Who saved your life today?
I've been kinda dark for the past couple of days. So I thought I'd try and post something a little more uplifting. Don't get me wrong my mind is still in a very dark place. I am looking at my coffee cup with a dozen pictures of my Doodlebug on it and I am fighting back tears and the desire to scream. In pictures she is always smiling and full of life. My hearts loves that, my mind knows its a lie. Just a memory.
As I was saying despite the darkness in my mind I wanted to post something different.
After loosing a child everything that a person is, stands for, or believes in is questioned. Every their core beliefs. You start to blame yourself, question your judgment, your past decisions . . . everything. I find that although I haven't lost all hope that I am severely lacking in hope. I have no faith in god. I have little or no belief in doctors or modern medicine. I have no desire to "take care of myself" because Delaney did all of that and look at where it got here.
So where is the positive message here?
The one thing that the wife and I have learned is that you can believe in people. People may be greedy, annoying, argumentative and all that on a regular basis. However, when times are bad or there is someone in need people can be amazing. We have received so much love and support from our community; Delaney's community; that we are overwhelmed. We have received support in the form of hugs, tears, calls, text messages, e-mails, help cleaning, help cooking, food, and more things that I am sure that I am forgetting. Amazing people have come from out of nowhere. Lifelong friends, co-workers, new friends and people that we don't even know. Even the 7 and 8 year old friends of Delaney seem to find ways to step up and be supportive or our family.
It restores our faith in people to see how people are. People that I don't know are saddened to tears when they hear our story. Then they are moved to want to help. I cannot count the true and genuine offers of "If there is anything I can do please do not hesitate to ask."
Do I believe in god or prayer? I don't know. I don't think that a omnipotent god who has control over our fate would allow so many prayers to go unanswered, to allow such an innocent child to die.
I do, however, believe in the power of prayer. I believe that the collective good will of people has the ability to strengthen and support each other. I do believe that a community can come together in ways that make us all better then we are as individuals. If prayer is the expression of this collective good will and strength then I believe in that.
The title today is Who saved your life today? What does that mean. Since Delaney died I have lost the desire to live, I have lost the flavor of life, I have lost the fundamental beliefs that I have about how the world should be. I wake up and go through the motions. I smile but there is sadness behind each smile. I laugh but I am crying inside. I am a shell of who I used to be. So what carries me forward? What allows me to keep living?
The answer is my Wife, my Son, my family, my friends. Each day I think about how easy it would be to die. But I also think about how I cannot do that to those people I love. I cannot make them go through what I am feeling. I cannot make their grief worse.
When I am having a dark moment and I get a call, a text, an e-mail, a hug, a smile or someone just listens I make it through that moment to the next because of them. These people who care have very literally saved my life almost on a daily basis. If you are reading this then I am pretty sure that you are one of those people. Today I thank you on behalf of my wife and child. Someday I may thank you for me.
So think about it. Who are your angels? Who may have saved your life today?
As I was saying despite the darkness in my mind I wanted to post something different.
After loosing a child everything that a person is, stands for, or believes in is questioned. Every their core beliefs. You start to blame yourself, question your judgment, your past decisions . . . everything. I find that although I haven't lost all hope that I am severely lacking in hope. I have no faith in god. I have little or no belief in doctors or modern medicine. I have no desire to "take care of myself" because Delaney did all of that and look at where it got here.
So where is the positive message here?
The one thing that the wife and I have learned is that you can believe in people. People may be greedy, annoying, argumentative and all that on a regular basis. However, when times are bad or there is someone in need people can be amazing. We have received so much love and support from our community; Delaney's community; that we are overwhelmed. We have received support in the form of hugs, tears, calls, text messages, e-mails, help cleaning, help cooking, food, and more things that I am sure that I am forgetting. Amazing people have come from out of nowhere. Lifelong friends, co-workers, new friends and people that we don't even know. Even the 7 and 8 year old friends of Delaney seem to find ways to step up and be supportive or our family.
It restores our faith in people to see how people are. People that I don't know are saddened to tears when they hear our story. Then they are moved to want to help. I cannot count the true and genuine offers of "If there is anything I can do please do not hesitate to ask."
Do I believe in god or prayer? I don't know. I don't think that a omnipotent god who has control over our fate would allow so many prayers to go unanswered, to allow such an innocent child to die.
I do, however, believe in the power of prayer. I believe that the collective good will of people has the ability to strengthen and support each other. I do believe that a community can come together in ways that make us all better then we are as individuals. If prayer is the expression of this collective good will and strength then I believe in that.
The title today is Who saved your life today? What does that mean. Since Delaney died I have lost the desire to live, I have lost the flavor of life, I have lost the fundamental beliefs that I have about how the world should be. I wake up and go through the motions. I smile but there is sadness behind each smile. I laugh but I am crying inside. I am a shell of who I used to be. So what carries me forward? What allows me to keep living?
The answer is my Wife, my Son, my family, my friends. Each day I think about how easy it would be to die. But I also think about how I cannot do that to those people I love. I cannot make them go through what I am feeling. I cannot make their grief worse.
When I am having a dark moment and I get a call, a text, an e-mail, a hug, a smile or someone just listens I make it through that moment to the next because of them. These people who care have very literally saved my life almost on a daily basis. If you are reading this then I am pretty sure that you are one of those people. Today I thank you on behalf of my wife and child. Someday I may thank you for me.
So think about it. Who are your angels? Who may have saved your life today?