Why me?
She called up at nine pm. She said she was at the beach. She was making a sand castle. She was giggling, hyperactive. Her voice sounded strange. So I asked her what she was on. She'd saved up her pills and overdosed on Fluorextine. About fifteen minutes later she started vomiting.
I was in another state so I didn't think I could do anything. But a doc I talked to told me that three hundred was more or less lethal and that keeping her awake wasn't going to do any good. She'd slip into a coma.
The rest, well, doesn't matter I suppose. I betrayed her by calling the cops to find her. I know that she lied to them and then drove on somewhere else. I know she got home fine, probably went to uni and got back home again. Most people would say I did what was right, but I've never had more respect for anyone's space than hers. She didn't call for attention like most pathetic attempted suicides, people who do things to get attention. She just wanted to say goodbye. She didn't want to be saved. And I did something that I thought I was the complete opposite of. The question that echoes is, who the fuck am I to barge into her life? The only answer, she called me. She's still alive. She was going to live anyway and you panicked. You betrayed her. I betrayed her. She hates you. I hate myself. What did you prove? Nothing. Why did you fucking do it? I don't know. What do you feel about her? I care about her. How the hell can you care? I don't know. Do you still want to be friends with her? Yes.
It goes on and on and on...
I was in another state so I didn't think I could do anything. But a doc I talked to told me that three hundred was more or less lethal and that keeping her awake wasn't going to do any good. She'd slip into a coma.
The rest, well, doesn't matter I suppose. I betrayed her by calling the cops to find her. I know that she lied to them and then drove on somewhere else. I know she got home fine, probably went to uni and got back home again. Most people would say I did what was right, but I've never had more respect for anyone's space than hers. She didn't call for attention like most pathetic attempted suicides, people who do things to get attention. She just wanted to say goodbye. She didn't want to be saved. And I did something that I thought I was the complete opposite of. The question that echoes is, who the fuck am I to barge into her life? The only answer, she called me. She's still alive. She was going to live anyway and you panicked. You betrayed her. I betrayed her. She hates you. I hate myself. What did you prove? Nothing. Why did you fucking do it? I don't know. What do you feel about her? I care about her. How the hell can you care? I don't know. Do you still want to be friends with her? Yes.
It goes on and on and on...