Tolerance is a two way street.

[delta_mai]

So this is a Tumblr cross post.  The original post was in response to reactions to someone talking about how bisexuality doesn't exist.  It soon escalated into accusations (maybe unfounded, maybe not) of biphobia and hatred.  This is my reply.

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Thinking something does not exist does NOT equal hate or biphobia. I am a great advocate for people

Comments

[delta_mai]

Yeah, they might be queerphobic. But remember the concept of a phobia is that of a fear. It might be they just don't think it exists. Which I think is damaging to label as a fear, because it's not a fear, it's a product of IGNORANCE! You see? If we label it as a fear there's less motivation to seek to EDUCATE those that think it doesn't exist, and more motivation to write them off as "hating on" us. You see? :)

I know, I'm not saying that we're equal. I'm not saying that at all. What I am saying is that the route to an equal society is for us to BE THE CHANGE. We have to treat everyone equally, even those that hurt us. It's hard, but we have to take the moral high ground in this.

I'm not saying to be nice to everyone who is biphobic, or doesn't think bisexuality exists. I'm not saying I condone it, or I hold those views myself. I'm saying to rise above this, to think before you accuse. Be the better person. Otherwise we're just as bad as them.

I feel I should explain, the reactions I was responding to were pretty nasty. They were as horrible as homophobic comments themselves - swearing at the person who did the original message, calling them names, generally being intolerant.

I'm not sure that that's all it is. Homophobia is a complicated concept. In a way it is part of the system, but it is also created by the system, and the pure root of it lies in fear of the unknown, which every human has. We should seek to fix the system through tolerance and education, not further segregation. You see, if when they hate us we hate them back, how can we ever evolve to a more accepting society?

[cdaae]

To say that bisexuality doesn't exist has to be pretty damn wilful ignorance, though. Anyone who uses something like Tumblr is unlikely to be so sheltered that they've genuinely never heard of bisexuality before - it's far more likely that they have made a decision not to accept it as real. And maybe they've been brainwashed by a right-wing religious upbringing or something, but really, the slightest bit of research into the matter would correct their view, so anyone who holds it is really choosing to hold on to it in spite of all evidence to the contrary.

Then again I suppose they could be a young kid who's never been taught to do any research or something.

Anyway - I disagree with the part of your initial post that says it's an opinion. I mean, sure, it's an opinion, but it's an opinion that's factually wrong, heh. And one that's obviously insulting to large numbers of people. They may be entitled to that opinion, but equally other people are entitled to the opinion that that makes them a moron, or even biphobic. If everyone's entitled to their opinion, aren't others entitled to the opinion that someone who doesn't believe in bisexuality is a homophobe?

You're entirely right of course that swearing at them and abusing them isn't a response that's going to help in any way, and the urge to educate them is far more productive, helpful and adult than just yelling at them. But it's pretty hard to hold your temper in check when someone essentially tells you that part of your identity is a lie. If someone told me they genuinely thought women were inferior to men because we have smaller brains, or that depression doesn't exist, I don't think I could be bothered to argue sensibly with them about it, partly because it's such a stupid and ignorant view that "sensible" hardly enters into it. My response would probably be "oh fuck off you stupid wanker".

[delta_mai]

I don't know that it is wilful ignorance, you know. Some people just find it hard to understand. When we're brought up in a culture so obsessed with gender binary and heteronormativism, and if we're taught that's the ONLY WAY, it's really hard to believe otherwise. It's basically re-learning something. And some people have a problem with that. I don't understand these people, and I think it's pretty obvious bisexuality exists, but there you are.

Also you're totally right about the person who originally wrote the post. I don't understand how anyone who uses Tumblr can't see that bisexuality exists!!

But everyone is different, and every perception of the world is different.

WELL here I'm gonna get all philosophical because I believe everything is opinion. I could quote subjectivism and justifying true belief at you all day, but I really cba. I've done too many essays on it already!

OMG you're totally right! Haha! Yeah, everyone's entitled to their opinion that these people are homophobic. But this is a post where I'm arguing MY opinion, lol! Obviously at the end of the day I have no control over the opinions of those reading this. And God knows I wouldn't want to. And I understand these opinions, I'm just saying they might be damaging in their own way.

Ha, mine too! Well, to some extent. I have to deal with these opinions a lot at uni (there are lots of stupid people here :P). And yeah, it's really really hard not to get upset. But I'm a great advocate for debating dispassionately, and this is what I'm trying to do here.

[cdaae]

Hmm, I have to point out a discrepancy here - you say you believe everything is opinion, but when discussing whether bi/homophobia is the right word to use, you've made statements about what the suffix phobia objectively means...

Heh, sorry, I'm not trying to wind you up. I actually half agree and half disagree with you. Or possibly even agree and disagree at the same time (both on subjectivity vs. objectivity, and on how to deal with attitudes we are offended by).

I think the subject is so emotionally charged that a lot of people are unlikely to truly hear what you're saying. Differing interpretations of the word tolerance also come into play - many will assume that by calling for tolerance, you're saying those opinions are perfectly okay or non-harmful. I think you've clarified that in your replies to comments here, but it wasn't necessarily obvious from your initial post (this one on LJ I mean). Obviously anyone who knows you at all should know that's not what you meant, though!

I suppose that part of it comes down to semantics. I'm not comfortable saying I'm tolerant of offensive opinions. I'm definitely not! But you are very obviously right that informing and educating people is a more mature response than heaping insults on them.