emotional overload

[demonangel]

when you try and try and try harder only to have everthing you have done thrown in your face.
when you give all you can give and can't give no more.
all the noise in the background is no longer white noise.
it is invading everythign i do and think every moment.
the phone rings every 5 minutes.
a hear screams and cries and demands of what everyone wants every second of every minute of everyday.
and when i point out the selfishness that only i am to blame for instilling
i am told that in no uncertain terms that i am a horrible person for feeling and thinking that
who am i any more
i have become nothing to no one, not even myself
my friends....i really have none
my family.....so far apart, so long ago, i feel like i have none
my children...cannot respect or love me for me, only for what i give
they destroy and disrespect themselves, me, thier stepfather, thier brothers and sisters and all this is learned
through what i have done in a decision of pure selfishness for myself, my own sanity and happiness.
i have sacrificed my children to the machine of life
they are robots of a system that i created
and everyday i am made to feel guilty about that
and i do......
and people why i want to sleep, forever.