**In every woman's man, is a little boy that died**

[deliriumseyes]

Haven't written in a while, so I thought I might give it a try again. Quit smoking 5 days ago. No cigarettes at ALL in 5 days.. Today seems better.. but for the past few days, I've been going nuts. I'm glad Ryan is so great. Otherwise I'd probably be on my way back to the k-hole. no good. Stupid Jack called me the other day... yesterday, actually. He said he called to wish me a happy birthday... *He knows I hate him, so I don't know why he still calls* He said he would have called ON my birthday, *January 17th* but he was at the hospital because his daughter was born on my birthday. The funny thing is, that since it was on my birthday.,... everytime he looks at his daughter, he's going to think of me, and all the SHIT he put me through. I just think that's really funny. But I am happy for him. He said she's the most beautiful thing he's ever seen. So maybe this will make him remove his head from his sphincter and actually act like a human instead of a fuckhole. I did get to talk to Sue *his stepmom* so that was nice. I'm still really close with his family. I'm just glad that it wasn't me having that kid. I thank my lucky stars everyday that it wasn't me. Not that I don't wanna have kids... because I really LOVE them, and want 2 of my own someday. But NOT now, and definately NOT with Jack. I know that Ryan and I are going to get married.. and he's going to be a great dad. Shit, with how patient he is with me, I have TOTAL faith in his parenting abilities. I love him so much :) We've been together for a while now... a year in March. This is the best relationship ever. Yeah, we argue, like any other couple... but the difference with us is that we work everything out, and don't hold anything inside and keep it bottled up. We always talk about shit. And, it also helps that we can't ever stay mad at eachother for more than 10 minutes at a time. hehe He's my prince. So perfect for me. We're perfect for eachother :) Very very lucky. He is my little ray of sunshine! hehe.. I can't wait to marry him. I never thought I'd say that about anyone... but I know so many people recently that are getting married. Maybe it's in the air or something. :) Well, not SO many... just two other couples... my dear friend Abbi is getting married April 20th, and my cousin Bre is getting married October 4th.. I'm a bridesmaid in that one.. and I'm also singing in it too. That's kinda cool. I'm excited. I think Ryan might have popped the question had I not fucked things up. I was snooping through his wallet.. just to be a shit.. he was standing right there... and I found this note he wrote with my birthday and ring size on it... He was like "Oh shit, I forgot that was in there!" Later he confessed to me that he had planned on buying me a ring for my b-day, but he wasn't sure if it was just going to be just a ring, or THE ring, as in an engagement ring. But since I fubared the surprise... I just got a normal ring. Damn.. hehe... oh well.. maybe I'll get the real one soon. We can hope!! It's kinda weird tho, because Bre's getting married.. but she and Barry haven't even been together as long as Ryan and I have. We've been together about 10 months, and they've only been together about 7 or 8 months... I mean, I'm happy for her, and I can totally tell they love eachother, but I honestly don't think they should be getting married yet. What's the rush? RYan and I have no intentions on getting married soon. Engaged, yeah, but not married. Weddings AREN'T cheap. Unless you plan on going to Vegas, which I'm not against for anyone else, but that's not what I want. I'm a princess, and I want a fairytale wedding. hehehe. I'm going to end up doing the DIY thing for A LOT of stuff, because things are so expensive, it seems like. But I'm pretty crafty, so I know most of the stuff, like table decorations, table clothes, and flower arrangements, I can do myself. The flower shops never do exactly what I want them to do anyhow, so I'd almost rather do it myself. It's MY wedding, I know how I want everything to look. They don't. I can describe things to them... but it's never going to be exact. Plus, I save money doing it myself anyhow. Which is ALWAYS a plus... since I know that the dress I'm going to want isn't going to be cheap by any means. Maybe it would be cheaper just to design one and have it made. That would be fabulous! Ha, anyhow, enough rambling about weddings.. it's going to be a while before mine happens anyhow. I've got quite a while before I have to worry about anything. Anyhow, I better go. I think I'm gonna start writing in this more often. It's quite theraputic.

After the rain,
*Melyssa*