(no subject)
i'm bored.
It's Friday, but to me is like Thursday cause i have to work tomorrow. Not all day, but still... I have a lot to do and really not the time or the energy to do it.
I hate winter, it sucks the life out of me.
i'm not a violent person, by nature... but yesterday I stood a whole 10 minutes watching a street fight... from a distance.
This guy was beating up some other guy, and no one really did anything. Neither did i, nor that i wanted to.
I just stood there and observed.. and felt like hitting my worse enemy that way... yes, hitting her till she bled.
I'm getting to used to being alone with my thoughts, getting used to listen to my inner voice scream, getting used to being numb.
my birthday on Monday was a quiet one. I tried to forget I was having one, just because i didn't feel like celebrating. Lots of messages on FB, lots of hugs in the office, lots of calls on my cell, but i've never been colder inside. I appeciate the sentiment but i don't feel any reason to have a birthday.
I did have my private celebration, i got me a piece of cake, just to follow tradition, i said a prayer and ate it alone in my room. I even blew the candles, just two, one for my Dad and one for me. He had a birthday on the 3rd, would've been his 82nd.
Monday also took me to the doctor. The pain in my leg has become constant, and for some reason I thought it was because of the cold... i was wrong as usual.
I have to get an x-ray to my spine and my sacro nerve... or sciatic nerve.. or the one nerve in my ass, because somehow, somewhere, there's something pinching it and that makes my leg and buttcheek hurt like frak, making it hard for me to walk, and do the common things... like kicking someone's ass for instance, I just can't raise it that high.
I thot the x-ray was gonna be easy, but again, I was wrong.
I have to *prepare* for it. Gotta take some nasty fleet (aka laxative, yeh, not pretty) the night before and be there first thing in the morning. So that'll happen next Saturday.
Oh well, c'est la vie.
Doc just wants to out rule a hernia, and it's fine by me, I just wish the pain would go away so I can have a somewhat common life.
*sigh*
I big hug to my Sweet Leslie and Dave, you know why. I love you very much and I'll always be around, even if it is to crack you up :)
Juanita just visited today. She has a weird thing in her foot, so she's still on leave, so we don't get to celebrate her b-day next Monday. No matter, we will take her out to greet and celebrate when she comes back. I miss her around.
Forgot my cell at home today.. funny, when that happens, not only to me, to a lot of ppl, you feel concerned and miss the little apparatus all day long, and when you get home, you don't have any missed calls or messages. Tis how technology rules our lives. I remember a time when public phones were the only way to communicate when outside the house, and no one was running around or trying frantically locate you till you got home and were lucky enough to have a home phone, and even tho the communication was crappy and expensive.
Another event from yesterday, I bumped into MJ. Yeah, exiting the McDonald's we have across the street. Gladys and I went to the shoe maker to deliver a pair of boots to fix, and when we were crossing the parking lot, I heard the honking. Usually I do not respond to honks... or whistles, cause I'm not a whore or dog, but this time Gladys notices and told me someone was waving from the car. I looked back and there she was, with the boyfriend/husband/owner/mate/companion... whatever i have no clue what he is really.
And suddenly I didn't feel like walking towards them and talk... something inside of me pulled back and i just waved back and said hello.
The common *me* would have gotten closer, and actually chit-chat for a while.. after all, we worked together for over a year and became somewhat friends.
Not the *me* i've turned into. Colder than an iceberg... I was actually more interested in what Gladys was telling me.
It's just... I don't care, I'm numbed, I just wanna get thru this freaking phase quietly and peacefully.
anyways, i'm off to lunch...
It's Friday, but to me is like Thursday cause i have to work tomorrow. Not all day, but still... I have a lot to do and really not the time or the energy to do it.
I hate winter, it sucks the life out of me.
i'm not a violent person, by nature... but yesterday I stood a whole 10 minutes watching a street fight... from a distance.
This guy was beating up some other guy, and no one really did anything. Neither did i, nor that i wanted to.
I just stood there and observed.. and felt like hitting my worse enemy that way... yes, hitting her till she bled.
I'm getting to used to being alone with my thoughts, getting used to listen to my inner voice scream, getting used to being numb.
my birthday on Monday was a quiet one. I tried to forget I was having one, just because i didn't feel like celebrating. Lots of messages on FB, lots of hugs in the office, lots of calls on my cell, but i've never been colder inside. I appeciate the sentiment but i don't feel any reason to have a birthday.
I did have my private celebration, i got me a piece of cake, just to follow tradition, i said a prayer and ate it alone in my room. I even blew the candles, just two, one for my Dad and one for me. He had a birthday on the 3rd, would've been his 82nd.
Monday also took me to the doctor. The pain in my leg has become constant, and for some reason I thought it was because of the cold... i was wrong as usual.
I have to get an x-ray to my spine and my sacro nerve... or sciatic nerve.. or the one nerve in my ass, because somehow, somewhere, there's something pinching it and that makes my leg and buttcheek hurt like frak, making it hard for me to walk, and do the common things... like kicking someone's ass for instance, I just can't raise it that high.
I thot the x-ray was gonna be easy, but again, I was wrong.
I have to *prepare* for it. Gotta take some nasty fleet (aka laxative, yeh, not pretty) the night before and be there first thing in the morning. So that'll happen next Saturday.
Oh well, c'est la vie.
Doc just wants to out rule a hernia, and it's fine by me, I just wish the pain would go away so I can have a somewhat common life.
*sigh*
I big hug to my Sweet Leslie and Dave, you know why. I love you very much and I'll always be around, even if it is to crack you up :)
Juanita just visited today. She has a weird thing in her foot, so she's still on leave, so we don't get to celebrate her b-day next Monday. No matter, we will take her out to greet and celebrate when she comes back. I miss her around.
Forgot my cell at home today.. funny, when that happens, not only to me, to a lot of ppl, you feel concerned and miss the little apparatus all day long, and when you get home, you don't have any missed calls or messages. Tis how technology rules our lives. I remember a time when public phones were the only way to communicate when outside the house, and no one was running around or trying frantically locate you till you got home and were lucky enough to have a home phone, and even tho the communication was crappy and expensive.
Another event from yesterday, I bumped into MJ. Yeah, exiting the McDonald's we have across the street. Gladys and I went to the shoe maker to deliver a pair of boots to fix, and when we were crossing the parking lot, I heard the honking. Usually I do not respond to honks... or whistles, cause I'm not a whore or dog, but this time Gladys notices and told me someone was waving from the car. I looked back and there she was, with the boyfriend/husband/owner/mate/companion... whatever i have no clue what he is really.
And suddenly I didn't feel like walking towards them and talk... something inside of me pulled back and i just waved back and said hello.
The common *me* would have gotten closer, and actually chit-chat for a while.. after all, we worked together for over a year and became somewhat friends.
Not the *me* i've turned into. Colder than an iceberg... I was actually more interested in what Gladys was telling me.
It's just... I don't care, I'm numbed, I just wanna get thru this freaking phase quietly and peacefully.
anyways, i'm off to lunch...