afterlife
I feel like I'm living in a dream. I think I have the power to prevent this bubble from ever bursting. I mean, eventually I'll die but that's a different kind of burst. Part of what makes time valuable is the fact that it's limited.
I'll go back to school. I'll go home to Oregon. I'll get a degree in neuroendocrinology. I'll work hard at it and it'll be more than just a piece of paper - it'll be proof of understanding. I'll apply what I know. I'll make people smile. It'll take work. It'll be a great adventure. It's already started.
I have this fear that I'll let people down. What if I fail? What if I disappoint people I care about? There's a part of me that says I won't fail. I can't fail. All I can do is try again before I succeed. And I won't let people down. They'll be understanding when I come up short and hopefully that'll be a rare occurrence. It's work. It's effort. It's quality. It's understanding. It's forgiving.
Being on the airplane on the way to and from SfN was scary. If that plane crashes it kills more than just me. It would kill people I care about too.
I'm learning about change. Things simply change. Sometimes they get worse and sometimes they get better but that's all a matter of perspective. If nothing ever gets worse and nothing ever gets better and happiness is a choice then it doesn't really leave much to worry about, eh? Except being happy... and making people I care about happy.
Gig is gone. I'll miss him but I much prefer to have met him and lost his company than to have never met him at all.
I'll leave California. I love Davis. It's a sweet town. My job (while it has its ups and downs) is great. I'll quit that too. I'll move on to other things. My concern is, while I want these other things - things I can get in Oregon - what if this is as good as it will ever get? I'll be able to recreate wonderful situations wherever I go. I've learned I can do that. But what if I currently have something and I'll leave it for something else, simply to build the same thing up all over again?
I am Sisyphus. This is my rock. That is my hill.
Maybe I'll even convince myself to jump out of an airplane someday.
I'll go back to school. I'll go home to Oregon. I'll get a degree in neuroendocrinology. I'll work hard at it and it'll be more than just a piece of paper - it'll be proof of understanding. I'll apply what I know. I'll make people smile. It'll take work. It'll be a great adventure. It's already started.
I have this fear that I'll let people down. What if I fail? What if I disappoint people I care about? There's a part of me that says I won't fail. I can't fail. All I can do is try again before I succeed. And I won't let people down. They'll be understanding when I come up short and hopefully that'll be a rare occurrence. It's work. It's effort. It's quality. It's understanding. It's forgiving.
Being on the airplane on the way to and from SfN was scary. If that plane crashes it kills more than just me. It would kill people I care about too.
I'm learning about change. Things simply change. Sometimes they get worse and sometimes they get better but that's all a matter of perspective. If nothing ever gets worse and nothing ever gets better and happiness is a choice then it doesn't really leave much to worry about, eh? Except being happy... and making people I care about happy.
Gig is gone. I'll miss him but I much prefer to have met him and lost his company than to have never met him at all.
I'll leave California. I love Davis. It's a sweet town. My job (while it has its ups and downs) is great. I'll quit that too. I'll move on to other things. My concern is, while I want these other things - things I can get in Oregon - what if this is as good as it will ever get? I'll be able to recreate wonderful situations wherever I go. I've learned I can do that. But what if I currently have something and I'll leave it for something else, simply to build the same thing up all over again?
I am Sisyphus. This is my rock. That is my hill.
Maybe I'll even convince myself to jump out of an airplane someday.