Horse contest.

[deliriouswisher]

I would really appreciate help. Proof readers? On you mark, get set go

Comments

[problemaddict]

"Mostly, I'll give him all the love he needs."

"Khemosabi was not only gorgeous and talented but he was loved. That much i can promise to my horse."

just some suggestions. gives you room to add in some other nice adj.s

also...take out "on top of that" instead, link it to the previous paragraph. because it really isn't needed. i can't think of anything good, the best thing (i'm being rushed) is:
'Khemosabi's unquestionable talent passed on' to...(an astoundingly high percentage...)

but it's just my opinion. i'm not that good in english.

Re:

[deliriouswisher]

Kay. I'll think about that. Don't have much else to say though.

Thanks. ^_^

Re:

[problemaddict]

haha i tried. cuz i hate it when i post something up for suggestions and never get any. so i tried but it was pretty well-done so i couldn't do much with it.

the only thing i really tried doing was taking out your "much"s and "very"s because they are (ahh my english teacher:) "abstract words, we need concrete words".

Re:

[deliriouswisher]

Yea, yea, yea.

I'm gonna bring it to my english teacher. She usually has good ideas for that.. ^_^

I appreciate you're suggestions! Thanks again. *^_^*

[gravie]

Comma after "show ring superstar" and before the "winning."

Try a dash or a colon after "halter and performance" so it reads "...halter & performance: the first to win both."

I LOVE it. Makes me want to show arabs. *^_^* (And that says A LOT. ^_~)

[deliriouswisher]

Thanks. Didn't see that one..

And yea, THANKS A BUNCH! ^____^