure how much longer I'd have the will to fight.
Al's sudden appearance may have saved more than just my physical life. No more words were needed; Al seemed to know just what I needed. He held me, comforted me with his hands and soft words of love and encouragement.
By the time the crying finally subsided, I found I couldn't question Al's being there, his leaving his family and life behind, or the possibility that he just may be as lost in time as I was. Something inside told me that he was in a leap to save someone, and that someone was me. It was what was asked of Al and he did it willingly and without hesitation.
I still had questions to ask, plenty of them, but the time didn't seem appropriate. Instead I hugged my best friend, turned lover, tightly and let out a blissful sigh.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, obvious that he cried with me.
I smiled up at him. "Alive. Really, really alive, like I haven't felt in a long time."
"I'm glad," he stated, then after kissing my nose, added, "Me too."
"You think we're both here to set one major wrong right?" I asked him.
"Oh, Sammy. From this point one, I'll continue to let you know just what you mean to me, and how much I love you."
"I'll do the same. I love you, Al."
Our mouths met for another lingering, lazy, but powerful kiss. Both of us felt too drained to do anything more. After the kiss, we snuggled down in each other's arms, bodies pressed close and fell asleep.
At some point during the night, in my sleep, I felt us leap out.
** music and lyrics by Clint Black/Hayden Nicholas 1992
sung by Clint Black The Hard Way CD
Author: Gena S. Durrell
Genre: Quantum Leap, Slash
Pairing: Al/Sam
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: This is a slash story. That means there is M/M sex involved. If such things offend you, or if you are underage, please read no further. Some profanity.
Spoilers: All through the series up to the last episode
Summary: Sam, still leaping alone, finds assistance from a very strange acting truck driver. (Sequel to Go The Distance)
Author’s Notes: The third fic in the “Always” universe. I wrote most of my QL fanfic in 1st person. This one is in Sam’s POV.
DISCLAIMER: Sam Beckett, Al Calavicci and other Quantum Leap characters belong to Belisarius. No profit, no infringement. I'm just having some fun with them for the time being.
Wake Up Yesterday
...All in just a moment my whole life passed before me
In just that time if left me cold and numb
Lying in the darkness like there's nowhere else to be
Wondering if there's nothing more to come
Curiosity compels me and I open my eyes
Like another day the night is gone again
The natural conclusion I'm about to realize
This is the beginning or the end
There's a light at the end of the tunnel I can see
Now I'm not so sure that's the way
I still might find a way to change where I'll be bound tomorrow
But I'm never gonna wake up yesterday
There's no uneasy feeling and no disbelieving
This is something good, there's got to be a sign
Back there in the darkness I see nothing I'd be leaving
Why don't I look back on anything as mine
I'm looking at tomorrow or is it back the other way
Or is where I am where I'm supposed to be
A voice of reassurance says it's just another day
But the voice inside my head don't sound like me
There's a light at the end of the tunnel I can see
That I'm never gonna wake up yesterday
No, I'm never gonna wake up yesterday
No, I'm never gonna wake up...*
Several hours into the new leap and I still had no idea what I was there to fix. There were no feelings tugging at my instincts, nor were there any people around to give me a clue. Worse yet, the clear sky started to disappear behind dark clouds, threatening to rain and I seriously doubted I would find any decent shelter in the nearby vicinity. So far, I hadn't even come across a cave or some sort of ledge to use as shelter.
While still nowhere near even the smallest cluster of lights denoting a town, I felt greatly relieved when I at last wandered into a clearing which a road ran through. Not exactly a large highway, more like a local road, but it had to lead to somewhere, regardless of how far somewhere might be. Not that far, I hoped as I walked to the road. It had started to rain at a steady pace during the last ten minutes before I found the road and it looked as if the worse was yet to come. I thought it would be nice if a car actually came down the road. By that point, I really didn't care which direction it would be traveling in, just as long as it was going towards civilization.
I was wet, hungry and getting cold in the thin cotton shirt and trousers I wore. My wallet had close to fifty dollars, along with credit cards, a driver's license and work-related identification which most probably won't do me any good for quite a few years. Strange, my clothes would change with each leap, but they were still my clothes that I wore. My wallet came along for the ride each time too. Somehow the amount in my wallet was still never enough to get through a leap, so I had to find other means to make ends meet. I hated to admit it, but the reason I sometimes would end up going home with a woman was it usually meant spending the night with her, in a cozy bed, under a roof, and the only payment I had to make for such accommodations was being good enough so she'd keep me around until it was time for me to leave.
Which was why I found myself hoping that should a car ever come down the road, it would be a single female who wouldn't mind male company for the night. It would immediately take care of getting out of the rain that evening.
Thirty minutes later I started to mutter strings of curses when I found myself still walking down the road, drenched to the core and shivering. I tried, but I couldn't find anywhere that I could get out of the downpour. I did the only thing I could think of; I kept walking.
Just when I started to think that I wouldn't be able to physically force myself to go any further, the area started to light up. My chattering mouth cracked a smile. I turned from the direction I came from to see the headlights of a vehicle come towards me. As it got closer, I could make out it was a tractor-trailer. I put out my thumb as it got closer. At the very least, he would be going somewhere worthwhile, I figured. Perhaps it was also the reason I was there. Maybe it was something simple and quick, and upon reaching a town and first chance of being alone, I'd be out of there, leaving behind the wet clothes and the freezing coldness. Too good to be true, I thought as the truck came to a screeching halt.
I climbed up and peered in the open door. "Where are you going?" the truck driver asked, with a warm smile on his face.
I shook my head. "Out of the rain," was my reply. "Other than that, I don't really care."
The truck driver nodded, intense, twinkling eyes studying me, until I started to get uneasy. I suddenly felt as if I was being sized up, which made me wonder if I would have to provide some sort of payback for the rescue.
"Well, are you getting in or what?" the driver asked roughly.
"Uh..." I didn't particularly like the possibility, but to be honest with myself, I hated the thought of being stuck in the middle of nowhere more. And it wouldn't be the first time I had to give myself to another male, but sometimes...whatever it takes to get through a leap or to get the job done is what I'll do.
So I started to climb in all the way. "Thanks," I mumbled, settling down in the comfortable passenger seat of the truck's cab. I glanced at the driver. He was this big, beefy guy with a beard and mustache, long hair pulled back in a ponytail. Even in the dim of the dashboard lights I could see that most of his width was not muscle, but the results of sitting on his duff for long hauls and too many road stops. From the faint scent in the cab, I would guess he was also a little overdue in taking a shower. Chances were he didn't have too much of a chance for that in this middle of nothing.
Well at last I had some clues as to a time period. The cab of the truck was one of those custom jobs circa the late seventies. I couldn't get much of a date from the flannel shirt and tee shirt the driver was wearing. I figured I was right that it had to be at least late seventies because on the radio the Bee Gees were singing about staying alive. Boy, I knew that feeling. It had become a prominent thought in the last hour when I believed I was never going to get out of that rain.
We were still stopped, the driver still staring at me. There was definitely something in his eyes, but I couldn't make out what in the little light available. I decided that a mumbled thanks wasn't really enough, then wondered if he thought so too. So I smiled at him. "I really appreciate you stopping," I stated.
He shook his head. "It's no weather to be wandering around," he replied, his voice gruff. "How long have you been out there? Did your car break down or something?"
I couldn't very well start explaining to him that I didn't know because I suddenly found myself being dropped in the middle of a forest, so I opted for a lie. "Sorta. It's miles back...in a gully. I guess I started to get tired and wasn't paying much attention to the road. The next thing I knew I was off the road. Did considerable damage to the car. Started to walk along the road, hoping to find somewhere to make a call. Then a couple of miles along, it started to rain."
"You've been in this rain since it started?" he asked, worry evident in his voice.
"Yeah."
"You're shivering," he observed, his voice softening. He turned to the back of the cab and started to rummage through the area. "I think I have something back here to help warm you up some. We don't want you to come down with pneumonia or something, do we?"
I wasn't too sure about `we', but I knew about me. No, it would not be a pleasant thing to happen. I just nodded, looking down. Yeah, I caught it in his eyes. There was definitely some kind of interest there. I wasn't too sure if he didn't get what he wanted from me that he would still be so concerned about my health. He just might want to dump me back in the rain and leave me to freeze to death.
His deep voice broke into my thoughts. "Here. Get on back there and get out of those wet things. These may be a bit too big on you, but they are dry and warm."
Just in case I was expected to deliver a payment, I decided to let him know I was willing. Subtly, of course. In the most innocent of manners, I gave him a show as I peeled off the wet clothes. I debated about the underwear, when I heard him say, "Those too. What's the good of dry clothes if you've got those wet, cold things against your skin?" As I peeled them off, he added, "Besides, it would be such a shame to freeze that, wouldn't it?"
I gazed up at him and saw his sparkling eyes rest on my exposed crotch. His eyes met mine when he realized I had stopped moving.
"What's the matter, kid? It's nice piece to look at, but this is hardly the place. Besides, you need to warm up some before you go hypothermic on me."
Slipping into the huge jeans and pullover sweater, I knew for sure what was to go down that night. Or should I say up? I finished dressing and accepted the proffered blanket he had settled on the passenger seat. "There we go, kid. Just wrap yourself in that." He was holding a thermos and a plastic coffee mug that is generic to every truck stop in America. Those type that fit into the little plastic holder on the inside of a door. To my delight, I watched him pour the steamy black liquid into the mug and set it in the expected holder, only it was set on the dashboard between us. "I don't seem to have any sugar or creamer..." he started to apologize.
I immediately picked up the cup and took a grateful swallow, feeling the warmth go from my mouth to the pit of my stomach. Normally, I don't mind black coffee; in fact, more often than not it was the way I drank it, usually out of necessity than preference.
The coffee was strong and perhaps sitting in the thermos for more than a few hours too long, and I did like to sweeten, really sweeten, my coffee, but at that moment the liquid in the cup I held was the most heavenly cup of coffee I had ever had in my life.
"Feel any better now?" he softly asked, leaning over.
I nodded, getting a better look at his face. He wasn't exactly good-looking either. In fact, I had this feeling my eyes would be closed a helluva lot, while I daydreamed it was Al I was doing it with, just as I had done with the other men I found myself doing that with. Only with this one, it would take a massive amount of imagination, even with my eyes closed.
After an inward sigh, and another hefty gulp of the coffee, I looked up and met his eyes again. Somehow I managed to paste a promising smile on my face and purred, "Maybe we should get moving so we could find somewhere that is `the place'?"
He pulled back and blinked, looking taken aback. Which caused me to wonder if I had read his signs right.
"I-is there anything wrong?" I asked him.
He continued to stare at me with shocked eyes. After what seemed like an eternity, he said, "You. Who are you?"
"I'm..." Who will I be this time? I wondered. Will I make up a name and a fictional life to go along with the name, playing into the fantasy persona I created for myself as I sometimes did? Or will I go for my real name. I chose to hold off on the decision until I had more on the leap to go on. As far as a name goes, I'd just come up with another last name, if I chose to go that path. "...Sammy," I replied.
"You're Sammy," he replied in a small voice. "I'm Hank."
"Hiya, Hank," I greeted, extending my hand. When I realized that he wasn't going to take it, I dropped it and went back to drinking my coffee.
"There's more in the thermos when you're done," Hank offered finally putting the truck into gear and pulling back onto the road.
"Thanks. Ah...where are you heading?" I asked, watching the landscape go by, blurred by the rain, ever grateful that I was no longer out there. I was still cold and shivering, but I did feel better being in dry clothes and a warm place. At least I felt as if I was warming up. I noticed that Hank had hiked up the heat some. I actually started to believe I'd survive the leap after all.
The cold must have definitely started to affect my thinking, because I found myself wondering if perhaps Hank was there to save me. It sure as hell felt like it. And I was thankful for that fact. So much so that had Hank really been after what I thought he was, I realized it wouldn't be so bad after all compared to what I could have been doing that night if he didn't stop.
"Right now, to some place to pull over for the night. It's so damn bad out here, I can hardly see the road." I noticed he spared me a sidelong glance. "Besides I think you'll look even better in a bed than in that seat."
So I didn't take it the wrong way after all. I waited until he gave me another look. Yeah, he wanted it, but he was also nervous. The cold must definitely had frozen a few brain cells of mine, because I found myself giving him what I knew was a smile no one was able to resist, and that was when I wasn't trying.
"Well, Hank. I'm still cold and you know what they say about body heat," I suggested in a tone that I knew Hank would have no doubt that he would get his payment in full.
I actually smiled when I noticed the truck sway a little off after I spoke. Quickly enough, he got control back as he muttered a string of curses under his breath. Then to me, he said, "Goddammit, kid! Don't do that to me while I'm driving. Do you want to get us both killed?"
"No. We wouldn't be able to find some place like that, now would we?"
He shook his head, applying all his concentration on the road ahead of us. "So, Sammy, do you have any idea where such a place would be?" he asked.
"Hank, I really appreciate you coming to my rescue. I'm eternally grateful and would do anything to pay you back," I persisted.
"A-anything?" He spared another look at me. "Just what do you mean by anything?"
"Uh...what do you want? I'm yours for the asking." I think I've been one too many male prostitutes as a cover story. This was too good to be coming from me. You know the worse part, or the best, depending how you look at it? I was enjoying myself.
"Sammy, do us both a favor. Shut up and drink your coffee until we get there. Once again, do you know..."
"Sorry. I don't come from around here."
"I don't doubt you don't," I heard Hank mutter.
** ** *** ** **
"Okay, kid," Hank announced, walking into the gift shot where he left me. Poor guy. Ever since we pulled into the town that had a truck stop, he maintained a good distance from me. The guy was nothing but nerves and, judging from his body language, raging hormones. Once we got into a room and fatso was able to relax, I seriously doubted he would last very long. Which suited me just fine.
Upon entering the truck stop, he excused himself to head for the men's room, instructing me to wait in the gift shop. While I waited for him, I came across some tee shirts. Well, I found myself picking out a black tee-shirt, chambray long sleeve work shirt embroidered with silver and black thread, a pair of jeans and a denim jacket with sheepskin lining. I was just picking out a hat when he came back.
Just before he showed up, I realized that he was gone for quite a while. Probably he had to work off some of the steam I created during the ride. The thought that he might have decided to just let me off the hook and cut out since I was out of the monsoon and in a warm, dry civilized area had also crossed my mind. No such luck.
I turned to smile at him. "I can't decide between the black hat or the brown one," I greeted him with a smile, trying both on for his opinion.
He studied me again, his look even more intense in the bright lights of the gift shop. "At first I thought that white one there would be more appropriate, but I think the black one is more you."
"Think so?" I asked, putting it on again and looking in the nearby mirror. "Yeah, you're right. Perfect." I held up the other things I selected. "Maybe I'd go for the black boots as well." I went back to the boot aisle, Hank following, surprisingly graceful and light-footed for a man of his bulk.
"There," Hank pointed out. "The ones with the silver trimming. It'll match the shirt you've got there."
"Too expensive," I replied. "So it's something more simple and much cheaper. In fact, I'm going to put the jacket back."
"Not if I'm buying," he offered.
"Hank, I can't let you..."
"Will you let me..." His eyes finished what he couldn't.
"You know I will," I replied, meeting his eyes.
"Then let me buy you your new outfit, jacket included. I think you'll look wonderful in all that. But then again," he sighed, "you'll look good in anything. You look good in those baggy things and you looked good even as a drenched rat."
I found myself blushing, especially since it was the real me he was complimenting.
"I'm not taking no for an answer," he insisted.
"Okay," I conceded. Hey, if he was that insistent in paying for the items, it meant my money still staying in my pocket, should I need it later in the leap. "It's a deal."
I followed him to the cashier, Hank stopping us at the tobacco aisle. How wonderful, I thought as I watched him. My lover for the evening was a cigar smoker. With a wistful sigh, I wanted very much a certain cigar smoker to be my lover, to taste the tobacco in his mouth, the faint scent lingering about him. Abruptly I had to pull myself out of my dangerous thoughts. One thing which had happened was I suddenly found I had a lot of frustration to work off on ol' Hank when we finally got a room. Good, it would make it easy to get through the night with him.
As he did his selecting, I pondered should Sammy Whoever-My-Last-Name-Might-Be for this leap be a smoker himself. Why the hell not, I decided and glanced over at the cigarettes. I held up a pack of Marlboros in question as he made his choice and looked over at me.
"You want me to buy those for you?" he croaked.
I nodded. "But if you don't want to, I'll pay for them myself. I just figured that you wouldn't mind a smoker since you're buying those things." I pointed to his cigars. Cheap ones, not the imported ones Al preferred. Al always hated to run out of cigars in the middle of nowhere and have to make a selection in one of these kind of places.
"I didn't think you smoked," he stated, then shrugged. "Oh well, if you must," he sighed.
I narrowed my eyes. "Don't tell me you're one of those who hate cigarette smoke?" I asked. "I had a friend like that. I prefer cigarettes, but I can get one of those if it would make you feel better."
"It would most certainly not!" he exclaimed. "You want to smoke those damn cigarettes, put them with the clothes. I don't mind cigarette smoke."
"Thank you," I replied, perplexed at his outburst. As he went to pay for the purchases, I thought of the beginning of my friendship with Al. I hated cigar smoke and he couldn't stand cigarette smoke, yet at the time we were both smokers. A couple of years later, I managed to break my habit, much to Al's relief. Until I started to get on him about his quitting. Cigar smokers are a strange group. They actually don't really consider themselves smokers, since they only puff on them, while cigarette smokers inhale. Personally, I never found a difference. Abusing tobacco products was abuse no matter what you smoked. Unfortunately, in the recent times, I found myself once in a while picking up a smoke, usually of the cigarette variety. Sometimes it helped to fall into a certain persona easier.
Well, the moment had to arrive soon. Once we were finished in the gift shop and after I used the men's room to change into the new outfit, Hank suggested that we get something to eat. He was really a strange guy. It was obvious he wanted something from me, and at times appeared downright excited. Yet he was also nervous, kind of skittish about it. He would blush every time I was forward and up front about what we were to do, in a discreet way, of course, so not to bring attention on us. He was also very distant. Oh, he had this warm, exuberant personality with this great sense of humor which reminded me a lot of Al, but he always maintained his distance, making it clear that touching in any manner was a no-no. I understood why he was hesitant to answer any personal questions in light of what we were to do. This wasn't the start of some big romance. By the next morning, he'd be properly thanked and then rested. He'd be back on his way, and I'd be staying in the town seeking out what it was I had to do. I knew it wasn't for Hank. He just happened to be in the right place at the right time and kind enough to stop for me. Never mind what I was expected to do in return. Simple fact was the man probably saved my life and by the time we ended up in a room, what was to go down seemed petty in light that I was there and healthy enough to engage in such activities.
Despite his strangeness, I trusted Hank, feeling secure that he wouldn't hurt me. I didn't think he got much of a chance at sex with his overall appearance, so he probably relieved himself of male needs wherever he could. A poor, drenched idiot wandering along the side of a road during a downpour in the middle of nowhere would most probably be thankful enough to give Hank what he needed. I discovered I was. Anyway, there was something about the way he looked at me that I knew he cared. I could see it in his eyes. I was amazed to discover that since almost the start, I felt comfortable with him and we fell into easy camaraderie, as if we were old friends. His concern for my health was a nice touch from a complete stranger to a wandering fool. We talked, we laughed, we even checked out the females in the truck stop, making comments, most notably about the waitresses.
We ended up riding in the truck for another hour to the next town, since there was no vacancies in the one we stopped in, and another thirty minutes before we found a room once we got into town.
Immediate friendship aside, like I said, this wasn't going to be the start of any great love, because even should Hank decide to keep me around, there would come a time when I would have to leave, if not very soon.
Simple.
Or it should have been. Once inside a room, Hank offered to allow me to use the bathroom first, suggesting I take a hot bath. It was such a tempting idea that I jumped at it. I left the bathroom dressed again in the clothes he bought for me, and then it was his turn to get washed up.
I was relaxing in a chair by a small table, feet propped up on a nearby bed, watching the television and smoking a cigarette when he came out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but his undershorts. Wow, the old boy looked worse than with his clothes on. As I watched him stride across the room with an agility which a man his size should not possess and settled himself on the bed, I started to have some second thoughts.
He gazed over at me, a strange look settling on his face as his eyes rested on my cigarette, as he did every time I lit that first one during our meal. He ended his scrutiny by lighting up the cigar he picked up as he sat down from where he put it out in the ashtray on the end table. "What are you watchin', kid?" he asked.
The way he looked over at me, the twinkle in his eyes and the way he asked the question set off pangs of loneliness within me. If this was another place and time, it could have been Al and me. The whole scene reminded me so much of him that it hurt.
"Hey, what's the matter, Sammy? You don't look very good," he observed, warning me that I was projecting what I was thinking on my face. "I hope you're not getting sick after all."
I just shook my head. "No. I'm fine."
"Then what?"
"Nothing. I'm not really interested in the television," I stated.
"Why should you be when there's other things to do," he commented.
Oh boy! That was a lead-in line if I ever heard one.
He got up and stood before me. "Are you sure you feel well?"
"Yeah. I'm fine."
He studied my face for a few seconds. "Am I that repulsive?" he inquired.
I gazed up into kind, gentle eyes, realizing what an incredible jerk I've been. It wasn't the packaging that counted. It was the person inside and what I saw in his eyes and from the way he treated me since he stopped his truck, I knew down inside was a beautiful person. I also pieced together his strange behavior. He had all the signs of someone who was very lonely.
My heart suddenly went out to this man who had saved my butt earlier in the evening. Our eyes met and I smiled at him. "No," I answered his question. "Not at all."
He blinked, looking very shocked, then returned my smile with a small, hesitant one of his own. "Listen, kid. I know most men would take advantage of this situation, but I'm not like that. So if you don't want to... I mean, I don't want you to feel like this is my reward for getting you out of the rain. If we are to do anything, I don't want it to be because you think you owe me one. If you don't want to, then I'll get dressed and get on my way. The room's already paid for and tomorrow you can see what you can do about getting your car since you're now back in civilization."
I stood up, assuring there was still some distance between us, reaching up to undo my shirt buttons, my eyes holding his. "Do you want me?" I asked him, licking my lips.
He closed his eyes for a moment, trembling, then opened them. I swear he was blinking back tears. I figured all he needed was someone to make him feel good about himself. He sure was one of the good guys who cared about others' welfares. Maybe I was wrong and was here to help Hank out after all. "Yes, Sammy. I want you. God, you don't know how badly I want you," he sighed in a soft voice, threatening to break with his unshed tears.
I suddenly had a need burning inside me. I needed to be held, loved, possessed. It would never be what I really needed, but at least I could attempt to take away some of the loneliness by burying myself in Hank's caring. To have him blanket me and shelter me from the world for a while; to have someone else be the strong one for once. For years I always had to be the strong one for those in a leap, to dominate and lead. It wasn't something that was new to me, but before I leaped it felt good to take a step back and let someone else take the lead once in a while. Even Al mentioned that once shortly after he discovered that I was able enough to take the reigns at StarBright, giving Al a chance to be a human being instead of an Admiral in charge of all the men and women on the project. I knew how he felt when I found myself in charge of everyone at PQL. Thankfully, by that time Al and I had become a team. For years already we were able to show a side of ourselves we never dared to show to the rest of the world. Even while leaping, when I had Al with me, we were still able to do it. Since leaping alone, I never had that chance, showing my weaknesses only to the empty walls of wherever I would find myself alone in the night. For the rest of the time I built up walls, distanced myself somewhat, very much like when I was an intern. You still cared, but you were tough enough to walk away when you had to. I was no longer a man who would dare cry or show his fear around others. My poker face became a part of me. Without Al around, no one would ever see what I was really feeling inside. In relationships, I always took the lead and I was the one to walk away.
Just once I decided I could let my defenses down enough to let another show me a little human closeness and intimacy, hoping it would also help to remind me that I was not really alone in the world; it just seemed so because I haven't had Al by my side in so long. Despite the overwhelming physical difference, there were many ways Hank reminded me of Al. Like I mentioned before, the way he would look at me in concern, or that twinkle in his eyes when the mood was light. When he spoke in that soft voice, for some reason it almost sounded like Al to me. His concern was touching. To think, regardless of how he felt about having me, he was willing to let me go.
That was enough to make up my mind. I removed my shirt and without either of us touching, I offered myself to him.
He started to reach out to me, then abruptly pulled his hand back. "No!" he cried out. "I need to hear you say that you want me."
"I want you," I intoned. "I need you. I can't promise you tomorrow, but I want us to make what we can of tonight."
"Are you sure? Why?" he asked, his eyes glistening.
"I don't know. I guess because inside is this wonderful person that I realized I can't resist any longer. And," I added with a small smile, "we're both lonely and in need of love. You also remind me of someone I used to know, who I care about very much and miss. Anyway, would this lie to you?" I answered, dropping my eyes to my jeans.
His eyes fell to where mine lead them, then watched as my eyes took in the swelling in his boxers. "That's not lying either."
He still seemed taken aback by my boldness, but this time he recovered quickly enough. "You don't know the half of it," he remarked with a wry smile.
"Hey."
"Huh?"
I opened my arms, striking a pose that said I was fair game. "Why are we wasting precious time?"
"Because...because... Oh hell," he groaned.
He took a step forward and suddenly I was being enfolded by massive arms as lips hungrily attacked mine. Upon impact, I felt such a surge of electricity; I found it hard to believe that just a single kiss can do that to me. Never had I felt something like that while engaging in sexual activities. His tongue wantonly poked and pried in my mouth, while I bid it welcome, my head light and dizzy from what we were doing.
Everything started to feel strange, surreal. At first I thought that I was starting to leap, but it felt somewhat different than leaping out. I started to think that maybe I wasn't feeling well after all, but what he was doing to me felt too good to stop. Nothing felt so good as being held by him. I suddenly felt as if all the emptiness I've been harboring in my soul was being filled with something I thought I'd never feel again. He even started to feel like a different person to me, forgetting that I had this deep ache to make love to a three hundred plus male I had met only hours ago. It didn't matter, because I felt as if I had known him all my life.
My eyes were closed as the world started to spin. He gently broke the kiss and held me up.
"Sam? Are you all right?" I was being asked.
"Al," I whispered dreamily, then realizing what I did, I tried to snap myself out of the spell I found myself caught in. I couldn't and I knew why. I heard those exact words before, that voice. Oh my God, I must be sick after all and started to hallucinate. Probably blew Hank's ego all to hell too.
I was shaken, hard, then, "Sam? What's the matter?" Al's frantic voice was calling to me.
I snapped my eyes open, expecting to find that I had lost all touch with reality for a short time and see Hank standing there.
Only to find I was being held up by...Al! Fear and concern clouded his beautiful warm brown eyes.
With a gasp, I grabbed the arms which should have been wide and flabby, but weren't. They were lean and muscular, shocking the hell out of me.
I opened my mouth and managed to croak out one syllable. "A-al?"
He nodded. "It's me, buddy. But you don't look very well," Al exclaimed, starting to lead me to the closest bed. "I thought you were going to pass out on me."
"I almost did," I gasped. "I-I'm fine now. I think. Where's Hank?" I dared to ask him.
"In the Waiting Room."
"The..."
Al settled me on the bed and started to check my pulse. "Yeah."
"How long?"
"He was never here with you," came Al's reply.
I stared at him with wide eyes as his revelation struck home. The odd behavior, the concern, the sudden feelings of friendship. The effects of the kiss.
"I thought that the kiss was that electrifying," I moaned, "but it was really your metamorphosis when we touched."
Al nodded, still studying me. "Perhaps you should try to get some sleep," he suggested.
I bolted up into a sitting position, grabbing Al's wrist, marveling that was really the one person I never expected to see again, all too aware that it was even longer since we were able to touch. "Oh no," I stated, suddenly feeling angry that he had played me for so long. "You. You leaped in before the truck stopped out there?"
"Yeah. Suddenly I found myself driving this truck in the middle of nothing in this horrible downpour. I just barely made out your form on the side of the road. Then I saw it was you."
"Why didn't you tell me?!?" I demanded through clenched teeth, squeezing the flesh I still held.
Al winced, but I didn't let up. "I was going to, but when you...you... You offered yourself to a strange man because he picked you up!" Al accused, mortified.
"Yeah, that's what they call it," I snapped back. "A pick up."
"Why?" was Al's pained question, eyes no longer twinkling, and darkening with his turbulent emotions.
"I asked first," still holding my ground.
"And I answered." At my continued stare, he added, "Oh dammit, Sam. I couldn't believe I was reading your signs right, and then when it was apparent that you were... I wanted to see just how far you would actually take it."
"And that's the only reason why you gave me the chance to back out?"
He shrugged. "Maybe. Part of it was... I couldn't be angry at you any longer when you made it quite clear that when it came down to you, you wanted me for who I was inside and not the outside appearance. Everything I was since you climbed in the truck was me, hiding beneath the aura of a behemoth, and I could see that's what you wanted the most."
"You sneaky son of a bitch," I croaked. "You kept it quiet so... Well, now you know. Your best buddy can be a little fag when he wants to be. Okay? Sorry you had to leap to find this out," I snapped defensively. I turned away from him, attempting to get up.
"Sam, don't get mad at me." Al was struggling to hold me in place.
"Why the hell not?" I snapped, almost gaining my freedom.
"Male or female doesn't matter to me," he shot back. I found myself suddenly sitting firmly on the bed again. "Well, maybe it did get to me a little more because Hank is male, but... Oh, Sam, I never knew you as the type to offer yourself so easily in such a short time. Hardly five minutes went by. And I know you're an open-minded person, but if you were going to throw yourself at anyone within five minutes, I didn't think you would be able to with another guy. I find it hard to believe with a woman."
"Well, I can." I lifted my chin and stared at him in defiance.
Al shook his head mournfully, pained brown eyes meeting mine, trying to look into my soul. "Why? What has happened to you that you can lower your standards like this?" It wasn't an accusation or in anger. He would have said the same if the other person involved was a woman.
The only answer I was able to give him was the thought that popped into my mind. I started to feel my anger fade. The look on his face, in his eyes, his tone of voice, how was I to remain mad at him when he was in such obvious misery. I let out a heavy sigh. "How am I to explain everything I've been through since I started to do this alone?"
"You didn't have to go at this alone!" Al screamed. I pulled back a bit and winced at the unexpected explosion coming from him. I felt my arm shake up and down. I glanced down to find I was still holding onto his wrist. "Why, Sam? Why did you do it?" he continued. "Ziggy says that you could have been home two years ago. Why did you have to leave me? One minute I leave the Imaging Chamber to find a way to help you out, the next Ziggy's alarm is going off, informing me that he lost all trace of you." The tears which were held back before started to spill over. "You were gone. Do you know how many days I stayed in that damn chamber hoping to establish a link with you? They had to drag me out; SHE finally showed up to take me home. SHE!!! That's when it hit. After I spent some time with Ziggy, all I could think about that moment was Tom and Maggie. A life for a life. You did something to make her wait for me and in exchange gave up your chance for freedom."
"You did it for me."
"And I knew how it was going to end. I survived not being rescued that day the first time around. But you...you had no idea how it was going to turn out." He held up a hand to stop my protest. "And even if I didn't have that knowledge when we were back in Vietnam, couldn't you see why I did you? Or did you think that by making Beth wait for me, I'd stop waiting for you? No, Sam. It didn’t work that way. At least you gave me and Beth thirty-nine years together, but that's all we have. She lost me the day you disappeared on us. She all but lost me for six years before that while we were still a team. Why, Sam? I need to know why. I know what it did to me, and I can see the toll of the last two years on you."
"It's been more than two years for me."
"How long?"
"Longer. I don't know. Four, maybe five."
"That long?" Al asked in anguish. I nodded. "All alone, trapped to live out this lifestyle."
I shook my head, then released Al's wrist, raising the hand to his face and gently wiped the tears streaking his proud cheekbones. "No, Al," I stated softly, my eyes forcing his to meet mine. "Not alone. Never completely alone." With my free hand, I pointed to first my head, then my heart. "In here, and in here, I could never be alone. Not when I have memories of you with me all the time."
Al covered the hand still caressing his cheek with his own and after pressing it closer moved it to his mouth and kissed my palm. He gazed up at me with realization burning brightly in his eyes. "You did it because you loved me," he stated in awe.
I nodded, fighting to hold back my own onslaught of tears. "Yes," I whispered, finally admitting the truth I kept hidden for years.
"And you thought that since I couldn't return that love to you, you might as well give me the one person who I could love as much as you love me."
I nodded again, feeling the tears start to slip from my eyes.
"There's only one problem."
"What's that?" I somehow managed past the lump in my throat.
"I love you more than I have ever loved Beth. Couldn't you see that from the time I helped you save Tom? Why do you think I've stood by your side all those years willingly as you battled all the evils of the universe? Not because I'm a good soldier, Sam. I'd follow you to hell and back without question because I love you, and I never want to lose you. That's why I leaped once Ziggy decided to produce the odds of my leaping taking me to wherever you are. That's why I'm here with you right now. And if we're to never return home again, I don't care because my home is wherever you are."
"You mean..." I gasped, my mouth dropping open. "W-what about Beth? The girls? Your life--"
Al covered my mouth with his fingertips. "You, Sam Beckett, are my life. Now no more arguments, 'cause we've wasted enough precious time afraid to say what's really in our hearts due to fear of how the other would react."
"You kept your mouth shut because you were afraid of what I might think?" I asked, Al's fingers still resting on my lips. I couldn't resist a small lick.
Al let out a sigh. "Well, I know you believe in human rights, but fighting for black rights doesn't make you black. So while you fought for gay rights, you still never gave me any reason to believe that you'd welcome such advances from another male, especially your best friend who you trust." His fingers started to trace my mouth and he smiled up at me. "I love you, Sam."
"Oh, Al," I moaned as he closed the distance between us, his lips replacing the roving fingers. The fingers moved to run through my hair, then settled on my neck, while his other arm pulled me in, pressing me close against him.
My arms encircled his waist as our kiss deepened in urgency to be as physically close as possible. I started to feel as if I'd overload, but persisted, losing myself further in the kiss, my hands starting to explore the glorious naked torso pressed against my bare chest.
Al let out a moan as my hands ran up and down his back. Groping hands rubbed my shoulders, down my arms, to my back and finally resting on my ass, causing my lower half to rub against his. You couldn't ignore the heat the friction caused. I grabbed Al's ass and pressed him further against me, imprisoned cocks crashing against each other. But it wasn't nearly enough. I managed to pry myself away from Al's body, Al still maintaining his hold on me. He let out a little whimper.
I captured his hands between my hands. "Shush, love. I'm not going anywhere," I assured him before I thoroughly kissed his delicious mouth, feeling my head spin. Everything I had wistfully imagined, most recently less than an hour ago, was happening. I was afraid that I would eventually wake up and discover that it was all a fever-induced hallucination. One thing I knew for sure, I was definitely burning up. I took great pleasure in exploring his mouth, coming into contact with his own hungry tongue, reveling in the taste of his cigar. I hated to admit it, but I did like the scent and taste of his cigars, identifying it as Al -- my Al.
At last I pulled away, feeling my legs threaten to give out under me. "This is wonderful," I sighed, "and I could kiss you all night long, but there's more to life than just this," I told him, running my hands appreciatively down his chest, circling his nipples. I captured them with my fingers and started to pull and pinch on them. I discovered that Al was like me. I thought he was going to just slide to the floor. I smiled and bought my mouth to his for another deep probing kiss as my hands continued to make him crazy. He was moaning into the kiss and his hands rested on my shoulders, fingers digging into my flesh.
I realized that both of us were fast going past the point of being able to continue standing for much longer. I guided us the few feet back to the bed we recently vacated. We remained sitting up. My mouth finally left Al's and I started to attack his neck, his shoulders, then down his chest until my lips, tongue and teeth took over what my hands were doing to him. Which left my hands free to find new territory to find pleasure with. They started with his sides, then waist and hips before moving onto his stomach. I pulled on the boxers, tugging them off. It wasn't very long before my mouth once again got into the act.
He was close, just a little more when I felt him pushing me away. "No!" Al gasped. "Not like this."
I sat up and peered down at him. He was gorgeous, his body hard and lean, chest rising and falling with each ragged breath. Lust glazed eyes taking in my body. "I want..." he started, "I want us to come together."
He leaned over, undoing the buttons on my jeans. I was pushed back, and it was my turn to feel the pleasures of what Al could do to me. I never felt so full and complete. I was no stranger to sex by far, and even with those I thought I loved and wanted to stay with seemed pale in comparison to how I felt for Al. I never once thought Al could return love to me in the same way I felt for him. That was before I leaped back to Beth. Since then, what I felt for Al really didn't matter because I believed that I would never see him again, except to come across a past Al in a leap.
Al was with me again and he was making love to me. I didn't think I would last much longer and I made sure Al knew that. "Al," I wheezed, "in the jeans you gave me to wear, there's something I picked up while you were in the men's room."
He gazed at me, his eyes sparkling. "You didn't," he stated in wonder.
I nodded. "I did. Get it now, quick."
After another loving kiss, Al rushed to the pants and removed the small bag with a tube of lubricant in it. After taking it out of the bag, he stared at it, then at me, shaking his head.
"Don't go getting that way at a time like this, and just be thankful that it's here," I hissed. "Especially knowing you. Now get over here with that and fuck me!" I all but screamed.
His eyes opened wide at the crude and, to him for me, rare way of putting it, but he didn't hesitate any longer. With a promising smile, he returned to the bed. "You're a little slut," he accused me teasingly.
"The better to love you," I purred in his ear as I offered my assistance in applying the stuff to his hard, throbbing cock. "Come on, Al," I cajoled, all too aware that he didn't need any encouragement. "I wanna feel you inside me."
I had just barely accommodated him, and a few smooth, hard thrusts later had us both howling in pleasure. Al collapsed on the bed alongside me and I gathered him in my arms, needing to still feel his solid reality. I was amazed by the turn of events. What started as a promise to a long, rough leap turned into a reunion I had never thought possible.
Al was tracing the lines of my face with his fingers until our mouths met for a sweet, loving kiss. "I love you, Sam," he vowed.
That was it for me. With those words, while reveling in the afterglow of making love to Al, all the emptiness and loneliness which filled me for the last few years came to the surface. I was suddenly being gathered close to Al's warm body as I shook from the force of the sobs that took over.
"Hey, what's wrong, baby?" Al asked gently, planting little loving kisses on my face as hands stroked the pain away.
"I-I'm just... I can't explain it. Just all these years of not having you and before that unable to touch you..." I collapsed into tears again. I felt a purging of a soul which threatened to turn dark, but hadn't yet because of an internal fight; one I wasn't sure how much longer I'd have the will to fight.
Al's sudden appearance may have saved more than just my physical life. No more words were needed; Al seemed to know just what I needed. He held me, comforted me with his hands and soft words of love and encouragement.
By the time the crying finally subsided, I found I couldn't question Al's being there, his leaving his family and life behind, or the possibility that he just may be as lost in time as I was. Something inside told me that he was in a leap to save someone, and that someone was me. It was what was asked of Al and he did it willingly and without hesitation.
I still had questions to ask, plenty of them, but the time didn't seem appropriate. Instead I hugged my best friend, turned lover, tightly and let out a blissful sigh.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, obvious that he cried with me.
I smiled up at him. "Alive. Really, really alive, like I haven't felt in a long time."
"I'm glad," he stated, then after kissing my nose, added, "Me too."
"You think we're both here to set one major wrong right?" I asked him.
"Oh, Sammy. From this point one, I'll continue to let you know just what you mean to me, and how much I love you."
"I'll do the same. I love you, Al."
Our mouths met for another lingering, lazy, but powerful kiss. Both of us felt too drained to do anything more. After the kiss, we snuggled down in each other's arms, bodies pressed close and fell asleep.
At some point during the night, in my sleep, I felt us leap out.
** music and lyrics by Clint Black/Hayden Nicholas 1992
sung by Clint Black The Hard Way CD