Game Over
Regret, the bitter taste that poisons everything good, that creeps into your mind and abuses you, reminding you over and over that you are just not living the life you want to be. My biggest regrets lie in those decisions I've made with men in my life. Somewhere in my past I developed something utterly wrong with how I react to men and how I let them act toward me. I have reached a point where I can't hear the "beautiful"s, the "sweetheart"s, the "baby"s. I can no longer feel the tenderness, the innocence of a kiss, the sheer anticipation of touch. The way your body is completely in tune with another, feeling every breath, every glance, the accidental brushing of their skin against yours. I have settled for the "any attention is good attention" policy for far too long. I just finishing talking to one of these people in my life. They listen to the things I say and the way I conduct myself, and are completely in the dark to my yearning. When I tell them I have to do what's best for me and remove them from my thoughts and feelings, and more importantly remove them from the heat of my body and the rhythm of my soul. You want to talk about it in person? So you can try to wash over me with passion, with a created sense of need? How do men remain unattached, do they just feed upon their need for release, closing their eyes to the body that gives unto them, thinking only in terms of pleasure without connection? Enough. I have played the game long enough. I used the game to heal my soul of a pain that could never be filled with such attention. All I want is to be loved, by someone who is thirsty for my words and a guide through my heart. Someone who needs my character, to give back all that I am capable of giving forth. One by one I am cutting the ties and letting each one go with a piece of me, something I regret ever showing to people so undeserving. Stop trying to convince me that I am acting "out of character" because YOU never knew me. YOU never even came close to taking in all that I am, and all that I will be...