just_muse_me | 31.9. John Lubbock quote
31.9. "A day of worry is more exhausting than a day of work."
Quote by John Lubbock
Co-written with imheretolive
[Follows THIS and THIS]
It was true that Chris’ family and friends had seemed to fall into some sort roster of sitting with him while he slept. The relief of him finally coming to after the Propofol dosage had been almost crippling, but he hadn’t stayed awake for very long. The high dose of painkillers soon had him drifting in and out of sleep again, sometimes without him seeming to realise he was going out, and Serena’s brother dragged her off to take her home for a shower and something to eat at least, even if Carla knew the young blonde woman would be back at her son’s side as soon as she managed to escape her brother’s clutches again. Despite the initial uncertainty, this fact meant a lot to Carla. It meant even more that Serena seemed so taken by Chris that she was willing to do anything to take care of him. There wasn’t any more that she could want for her sons. It was also ironic for her to witness that Serena’s relationship with her brother seemed to be the polar opposite of what Rick and Chris had, even though there were indications there that it could be changing. She desperately hoped it was changing, at least. She knew Chris really needed Rick to keep his word this time. She knew it would be the disastrous end to her family if he didn’t.
Carla now found herself sitting at Chris’ bedside alone as she watched him sleep. She had checked on Rick first, but he had been having a meeting of some sort with Dr Watson behind closed curtains. The more Carla witnessed, the more she wondered what was going on there. The way Rick looked at his oncologist was beyond how a patient looked at their doctor. He was smitten with her, and they seemed comfortable with each other. As strange as it was for Carla to see, Rick seemed to really trust this woman and if it meant he kept following all her medical advice, so be it. She was softly brushing her thumb over the backs of Chris’ fingers as she held his hand when someone clearing their throat softly behind her caught her attention. She turned around and saw a doctor standing there in blue scrubs, though he wasn’t a face she had noticed before. “Do you need me to leave?” she asked him.
Proctor hadn’t been sure he should intrude or not, but he had heard that Chris’ mother had come upon the news that her sons were seriously ill. He had just dropped by to see how Chris was progressing after Dave had paged him to alert him that Chris had finally woken up just when it seemed like he wouldn’t, but there had been so much commotion, he hadn’t stuck around. Now he came back with a lull in MT1, and he had found Mrs Deleo sitting by her son’s bedside. Now that he knew she was here, it was hard to miss who she was. She could see parts of her in Chris, but she looked even more like Rick. He held up his hand and shook his head as he approached. “No. No, please don’t leave on my account. I’m not his physician, I’m his boss.” He held his hand out with a smile. “Matt Proctor. I thought I should introduce myself.”
Carla had heard a lot about the elusive doctor, both from Chris and others. Chris had been less than impressed when the Englishman had stepped into the driver’s seat at MT1. She stood up and took his hand, shaking it with a tired smile. “Carla Deleo. And thank you, Dr Proctor. I do appreciate you taking the trouble to meet me. I have heard a lot about you.”
“Matt, please. Considering that is likely from Chris, I don’t think I can assume it was all good,” Proctor joked with a smirk and then gestured for her to take her seat again before he sat beside her. “It is a pleasure in turn to meet you. Chris believes I’m the secretive one, but he forgets that in the mix he evades a lot of vital information himself. I didn’t even know he had a brother until Rick stopped by that first day for a visit when his chopper rotor was out.” He nodded in Chris’ direction. “He is looking a little better than when I last saw him. It is tempting to sit vigil and not leave their side in case they take a turn again. I understand. But you need to keep your own strength up, get plenty of rest, a good meal.”
Carla laughed softly and nodded. “You’re right, I know. I find myself saying the same thing to Serena, Dave... anyone who will listen, but taking one’s own advice seems like an impossible feat sometimes. I’ve never been so good at listening to myself. It has just been difficult to find my feet here. The past few years, my boys have thrived on their own. Not much need for their mom to be hanging about getting in the way. Just seeing him like this, though, it’s hard to convince myself he’s okay. He doesn’t look so okay, and walking away from your baby when they’re not okay is yet another impossible task.”
Proctor smiled with a nod of understanding. “Well, I can assure you he is in the best hands possible. Our cardiovascular team is one of the best in the country, and even though it might not seem like it, I have been told he is actually recovering quite well, considering we nearly lost him. The heart takes a long time to recover from being broken... that isn’t just a metaphorical fact, it’s physical. His heart was without adequate blood flow for some time, and like the rest of his body, it needs to regain its strength. Medication, fluids, blood, rest... they will all help along the process. Would it help if we assured you someone would call you the minute he takes any bad turns? Not that I would anticipate that, but you never rule anything completely out.”
“Of course,” Carla agreed, as much as it pained her to. He turned and met Proctor’s eyes. “If I ask you something, would you be completely honest in your opinion? No sugar-coating, no dancing around issues?”
“As I try to in most circumstances. I assume it’s a medical related question that you haven’t wanted to burden Dave with, despite him being Chris’ medical proxy?” Proctor guessed with a faint smile. “They have a close friendship, it must be like having three sons here you need to protect. But of course, you can ask me any concerns you have, Mrs Deleo, about Chris’ condition or otherwise. I will try my best to answer if I am able. I am not his doctor, however. I am not privy to the complete history.”
Carla sighed, but she did know that. “Carla,” she corrected as she sat back in the chair. “He’s a fit and healthy young man, always has been. Keeps in shape, eats well most of the time, is very active. I am aware these are all pluses, but even you know even the most healthiest of people can keel over with unexpected heart attacks or strokes. Do you think he will recover completely from this? Or do you think he will have remaining long-term complications? Will he be able to work with your team again, will he have the strength for that? Because that is his life, Matt. Before recently, it was his whole world, until Serena took a piece of that for herself. I just want to know what his chances are.”
Matt realised she probably had absolutely no way of knowing how close to home her comment cut, and without the ability to stop it, he remained in quiet contemplation for a few moments. “I do know, yes,” he told her and cleared his throat. “I also know that even with the most poor of prognoses, a person can bounce back to full health with a decent period of recuperation. I am not sure how much you are aware, but our Charge Nurse, Tuck Brody. He was stabbed in the heart with a scalpel by one of our patients just a few months ago. He underwent some major surgeries, by the same team taking care of Chris, and he made a full and healthy recovery, back on the job and very much fighting fit. There is no anticipation of any complications in the future. The perforation to Chris’ abdominal aorta was caught very quickly, and repaired. Although he did lose a lot of blood, in my professional opinion based on the facts I know, I do believe he will make a full recovery. I think it will take some time, and some physical therapy initially. He will have to live the less active life for a little while, but I do think he will get back on his feet and be back with us in MT1 before we know it. He is sorely missed already.”
“So, you’re telling me I should remain optimistic?” Carla murmured and reached to brush Chris’ blond hair back softly. “That he has the best chance he could? I know this sounds horrible, but right now, I wish he wasn’t a doctor. I wish he didn’t know all the technicalities, all the good, bad, and ugly. It can’t be easy knowing it all. Even for Serena and Dave to know it all. You’re right. Dave is like an honorary son to me, but these boys and their secrets. I didn’t know he had cancer. They are evidence that no news is certainly not always good news. With twenty-something males, it seems that no news generally means they are avoiding you for some reason. Usually to protect me. I sometimes really wish they would stop trying to protect me like this. It breaks my heart.”
“That is exactly what I am telling you. I believe we all need to remain optimistic, because Chris is the sort of person who thrives off energy around him. He tries to keep people bubbling high above the surface so they are as content as they can be. Usually by joking, laughing, flirting. But that is what he feeds off. If we’re all around him down in the dumps and depressed, he is going to go crashing right down with us... and much harder too. At this point, there is no reason to now be optimistic. He is waking, he is responding, he is not reliant on a ventilator.” Proctor looked at her intently for a moment. “A boy never stops needing his mother, no matter how old he gets. Even if she is oceans apart, they still know you’re there if you need them. Can I ask what it is that you do that keeps you in Lake Wimico? Chris did subsequently reveal at one point that his father was an alcoholic, and Eva confirmed that. I am aware you are no longer married, but without your children with you in your home town, there must be something keeping you there and no bringing you a little closer to them. Or even one of them.”
Carla gave a small, wry laugh. “I think it is familiarity keeping me there, to be honest. I am a science teacher at the local high school. It’s where Chris got his love for science from. He always loved watching what I was doing and asking questions. Rick might look more like me, but he has a tendency to act like his father a lot of the time. Chris is more like me, and looks more like... well, he looks more like my mother. He didn’t really gain anything from the Deleo side of the genes, which was a sore point for my ex too. Rick was his favourite, and Chris just never seemed to be able to get it right. I was blamed for that, but...” She waved her hand. “Very long story. Alcohol does horrible things to people and unfortunately, my family suffered for that. I love my job, and I love the kids I teach. Chris and Rick don’t need me closer. They always took life in both hands and survived without needing me too much.”
“You don’t think they both really need you right now? Maybe they didn’t before, but taking a wild stab in there dark here, I think it’s a safe bet to assume they really are going to need you, Carla. No one quite has the same TLC as a mom,” Proctor reminded her softly. “Rick still has a bumpy road ahead of him with the cancer treatments, Chris will need to get back on his feet, and he has just started a relationship he seems very serious about. Dave is the same, I believe. Are those things you really feel deep down you should be absent from? There are a lot of high school in Miami. I’m betting some of them even have science teaching positions. You know something I can give positive prognosis on? Fresh starts. Waking up and realising that it’s never too late to take life by the horns and just... love it. Carpe Diem.”
Carla watched his face intently as she absorbed his words, letting them wash over her. Then she found herself breaking into a smile, and looked back over at her sleeping son. “What if you’re just too scared of fresh starts and like the comfortably familiarity around you?”
“Do it anyway,” Proctor told her with a shrug and a hint of a smile. “It’s the living, breathing familiarity that is the best anyway.” He nodded at Chris asleep in the hospital bed. “Anything else, with time, becomes like an old pair of slippers to if you learn to love it. Miami has a magic about it, Carla. Sunset this evening, come up to the roof of MT1 and I’ll show you. Then I’ll leave any decisions completely in your hands. But just let me say this, just because a boy isn’t telling you that he needs you, doesn’t mean he doesn’t. Us men, we need a hell of a lot of things that we are too proud to ask for.”
Word Count | 2,382
Quote by John Lubbock
Co-written with imheretolive
[Follows THIS and THIS]
It was true that Chris’ family and friends had seemed to fall into some sort roster of sitting with him while he slept. The relief of him finally coming to after the Propofol dosage had been almost crippling, but he hadn’t stayed awake for very long. The high dose of painkillers soon had him drifting in and out of sleep again, sometimes without him seeming to realise he was going out, and Serena’s brother dragged her off to take her home for a shower and something to eat at least, even if Carla knew the young blonde woman would be back at her son’s side as soon as she managed to escape her brother’s clutches again. Despite the initial uncertainty, this fact meant a lot to Carla. It meant even more that Serena seemed so taken by Chris that she was willing to do anything to take care of him. There wasn’t any more that she could want for her sons. It was also ironic for her to witness that Serena’s relationship with her brother seemed to be the polar opposite of what Rick and Chris had, even though there were indications there that it could be changing. She desperately hoped it was changing, at least. She knew Chris really needed Rick to keep his word this time. She knew it would be the disastrous end to her family if he didn’t.
Carla now found herself sitting at Chris’ bedside alone as she watched him sleep. She had checked on Rick first, but he had been having a meeting of some sort with Dr Watson behind closed curtains. The more Carla witnessed, the more she wondered what was going on there. The way Rick looked at his oncologist was beyond how a patient looked at their doctor. He was smitten with her, and they seemed comfortable with each other. As strange as it was for Carla to see, Rick seemed to really trust this woman and if it meant he kept following all her medical advice, so be it. She was softly brushing her thumb over the backs of Chris’ fingers as she held his hand when someone clearing their throat softly behind her caught her attention. She turned around and saw a doctor standing there in blue scrubs, though he wasn’t a face she had noticed before. “Do you need me to leave?” she asked him.
Proctor hadn’t been sure he should intrude or not, but he had heard that Chris’ mother had come upon the news that her sons were seriously ill. He had just dropped by to see how Chris was progressing after Dave had paged him to alert him that Chris had finally woken up just when it seemed like he wouldn’t, but there had been so much commotion, he hadn’t stuck around. Now he came back with a lull in MT1, and he had found Mrs Deleo sitting by her son’s bedside. Now that he knew she was here, it was hard to miss who she was. She could see parts of her in Chris, but she looked even more like Rick. He held up his hand and shook his head as he approached. “No. No, please don’t leave on my account. I’m not his physician, I’m his boss.” He held his hand out with a smile. “Matt Proctor. I thought I should introduce myself.”
Carla had heard a lot about the elusive doctor, both from Chris and others. Chris had been less than impressed when the Englishman had stepped into the driver’s seat at MT1. She stood up and took his hand, shaking it with a tired smile. “Carla Deleo. And thank you, Dr Proctor. I do appreciate you taking the trouble to meet me. I have heard a lot about you.”
“Matt, please. Considering that is likely from Chris, I don’t think I can assume it was all good,” Proctor joked with a smirk and then gestured for her to take her seat again before he sat beside her. “It is a pleasure in turn to meet you. Chris believes I’m the secretive one, but he forgets that in the mix he evades a lot of vital information himself. I didn’t even know he had a brother until Rick stopped by that first day for a visit when his chopper rotor was out.” He nodded in Chris’ direction. “He is looking a little better than when I last saw him. It is tempting to sit vigil and not leave their side in case they take a turn again. I understand. But you need to keep your own strength up, get plenty of rest, a good meal.”
Carla laughed softly and nodded. “You’re right, I know. I find myself saying the same thing to Serena, Dave... anyone who will listen, but taking one’s own advice seems like an impossible feat sometimes. I’ve never been so good at listening to myself. It has just been difficult to find my feet here. The past few years, my boys have thrived on their own. Not much need for their mom to be hanging about getting in the way. Just seeing him like this, though, it’s hard to convince myself he’s okay. He doesn’t look so okay, and walking away from your baby when they’re not okay is yet another impossible task.”
Proctor smiled with a nod of understanding. “Well, I can assure you he is in the best hands possible. Our cardiovascular team is one of the best in the country, and even though it might not seem like it, I have been told he is actually recovering quite well, considering we nearly lost him. The heart takes a long time to recover from being broken... that isn’t just a metaphorical fact, it’s physical. His heart was without adequate blood flow for some time, and like the rest of his body, it needs to regain its strength. Medication, fluids, blood, rest... they will all help along the process. Would it help if we assured you someone would call you the minute he takes any bad turns? Not that I would anticipate that, but you never rule anything completely out.”
“Of course,” Carla agreed, as much as it pained her to. He turned and met Proctor’s eyes. “If I ask you something, would you be completely honest in your opinion? No sugar-coating, no dancing around issues?”
“As I try to in most circumstances. I assume it’s a medical related question that you haven’t wanted to burden Dave with, despite him being Chris’ medical proxy?” Proctor guessed with a faint smile. “They have a close friendship, it must be like having three sons here you need to protect. But of course, you can ask me any concerns you have, Mrs Deleo, about Chris’ condition or otherwise. I will try my best to answer if I am able. I am not his doctor, however. I am not privy to the complete history.”
Carla sighed, but she did know that. “Carla,” she corrected as she sat back in the chair. “He’s a fit and healthy young man, always has been. Keeps in shape, eats well most of the time, is very active. I am aware these are all pluses, but even you know even the most healthiest of people can keel over with unexpected heart attacks or strokes. Do you think he will recover completely from this? Or do you think he will have remaining long-term complications? Will he be able to work with your team again, will he have the strength for that? Because that is his life, Matt. Before recently, it was his whole world, until Serena took a piece of that for herself. I just want to know what his chances are.”
Matt realised she probably had absolutely no way of knowing how close to home her comment cut, and without the ability to stop it, he remained in quiet contemplation for a few moments. “I do know, yes,” he told her and cleared his throat. “I also know that even with the most poor of prognoses, a person can bounce back to full health with a decent period of recuperation. I am not sure how much you are aware, but our Charge Nurse, Tuck Brody. He was stabbed in the heart with a scalpel by one of our patients just a few months ago. He underwent some major surgeries, by the same team taking care of Chris, and he made a full and healthy recovery, back on the job and very much fighting fit. There is no anticipation of any complications in the future. The perforation to Chris’ abdominal aorta was caught very quickly, and repaired. Although he did lose a lot of blood, in my professional opinion based on the facts I know, I do believe he will make a full recovery. I think it will take some time, and some physical therapy initially. He will have to live the less active life for a little while, but I do think he will get back on his feet and be back with us in MT1 before we know it. He is sorely missed already.”
“So, you’re telling me I should remain optimistic?” Carla murmured and reached to brush Chris’ blond hair back softly. “That he has the best chance he could? I know this sounds horrible, but right now, I wish he wasn’t a doctor. I wish he didn’t know all the technicalities, all the good, bad, and ugly. It can’t be easy knowing it all. Even for Serena and Dave to know it all. You’re right. Dave is like an honorary son to me, but these boys and their secrets. I didn’t know he had cancer. They are evidence that no news is certainly not always good news. With twenty-something males, it seems that no news generally means they are avoiding you for some reason. Usually to protect me. I sometimes really wish they would stop trying to protect me like this. It breaks my heart.”
“That is exactly what I am telling you. I believe we all need to remain optimistic, because Chris is the sort of person who thrives off energy around him. He tries to keep people bubbling high above the surface so they are as content as they can be. Usually by joking, laughing, flirting. But that is what he feeds off. If we’re all around him down in the dumps and depressed, he is going to go crashing right down with us... and much harder too. At this point, there is no reason to now be optimistic. He is waking, he is responding, he is not reliant on a ventilator.” Proctor looked at her intently for a moment. “A boy never stops needing his mother, no matter how old he gets. Even if she is oceans apart, they still know you’re there if you need them. Can I ask what it is that you do that keeps you in Lake Wimico? Chris did subsequently reveal at one point that his father was an alcoholic, and Eva confirmed that. I am aware you are no longer married, but without your children with you in your home town, there must be something keeping you there and no bringing you a little closer to them. Or even one of them.”
Carla gave a small, wry laugh. “I think it is familiarity keeping me there, to be honest. I am a science teacher at the local high school. It’s where Chris got his love for science from. He always loved watching what I was doing and asking questions. Rick might look more like me, but he has a tendency to act like his father a lot of the time. Chris is more like me, and looks more like... well, he looks more like my mother. He didn’t really gain anything from the Deleo side of the genes, which was a sore point for my ex too. Rick was his favourite, and Chris just never seemed to be able to get it right. I was blamed for that, but...” She waved her hand. “Very long story. Alcohol does horrible things to people and unfortunately, my family suffered for that. I love my job, and I love the kids I teach. Chris and Rick don’t need me closer. They always took life in both hands and survived without needing me too much.”
“You don’t think they both really need you right now? Maybe they didn’t before, but taking a wild stab in there dark here, I think it’s a safe bet to assume they really are going to need you, Carla. No one quite has the same TLC as a mom,” Proctor reminded her softly. “Rick still has a bumpy road ahead of him with the cancer treatments, Chris will need to get back on his feet, and he has just started a relationship he seems very serious about. Dave is the same, I believe. Are those things you really feel deep down you should be absent from? There are a lot of high school in Miami. I’m betting some of them even have science teaching positions. You know something I can give positive prognosis on? Fresh starts. Waking up and realising that it’s never too late to take life by the horns and just... love it. Carpe Diem.”
Carla watched his face intently as she absorbed his words, letting them wash over her. Then she found herself breaking into a smile, and looked back over at her sleeping son. “What if you’re just too scared of fresh starts and like the comfortably familiarity around you?”
“Do it anyway,” Proctor told her with a shrug and a hint of a smile. “It’s the living, breathing familiarity that is the best anyway.” He nodded at Chris asleep in the hospital bed. “Anything else, with time, becomes like an old pair of slippers to if you learn to love it. Miami has a magic about it, Carla. Sunset this evening, come up to the roof of MT1 and I’ll show you. Then I’ll leave any decisions completely in your hands. But just let me say this, just because a boy isn’t telling you that he needs you, doesn’t mean he doesn’t. Us men, we need a hell of a lot of things that we are too proud to ask for.”
Word Count | 2,382