Hasayaki - Chapter 4: Eternal longing
I dreaded my turn to fill in the lyrics.
I knew everyone had their special “her” in mind. Technically, so did I.
She was beautiful.
Choi Minjung was the prettiest girl in school. At least in my eyes she was.
But she was also oblivious, untouched to my feelings.
Sure, she knew I existed. But that’s just about it.
I was just Kibum to her.
Kim Kibum who went on to become Almighty Key of the boyband SHINee.
I was Kibum the classmate.
Kibum, who sat next to her for 2 years, and loved her for 5.
Another radio show...
"Kibum, so what's your ideal girl like?"
I was Kibum, the silly boy.
Kibum the boy who gave her valentines every year, for 3 years.
She never knew of the 2 years, when I stuffed the valentines and roses in my closet, because they should never see the light of day - that they should wither like my feelings.
I was Kibum, the friend, nothing more.
Kibum, the boy she would go to whenever she fought with her boyfriend.
“He said he never wants to see me again! That he likes her better!”
That blind, blind fool.
I was Kibum, the protector.
Kibum, who punched her boyfriend when he slapped her once.
Her eyes blazed with a silent fury, and I barely had time to process it before I felt a stinging slap across my cheek.
“Why did you hit him?”
“Wh--… I saw him hit you!”
“He’s my boyfriend! Whatever happens is between us both! Who are you to stick your nose into others’ business?”
“…”
“Kibum. Look. Thank you. And I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have flared up. Just… just leave it to us to settle it, okay?”
I was Kibum, the forgotten.
Kibum, who ceased to exist in her sights, once he sent her roses and chocolates, as he does, every time after they fight.
“Hey, Kibum! Did you see those roses he sent? They’re just gorgeous! Look, I’m really sorry but I can’t make it this Friday after all. He got us tickets for this movie. And I know you asked me about Friday weeks ago, but…”
I caught the sheepish grin.
“S-sure. It’s cool.”
I was Kibum, the shelter, the person she could turn to, to seek solace.
Kibum, whose shoulder she would cry on, when they argued yet again.
“He said he’ll change! He said he doesn’t mean it!”
I just sat in stony, aching silence, feeling the tears soak through my shirt.
I was Kibum, the guilty burden.
Kibum, whom she’s said a countless thank you-s, time and again, sorry to, over and over again.
“I’m sorry, Kibum. I’m really sorry. And thank you for all the times, for all the things you’ve done for me. But don’t you see? I love him. He’s all I ever want!”
Kibum the boy she cast the sad smile at, whom she would feel sorry for, because she just did not reciprocate his feelings.
“Go find someone else. You deserve better.”
Who was she to decide whether I deserved better? That “better” wasn’t her?
I was just Kibum.
Kibum-nobody.
Kibum-nothing-else.
-
恐怕不如我们所想像的
Unfortunately, it is not as we like to imagine it to be
故事都有美丽的结局
That every story has a happy ending
常常是如此的不尽人意
Often, it’s as such - unsatisfactory, contrary to our will
我摘下一朵野菊送给你
I pick a wild flower, handing it to you
把长久的盼望全留给自己
Whilst keeping that eternal longing all to myself
web counter
-
here's something to make up for that atrocious past entry! i plan to re-write that soon.. so apologies in the meantime!
also, MINKEY IS SO REAL??? *FLAILS* here.
I knew everyone had their special “her” in mind. Technically, so did I.
She was beautiful.
Choi Minjung was the prettiest girl in school. At least in my eyes she was.
But she was also oblivious, untouched to my feelings.
Sure, she knew I existed. But that’s just about it.
I was just Kibum to her.
Kim Kibum who went on to become Almighty Key of the boyband SHINee.
I was Kibum the classmate.
Kibum, who sat next to her for 2 years, and loved her for 5.
Another radio show...
"Kibum, so what's your ideal girl like?"
I was Kibum, the silly boy.
Kibum the boy who gave her valentines every year, for 3 years.
She never knew of the 2 years, when I stuffed the valentines and roses in my closet, because they should never see the light of day - that they should wither like my feelings.
I was Kibum, the friend, nothing more.
Kibum, the boy she would go to whenever she fought with her boyfriend.
“He said he never wants to see me again! That he likes her better!”
That blind, blind fool.
I was Kibum, the protector.
Kibum, who punched her boyfriend when he slapped her once.
Her eyes blazed with a silent fury, and I barely had time to process it before I felt a stinging slap across my cheek.
“Why did you hit him?”
“Wh--… I saw him hit you!”
“He’s my boyfriend! Whatever happens is between us both! Who are you to stick your nose into others’ business?”
“…”
“Kibum. Look. Thank you. And I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have flared up. Just… just leave it to us to settle it, okay?”
I was Kibum, the forgotten.
Kibum, who ceased to exist in her sights, once he sent her roses and chocolates, as he does, every time after they fight.
“Hey, Kibum! Did you see those roses he sent? They’re just gorgeous! Look, I’m really sorry but I can’t make it this Friday after all. He got us tickets for this movie. And I know you asked me about Friday weeks ago, but…”
I caught the sheepish grin.
“S-sure. It’s cool.”
I was Kibum, the shelter, the person she could turn to, to seek solace.
Kibum, whose shoulder she would cry on, when they argued yet again.
“He said he’ll change! He said he doesn’t mean it!”
I just sat in stony, aching silence, feeling the tears soak through my shirt.
I was Kibum, the guilty burden.
Kibum, whom she’s said a countless thank you-s, time and again, sorry to, over and over again.
“I’m sorry, Kibum. I’m really sorry. And thank you for all the times, for all the things you’ve done for me. But don’t you see? I love him. He’s all I ever want!”
Kibum the boy she cast the sad smile at, whom she would feel sorry for, because she just did not reciprocate his feelings.
“Go find someone else. You deserve better.”
Who was she to decide whether I deserved better? That “better” wasn’t her?
I was just Kibum.
Kibum-nobody.
Kibum-nothing-else.
-
恐怕不如我们所想像的
Unfortunately, it is not as we like to imagine it to be
故事都有美丽的结局
That every story has a happy ending
常常是如此的不尽人意
Often, it’s as such - unsatisfactory, contrary to our will
我摘下一朵野菊送给你
I pick a wild flower, handing it to you
把长久的盼望全留给自己
Whilst keeping that eternal longing all to myself
web counter
-
here's something to make up for that atrocious past entry! i plan to re-write that soon.. so apologies in the meantime!
also, MINKEY IS SO REAL??? *FLAILS* here.
