(no subject)
I'm leaving for europe tomorrow and all I can think about is how unprepared I feel and I know I shouldn't feel that way at all. I don't have anything holding me back, people have been so helpful with advice, I've got an amazing opportunity but I don't even feel like I properly want it anymore. july is going to be fucking amazing. I don't even feel like I'm building it up too much. there are still uncertainties, but what would an adventure be if everything was certain?
andrew liang emailed me this morning naming two people in berlin I should get in touch with. that was really nice of him, but i'm also scared of reaching out to new people (still? still???) I'll do it. I also want to email Hort but I'm even more scared of doing that. but I also have this pressure to not just waste this opportunity (to find a job in europe, because when else will I have the chance to meet with people in europe directly?) but then I also feel like that opportunity is coming too quickly. I'm not sure I'm ready to leave baltimore. baltimore's just started feeling like a puzzle I want to crack again. really, the east coast is a puzzle I want to crack. I feel like I can make it on the east coast in a weird way. or at least socially. going to europe would be starting over which is scary.
part of me wants to view this as a nice pause, a vacation but a huge part of me wants to grab this opportunity and run with it. I just need to stop being scared and I need to stop making excuses for myself.
I just checked Hort's website and they aren't taking on any more interns for now. that kind of takes the pressure off. maybe I can just email them saying I'll be in the city, I've admired their work for a long time and would love to visit their studio and maybe have my portfolio reviewed? still scared.
also in that email andrew sent me, he told me my hair looked punk, like the baader meinhoff complex but that my teeth were prettier. hahahaha <3
no, this trip will be great, it just might not be life-altering in the ways I was considering it. BUT THAT'S OK
andrew liang emailed me this morning naming two people in berlin I should get in touch with. that was really nice of him, but i'm also scared of reaching out to new people (still? still???) I'll do it. I also want to email Hort but I'm even more scared of doing that. but I also have this pressure to not just waste this opportunity (to find a job in europe, because when else will I have the chance to meet with people in europe directly?) but then I also feel like that opportunity is coming too quickly. I'm not sure I'm ready to leave baltimore. baltimore's just started feeling like a puzzle I want to crack again. really, the east coast is a puzzle I want to crack. I feel like I can make it on the east coast in a weird way. or at least socially. going to europe would be starting over which is scary.
part of me wants to view this as a nice pause, a vacation but a huge part of me wants to grab this opportunity and run with it. I just need to stop being scared and I need to stop making excuses for myself.
I just checked Hort's website and they aren't taking on any more interns for now. that kind of takes the pressure off. maybe I can just email them saying I'll be in the city, I've admired their work for a long time and would love to visit their studio and maybe have my portfolio reviewed? still scared.
also in that email andrew sent me, he told me my hair looked punk, like the baader meinhoff complex but that my teeth were prettier. hahahaha <3
no, this trip will be great, it just might not be life-altering in the ways I was considering it. BUT THAT'S OK