thinking
a little about the pain in my life. I had best friends move away, lose touch, oh and my friend of like 6-7 years just turn around and treat me like shit after he found out i was bi. had my hear reranged multiple times, and most of my birthdays being memerable for people not being able to come. Missing the best friends i've ever had every day i think of them. Feeling that i don't belong when i'm with a group of my closest friends... and on top of all that I still put everyone elses happyness before mine. Atleast once a month I wonder If things would have been better for me or my friends If i hadn't been born/put up for addoption. The loss of one of my best friends, my grandmother when she passed. The lack of sadness for my gradfather passing. My arm limiting my choice of jobs in the future and the fact it gets easier to dislocate every time it happens. The fact I cared more about finnishing my shift then going to the clinic, 6 hours later i went and got 5 stiches in my finger, thing still hurts from time to time. Tho the strange thing with all this shit, I still care about my friends. On mothersday a few years ago I told my mom "you're not my mother" and walked away because a friend needed me and she wouldn't let me go help them.
With all of this, how do I still care? I don't know. I just have to blame my friends for keeping me together, yep its all your fault that i'm still me and still care :p
With all of this, how do I still care? I don't know. I just have to blame my friends for keeping me together, yep its all your fault that i'm still me and still care :p