Broken Hearts and Silver Tears CH 8
Title: Broken Hearts and Silver Tears Ch8
Pairing: Demi/Selena
Rating: M for language and slight violence.
Summary: How Demi would carry on if the whole Selena/Nick rumor was true.
A/N: Because I was promised cookies from ~deacon1022 and all you people are amazing, here is another update. I actually had something creative in my head so it was a little easier to write a chapter than last time in that sense. The fact that I have to put up something really good after the last update kind of intimidated me but here goes nothing :). My muse is hanging in there, so it's not completely gone yet. I thank you guys since you all hoped my muse comes back soon :). This chapter is dedicated to ~krackel20, I love the fact that you felt the fight was completely realistic while I thought it was probably the worst written part of the last chapter. I appreciate everyone's comments and I do apologize for the almost tears and ripped out hearts. In return, I can promise there is no Selena straddling Nick in this chapter. Demi's thoughts are in Italics while actual dialogue is in bold italic. This chapter may be sad or happy, violent or peaceful, or even all of the above. Not giving away anything more. Enjoy and please comment!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Demi Lovato or Selena Gomez
"Demi! Phone! Why is she calling the house? Is your phone dead or something?"
No. My heart is.
"Dem, pick up the phone!"
"Can't. Busy." Sitting against the door in my room like I have been for the past five days.
"What the fuck is your problem, Demi?! Pick up the damn phone!!"
"I'm in the shower Dallas! Can I talk to her on the phone while I'm showering?! No!! Now leave me the hell alone!!"
Angry. Frigid. A total bitch. She's been able to be civil to her family until now. Until she started calling her house two days ago after she wouldn't pick up her cell for three days straight. She started to slam her fist desperately at her front door the day after that awful night when she knew that everyone else would be out. For once in her life, Demetria Lovato didn't care to hear any of the words Selena had to say. She said enough.
Sitting in her dark room now, Demi traced her eyes over the torn music sheets, the naked mattress, the torn sheets and clothing scattered across the floor, broken bangles littered the carpet, makeup was thrown everywhere, and her guitar remaining scathingly untouched. She didn't bother to clean up her room after that night. She honestly didn't see the point. Actually, she honestly didn't care.
The tears thankfully ended two days ago. She was finally empty now. Drained. The kind hearted, laughing young woman was no longer inside. Instead, if Demi just glanced at herself in the mirror, she saw an angry girl with the coldest eyes looking back, no trace of any emotion to be seen. Looking down now, she looked at the object that could either be her savior or foe. The sharp edged object that had caused so many tears in the past had finally found it's way back in her hands.
FLASHBACK
"Promise me! Promise me Demi that you'll never do this again. That you won't ever touch it again! Promise me!"
Holding Selena tightly against her, Demi sobbed along with her. "I don't know why I did it, Sel. I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry!"
"Promise me!"
"Never again. I promise."
Clinging to her desperately, Selena cried as she softly kissed the girl's soft hair. "I can't live without you Demi. I can't ever lose you. Don't leave me."
"You have me Selena. Always and Forever. I promise."
PRESENT
Snorting, Demi once again stared at the razor in front of her. Who would honestly care? If I disappeared, they wouldn't have to deal with a stupid, insecure bitch like me. End it, End it now.
"Demi! Demi I gotta show you something! Where are you?!"
Dropping the razor, Demi's head shot up. Swallowing harshly, Demi picked up the razor as she rose to her feet. Opening the window, Demi dropped the razor down, gazing as it fell in the bush.
"I'll be right down, Madison!"
******************
The calls finally stopped. There was no pounding on the door. She didn't know whether to be pleased or distressed. She chose to be uncaring.
She was alone at home again. She cleaned up her room, not wanting Madison to walk in on the disaster area while looking for her. It looked much like it did before except she had replaced the broken lamp with one she found in the basement. She, however, still did not move any where near her guitar or music sheets. She couldn't write anything even if she tried. She felt nothing now. She was becoming the mask. It was much easier to play the mask then Demi Lovato. Less chance of getting hurt.
10pm. Her little sister was sleeping over a friends house. Her older sister went clubbing with friends. Her mom and stepdad, she didn't really care enough to listen. All she knew was that she was alone for most of the night. Sitting against the door, Demi closed her eyes as she sighed.
BANG!
Gasping in shock, Demi's head shot up only to see Selena sprawling on the floor after climbing through the window. Moaning in pain, Selena muttered under her breath. Whispered curses broke whatever silence the room was in before until Selena's lost her voice at the sight of Demi.
Still in shock, Demi stared wide eyed at Selena. My room. Selena climbed through my window to get to my room. With no ladder. My room is two stories high. With no ladder. Holy shit.
"Demi? Dem? Oh God Demi."
Narrowing her eyes, Demi stared at her. Not in anger but questioningly. Why is she acting so strange? Why does she look so out of it?
"Demi, Demi."
Demi's eyes widened as Selena started to crawl over to where she sat. "Selena, what the fuck..."
"I know you hate me. I hate me. I hate me more than anyone. I wouldn't wanna look at, look at somethin', someone, someONE so ugly an' hurtful. I shouldn't have to p-put you through s-s-something so HORRIBLE. But I need, God Demi, I need..."
Oh. My. God. She's drunk. And she climbed up to my room. My room two stories high. She climbed up through my window drunk!!!
"I didn't mean it Demi. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to hurt you so bad. You didn't deserve that. You shouldn't ever have to hear those words, baby." Baby? "You are so pure. You're the purest. You're the purerest! So much more than me. I'm the insecure bitch. I am. It's me. It was never you who was those things. You are perfect. I'm a horrible, cold, insignificant bitch. It's me, never you."
She's belittling herself. She's breaking herself down. Right in front of me. The love of my life is destroying herself right in front of me. Please, make this end. I can't watch this.
"Selena, sweety..."
"No! No don't call me that. I'm worse than your haters. I hurt you. I DID! I HURT YOU, I- God, I ..." Sobbing uncontrollably, Selena crawled on top of Demi's lap, burying her head into a suprised and desperate woman's neck.
"I- I am so horrible! I don't blame you for not answering your phone. I don't blame you if you don't want anything to do with me..."
"Selena stop! Please..."
"I hurt you. I promised myself that I would never hurt you. But *hiccup* I hurt you. I'm so sorry, s-so s-s-sorry."
"Selena... sweety... Selena..."
"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." Sobbing as if her life depended on it, Selena kept repeating those words while clinging desperately.
Whatever anger she had left had disappeared by that point. She watched helplessly as her love completely let go while tearing herself down to pieces. She hurt me. But God I hurt her. I hurt my Selena. So bad.
Suddenly feeling the girl move on top of her, Demi watched as she reached for her back pocket.
Smoothing out the piece of paper, Selena looked miserably into Demi's eyes.
"I d-don't kn-kn-know how to explain why I b-b-broke all my promises without failing mis-miseral- badly. I th-thought I would try to s-slip this letter somehow in your mail. But it's not good enough. I-I didn't, it's too hard to wr-write. I'm too sca-scared to wr-write the words I want to write."
"Selena. It's okay. I forgive you. I forgive you sweety. Just stop. Stop doing this. I hate that you're doing this to yourself. I hate that you're destroying yourself. Please stop. Please."
"I n-need to tell you why. Why I in-invited Nick. I need to tell y-you."
"Later."
"Dem..."
"Later! Please Selena. I forgive you. Look at me. Look at my eyes. What do you see?"
Looking at her through blurry eyes, Selena stared sadly into them before turning desperately hopeful.
"Y-you forgive me?"
"Yes, Sel. I forgive you."
"You called me Sel!"
In less than a second, Demi found her body being crushed down as Selena's body wrapped tightly around her. Blushing a deep red, Demi realized the position Selena was in was much like the one she had with Nick that last Friday. Suddenly she was brought back to reality as she felt Selena begin to nuzzle her face against her neck.
"Selena?"
"I need to tell you why."
"Sel..."
"I broke up with him."
What?!
"I broke up with him two days ago."
Is this really happening? Please don't let this be a dream.
"Demi, d-did you hear what I said?"
"Yes. I heard you, sweety."
"I need to tell you why."
"Tomorrow."
"Demi..."
"Tomorrow. Tonight, tonight we're gonna go to bed. You need to rest. We have tomorrow, Selena. You'll tell me everything tomorrow, okay?"
Watching her nod her her head, Demi brushed away the tears from Selena's face. Cupping her face, Demi whispered, "Never push me away again. I know now that's why you said those things, Selena. Don't ever hurt me on purpose because you're scared. Don't you dare leave me like that again you hear me? It hurt Selena. I never felt so broken in my life. "
Pulling Demi's hands away, Selena wrapped them around her waist as she clung once again, holding on for dear life. "Never again. I promise. I'll never hurt you again, Demi. I'd rather die than do that again. Never. Never again. Don't ever leave me, please Dem? I can't even exist without you next to me. Please?"
"I won't leave you, Selena. No matter what."
I promise. Always and forever, baby. Always and forever.
UPDATE CHAPTER 9
demifan90.livejournal.com/2724.html
Pairing: Demi/Selena
Rating: M for language and slight violence.
Summary: How Demi would carry on if the whole Selena/Nick rumor was true.
A/N: Because I was promised cookies from ~deacon1022 and all you people are amazing, here is another update. I actually had something creative in my head so it was a little easier to write a chapter than last time in that sense. The fact that I have to put up something really good after the last update kind of intimidated me but here goes nothing :). My muse is hanging in there, so it's not completely gone yet. I thank you guys since you all hoped my muse comes back soon :). This chapter is dedicated to ~krackel20, I love the fact that you felt the fight was completely realistic while I thought it was probably the worst written part of the last chapter. I appreciate everyone's comments and I do apologize for the almost tears and ripped out hearts. In return, I can promise there is no Selena straddling Nick in this chapter. Demi's thoughts are in Italics while actual dialogue is in bold italic. This chapter may be sad or happy, violent or peaceful, or even all of the above. Not giving away anything more. Enjoy and please comment!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Demi Lovato or Selena Gomez
"Demi! Phone! Why is she calling the house? Is your phone dead or something?"
No. My heart is.
"Dem, pick up the phone!"
"Can't. Busy." Sitting against the door in my room like I have been for the past five days.
"What the fuck is your problem, Demi?! Pick up the damn phone!!"
"I'm in the shower Dallas! Can I talk to her on the phone while I'm showering?! No!! Now leave me the hell alone!!"
Angry. Frigid. A total bitch. She's been able to be civil to her family until now. Until she started calling her house two days ago after she wouldn't pick up her cell for three days straight. She started to slam her fist desperately at her front door the day after that awful night when she knew that everyone else would be out. For once in her life, Demetria Lovato didn't care to hear any of the words Selena had to say. She said enough.
Sitting in her dark room now, Demi traced her eyes over the torn music sheets, the naked mattress, the torn sheets and clothing scattered across the floor, broken bangles littered the carpet, makeup was thrown everywhere, and her guitar remaining scathingly untouched. She didn't bother to clean up her room after that night. She honestly didn't see the point. Actually, she honestly didn't care.
The tears thankfully ended two days ago. She was finally empty now. Drained. The kind hearted, laughing young woman was no longer inside. Instead, if Demi just glanced at herself in the mirror, she saw an angry girl with the coldest eyes looking back, no trace of any emotion to be seen. Looking down now, she looked at the object that could either be her savior or foe. The sharp edged object that had caused so many tears in the past had finally found it's way back in her hands.
FLASHBACK
"Promise me! Promise me Demi that you'll never do this again. That you won't ever touch it again! Promise me!"
Holding Selena tightly against her, Demi sobbed along with her. "I don't know why I did it, Sel. I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry!"
"Promise me!"
"Never again. I promise."
Clinging to her desperately, Selena cried as she softly kissed the girl's soft hair. "I can't live without you Demi. I can't ever lose you. Don't leave me."
"You have me Selena. Always and Forever. I promise."
PRESENT
Snorting, Demi once again stared at the razor in front of her. Who would honestly care? If I disappeared, they wouldn't have to deal with a stupid, insecure bitch like me. End it, End it now.
"Demi! Demi I gotta show you something! Where are you?!"
Dropping the razor, Demi's head shot up. Swallowing harshly, Demi picked up the razor as she rose to her feet. Opening the window, Demi dropped the razor down, gazing as it fell in the bush.
"I'll be right down, Madison!"
******************
The calls finally stopped. There was no pounding on the door. She didn't know whether to be pleased or distressed. She chose to be uncaring.
She was alone at home again. She cleaned up her room, not wanting Madison to walk in on the disaster area while looking for her. It looked much like it did before except she had replaced the broken lamp with one she found in the basement. She, however, still did not move any where near her guitar or music sheets. She couldn't write anything even if she tried. She felt nothing now. She was becoming the mask. It was much easier to play the mask then Demi Lovato. Less chance of getting hurt.
10pm. Her little sister was sleeping over a friends house. Her older sister went clubbing with friends. Her mom and stepdad, she didn't really care enough to listen. All she knew was that she was alone for most of the night. Sitting against the door, Demi closed her eyes as she sighed.
BANG!
Gasping in shock, Demi's head shot up only to see Selena sprawling on the floor after climbing through the window. Moaning in pain, Selena muttered under her breath. Whispered curses broke whatever silence the room was in before until Selena's lost her voice at the sight of Demi.
Still in shock, Demi stared wide eyed at Selena. My room. Selena climbed through my window to get to my room. With no ladder. My room is two stories high. With no ladder. Holy shit.
"Demi? Dem? Oh God Demi."
Narrowing her eyes, Demi stared at her. Not in anger but questioningly. Why is she acting so strange? Why does she look so out of it?
"Demi, Demi."
Demi's eyes widened as Selena started to crawl over to where she sat. "Selena, what the fuck..."
"I know you hate me. I hate me. I hate me more than anyone. I wouldn't wanna look at, look at somethin', someone, someONE so ugly an' hurtful. I shouldn't have to p-put you through s-s-something so HORRIBLE. But I need, God Demi, I need..."
Oh. My. God. She's drunk. And she climbed up to my room. My room two stories high. She climbed up through my window drunk!!!
"I didn't mean it Demi. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to hurt you so bad. You didn't deserve that. You shouldn't ever have to hear those words, baby." Baby? "You are so pure. You're the purest. You're the purerest! So much more than me. I'm the insecure bitch. I am. It's me. It was never you who was those things. You are perfect. I'm a horrible, cold, insignificant bitch. It's me, never you."
She's belittling herself. She's breaking herself down. Right in front of me. The love of my life is destroying herself right in front of me. Please, make this end. I can't watch this.
"Selena, sweety..."
"No! No don't call me that. I'm worse than your haters. I hurt you. I DID! I HURT YOU, I- God, I ..." Sobbing uncontrollably, Selena crawled on top of Demi's lap, burying her head into a suprised and desperate woman's neck.
"I- I am so horrible! I don't blame you for not answering your phone. I don't blame you if you don't want anything to do with me..."
"Selena stop! Please..."
"I hurt you. I promised myself that I would never hurt you. But *hiccup* I hurt you. I'm so sorry, s-so s-s-sorry."
"Selena... sweety... Selena..."
"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry." Sobbing as if her life depended on it, Selena kept repeating those words while clinging desperately.
Whatever anger she had left had disappeared by that point. She watched helplessly as her love completely let go while tearing herself down to pieces. She hurt me. But God I hurt her. I hurt my Selena. So bad.
Suddenly feeling the girl move on top of her, Demi watched as she reached for her back pocket.
Smoothing out the piece of paper, Selena looked miserably into Demi's eyes.
"I d-don't kn-kn-know how to explain why I b-b-broke all my promises without failing mis-miseral- badly. I th-thought I would try to s-slip this letter somehow in your mail. But it's not good enough. I-I didn't, it's too hard to wr-write. I'm too sca-scared to wr-write the words I want to write."
"Selena. It's okay. I forgive you. I forgive you sweety. Just stop. Stop doing this. I hate that you're doing this to yourself. I hate that you're destroying yourself. Please stop. Please."
"I n-need to tell you why. Why I in-invited Nick. I need to tell y-you."
"Later."
"Dem..."
"Later! Please Selena. I forgive you. Look at me. Look at my eyes. What do you see?"
Looking at her through blurry eyes, Selena stared sadly into them before turning desperately hopeful.
"Y-you forgive me?"
"Yes, Sel. I forgive you."
"You called me Sel!"
In less than a second, Demi found her body being crushed down as Selena's body wrapped tightly around her. Blushing a deep red, Demi realized the position Selena was in was much like the one she had with Nick that last Friday. Suddenly she was brought back to reality as she felt Selena begin to nuzzle her face against her neck.
"Selena?"
"I need to tell you why."
"Sel..."
"I broke up with him."
What?!
"I broke up with him two days ago."
Is this really happening? Please don't let this be a dream.
"Demi, d-did you hear what I said?"
"Yes. I heard you, sweety."
"I need to tell you why."
"Tomorrow."
"Demi..."
"Tomorrow. Tonight, tonight we're gonna go to bed. You need to rest. We have tomorrow, Selena. You'll tell me everything tomorrow, okay?"
Watching her nod her her head, Demi brushed away the tears from Selena's face. Cupping her face, Demi whispered, "Never push me away again. I know now that's why you said those things, Selena. Don't ever hurt me on purpose because you're scared. Don't you dare leave me like that again you hear me? It hurt Selena. I never felt so broken in my life. "
Pulling Demi's hands away, Selena wrapped them around her waist as she clung once again, holding on for dear life. "Never again. I promise. I'll never hurt you again, Demi. I'd rather die than do that again. Never. Never again. Don't ever leave me, please Dem? I can't even exist without you next to me. Please?"
"I won't leave you, Selena. No matter what."
I promise. Always and forever, baby. Always and forever.
UPDATE CHAPTER 9
demifan90.livejournal.com/2724.html