Always loving you
Chapter 8
I left Zacky’s house quickly, pulling on all my clothes I thanked god that it was Saturday morning and not a school day. As I was getting changed in Zacky’s room Zacky told me what we did. All I could remember was me telling him I was a virgin, and that was it. But according to that, after I said that we kissed. Then we had sex.
Biting my lip as I walked home I tried to remember it all. When I closed my eyes and tried hard I could remember the kiss. It was hot and sloppy but passionate. Definitely a kiss that was leading somewhere. I knew I didn’t hold back. At the time I didn’t want to. I didn’t know if I could blame it on the alcohol or not.
I made it to my house finally. The first thing I did was have a shower. I needed to get the smell of alcohol and Zacky off me. I stripped and stood under the warm, steamy shower. I leaned my head on the shower wall in front of me and felt the water fall down my left shoulder. My breath steamed up the wall even more than it already was as I felt my eyes water. I was about to wipe them but I didn’t think I could have the energy so I let the tears fall.
I had lost my virginity. That I was saving just for the guy I loved. And that was Syn. I wanted it to be with him and to be special and amazing and romantic and beautiful. And even if it wasn’t Syn, then someone else and… I guess it didn’t even need to be romantic, but… at least freaking remember it. I forgot my first time. How the hell could I do that?
I closed my eyes, the water still running down my body as I imagined Syn’s face when I tell him. The look of hurt in his eyes when he realises what I’ve done. Would he even ever forgive me? Is this it for us now? He says he can’t be with me when I am with Zacky, letting Zacky kiss and touch me in front of him. But what about sex? What can be said about that.
Have I completely ruined everything I have with Syn because of that one, drunken night?
I sighed and finished showering, stepping out I dried myself and put new clothes back on. I then laid on my bed, staring at the white ceiling and thinking about what the hell I was supposed to do. Looking over to my phone, I wondered if I could text Syn, ask him to come round or something. But what the fuck was I supposed to say when he came? “I love you… but last night I fucked someone else?”
Moaning I got up and walked towards my computer. Turning it on I logged onto MSN. Zacky wasn’t online, thank god, but Syn was. I bit my lip and looked at his screen name. I smiled and fresh tears appeared. I was about to click on him to talk, but my MSN made a noise and I knew he started a conversation with me.
Synyster Gates<3M says: Matt! Hey!
M Shadows says: Hey man.
Synyster Gates<3M says: You okay?
M Shadows says: Not really.
Synyster Gates<3M says: Aww why?!
M Shadows says: Uh… last night.
Synyster Gates<3M says: Hmm? Oh yeah, your party thing with Baker-boy. How was it?
M Shadows says: Sucked at first. But then I downed a few… okay a lot and it made it so much better. Wished you were there though.
Synyster Gates<3M says: I wish I was there too. Actually no, I wish you were here, alone with me. =) Speaking of, why don’t you come round? No ones in…
M Shadows says: I don’t know, I mean… I have a hangover and stuff. You don’t wanna be around me when I am like this.
Synyster Gates<3M says: Ha, but Matt, I always wanna be around you.
M Shadows says: I know.
Synyster Gates<3M says: So what are you doing right now?
M Shadows says: Umm, talking to you, crying and drinking lots of water. You?
Synyster Gates<3M says: Crying??
M Shadows says: Shit.
Synyster Gates<3M says: Matty? What’s wrong?
M Shadows says: Nothing. Don’t worry about it.
Synyster Gates<3M says: Matty, I’m coming round.
M Shadows says: No don’t, don’t worry about it, I’m fine.
Synyster Gates<3M has signed off
Fuck.
I got off my computer and walked over to my bed. I didn’t bother making myself look presentable. Hell, I didn’t even bother wiping the tears. I didn’t want to. I wanted to be unattractive to him. I wanted him to run away in disgust at my puffy eyes and wet face.
I laid on my bed and stared up at my ceiling for a while. I didn’t know why I didn’t bother moving. Probably because I was too exhausted to do anything. My eyes felt heavy all of a sudden, and sleep overpowered my body. I didn’t know how long Syn would be, but all I knew was that I wanted to sleep.
***
“Matty? Matty wake up…” I heard gentle whispers in my ear as I was suddenly pulled out of my dream and instead blinking up to a boy who was smiling and looking down on me.
“Syn.” I whispered, smiling back up at him, before remembering everything to turn away to wipe my quickly tear swelling eyes.
“Matty what’s going on?” Syn asked, his voice slightly scared.
“How did you get in?” I asked, “My parents are out they…”
“Shh…” Syn whispered, wrapping his arms around me and wiping my eyes. “I let myself in, the back door was unlocked…”
“The gate to my garden wasn’t…”
“I climbed over it.” Syn smiled down on me. I closed my eyes in pain after he said this. He really does love me, this is going to make it harder.
“What’s going on Matty?” Syn repeated, still hugging me led down. I closed my eyes as they watered again.
“I… can’t tell you.”
“Tell me. Now.” Syn said firmly, not releasing me.
I sighed as I realised I’m gonna have to tell him.
“L…last night… I.. w...was really d…drunk and I went into Z…Zacky’s room to lay down and he followed me there… he tried to come on to me but… I just laughed at him and t…told him I was a virgin… then… the next thing.. I r…remember w…was waking up in the morning, naked and next to Z…Zacky. He.. He.. He.. He told me that… we had sex.” As soon as I said those last three words I burst into tears. I turned my face away from Syn’s so I couldn’t see his reaction. I just clung harder to him, not letting him leave. “D...don’t hate me Syn, I’m so sorry… I never would have… I was drunk… Zacky… I… I’m so sorry.” Burying my head deeper into his t-shirt I cried more than I ever had in my entire life. What made it worse was the fact that Syn wasn’t saying anything. I couldn’t even see his face. Bravely, I looked up and flickered my eyes to his face.
His eyes were wide and his mouth was slightly open. He was shocked to say the least. His eyes looked down and looked into my own. They looked so hurt. He was so hurt, and just by my words, just… by something I stupidly drunkenly did.
“I think I should leave.” He sighed, getting up from my bed and letting go of me.
“No!” I cried, “I don’t! Syn don’t leave me. Brian… please…” I was begging for him. I couldn’t believe it.
“What else am I supposed to do?” Syn asked. “Pretend that everything is okay and come back and hug and kiss you even though I know where your body has been? I can’t believe you would do this to me. And with him especially!”
“I’m so sorry!” I cried, my face crumpling. I was glad I couldn’t see how I looked right then. No wonder he wanted to go. I watched his expression change as he turned back at me and could see my expression and tears and the way I was pleading with him not to leave.
“Matt…” He whispered. “What do you want to do? Do you want to be with him?”
“No!” I practically shouted. That was the last thing I wanted right then. “I don’t want to be with him at all. Last night… I was drunk, okay? Drunk people do fucking bad things. That was the most worse thing I have done in my life. I don’t want to be with him. I want to be with you. I fucking love you Brian, okay? I don’t want to be with Zacky. I wanna be with the guy I love. And that’s you.”
I could tell Syn looked torn. I knew part of him really want to leave right now. Leave… my bedroom, leave my life, leave my heart altogether. But I knew part of him didn’t. I just hope the second part would win.
“I’m so sorry Brian. I really am. There is nothing I regret more in my life.” Getting off my bed I walked towards him. I knew if I wanted him to stay the only thing I could do was keep talking. “I wanted… I wanted my first time to be with someone I loved. I wanted it to be romantic and beautiful and amazing.” Sighing I stood in front of him. Tears were welling in his eyes as he looked at me, “I wanted it to be with you.”
Syn just blinked. I didn’t know what he could say. I pretty much declared my love for him for the first time ever. He seemed speechless. I just waited. There was nothing more I could say. I just hoped to god he would be okay with this.
“I…” Was all that came out of him. I smiled and took his hand. I widened my eyes at him, trying to convince him to stay and forgive me. He didn’t let go but his facial expression wasn’t exactly encouraging. It was completely blank. I couldn’t read it at all. “I’m just… shocked.” Was all he choked out.
“Why?” I asked quietly, “Cos I slept with Zacky?”
“No.” Syn replied. “Well, yeah actually.” He smiled slightly which lifted my heart a little bit. “I’m just shocked at what you just said, is all.”
“What part?” I laughed nervously, “I did say a lot.”
“About…” Syn smiled, wiping another tear again which rose my heart again, “Loving me?”
I grinned as I looked at him.
“Why are you shocked?” I whispered as he wrapped his arm around my waist, causing me to smile. “It’s true.”
“I never knew.” Syn replied, leaning closer, his lips hovered over mine. “And about you wanting your first time to be with me…” his eyes flickered towards my lips as he leaned in and kissed them softly. I moaned gently as he kissed me and then pulled away. “Oh, and just so you know Sanders…” Grinning he walked back towards my bed, pulling me with him, his arms still wrapped around me, “I love you too.” Kissing me again I felt like I was completely forgiven. And not only that it made me feel so incredibly and insanely happy.
“I’m still…” Syn began, “Completely okay with this, you know. I don’t know… if everything will still be the same or not. I just… I just love you too damn much to make this matter.”
Kissing me again I closed my eyes.
“Anything… anything I can do to make it okay?” I whispered as I pulled away from his kisses.
“Zacky.” He said simply, looking at me. “Seriously Matt, if I was jealous and insanely worried about your two relationship back when you told me you liked me, but we kinda with Zacky then, how do you think I am feeling now? How do I know you aren’t going to get drunk and do it again? Or anything else… he must not have been that drunk if he remembers and you didn’t…”
“Thinking about it…” I said, “From all the stuff I remember… I don’t think I remember him drinking all that much…”
“He knew what he was doing when he did it then.” Syn told me, “In my opinion, it was all a plan. I mean, he knew you wouldn’t like it what much, he knew you knew none of his friends. He knew you would probably be bored. And then got you drinking while he drunk none. I mean, do you remember him looking at the amount you were drinking, commenting on it or anything?”
“Yeah kinda.” I replied, “He mentioned how I drunk a lot quite often, and sometimes he watched me drinking… and smiling at it and…”
“Yeah I was right then.” Syn sighed, “He knew what he was doing. He must have been wanting to… have sex with you for a long time… and he only just realised the only way he can is by getting you drunk. Which he did. And it worked.”
I blinked and looked up at Syn. It was true. Everything he was saying made sense. Zacky knew exactly what he was doing when he did it. He also knew I wouldn’t do it if we had been sober.
“But.. If he cared about me.” I cried, “If he wanted me that much, he must have known how heartbroken I’d be when I woke up and realised I had lost my virginity like that. He must’ve known I wanted it to be special he…” I shook my head and tried to fight back the tears. “I really, really wanted it to be special.”
“You know this could kinda be seen as rape.” Syn muttered darkly. I blinked again and looked up at him.
“What?” I whispered. “How? I mean, last night… I must’ve agreed to it, and…”
“But.” Syn said, “You were drunk. He wasn’t. He knew if you were sober you would have said no. You weren’t with him. He knew you were a virgin. And he also knew you didn’t actually want to, it was the drink. That could be seen as rape.”
“I…no… he… what are you saying?” I cried, looking at him, “Are you saying tell the police on him or something? Cos I don’t think…”
“No.” Syn said quietly. “I am just saying what happened. I guess it is making it easier on me.” Syn looked down on me and smiled. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t want you to lose me either.” I smiled, moving towards him and kissing him gently. “But I am so sorry I couldn’t save myself for you. I… wanted out first time together to be special.”
“And it will be.” Syn replied, smiling. “I will make sure of it.”
I looked up at him and yawned. Probably not the best thing in the world that he wanted: me to yawn at him, but I was sleepy. I’m not sure how much sleep I had last night, but all I knew, was that I was completely exhausted right then.
“You wanna sleep?” Syn asked me, “I mean, I could go if you like…”
“No, please don’t leave.” I whispered as I yawned again. Syn just grinned down at me and pressed his finger against my lip.
“I don’t want to leave either.” Syn replied. Taking hold of my hand and heading towards my bed. He pulled me up and I laid my head on my pillow, the second I hit it, sleep over powered me again. “I’m going to stay with you.” Looking up at him, I smiled weakly. He smiled back and took his shoes and shirt off and climbed into bed with me, pulling the covers over us both.
“Why your shirt?” I yawned as he pulled off mine.
“To make it hotter.” Syn said simply as he laid down next to me, placing his head on my chest. I yawned again as I smiled down at him. Kissing his hair I wrapped an arm around him.
“I am sorry.” I whispered while kissing.
“I know you are.” Syn replied sadly.
“But I do love you.” I smiled. “Very much so.”
Syn smiled back and grabbed my hand and held it softly.
“I know.” Syn smiled, “Well, I do now.” He paused for a few seconds before adding, “And I love you too Matty. More so then you can ever imagine. And for longer than you thought.”
There was nothing I could reply to that. Instead I just smiled up at him before yawning one more time and resting my head back down. Stroking my cheek softly, I imagined Syn smiled at me and watched as I close my eyes and fell asleep. With one last thought as I did.
I’m so lucky.
Back to Chapter seven
I left Zacky’s house quickly, pulling on all my clothes I thanked god that it was Saturday morning and not a school day. As I was getting changed in Zacky’s room Zacky told me what we did. All I could remember was me telling him I was a virgin, and that was it. But according to that, after I said that we kissed. Then we had sex.
Biting my lip as I walked home I tried to remember it all. When I closed my eyes and tried hard I could remember the kiss. It was hot and sloppy but passionate. Definitely a kiss that was leading somewhere. I knew I didn’t hold back. At the time I didn’t want to. I didn’t know if I could blame it on the alcohol or not.
I made it to my house finally. The first thing I did was have a shower. I needed to get the smell of alcohol and Zacky off me. I stripped and stood under the warm, steamy shower. I leaned my head on the shower wall in front of me and felt the water fall down my left shoulder. My breath steamed up the wall even more than it already was as I felt my eyes water. I was about to wipe them but I didn’t think I could have the energy so I let the tears fall.
I had lost my virginity. That I was saving just for the guy I loved. And that was Syn. I wanted it to be with him and to be special and amazing and romantic and beautiful. And even if it wasn’t Syn, then someone else and… I guess it didn’t even need to be romantic, but… at least freaking remember it. I forgot my first time. How the hell could I do that?
I closed my eyes, the water still running down my body as I imagined Syn’s face when I tell him. The look of hurt in his eyes when he realises what I’ve done. Would he even ever forgive me? Is this it for us now? He says he can’t be with me when I am with Zacky, letting Zacky kiss and touch me in front of him. But what about sex? What can be said about that.
Have I completely ruined everything I have with Syn because of that one, drunken night?
I sighed and finished showering, stepping out I dried myself and put new clothes back on. I then laid on my bed, staring at the white ceiling and thinking about what the hell I was supposed to do. Looking over to my phone, I wondered if I could text Syn, ask him to come round or something. But what the fuck was I supposed to say when he came? “I love you… but last night I fucked someone else?”
Moaning I got up and walked towards my computer. Turning it on I logged onto MSN. Zacky wasn’t online, thank god, but Syn was. I bit my lip and looked at his screen name. I smiled and fresh tears appeared. I was about to click on him to talk, but my MSN made a noise and I knew he started a conversation with me.
Synyster Gates<3M says: Matt! Hey!
M Shadows says: Hey man.
Synyster Gates<3M says: You okay?
M Shadows says: Not really.
Synyster Gates<3M says: Aww why?!
M Shadows says: Uh… last night.
Synyster Gates<3M says: Hmm? Oh yeah, your party thing with Baker-boy. How was it?
M Shadows says: Sucked at first. But then I downed a few… okay a lot and it made it so much better. Wished you were there though.
Synyster Gates<3M says: I wish I was there too. Actually no, I wish you were here, alone with me. =) Speaking of, why don’t you come round? No ones in…
M Shadows says: I don’t know, I mean… I have a hangover and stuff. You don’t wanna be around me when I am like this.
Synyster Gates<3M says: Ha, but Matt, I always wanna be around you.
M Shadows says: I know.
Synyster Gates<3M says: So what are you doing right now?
M Shadows says: Umm, talking to you, crying and drinking lots of water. You?
Synyster Gates<3M says: Crying??
M Shadows says: Shit.
Synyster Gates<3M says: Matty? What’s wrong?
M Shadows says: Nothing. Don’t worry about it.
Synyster Gates<3M says: Matty, I’m coming round.
M Shadows says: No don’t, don’t worry about it, I’m fine.
Synyster Gates<3M has signed off
Fuck.
I got off my computer and walked over to my bed. I didn’t bother making myself look presentable. Hell, I didn’t even bother wiping the tears. I didn’t want to. I wanted to be unattractive to him. I wanted him to run away in disgust at my puffy eyes and wet face.
I laid on my bed and stared up at my ceiling for a while. I didn’t know why I didn’t bother moving. Probably because I was too exhausted to do anything. My eyes felt heavy all of a sudden, and sleep overpowered my body. I didn’t know how long Syn would be, but all I knew was that I wanted to sleep.
***
“Matty? Matty wake up…” I heard gentle whispers in my ear as I was suddenly pulled out of my dream and instead blinking up to a boy who was smiling and looking down on me.
“Syn.” I whispered, smiling back up at him, before remembering everything to turn away to wipe my quickly tear swelling eyes.
“Matty what’s going on?” Syn asked, his voice slightly scared.
“How did you get in?” I asked, “My parents are out they…”
“Shh…” Syn whispered, wrapping his arms around me and wiping my eyes. “I let myself in, the back door was unlocked…”
“The gate to my garden wasn’t…”
“I climbed over it.” Syn smiled down on me. I closed my eyes in pain after he said this. He really does love me, this is going to make it harder.
“What’s going on Matty?” Syn repeated, still hugging me led down. I closed my eyes as they watered again.
“I… can’t tell you.”
“Tell me. Now.” Syn said firmly, not releasing me.
I sighed as I realised I’m gonna have to tell him.
“L…last night… I.. w...was really d…drunk and I went into Z…Zacky’s room to lay down and he followed me there… he tried to come on to me but… I just laughed at him and t…told him I was a virgin… then… the next thing.. I r…remember w…was waking up in the morning, naked and next to Z…Zacky. He.. He.. He.. He told me that… we had sex.” As soon as I said those last three words I burst into tears. I turned my face away from Syn’s so I couldn’t see his reaction. I just clung harder to him, not letting him leave. “D...don’t hate me Syn, I’m so sorry… I never would have… I was drunk… Zacky… I… I’m so sorry.” Burying my head deeper into his t-shirt I cried more than I ever had in my entire life. What made it worse was the fact that Syn wasn’t saying anything. I couldn’t even see his face. Bravely, I looked up and flickered my eyes to his face.
His eyes were wide and his mouth was slightly open. He was shocked to say the least. His eyes looked down and looked into my own. They looked so hurt. He was so hurt, and just by my words, just… by something I stupidly drunkenly did.
“I think I should leave.” He sighed, getting up from my bed and letting go of me.
“No!” I cried, “I don’t! Syn don’t leave me. Brian… please…” I was begging for him. I couldn’t believe it.
“What else am I supposed to do?” Syn asked. “Pretend that everything is okay and come back and hug and kiss you even though I know where your body has been? I can’t believe you would do this to me. And with him especially!”
“I’m so sorry!” I cried, my face crumpling. I was glad I couldn’t see how I looked right then. No wonder he wanted to go. I watched his expression change as he turned back at me and could see my expression and tears and the way I was pleading with him not to leave.
“Matt…” He whispered. “What do you want to do? Do you want to be with him?”
“No!” I practically shouted. That was the last thing I wanted right then. “I don’t want to be with him at all. Last night… I was drunk, okay? Drunk people do fucking bad things. That was the most worse thing I have done in my life. I don’t want to be with him. I want to be with you. I fucking love you Brian, okay? I don’t want to be with Zacky. I wanna be with the guy I love. And that’s you.”
I could tell Syn looked torn. I knew part of him really want to leave right now. Leave… my bedroom, leave my life, leave my heart altogether. But I knew part of him didn’t. I just hope the second part would win.
“I’m so sorry Brian. I really am. There is nothing I regret more in my life.” Getting off my bed I walked towards him. I knew if I wanted him to stay the only thing I could do was keep talking. “I wanted… I wanted my first time to be with someone I loved. I wanted it to be romantic and beautiful and amazing.” Sighing I stood in front of him. Tears were welling in his eyes as he looked at me, “I wanted it to be with you.”
Syn just blinked. I didn’t know what he could say. I pretty much declared my love for him for the first time ever. He seemed speechless. I just waited. There was nothing more I could say. I just hoped to god he would be okay with this.
“I…” Was all that came out of him. I smiled and took his hand. I widened my eyes at him, trying to convince him to stay and forgive me. He didn’t let go but his facial expression wasn’t exactly encouraging. It was completely blank. I couldn’t read it at all. “I’m just… shocked.” Was all he choked out.
“Why?” I asked quietly, “Cos I slept with Zacky?”
“No.” Syn replied. “Well, yeah actually.” He smiled slightly which lifted my heart a little bit. “I’m just shocked at what you just said, is all.”
“What part?” I laughed nervously, “I did say a lot.”
“About…” Syn smiled, wiping another tear again which rose my heart again, “Loving me?”
I grinned as I looked at him.
“Why are you shocked?” I whispered as he wrapped his arm around my waist, causing me to smile. “It’s true.”
“I never knew.” Syn replied, leaning closer, his lips hovered over mine. “And about you wanting your first time to be with me…” his eyes flickered towards my lips as he leaned in and kissed them softly. I moaned gently as he kissed me and then pulled away. “Oh, and just so you know Sanders…” Grinning he walked back towards my bed, pulling me with him, his arms still wrapped around me, “I love you too.” Kissing me again I felt like I was completely forgiven. And not only that it made me feel so incredibly and insanely happy.
“I’m still…” Syn began, “Completely okay with this, you know. I don’t know… if everything will still be the same or not. I just… I just love you too damn much to make this matter.”
Kissing me again I closed my eyes.
“Anything… anything I can do to make it okay?” I whispered as I pulled away from his kisses.
“Zacky.” He said simply, looking at me. “Seriously Matt, if I was jealous and insanely worried about your two relationship back when you told me you liked me, but we kinda with Zacky then, how do you think I am feeling now? How do I know you aren’t going to get drunk and do it again? Or anything else… he must not have been that drunk if he remembers and you didn’t…”
“Thinking about it…” I said, “From all the stuff I remember… I don’t think I remember him drinking all that much…”
“He knew what he was doing when he did it then.” Syn told me, “In my opinion, it was all a plan. I mean, he knew you wouldn’t like it what much, he knew you knew none of his friends. He knew you would probably be bored. And then got you drinking while he drunk none. I mean, do you remember him looking at the amount you were drinking, commenting on it or anything?”
“Yeah kinda.” I replied, “He mentioned how I drunk a lot quite often, and sometimes he watched me drinking… and smiling at it and…”
“Yeah I was right then.” Syn sighed, “He knew what he was doing. He must have been wanting to… have sex with you for a long time… and he only just realised the only way he can is by getting you drunk. Which he did. And it worked.”
I blinked and looked up at Syn. It was true. Everything he was saying made sense. Zacky knew exactly what he was doing when he did it. He also knew I wouldn’t do it if we had been sober.
“But.. If he cared about me.” I cried, “If he wanted me that much, he must have known how heartbroken I’d be when I woke up and realised I had lost my virginity like that. He must’ve known I wanted it to be special he…” I shook my head and tried to fight back the tears. “I really, really wanted it to be special.”
“You know this could kinda be seen as rape.” Syn muttered darkly. I blinked again and looked up at him.
“What?” I whispered. “How? I mean, last night… I must’ve agreed to it, and…”
“But.” Syn said, “You were drunk. He wasn’t. He knew if you were sober you would have said no. You weren’t with him. He knew you were a virgin. And he also knew you didn’t actually want to, it was the drink. That could be seen as rape.”
“I…no… he… what are you saying?” I cried, looking at him, “Are you saying tell the police on him or something? Cos I don’t think…”
“No.” Syn said quietly. “I am just saying what happened. I guess it is making it easier on me.” Syn looked down on me and smiled. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t want you to lose me either.” I smiled, moving towards him and kissing him gently. “But I am so sorry I couldn’t save myself for you. I… wanted out first time together to be special.”
“And it will be.” Syn replied, smiling. “I will make sure of it.”
I looked up at him and yawned. Probably not the best thing in the world that he wanted: me to yawn at him, but I was sleepy. I’m not sure how much sleep I had last night, but all I knew, was that I was completely exhausted right then.
“You wanna sleep?” Syn asked me, “I mean, I could go if you like…”
“No, please don’t leave.” I whispered as I yawned again. Syn just grinned down at me and pressed his finger against my lip.
“I don’t want to leave either.” Syn replied. Taking hold of my hand and heading towards my bed. He pulled me up and I laid my head on my pillow, the second I hit it, sleep over powered me again. “I’m going to stay with you.” Looking up at him, I smiled weakly. He smiled back and took his shoes and shirt off and climbed into bed with me, pulling the covers over us both.
“Why your shirt?” I yawned as he pulled off mine.
“To make it hotter.” Syn said simply as he laid down next to me, placing his head on my chest. I yawned again as I smiled down at him. Kissing his hair I wrapped an arm around him.
“I am sorry.” I whispered while kissing.
“I know you are.” Syn replied sadly.
“But I do love you.” I smiled. “Very much so.”
Syn smiled back and grabbed my hand and held it softly.
“I know.” Syn smiled, “Well, I do now.” He paused for a few seconds before adding, “And I love you too Matty. More so then you can ever imagine. And for longer than you thought.”
There was nothing I could reply to that. Instead I just smiled up at him before yawning one more time and resting my head back down. Stroking my cheek softly, I imagined Syn smiled at me and watched as I close my eyes and fell asleep. With one last thought as I did.
I’m so lucky.
Back to Chapter seven