jenna said: dont you $%#&ing dare!
Mephisto woke me up again. He's a lop rabbit - one of those long floppy-eared creatures. Sometimes I think he and I should just get a tent and sleep out of doors. But I'd probably find his carcass the next morning, brought down by the neighbourhood felines.
I just had a startling glimpse of a "might have been". I now know the point of nexus and I know what could have happened. Being through what I just did gives me a strange morbid curiousity and I wonder if I would make exactly the same mistakes. I could have ended up tutoring her sister. There's a certain attraction about her and being in those particular positions would have created something incredible, something intimate. I was very close to my teachers; they became all the embodiment of what a father should be. All it would take is a moment of weakness from her, or an angry outburst of frustration, or a need to talk to someone mature about something she didn't think anyone else would understand - and I would have hestitated a moment before comforting her.
In that glimpse she was upset and I couldn't just sit there and let her cry alone. So I put my arms around her. And three seconds later, with horror, I danced back because I know I would have done something terrible, on so many levels. prima facie there is nothing wrong with what I had done. But there were several relationships, a confused past and a stunning paradox of barriers that might this time be meaningless. Ironically.
And I know that I'm keeping it open. Eighteen months ago, I knew where I turned away from that path, because I knew there was a small spark of something which made me say, take the other route so it doesn't happen it would have opened up a possibility that would have been considered socially wrong. It doesn't matter what you feel or think. Its simply a rule. Ex-girlfriend's younger female siblings are off-limits. What am I doing?
I just had a startling glimpse of a "might have been". I now know the point of nexus and I know what could have happened. Being through what I just did gives me a strange morbid curiousity and I wonder if I would make exactly the same mistakes. I could have ended up tutoring her sister. There's a certain attraction about her and being in those particular positions would have created something incredible, something intimate. I was very close to my teachers; they became all the embodiment of what a father should be. All it would take is a moment of weakness from her, or an angry outburst of frustration, or a need to talk to someone mature about something she didn't think anyone else would understand - and I would have hestitated a moment before comforting her.
In that glimpse she was upset and I couldn't just sit there and let her cry alone. So I put my arms around her. And three seconds later, with horror, I danced back because I know I would have done something terrible, on so many levels. prima facie there is nothing wrong with what I had done. But there were several relationships, a confused past and a stunning paradox of barriers that might this time be meaningless. Ironically.
And I know that I'm keeping it open. Eighteen months ago, I knew where I turned away from that path, because I knew there was a small spark of something which made me say, take the other route so it doesn't happen it would have opened up a possibility that would have been considered socially wrong. It doesn't matter what you feel or think. Its simply a rule. Ex-girlfriend's younger female siblings are off-limits. What am I doing?