It's a lovely day in the Neighborhood...
I woke up at 1:30 today. I had heard it was supposed to snow so I turned on the TV to search for cancellation times, but this is not what I want to tell you about. I accidentally switched to channel 7 while trying to check channel 8. I had stumbled across Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. As a child, I had watched that show. But I did not see Mister Rogers anywhere. There was a woman walking in that little town of puppets. Whatever it’s called... Anyway, the woman, toting a bird on a stick, walks over to the Elderly Lady Lane. Now this name you may not be familiar with this name, but she was that weird woman puppet with the round spinning house she calls a museum and she always did the stupid crazy shit on the show. She was recognizable by the big nose and the fact that she looked like a man. Well, today Lady Lane was running a "Museum of Love."
"Hello Lady Lane," Proclaimed the woman loudly, "what are you doing."
"I'm running a love museum," Lady Lane responded.
"What's that?" Inquired the woman.
"It's a museum for things you love. Do you have love?" Said Lady Lane.
"Yes, I love you and bird and the townsfolk."
"Well, here. Let me show you something. Put the big end up to you eyes."
Lady Lane then proceeded to show the women some photos of things she loved. There was a veggie sandwich. Little girls. Lady Lane in a baseball costume. A chicken. Little boys. A picnic with little kids. And about 4 more photos of Lady Lane in costume. Every one of these photos reveals key information for an insight to her sexual Identity. I shall explain.
1) A veggie sandwich. Note: A sandwich with no meat. This photo, stand alone, doesn't tell us much.
2) Little girls... Well, now the reference to a sandwich with no meat is obvious. She has lesbian tendencies. The sandwich is a reference to sex, and the fact that it has no meat means that there isn't a man involved in the sex. Which she enforces with the picture of the little girls. But that is just the beginning.
3) A picture of her-self in a baseball uniform. Any one can plainly see that she is into role-playing. Note: Baseball player. Baseball players hold bats. Bats are a phallic symbol. She's confused about her sexual identity. Is she a man? Is she a woman? Why can't she be both? In this baseball costume, she can.
4) Now, the next was of a chicken. I was confused... "A chicken?" I asked myself. "This isn't anything sexual... Hmm? Could it be a reference to her uterus? She's a hen who only has unfertilized eggs? If only it were that simple. The next picture would explain everything to me.
5) Little boys. It was then that it hit me. Chicken > Rooster > Cock. So, she hasn't forgone the pleasure of heterosexual encounters.
6) A picnic with little kids. This was picture of all these little kids, boys and girls, sitting on a blanket having a "picnic..." Or maybe it was a sexual platter of tasty tots? Something must have happened in her childhood. Something that forces her to exact revenge on other children for having a normal life...
7) The next series of photos showed her assuming some more male identities, which included a knight with a sword... Penis envy...
Hmmm... Well, with all these insights into the psyche of this Lady Lane, some questions still stood out. Why was she like this? How had it happened? To answer these questions I had to address her physical attributes as well.
First, she’s not very womanly in her looks. Indeed she is very mannish. One may mistake her for a man until she speaks. This is an obvious area she may be sensitive of. Perhaps after being mistaken for a man for so long has caused her to question the very fact herself. If she looks like a man, then perhaps she should act like one too. She wears turtleneck sweaters and pants. Nothing showing her feminine physique. Now she also has an elongated nose. I'm sure that people have tortured her about that with crude penis jokes that make relations of the sexual organ to her nose. Maybe years of her being called a man as a child, and these crude nose jokes have forced her to somehow alter her lifestyle. Believing she is a man, she has trotted off on forays into the world of lesbianism. However, being a woman, she just can't get rid of the fact that she should also be attracted to men. Perhaps wanting a penis has forced her to seek out those who have one. She takes the name Lady Lane to somehow try pitifully to control her sexual identity.
Now, this sexual split caused a divergent tangent in her mind. She wants women. She wants men... What could she do? She can't be herself and love both at once. That’s when she discovered role-playing. She didn't have to be herself now. She could be anyone she wanted to be. Man. Woman. These words had no more meaning to her. She would engage in sex, not as Lady Lane, but instead get into costume and become someone else; who ever suited her best.
Now we need to take a look at this museum of hers. This Museum of Love. It is clear to us that in her mind love is not something she can feel. Love to her is something she can only experience as a witness, only to interact with love as a voyeur would with their interest de jour. She could only watch love. She surrounds herself with images of love. She tells people, "These are the things I love." But she lies. Love is not for her.
I always said I never learned anything from watching Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. Well that’s not entirely true, I did learn how they make stop lights once, buts that’s not the point... The point is that in my naïveté as a child I failed to realize that there is in fact a lot more going on in that Mister Rogers' Neighborhood than I could have ever expected. Or maybe I shouldn't overanalyze every fucking thing I watch for five minutes when I wake up...
"Hello Lady Lane," Proclaimed the woman loudly, "what are you doing."
"I'm running a love museum," Lady Lane responded.
"What's that?" Inquired the woman.
"It's a museum for things you love. Do you have love?" Said Lady Lane.
"Yes, I love you and bird and the townsfolk."
"Well, here. Let me show you something. Put the big end up to you eyes."
Lady Lane then proceeded to show the women some photos of things she loved. There was a veggie sandwich. Little girls. Lady Lane in a baseball costume. A chicken. Little boys. A picnic with little kids. And about 4 more photos of Lady Lane in costume. Every one of these photos reveals key information for an insight to her sexual Identity. I shall explain.
1) A veggie sandwich. Note: A sandwich with no meat. This photo, stand alone, doesn't tell us much.
2) Little girls... Well, now the reference to a sandwich with no meat is obvious. She has lesbian tendencies. The sandwich is a reference to sex, and the fact that it has no meat means that there isn't a man involved in the sex. Which she enforces with the picture of the little girls. But that is just the beginning.
3) A picture of her-self in a baseball uniform. Any one can plainly see that she is into role-playing. Note: Baseball player. Baseball players hold bats. Bats are a phallic symbol. She's confused about her sexual identity. Is she a man? Is she a woman? Why can't she be both? In this baseball costume, she can.
4) Now, the next was of a chicken. I was confused... "A chicken?" I asked myself. "This isn't anything sexual... Hmm? Could it be a reference to her uterus? She's a hen who only has unfertilized eggs? If only it were that simple. The next picture would explain everything to me.
5) Little boys. It was then that it hit me. Chicken > Rooster > Cock. So, she hasn't forgone the pleasure of heterosexual encounters.
6) A picnic with little kids. This was picture of all these little kids, boys and girls, sitting on a blanket having a "picnic..." Or maybe it was a sexual platter of tasty tots? Something must have happened in her childhood. Something that forces her to exact revenge on other children for having a normal life...
7) The next series of photos showed her assuming some more male identities, which included a knight with a sword... Penis envy...
Hmmm... Well, with all these insights into the psyche of this Lady Lane, some questions still stood out. Why was she like this? How had it happened? To answer these questions I had to address her physical attributes as well.
First, she’s not very womanly in her looks. Indeed she is very mannish. One may mistake her for a man until she speaks. This is an obvious area she may be sensitive of. Perhaps after being mistaken for a man for so long has caused her to question the very fact herself. If she looks like a man, then perhaps she should act like one too. She wears turtleneck sweaters and pants. Nothing showing her feminine physique. Now she also has an elongated nose. I'm sure that people have tortured her about that with crude penis jokes that make relations of the sexual organ to her nose. Maybe years of her being called a man as a child, and these crude nose jokes have forced her to somehow alter her lifestyle. Believing she is a man, she has trotted off on forays into the world of lesbianism. However, being a woman, she just can't get rid of the fact that she should also be attracted to men. Perhaps wanting a penis has forced her to seek out those who have one. She takes the name Lady Lane to somehow try pitifully to control her sexual identity.
Now, this sexual split caused a divergent tangent in her mind. She wants women. She wants men... What could she do? She can't be herself and love both at once. That’s when she discovered role-playing. She didn't have to be herself now. She could be anyone she wanted to be. Man. Woman. These words had no more meaning to her. She would engage in sex, not as Lady Lane, but instead get into costume and become someone else; who ever suited her best.
Now we need to take a look at this museum of hers. This Museum of Love. It is clear to us that in her mind love is not something she can feel. Love to her is something she can only experience as a witness, only to interact with love as a voyeur would with their interest de jour. She could only watch love. She surrounds herself with images of love. She tells people, "These are the things I love." But she lies. Love is not for her.
I always said I never learned anything from watching Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. Well that’s not entirely true, I did learn how they make stop lights once, buts that’s not the point... The point is that in my naïveté as a child I failed to realize that there is in fact a lot more going on in that Mister Rogers' Neighborhood than I could have ever expected. Or maybe I shouldn't overanalyze every fucking thing I watch for five minutes when I wake up...