Spread Your White Sheets Over My Empty House (Con't)

[delicatelight]

The first thing Jensen thought of when he woke up the next morning was the events of the previous night. Guilt slammed into him as he realized what he’d done. He’d actually kissed his best friend’s boyfriend.


He groaned and let his eyes fall closed again. Shit. All those times Chris had worried and Jensen had rolled his eyes in annoyance, and now this. Jensen was fucked. So, so fucked. And a really shitty best friend. How could he have done this to Chris? Chris, who had always been there for Jensen, through coming out to his parents, bad breakups, bad trips, bad everything, Chris had been there. And this was how Jensen paid him back? By making a move on the guy Chris was dating?

Except, Jensen realized, opening his eyes and looking at his bedroom ceiling, he hadn’t been alone in that cab last night. And he hadn’t been the only one moving. Jared had been all for it, just like Jensen. And really, Jared was the one who was cheating on Chris. Jensen may have been a shitty best friend, but Jared was an even shittier boyfriend. The more Jensen thought about it, the angrier he was. He surged from his bed and looked at the clock. If he hurried, he could stop by Jared’s on his way to the gallery. They needed to have a talk.

***

Jensen pounded on the door of Jared’s apartment, glancing around worriedly. This place didn’t even have basic security; he’d been able to just walk right up to Jared’s place after a quick glance at the mail slots to ascertain his apartment number. The first thing he was making Jared do after he got his check from the show was move. This was ridiculous.

Then he realized that it wasn’t his job to worry about Jared, for God’s sake, and he pounded harder on the door, riding a fresh wave of fury.

Finally, Jared jerked the door open, and greeted Jensen with an annoyed look on his face, clad only in boxers and his hair sticking up in every conceivable direction.

“What the fuck, man?” he asked, irritated.

Jensen shoved his way inside. “What the hell was last night, Jared?”

Jared’s face turned bright red. “You tell me!”

“Excuse me? I’m not the one with a boyfriend, Jared!”

Jared stalked over to where Jensen was standing. “Yeah, well, my boyfriend is your best friend. So that doesn’t say too much about you, either.”

Jensen wanted to smack him. “I’m telling you right now, you better not hurt Chris. If you’re out screwing around-“

“I’m not!” Jared looked affronted. “I’ve never done anything like that in my life! I don’t fucking cheat, Jensen.”

“Then what the hell was last night?” Jensen shouted.

“I don’t know!” Jared bellowed back.

Silence rang through the room and Jared scrubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t know,” he repeated in a quieter voice. “I was messed up and you were sweet and I just. I don’t know.”

Jensen sighed, the fight going out of him. Suddenly, he felt exhausted. Walking over to the nearest chair, he sank down in it and closed his eyes for a long moment. Opening them, he looked to where Jared was still standing, staring blankly at the wall.

“Chris can’t ever know, Jared,” Jensen stated quietly. “It’d fuck everything up.”

Jared swallowed and nodded, not looking at Jensen.

“Seriously, Jared,” he said urgently. “Ever. He’d never forgive either of us.”

“Jensen, I fucking get it, okay?” Jared said, finally looking at Jensen. “We can’t tell him. Fine. I wasn’t planning on it.”

The room was quiet again, and Jensen stood up. “I’ve got to get to work. But Jared, your show…” He trailed off, unsure of what to say.

Jared laughed humorlessly. “Yeah, I understand.”

“Understand what?” Jensen replied, confused.

“You don’t want to do it now, it’s fine. I get it.”

Jensen rolled his eyes. “I’m still going to do it, dumbass. I just don’t want things to be awkward.”

Jared sighed and rolled his shoulders. “Yeah, the chances of it not being awkward are pretty fucking slim.”

“Yeah,” Jensen said, watching Jared. He headed for the door and paused with his hand on the knob. “I’ll call you later this week, okay?”

“Whatever,” came the response. Jared was already heading for the back of his apartment.

“You should lock this behind me, Jared,” Jensen felt obligated to point out. “Anyone could walk in.”

Jared just raised his hand in a dismissive wave over his shoulder and Jensen sighed, letting himself out.

Yeah, you handled that like a real expert, Jen, he mocked himself as he walked down the stairs. God, he was a fucking moron.

***

The next three days were kind of a nightmare for Jensen. The gallery was horrible; shipments were getting screwed up, an artist he had contracted for six more painting balked, insisting that his muse was gone, and all of this was happening with guilt hanging over his head like an ax, just waiting to fall.

To make matters worse, Chris called demanding to know why Jensen was avoiding him.

“I’m not avoiding you, Chris,” he said patiently, biting down on his tongue. “I’ve been insanely busy, okay?”

“Yeah, whatever, son. You got something on your mind, I know you.”

Jensen toyed with a piece of paper on his desk. “Seriously, it’s just work stuff. I’ve got an artist who won’t paint, even though he sighed a fucking contract, and it’s making me crazy. Says his chi is messed up and his muse fled or some other bullshit. And I need his work, because he’s a huge seller. It’s fucking with my head.”

“Well, hell, boy, why didn’t you say so? Me and my boys are coming over tonight, we’ll get you cheered right up. You got no choice in the matter, Jen, so don’t even try to protest.” He hung up without letting Jensen say another word.

Shit. His boys? What, Steve and Jared? Yeah, that’ll help, he thought sarcastically. He snapped the phone shut and tried to resist throwing it across the room.

***

Hours later, Jensen sat on his couch, staring at the wall and waiting for his company. Usually when someone was coming he’d be all over the place, neatening it and making everything nice. Not this time. This time he was refusing to do a damn thing. And if Chris thought Jensen would have cooked for them, he was dead wrong. Jensen wasn’t moving from his spot, and he didn’t even have any food in the apartment, anyway.

He was still grumbling to himself when the buzzer sounded in the apartment. Glancing at the intercom, he decided it was too much work to get up and answer it. He folded his arms over his chest. Chris had a key, he could damn well use it.

A minute later and there was a pounding on his door. “Open the fucking door, Jensen, before I knock the damn thing down!”

“You’ve got a key, you asshole!” he shouted back.

The pounding only got louder and Jensen finally shoved off the couch and stalked over to the door. “What’s the point of having a key if you don’t fucking use it, you dick?” he snarled out as he wrenched open the door.

Chris shoved by him with a case of beer. “My hands are full, jackass.”

Jared and Steve followed Chris in, Jared holding two large pizzas and it looked like Steve had another case of beer.

Jensen snorted. “You guys bring enough beer?”

Chris set his case down and cuffed Jensen on the back of the head. “We’re prepared to purge this bad mood right out of you, son. Now, drink up. We’re getting this show on the road.”

Jensen met Jared’s eyes across the room, and Jared looked away quickly. Yeah, he thought. This is definitely going to fix my mood.

***

Two hours later, Jensen was drunk. Stumbling, stuttering, slurring drunk. He didn’t know how many beers he’d had, and he didn’t care. They wanted to get him drunk, he was drunk.

“Steve,” he slurred out, walking over to where Steve was lounging, holding his own beer, “you remember that time we were in that club down, down-somewhere, and you picked up that guy with the mullet?”

Steve grimaced. “Yeah, unfortunately.”

Jensen giggled. “I always wanted to ask. How was the sex? ‘Cause man, he had the best ass. All tight and shit. I’d have wanted to get in there myself if his hair hadn’t been so bad.”

“Can’t say as I remember how the sex was, Jen,” Steve drawled out. “I was pretty messed up that night.”

Jensen pouted. “You’re no fun.”

He stumbled over to where Jared and Chris were sprawled on the couch making out. “Hey!” he shouted at them. Chris lifted his head from Jared, his lips swollen. “What the hell do you want, man?”

Jensen pointed drunkenly. “No fucking on my couch.”

Chris grinned down at Jared, whose eyes were glassy and unfocused. “Not fucking, man. Just a little making out. Although Jared here is pretty hard. He might be coming in his jeans any minute.”

Jensen stepped back, a little stunned by the pain the knifed through him at the words. Jared shoved Chris in the shoulder and Chris lifted himself off him. “You’re an asshole,” Jared hissed out, and got up from the couch.

“Aw, I was just kidding, Jared!” Chris called after him as he walked away.

Jensen stumbled away and went into the kitchen, making his way over to his back door and stepping out on the fire escape to try and clear his head. No matter how drunk he got, it was still fucking there. The sound of the door opening behind him made him cringe; he just wanted to be left alone.

Steve walked up next to him and leaned on the railing. “Well,” he said in his slow voice, “it’s a fucked up situation. That ain’t never gonna change.”

Jensen squinted up at him, but didn’t say anything.

“I want Chris, I’ve always wanted Chris, hell, everybody knows it. And now you want Jared? It sucks, man.”

Jensen sighed. “How come you never told Chris how you feel, Steve?”

Steve smiled sadly. “Did once.”

“What? When?” Jensen blurted out, surprised.

“A long time ago, now. He was real nice about it, said we were better off as friends, and that was that. He never treated me any different, which I appreciate, but, well, he made it clear there was no chance.”

“Oh.” Jensen thought about it. Steve had been carrying a torch for Chris for years; he couldn’t even imagine how hard that was. He’d only felt this way about Jared for a few weeks. It kind of put everything into perspective.

“You’re right,” he finally said. “It’s fucked up.” They stood in silence for a long time. “How’d we ever get this mixed up, Steve?”

Steve laughed and slapped him on the back. “It’s called life, Jen. It’s always a pain in the ass. Now, we’d better get in there and rescue Jared from a drunk Chris. It ain’t never pretty.”

“Yeah.” Jensen pushed away from the railing and looked out over the buildings, their lights twinkling in the night. “I’m tired, Steve. I feel old tonight.”

“Hell, Jensen. You are old.”

Jensen laughed a little and followed him inside, ready to tackle Chris if needed.

***

A few days later Jensen sat at his desk in the back room of the gallery and worried. He wanted to have Jared’s show in the middle of the next month, which meant that he needed to actually call Jared and discuss it. And Jensen hadn’t really spoken to Jared at all since “the incident,” as he’d been calling it in his head.

He just didn’t want to deal with it. Like, at all. It was all awkward and horrible now, and things before had been so great with Jared. Which, he realized, had been kind of the problem. If things hadn’t been so good, that kiss would never have happened, no matter how shit-faced Jared had been.

He sighed. He really didn’t have a choice in this, and he knew it. He had to call. Best to just suck it up and get it done.

He took a deep breath and picked up the phone, dialing Jared’s number from memory.

“Hello?” Jared sounded a little out of breath, causing Jensen to wonder what he was doing.

“Hey, Jared, it’s Jensen.”

“Oh,” Jared said stiffly. “What’s up?”

Jensen cursed inwardly. They weren’t off to a very good start. “Uh, I was wondering when you wanted to get together to start planning about the show? I’d like to have it on the fifteenth of next month, if that’s good for you.”

There was a long pause, and Jensen tensely waited for Jared to reply. Finally, Jared spoke again. “Yeah, look, Jensen. I don’t think this is such a good idea, okay? I mean, thanks for everything, but let’s just let it go.”

Jensen sat in stunned silence as Jared said good-bye and hung up. What the fuck? He hung his phone up and stared blankly at the wall in front of him. He hadn’t realized Jared was so freaked out about their kiss that he was willing to throw away what could be a huge career move for himself. That was just ridiculous.

Standing up, Jensen decided that no matter who Jared was and how he felt about him, he couldn’t let him sabotage his career. Someone had to step in. And, Jensen reasoned, it only made sense that it was him who would do the saving. He was the owner of the gallery, after all. It was his job.

Resolved, Jensen locked the gallery up for the day and set out on foot to Jared’s place. The walk would give him time to plan his approach.

***

When he arrived at Jared’s, he actually found himself a little nervous. This had seemed a lot easier in his head. And he probably should have called first. What if Chris was there, for God’s sake? He’d have to explain himself and shit.

He rolled his eyes at himself. He was there for business reasons, there was nothing untoward going on. If Chris was there, he’d simply state that and they’d move on.

He nodded to himself and walked into Jared’s building, taking the steps up to his apartment quickly. When he arrived in front of Jared’s door, he only hesitated for a moment before knocking. He rapped on the door three times and stepped back a little to wait.

When Jared didn’t answer right away, Jensen worried his bottom lip and knocked again, a little louder this time. He wasn’t sure why it hadn’t occurred to him until this very moment that Jared might not be around, but for some reason he’d just assumed that he would be home.

Finally, Jensen heard rustling behind the door and it opened, Jared standing there. He looked blankly at Jensen. “What are you doing here?”

“Um, can I come in?” Jensen asked with trepidation.

Jared paused. “Yeah, okay. But Chad’s going to be here in a few.”

Jensen groaned inwardly. “This won’t take long,” he said out loud.

“Well, sit down.” Jared sounded pretty resigned, which kind of annoyed Jensen. He swallowed it down and sat on the couch stiffly.

Jared took a seat in the overstuffed chair to the left of the couch and sprawled out, hoping to affect an air of indifference.

“Here’s the thing, Jared,” Jensen began, “I don’t understand why you suddenly don’t want to go through with the show.”

Jared didn’t look at him when he answered. “You don’t have to understand.”

Jensen felt another, stronger, spurt of irritation. “Well, I’d really like to, since it’s my gallery you’re backing out of doing your show in, Jared.”

Jared looked at him then. “I didn’t sign any contracts, so it really doesn’t matter, Jensen.”

Okay, yeah. Now he was flat-out pissed off. “What the fuck is the problem, man? Is this about you being scared? Because I told you-“

Jared stood up quickly and Jensen stopped short.

“I’m not fucking scared, Jensen! How can you not know what the hell the problem is, you asshole?”

Jensen stared up at him for a moment, then slowly went to his feet. “Look,” he said patiently, “I know things have been awkward between us. But we’ve only seen each other once since it happened, and it was okay, right? I mean, it was weird, but hell, we’ll get past that. There’s no need to throw away your career.”

Jared snorted. “Don’t think too much of yourself, do you? Your gallery isn’t the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Jen. I don’t think I’m throwing my career away.”

Stung, Jensen shot back, “Why are you acting like such a dick? I’m trying to help you!”

“You know what would help me, Jensen?” Jared stormed over to where he was standing. “You not showing up here all ‘I just want to help’ and looking at me with those fucking eyes of yours and biting your lip and just-God! Being you!”

Jensen felt like he had the time in high school he’d missed a month from mono. Jared was running circles around him, and he couldn’t seem to catch up.

“I’m sorry?” he asked, confused.

Jared fisted his hands in his hair. “God! What is it that you’re not getting? I. Can’t. Be. Around. You.” He said the words as though he were speaking to a child, and finally Jensen had had enough.

“You’re starting to really piss me off, Jared,” Jensen bit out.

“Oh, I’m starting to piss you off?” Jared mocked. “Gosh, I feel really awful about that.”

“God, you’re a dick,” Jensen muttered.

“And you’re an obtuse asshole,” Jared shot back.

“Fuck you!” Jensen shouted, fed up.

Jared shoved Jensen against the wall. “That’s the problem, Jen,” he hissed in Jensen’s ear. “I want you to.”

Jensen was shocked into a stunned silence and stared up at Jared who was looking down at him with a flinty expression on his face. “Finally getting it, Jensen?” he said softly, as his eyes trailed down to look at Jensen’s lips.

Jensen swallowed. He should push Jared away. Push him away and walk out of this apartment and never look back. Ever. But he didn’t. He stared at Jared and unthinkingly bit his bottom lip.

Jared groaned and leaned in, capturing Jensen’s lips with his own. It was just like the last time, and Jensen was all over Jared in a flash, his hands fisting into Jared’s hair and pulling him close as he attacked Jared’s mouth.

Jared’s hands were everywhere and his mouth dropped to Jensen’s neck. Jensen closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the wall as Jared bit down on his pulse point. He felt Jared’s hands trail down the front of his shirt and unbutton his slacks, and then Jared’s hand was in his pants.

Jared squeezed Jensen’s cock and ran his thumb over the tip, spreading the moisture that was gathering. Jensen moaned. “Fuck me, Jay, oh, God, fuck me,” he muttered in a guttural voice.

Jared groaned and kept stroking Jensen’s cock, squeezing and rubbing. “Fuck,” Jared whispered. “I want to eat you up. I want to suck you dry and then fuck you so hard you can’t walk straight for a week.”

Jensen moaned again. Do it. He managed to not say the words out loud, and thirty seconds later, when he was about an inch away from coming, he was grateful he’d restrained himself, because suddenly a voice interrupted them. “Oh, shit!”

They sprang apart, both of them breathing heavily. Jensen opened his eyes to see who was standing there and the sight that greeted him drew a groan from his lips. Chad was standing in the doorway to the apartment with a bemused look on his face.

Jared glanced over at Jensen and then back at Chad. “God, Chad, don’t you ever fucking knock?” he ground out angrily.

Chad smirked. “I did.”

Jared turned bright red in a delayed reaction and all Jensen could think was that he had to get out of there.

“Yeah, um,” Jensen said, blushing horribly, “I’m gonna go.”

Jared jerked his head around to Jensen, “Wait, we need to talk-“

“No!” Jensen almost shouted. “Um, really, I need to go, I’ve got to be somewhere.” He turned to face the wall and buttoned his pants. God, he was dying. Turning back around, he noted that Jared was glaring at Chad.

He walked over to the door as quickly as possible, and just as his hand reached for the knob, Jared spoke again. “I’ll call you about the show, Jen.”

“W-What?” he sputtered out. “I thought-“

Jared grinned wickedly. “Changed my mind. “

Jensen stared at him for a long moment, then opened the door and walked out. He made it down one flight of stairs and sat down on the stop stair of the next flight down and rested his head in his hands. He was so, so fucked.

***

He managed to make his way home in a fog, unsure of what he was going to do. He unlocked the door and entered his apartment, pressing the button to play his messages, all on autopilot. He listened with half an ear as he went to his fridge to grab a beer. When Chris’ voice came ringing through the room, his stomach churned.

“Hey, man. We’re doing an impromptu jam session at the bar tonight, you better be there. We haven’t seen you down there in a while, and me and Steve are sick of having to go over to your place. Get your ass out of the house. If you’re not there, there’ll be consequences.” He laughed and hung up.

Jensen stared at the machine as if it were responsible for the mess he was in. Eventually he fled to the bathroom to take a shower and try his best to drown himself.

***

Okay, he thought later as he stood in front of the entrance to Chris’ bar, you can do this. You have a plan. Get in, watch the band play for a while, get out. And if Jared’s there, find out what the fuck he’s up to. Resolved, Jensen nodded to himself and went in.

He was greeted by a wave of noise; the place was packed even though it was a weeknight. Jensen couldn’t help but smile-Chris had really turned this place into something. When he’d bought it, it had been a mess, the floors rotting and the walls about to cave in, and he’d managed to make it into a place that people wanted to go to, a tiny piece of Texas in the heart of Chicago. No matter how much Chris drove him nuts and made him want to tear his hair out from time to time, Jensen loved him and was ridiculously proud of his friend.

He scanned the room for any of his friends, spotting Jared sitting at a table right in front of the small stage. He rolled his eyes. It figured. He waded his way through the crowd and threw himself into a chair across from Jared, not saying anything as their eyes met.

Jared looked at him for a long moment and cocked his head a little, raising his eyebrow. “Surprised you made it out, Jen,” he stated matter-of-factly. “Didn’t think we’d be seeing you tonight.”

Jensen signaled to the waitress who was making the rounds to bring him a beer, his eyes never leaving Jared’s. “Chris threatened me with bodily harm if I didn’t come.”

Jared didn’t say anything, just continued looking at Jensen and smirking. It was a little infuriating. “Where’s Chris?” he asked tiredly.

Jared nodded towards the bar, and Jensen glanced over, seeing his friend talking to Steve, their heads leaning towards each other.

“I think they’re fucking,” Jared said flatly.

Jensen jerked his head back towards Jared. “What?” he demanded, sure he’d misheard.

Jared smiled mirthlessly. “Chris and Steve. I’ve been watching them for the last hour, and I’m pretty sure they’re fucking.”

Jensen stared at Jared in shock, then turned his head to look at Chris and Steve again. Chris was laughing at something Steve had said, his head thrown back and his teeth gleaming. Steve was just fucking lit up with pleasure, as happy as Jensen had seen him in a long time. Jensen felt something go through him, but he was too confused to try and figure out what. Finally, he turned back to look at Jared as the waitress put his beer down in front of him.

He threw her an automatic thank you and grabbed his beer, swallowing deeply. Setting it back down, he looked at Jared. “I would be extremely surprised,” he said at length, “if that were the case. Chris has never in all these years so much as looked at Steve in any way other than as a friend and a band mate, and I don’t know why he’d start now.”

Jared shrugged. “Yeah, honestly? I don’t care.” He looked at Jensen, his eyes full of things Jensen didn’t want to know. “I’m pretty sure we’re over.”

Jensen looked down at his beer. Even though he’d come in here with the purpose of talking to Jared about what had happened at Jared’s place earlier, now that the opportunity had come up, he didn’t actually want to follow through. He just wanted it all to go away.

Jensen was saved from having to come up with something to say when Chris walked up to their table and threw himself down in the seat next to Jared.

“Hey, there, Jen. See you got my message.” He grinned at Jensen lazily.

Jensen raised his beer in a salute. “I sure did, asshole.”

Chris just laughed and threw his arm around Jared, who remained impassive.

Jensen cleared his throat awkwardly. “When’s the music gonna start, Chris? I didn’t come here just to shoot the shit.”

“Douchebag,” Chris said affectionately. “We’ll start when Steve gets his ass out here. He had to take a piss.”

Right at that moment, Steve walked over to the table. “You ready?” he asked Chris, not looking at anyone but him.

Chris grinned and pecked Jared on the cheek. “Yep, let’s hit it.”

Jensen watched Chris and Steve depart from the table and glanced at Jared’s face. His expression was unreadable, his eyes flat. And even though before he’d come here tonight he’d never have laid bets on Jared being right, that Chris and Steve were fucking, he had to admit, they were acting strange.

For the next hour, Jensen and Jared sat at the table and watched the band play. At first, Jensen had tried to make awkward small talk in between songs, but when he realized Jared wasn’t interested, he’d kept his mouth shut.

Finally, Jared stood up. “I’m leaving,” he said to Jensen, looking down at him with that same unreadable expression on his face. “Come over to my place when you’re done here.”

Jensen didn’t reply, too stunned by the demand, and Jared walked away. He looked back up at the stage where Chris was singing. He met Jensen’s eyes with a confused look, and Jensen just shrugged, not knowing what else to do. Chris kept on singing, and Jensen sat in his seat, trying to work out what his next move should be.

***

Two hours later, Jensen was cursing his lack of willpower as he knocked on Jared’s door. He shouldn’t be there, he knew, but he’d found himself at Jared’s anyway. He kept telling himself it was only because they needed to talk, but he had a feeling that once he got in there, talking was the last thing he’d be doing.

Jared opened the door and leaned against the jamb. “Didn’t know if you’d make it,” he drawled out lazily.

Jensen swallowed nervously. “I shouldn’t be here.”

“Yeah, well, Chris should have waited to start fucking Steve until after he broke up with me, but that didn’t happen, did it?”

Jensen felt a surge of irritation and pushed his way past Jared and into the apartment. “First of all,” he began, “we don’t know that they’re fucking. And second, if you demanded I come over here for revenge on Chris, then I’m leaving right the fuck now, because I’m not some fucking piece of meat for you to use.”

Jared laughed. “Jensen, come on. We both know they’re fucking. Chris had that ‘I just had a blow job’ look on his face, and Steve had that "I just gave a blow job" look.” He walked over to where Jensen was standing, so close that Jensen could see the rim of green around his eyes, and smiled darkly at Jen. “And I don’t need to use you for revenge, Jensen. I can fuck anyone I want, I don’t need you.” He grabbed the front of Jensen’s shirt and pulled him so that he landed against Jared’s chest. “But I sure as hell want you,” he whispered in Jensen’s ear. “So how ‘bout it, Jen? Wanna give it a go?”

Jensen pulled back a little and looked into Jared’s eyes. His pupils were dilated and he looked menacing, a far cry from the friendly guy Jensen had met and fallen for. It should have made him want to flee, and part of him did want to. But the bigger part of him didn’t want to go anywhere. He raised his arms and shoved Jared, hard enough that Jared took an automatic step back.

“Let’s go,” he said, walking to the back of the apartment, where he assumed the bedroom was, not bothering to look and see if Jared was following. Seconds later, when he’d found the room Jared slept in, he was thrown onto the unmade bed. Jensen raised his head to watch as Jared stripped his shirt off and grinned at Jensen. Holy hell, he was built. Jensen had to bite his tongue to keep from blurting out something stupid and forced himself to look nonchalant.

“So,” Jared asked, rubbing his stomach with his shirt before casting it aside, “you wanna be on top or on bottom?”

“Does-,” he had to clear his throat, “It doesn’t matter to me.”

Jared smiled and unbuttoned the top button of his jeans. “We’ll just play it by ear, then.”

Jensen didn’t really know what was the matter with him. He was usually pretty sure of himself in the bedroom, but Jared was fucking him all up.

Jared toyed with the next button of his jeans, then paused. He pulled his hand away from his pants and looked at Jensen. He grinned wickedly, and before Jensen knew what he was doing, Jared was straddling his hips.

“I think we’d better get these clothes off you, Jensen,” he said in a low voice, and began working Jensen’s t-shirt off. Jensen raised his arms and let Jared pull it off, baring his chest.

“You know,” Jared said idly, “that day I walked you home and put you to bed? I wanted to do this.” Then he put his mouth on Jensen’s chest, licking a stripe right up the center. He latched onto Jensen’s left nipple and bit down gently, causing him to arch off the bed and moan. He fisted his hands in Jared’s hair and let him go to town, licking and sucking all around his nipple before switching to the other one and treating it to the same.

After a moment, Jared sat back up and looked at Jensen. “God, you’re so pretty like this, Jen. All flushed and turned on.”

Jensen was having a hard time breathing, he was so hot. His skin felt itchy and too tight.

Jared lifted his weight off of Jensen and rested on his knees above him. He reached down and unbuttoned Jensen’s jeans, pulling the zipper down. He tugged gently, and Jensen raised his hips off the bed so he could pull them down. When freed from its restraints, his cock sprang free. Jared raised an eyebrow at Jensen’s lack of underwear, and Jensen blushed. “Um, I haven’t gotten around to the laundry yet this week.”

Jared laughed quietly and moved enough to pull Jensen’s jeans completely off him, leaving him clad only in his socks, which he pulled off in a two economical movements. Before Jensen had time to even contemplate the fact that he was completely naked, and Jared was still partially dressed, Jared was straddling him again and had his hand wrapped around Jensen’s cock.

“Jared,” he moaned, “you have to fucking do something. I’m going a little crazy here.”

Jared didn’t say anything, he just continued to hold Jensen’s cock, not stroking or squeezing it, just gently holding it as he looked it over.

“You remember that night we met, Jen?” he asked casually, and Jensen wanted to scream.

“Yes,” he ground out.

“You were an asshole that night, do you remember that, too?”

Fucking hell. “Yes, for God’s sake!” Jensen fairly shouted the words.

Jared began stroking his thumb excruciatingly lightly over the head of Jensen’s cock, pressing ever so gently down on the slit. “That night I thought, ‘This guy’s a dick, but God, I would love to suck him off.’”

Jensen stared at him. Jared in the bedroom was unlike anything he could ever have imagined. Gone was the cheerful, happy-go-lucky guy he’d gotten to know, and in its place was this dark, incredibly sexy, with a streak of dominance. It turned him on way more than he’d ever thought it would.

Jared didn’t look at him as he continued, his hand all the while working on Jensen’s cock, driving the heat in Jensen’s body higher. “I went home that night and jacked off thinking about it, stroking myself off in the shower imagining your cock in my mouth. And then later in bed, I fucked myself with my hand as I pulled on my cock and imagined you in my ass. God, that’s the hardest I’d come in years.”

He looked at Jensen for the first time since he’d started talking. “I’m about to swallow you down, Jensen. And trust me when I tell you, you’re not going to come. Because after I suck on you, I’m going to fuck you. And you’re not going to come until I tell you that you can. And after that, you’re going to fuck me.”

Jensen nodded wordlessly, ready to do anything to get things moving, because if he didn’t get to come soon, he was going to die. Just fucking expire, for God’s sake.

Jared looked at him, his eyes dark, and licked his lips. And then he went down, and made good on his words. His mouth surrounded Jensen, sucking him in so deep that the tip of his cock hit the back of Jared’s throat. He arched helplessly and moaned, the sound wrenched from his throat. Jared used his forearm to hold Jensen’s hips down and worked his throat around his cock.

The next few minutes were torture, Jared doing his best to drive Jensen mad with his tongue and Jensen doing his damnedest not to come. Finally, Jared pulled off and wiped his mouth. Surging upward, Jensen grabbed the back of Jared’s neck and pulled him down, kissing him deeply and pulling him down with him. They lay there for a few long minutes, just kissing, lovely, dark, wet kisses, and Jensen was able to calm himself.

Finally, Jared detached himself and stood up, removing his jeans and boxers in one quick move. Jensen took in the picture in front of him, his eyes stuttering to a halt when he saw Jared’s cock. He raised his eyes to Jared’s in shock, and said, “Dude.”

Jared grinned and opened the drawer in the little table next to the bed. “It’s cool.” He tossed a tube of lubricant on the bed next to Jensen. “We’ll use a lot.”

Damn right they would. He sat up a little and unscrewed the top, squeezing a generous amount onto his fingers. He raised himself up and reached back, inserting two fingers gently inside himself. Concentrating, since it’d been such a long time since he’d bottomed, it took him a moment to notice that Jared was standing completely still, staring at Jensen like he was about to attack him. Jensen stopped moving, his fingers still inside himself and looked at Jared.

“Don’t stop,” Jared demanded hoarsely.

Feeling a jolt of power go through him, Jensen began moving his fingers again, watching Jared’s face as he stretched himself gently. He moaned a little and moved his hips restlessly as his fingers worked. Pulling out, he added a little more lube and went back, working three fingers in this time, scissoring them a bit to stretch himself.

“Jesus.” Jared knelt on the bed in front of Jensen. “Tell me you’re ready, man. I can’t wait anymore.”

Jensen nodded. “God, yes,” he said thickly.

Jared made quick use of the condom he had in his hand and then snatched the lube up from the bed, applying a liberal amount to his cock. He took Jensen’s legs in his hands and lifted them up over his shoulders. It was a little awkward, because Jensen was by no means a small guy, but it worked, and soon Jared was poised to enter, hovering for a moment.

“You ready?” he asked, eyes hard and glittering.

Jensen took a deep breath. “Yeah. Do it.”

Jared slowly began working his cock in, and as much as Jensen wanted it, wished he could go faster, there was no way in hell. Jensen was too tight, and Jared was too damn big to take it any way but slowly. He had to stop every few seconds and let Jensen adjust to the intrusion, but eventually he was seated all the way in. Jared was breathing shallowly, and Jensen was trying to relax.

“Jensen,” Jared said through clenched teeth, “you okay?”

Jensen wasn’t sure. He’d never felt like this, like he would break apart if Jared moved, but like he’d lose his sanity if he didn’t. Finally, he nodded. “Yeah. I think,” he swallowed, “I think you can move now.”

Jared closed his eyes, looking relieved as he began to move, pulling out so slowly Jensen could feel every inch. He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on the pleasure and not the discomfort. Right about then, Jared thrust back in and hit his gland, and suddenly, Jensen’s cock, which had wilted a bit, got interested again.

He moaned a little. “Right there, Jay.”

Jared grinned, his eyes still closed, and thrust harder, hitting the spot again, working it with the tip of his cock. Every time he hit Jensen’s prostate it got better, and soon pleasure was shooting through his body. He reached up and wrapped his hand around his cock, stroking lightly, remembering Jared’s words about not coming until he was told.

Jensen didn’t know how long it went on, Jared fucking him harder and harder, the sweat pouring off his body as he worked, his eyes closed. Suddenly, his eyes opened and he looked Jensen straight in the eye. “Now. Oh, my God, Jensen, fucking now!”

Jensen came at the words, shooting harder than he had in his entire life, spots swimming in front of his eyes and the world turning white. Seconds later Jared followed with a groan and held still inside Jensen as he shook.

***

Jensen didn’t know how much time went by, it could have been seconds or minutes, but eventually Jared pulled himself together long enough to gently detach himself from Jensen and remove the condom, tying it off and throwing it into the small trashcan by the bedroom door. He collapsed next to Jensen on the bed and threw an arm over his eyes.

Jensen wasn’t sure what to say. He opened his mouth, then shut it. Swallowing, he tried again. “So,” he said, trying desperately for a casual tone, “that was nice.”

Jared raised his head and looked at Jensen disbelievingly.

Jensen smiled weakly.

Jared rolled over and situated himself on top of Jensen again, resting between his legs. “Nice?”

Jensen held back the smile that wanted to surface. “Yep.”

Jared looked like he was trying not to smile himself when he said, “You don’t want to change that to something like, ‘spectacular,’ or ‘life-changing?’”

Jensen snorted. “Nope. Spectacular and life-changing come when I fuck you.”

Jared let loose the laugh he’d been fighting. “Oh, is that so?”

Jensen tried to give an innocent smile and failed. “Yep. You’ll see.”

The smile faded from Jared’s lips and his eyes turned hot. “Mmm, and I can’t wait.” He leaned down and took Jensen’s lips. They kissed for a long while until Jared broke the kiss with a groan. “Man, I’m so fucking tired.”

Startled, Jensen started to laugh. He wrestled Jared gently onto his back and kissed him again. “Get some rest. You’re gonna need it.”

Jared gave him one last sweet smile, and his eyes closed as he fell asleep.

Jensen let out the breath he was holding and laid down next to him, turning his head so he could watch Jared sleep. Maybe things were still a mess, but for the first time since he’d met Jared, he didn’t feel so lost. He closed his eyes, and followed Jared into sleep.

***

Jensen woke the next morning to the smell of coffee. He squinted in the light coming from the window and searched the room for a clock. He sighed when he realized it was after nine. He should have been at the gallery by now, getting it ready to open.

Jared came in the room carrying two steaming mugs, wearing only a pair of boxers, with a happy smile on his face. He sat down on the bed next to Jensen. “Morning, sunshine,” he sang out as he held out one of the mugs.

Jensen wrinkled his nose at him, but sat up on one elbow and took the proffered mug of coffee, drinking deeply. As the caffeine hit his bloodstream, waking him up completely, he groaned. “I’ve got to get moving. I need to open the gallery.”

Jared ran his fingers through Jensen’s hair gently. “You ever take a day off?”

Smiling up at Jared, he replied, “It’s been known to happen. But only when I have a part-timer working for me. Which, unfortunately, is not right now.”

Jared leaned down and nibbled at Jensen’s bottom lip. “I can’t talk you into it?”

Jensen grinned against Jared’s mouth. “I might be able to be persuaded to take a half day, if you offer sexual favors.”

“Well,” Jared said coyly, “as it turns out, sexual favors are my specialty.”

“Excellent,” Jensen murmured, as Jared took the mug from his hand and set it down on the table next to the bed with his own. He grabbed Jared by the arm and pulled him down on top of him. “Time to start offering,” he said, and Jared laughed.

***

An hour and a half later, Jensen sat in Jared’s tiny kitchen drinking lukewarm coffee, watching as Jared scrambled eggs on the stove. He’d been doing a really good job of pushing reality out of his mind for the past twelve hours, but as a result, it was shoving its way back to the forefront, demanding to be confronted.

“Jared,” he finally said, “we need to talk.”

Jared sighed, but didn’t turn around. “Yeah.”

“Even if you break up with Chris, and I’m assuming you’re planning on doing so, that doesn’t change the fact that he’s my best friend. And that I screwed up.”

Jared did turn around at that, holding onto the spoon he’d been stirring the eggs with. “It’s not as simple as that, Jensen. You can’t look at this in black and white terms. I mean, yeah, Chris is your best friend, but what we have, it means something.”

Jensen scrubbed his hands over his face, frustrated. “Yeah, it is that simple, Jared. Yes, we have something that means something. But Chris is my best friend. I would die for him. And whether he’s cheating on you or not, I broke the code. And I don’t know how to make this right.”

Jared set his spoon down and walked over to where Jensen was sitting and knelt down in front of him. He gently pulled Jensen’s hands from his face and held them in his own. “Listen to me. I know you’re terrified that Chris is never going to forgive you for this, and I get that. But you can’t let that ruin what we have here, okay? Because Jensen, you and me, we’re right. And I know you feel that, too.” He let go of Jensen’s hands, and framed his face, smoothing his thumbs over his cheekbones. “I meant it last night when I said I was falling for you. Did you mean it when you said you already had?”

Jensen hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah,” he said brokenly, “I meant it. But Jared, that doesn’t change things.”

“Don’t you see, Jen? It changes everything. If this were nothing, it wouldn’t matter so much. But it is, and it does. We’re going to be okay, you and me. We just need to get through the bad shit that’s coming.” He smiled a little. “But we’ll be okay.”

Jensen looked at him and took a deep breath. “Yeah,” he said quietly, almost to himself. “We’ll get through it.”

Jared stood and pulled Jensen up with him. “Damn right we will.” He kissed Jensen hard on the lips, and walked back over to the stove. “Shit,” he said, “I burned the eggs.”

Jensen was still laughing when the knock sounded.

***

Hours later, when it was all over, Jensen couldn’t remember exactly what was said. He couldn’t remember the words Jared had spoken when he answered the door to find Chris on the other side.

He couldn’t remember what he’d said to Chris, to try and explain his presence. He couldn’t remember the exact moment that Chris knew what was going on.

He remembered with perfect clarity, though, the moment, the very second that Chris looked at him with disgust on his face. Remembered the feeling of Chris’ fist hitting his nose. Remembered the tears in Jared’s eyes as Chris had called him a worthless slut.

He knew Jared had said something back, something about Chris fucking Steve, but it was all a blur. The rage in Chris’ voice, the sounds of doors slamming, the feeling of being lost, it was all a jumble.

And so, he thought now, as he sat alone in his apartment, this is how it ends. Twenty years of friendship gone in the time it took to say, “You fuck my boyfriend last night, Jensen?”

Jensen knew he should be doing something, getting drunk, calling Chris, something, but he couldn’t seem to move. He just sat on his couch, staring at the wall in front of him. All the years Chris had been so afraid that something like this would happen, and Jensen had always thought he was being so stupid. He’d never even thought there was a possibility.

Now that the worst had come, he wasn’t sure what to do.

***

Jared showed up at Jensen’s after a few hours, took one look at Jensen’s face and went into the kitchen. Jensen followed him in listlessly and leaned against the wall. “What are you doing?”

“Making you something to eat,” Jared replied as he looked through the refrigerator. “God, Jensen. Don’t you have any food?”

“I think there’s cheese,” he said, not really caring.

Jared through him a disgusted look as he pulled a package of cheese slices out. “You have any bread? We can do grilled cheese.”

Jensen waved an arm toward the cupboard where he kept the bread and sat down at the little table in the kitchen. He rubbed his hands over his face and sighed quietly.

Suddenly he felt Jared’s hands gently combing through his hair. “It’s going to be okay, Jensen, I promise. We’re going to figure this out.”

Jensen didn’t open his eyes, just let Jared sooth him, his hands tracing light circles onto Jensen’s scalp. He lowered his head and rested on his folded arms on the table. “I think I’m falling in love with you, Jared,” he whispered into the quiet room.

Jared’s hands paused for a second before continuing their ministrations. “Well,” he said, letting a breath out, “that’s good, because I know I’m falling in love with you.”

“Okay,” Jensen closed his eyes. “We’re okay.”

***

Two days went by, and Jensen couldn’t reach Chris. He’d left message after message, some angry, some pleading, some apologetic, but there was nothing.

He was scared that there was no getting out of this, no way to fix it. Finally, after almost a week of silence, Jensen went to Chris’ bar, determined to pin him down.

He walked into the bar, noting that it was a quiet night, and made his way over to the bartender, who was wiping down the bar. “Hey, man,” he greeted him. “Chris around tonight?”

The guy gestured towards the back office, and Jensen smiled his thanks, butterflies blooming in his stomach as he made his way to the door.

Reaching it, he took a deep breath. He entered the room to find Chris at his desk, doing paperwork and frowning as he punched numbers into the calculator.

“Dave, I think we need to raise the cost of draft. We’re going through too much of it and not getting enough return-“ The words cut off abruptly as Chris looked up and realized Jensen was standing there and not his bartender. His eyes went flinty and hard. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Jensen closed the door behind him and leaned against it. Folding his arms across his chest, he cleared his throat. “We need to talk.”

Chris snorted. “Think I said everything that needed to be said already.”

Jensen sighed. “Well, you need to listen, then. I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry. I fucked up, Jared fucked up, you fucked up. This is all a big mess, Chris! You can try to lay the blame solely on me, but you had a part in this, too, and you know it.”

Chris stood up, anger written over his face, and Jensen held up a hand to stop him from speaking. “No, fucking hear me out before you start. “ Chris set his jaw, his expression stormy, but stayed silent and Jensen continued. “Yeah, I messed up. I slept with your boyfriend. But Chris, you were sleeping with Steve, so it’s not like you’re pure as fucking snow.” He pushed himself off the wall and walked over to where Chris was standing, looking him right in the eye. “But man, come on. We’ve been friends for twenty years. We can get through this, okay? I’m sorry, I’m an asshole, but can’t we just move on with this?”

Chris was silent for a long moment, then, “No!” he almost shouted the word. “We can’t move on from this, Jen! You’re fucking my boyfriend!”

Fed up, Jensen shouted back, “Well, you’re fucking Steve!”

“Yeah, well, you’re not supposed to know that!” Chris exclaimed loudly.

Silence rang throughout the room, then Jensen snorted. Chris remained stubbornly silent for a moment, then started laughing. “Yeah, okay,” he admitted, “I’m an asshole, too.”

“Look,” Jensen said, calmer than before, “we can just let this go and move on, or we can throw away a friendship over a guy. A guy that you’re not even into anymore.”

Chris squinted at him. “Are you still sleeping with him, Jensen?”

Biting his lip, Jensen considered lying, then realized that there was no point, since he and Jared weren’t planning on breaking up anytime soon, if ever. “Yeah.”

“If I told you to stop?”

Jensen shook his head regretfully. “Don’t do that, Chris. Me and Jared, we’re. Well. This is it for me, Chris.”

Chris sighed and sat down in his chair wearily. “Like that, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” Chris nodded to himself. “Okay.”

Jensen sat down in the chair across from Chris, and looked over the desk at his friend. “We okay?”

“Yeah, I suppose.” Chris grinned. “Just don’t go fucking Steve and we’ll make it.”

Jensen laughed a little. “Yeah, as to that, how’d you end up fucking Steve?”

Chris smiled lazily. “Well, turns out that Steve, when drunk, tends to get kind of handsy. You know that night we all got wasted over at your place? Guy gave me a blow job that night, and that was kind of it. All over for me. Who knew?”

Jensen smiled. “I think Steve always did.”

Chris sighed. “Yeah. But now I know, too. So we’re okay.”

“I’m glad,” Jensen said, feeling like a weight had been removed from his chest. “He’s loved you for a long time. The two of you deserve to be happy.”

Chris looked at Jensen. “So do you, man. And if Jared makes you happy, then I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you, Chris. And you know what? He really, really does.”

***

Jensen made his way over to Jared’s after he finished with Chris, and when he got to his apartment, it was fairly late. He worried over the hour for a moment, then decided he didn’t care if he woke Jared up or not. He wanted to be with him, sleep be damned.

He pounded on the door for a long moment, laughing when Jared opened the door, his hair a mess from sleeping, barefoot and dressed only in boxer shorts.

Jared took one look at his face and relaxed. “Everything turn out okay?”

Jensen grinned. “Yep. Happy endings all around.”

Jared laughed and grabbed Jensen by the shirt. “Excellent. Now get your ass in here and give me my own happy ending.” And he pulled him in the apartment, and shut the door on the outside world.

***

Jensen woke the next morning next to Jared, still sleeping. He got up quietly and went into the kitchen to make coffee. When he had a mug of it, he went back into Jared’s room, stepping up to the window. The sun was beginning to light up the city, rays beaming through the clouds. Jensen watched for a moment, then turned to look at Jared sleeping quietly.

He took a sip of his coffee and smiled to himself.

It was a good life.

***

Acknowledgments and additional notes: I started this story on a whim, and I wasn't sure I'd ever manage to get it done, so when I did, I was quite proud. It's the longest thing I've written to date, and it wouldn't have been possible without the following people who provided valuable beta-reading and hand-holding. ssstevie, insaneboingo, starxd_sparrow, and rejeneration. I'm surrounded by awesome people, and all of you helped me so much. I'm forever grateful to each and every one of you.

This is probably the last J2 I'll be writing for the foreseeable future, so I'm a little bit sad, but I'm glad that I wrote it. Maybe it's not the best thing I've ever written, but I loved writing it, and I've never had as much fun writing as I did with this one. And that makes me happy. Thanks for reading, everyone.