"Copy, Quasimodo?"
Contrary to popular belief, I joined the Astronomy Club purely because of my love for stars. Watching them flicker in the night sky, on the rare cloudless night in Seoul, made me forget the angry sounds coming from the room down the hall, at home. Somehow, the silence of the night would drown out those heated shouts and threats of divorce.
As part of the club initiation, we travelled to the Han River for a night of star-gazing. Ice-breakers were first in line, and the “Melon” game required a round of introductions.
Previously, I had seen you around school. But I paid little more attention to you. Yet, there was something about you that intrigued me. Like Minho-hyung, you were always surrounded by a group of friends, always laughing. Like him, you seemed very popular. But the difference was that unlike him, you were not a sportsman, which called for a certain requisite level of popularity. Instead, everyone seemed drawn to your smile, the way your eyes disappeared into two upturned lines when you laughed and your easygoing ways.
No, besides noticing these things, I pay little more attention to you. That’s what I tell myself each time I find myself searching for you when I hear a melodic laugh that sounds so much like yours in the busy cafeteria.
Like the stars, your laughter, while not uproariously loud, always managed to drown out the frivolous chatter. It would echo in my mind, as I search desperately for any signs of you.
It was finally your turn to introduce yourself. I waited with bated breath.
“Hi. My name is Lee Jinki. You can call me Onew.”
Even against the pitch darkness that surrounded us, your smile is bright. But I also notice a certain shyness to it. You attempt to make eye contact with those you are addressing, but I watch as your eyes flit from face to face, long enough to not seem rude, yet somehow fleeting, avoiding anything more.
“Ah… I’m the outgoing president of the club. So you probably won’t see me around much.” You attempt to explain, your hand subconsciously making its way to the back of your head.
After a round of games, the group begins breaking off into smaller circles, and fried chicken and beer is passed around. My heart leaps as you make your way towards my group of freshmen who have just joined the club. You wear a kind smile; it is as though you see the awed yet almost fearful looks on our faces.
Your mannerisms are so unassuming the ice is quickly broken. I’m the sole nervous exception, my heart hammering in my chest, with each smile and twinkle of your eyes. You speak so kindly, and I find myself clinging on to your every word.
Slowly, the other freshmen in our circle leave to join other circles, and I’m left with you. You notice how nervous I look and mistake it for a freshman’s nervousness when left alone with an imposing sunbae; you wonder out loud if you should leave.
“N-no, no! It’s not that!” I blurted out before I could stop myself. Lee Taemin, stop being such a loser!
Your eyebrows disappear behind your fringe at my sudden outburst, but the very next moment, I watch as you let out a laugh. The same melodic laughter my ears strain to hear above the din in the cafeteria, every day.
“Really?”
The mirth in your eyes, they strike me as so simple, yet so breathtaking, so much like the stars, which twinkle over us.
We continue talking, about everything and anything. I hear of your experiences in school. You tell me about your love for chicken. I tell you about my high school years, and my other love besides stars: dancing. We laugh. You tell me about how you look forward to college yet fear you will miss high school.
I learn about your love for stars, your fascination with how they are in fact huge balls of fire, burning so brightly, so strongly, and so stubbornly, towards a certain death. You ask me why I like the stars. Somehow, I find myself telling you everything about the shouts at home, the broken furniture, the slamming of doors, the lonesomeness.
I see the pity in your eyes. The pain. The care. The strong desire, the need to protect. I take it all in. I devour it all.
But there is something more I hope, so desperately, to see in your eyes.
As the night draws to a close and the rest begin packing up, my eyes frantically plead that we could stay here, just the two of us. But no, I was just being silly.
Yet, before you get up, you offer your hand to me, pinky extended. Confused, I look at you. Again, the same beautiful laugh.
“I know I’m a senior who’s leaving soon. You probably wouldn’t want to keep talking to an old fogey like me…”
How wrong you are…
“But, promise we’ll keep in touch?”
I smile, hoping you don’t see the sadness clawing past my heart into the fake cheery smile I have plastered on my lips, which begs for more than just a “keep in touch”.
“Promise.” I say solemnly, as I hook my pinky with yours.
“Cross your heart!” You smile, eyes transforming once again into upturned slits, as you stick out your thumb on the same hand.
Confused, I mirror you.
A jolt passes through me, as you reach forward, and our thumbs connect, forming an inverted heart.
“Good. Now it’s a real promise. So we can’t break it!”
You let go, a moment too soon. Always a moment too soon, for me.
“And…” I watch as you stick out your palm as though to shake my hand. I do the same.
“Copy that.” You grin, your eyes never once leaving my face, as you slowly, oh so slowly, brush the length of your palm against mine.
I can only watch dumbly, only seeing our palms contact, my arm numb.
“And another copy, so we each have one.” Again, another slow brushing of our palms. This time, I feel the warmth, as it spreads through my arm, towards my heart.
A few seconds pass, you grinning at me like a silly fool, my heart pleading for you to stay. Stay, please stay, don’t go, just stay!
Yet, it is all futile. I watch as you pick up your backpack and brush your jeans as you get up.
Stay, don’t go. Just for awhile more!
“Annyeong!” I can only stare, as I watch you walk away. Away from high school. Away from me.
오 그대 맘에 닿고 싶은 날 말하지 못해
Oh, I can’t tell you about me
Who wants to reach your heart
시린 구름 뒤에 가린 별빛들처럼
Like the starlight
Hidden behind the cold clouds
사랑해 입술 끝에 맴돌던 아픈 고백
I love you
In the end, this painful confession that lingers at the edge of my lips
모두 끝내 눈물에 흘러
Slides down in tears
web counter
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A/N: i thought Quasimodo would be a perfect way to sum up the past few stories. its all about unrequited love, loving someone who loves another, trying to be happy for him/her but knowing you can be so much better.
i have no idea how legit this promise-then-copy thing is, but korean guys can be so freaking charming. *dies* once again, inspiration from a promise, by the Han River, to keep in contact. forever.
i think i should stop at this? or should there be one more jinki-POV?
As part of the club initiation, we travelled to the Han River for a night of star-gazing. Ice-breakers were first in line, and the “Melon” game required a round of introductions.
Previously, I had seen you around school. But I paid little more attention to you. Yet, there was something about you that intrigued me. Like Minho-hyung, you were always surrounded by a group of friends, always laughing. Like him, you seemed very popular. But the difference was that unlike him, you were not a sportsman, which called for a certain requisite level of popularity. Instead, everyone seemed drawn to your smile, the way your eyes disappeared into two upturned lines when you laughed and your easygoing ways.
No, besides noticing these things, I pay little more attention to you. That’s what I tell myself each time I find myself searching for you when I hear a melodic laugh that sounds so much like yours in the busy cafeteria.
Like the stars, your laughter, while not uproariously loud, always managed to drown out the frivolous chatter. It would echo in my mind, as I search desperately for any signs of you.
It was finally your turn to introduce yourself. I waited with bated breath.
“Hi. My name is Lee Jinki. You can call me Onew.”
Even against the pitch darkness that surrounded us, your smile is bright. But I also notice a certain shyness to it. You attempt to make eye contact with those you are addressing, but I watch as your eyes flit from face to face, long enough to not seem rude, yet somehow fleeting, avoiding anything more.
“Ah… I’m the outgoing president of the club. So you probably won’t see me around much.” You attempt to explain, your hand subconsciously making its way to the back of your head.
After a round of games, the group begins breaking off into smaller circles, and fried chicken and beer is passed around. My heart leaps as you make your way towards my group of freshmen who have just joined the club. You wear a kind smile; it is as though you see the awed yet almost fearful looks on our faces.
Your mannerisms are so unassuming the ice is quickly broken. I’m the sole nervous exception, my heart hammering in my chest, with each smile and twinkle of your eyes. You speak so kindly, and I find myself clinging on to your every word.
Slowly, the other freshmen in our circle leave to join other circles, and I’m left with you. You notice how nervous I look and mistake it for a freshman’s nervousness when left alone with an imposing sunbae; you wonder out loud if you should leave.
“N-no, no! It’s not that!” I blurted out before I could stop myself. Lee Taemin, stop being such a loser!
Your eyebrows disappear behind your fringe at my sudden outburst, but the very next moment, I watch as you let out a laugh. The same melodic laughter my ears strain to hear above the din in the cafeteria, every day.
“Really?”
The mirth in your eyes, they strike me as so simple, yet so breathtaking, so much like the stars, which twinkle over us.
We continue talking, about everything and anything. I hear of your experiences in school. You tell me about your love for chicken. I tell you about my high school years, and my other love besides stars: dancing. We laugh. You tell me about how you look forward to college yet fear you will miss high school.
I learn about your love for stars, your fascination with how they are in fact huge balls of fire, burning so brightly, so strongly, and so stubbornly, towards a certain death. You ask me why I like the stars. Somehow, I find myself telling you everything about the shouts at home, the broken furniture, the slamming of doors, the lonesomeness.
I see the pity in your eyes. The pain. The care. The strong desire, the need to protect. I take it all in. I devour it all.
But there is something more I hope, so desperately, to see in your eyes.
As the night draws to a close and the rest begin packing up, my eyes frantically plead that we could stay here, just the two of us. But no, I was just being silly.
Yet, before you get up, you offer your hand to me, pinky extended. Confused, I look at you. Again, the same beautiful laugh.
“I know I’m a senior who’s leaving soon. You probably wouldn’t want to keep talking to an old fogey like me…”
How wrong you are…
“But, promise we’ll keep in touch?”
I smile, hoping you don’t see the sadness clawing past my heart into the fake cheery smile I have plastered on my lips, which begs for more than just a “keep in touch”.
“Promise.” I say solemnly, as I hook my pinky with yours.
“Cross your heart!” You smile, eyes transforming once again into upturned slits, as you stick out your thumb on the same hand.
Confused, I mirror you.
A jolt passes through me, as you reach forward, and our thumbs connect, forming an inverted heart.
“Good. Now it’s a real promise. So we can’t break it!”
You let go, a moment too soon. Always a moment too soon, for me.
“And…” I watch as you stick out your palm as though to shake my hand. I do the same.
“Copy that.” You grin, your eyes never once leaving my face, as you slowly, oh so slowly, brush the length of your palm against mine.
I can only watch dumbly, only seeing our palms contact, my arm numb.
“And another copy, so we each have one.” Again, another slow brushing of our palms. This time, I feel the warmth, as it spreads through my arm, towards my heart.
A few seconds pass, you grinning at me like a silly fool, my heart pleading for you to stay. Stay, please stay, don’t go, just stay!
Yet, it is all futile. I watch as you pick up your backpack and brush your jeans as you get up.
Stay, don’t go. Just for awhile more!
“Annyeong!” I can only stare, as I watch you walk away. Away from high school. Away from me.
오 그대 맘에 닿고 싶은 날 말하지 못해
Oh, I can’t tell you about me
Who wants to reach your heart
시린 구름 뒤에 가린 별빛들처럼
Like the starlight
Hidden behind the cold clouds
사랑해 입술 끝에 맴돌던 아픈 고백
I love you
In the end, this painful confession that lingers at the edge of my lips
모두 끝내 눈물에 흘러
Slides down in tears
web counter
-
A/N: i thought Quasimodo would be a perfect way to sum up the past few stories. its all about unrequited love, loving someone who loves another, trying to be happy for him/her but knowing you can be so much better.
i have no idea how legit this promise-then-copy thing is, but korean guys can be so freaking charming. *dies* once again, inspiration from a promise, by the Han River, to keep in contact. forever.
i think i should stop at this? or should there be one more jinki-POV?