reflections and understandings
What do you do when the things that kept you busy for the past three years are removed from your life. When I started in the SCA I didnt know anyone. I felt I didnt belong and basicaly had to figure out how to belong. I volunteered for everything...I figure if I was busy I had a reason to be there and it would be a good way to make friends. So I did just that. I was Chateliane for three year Autocrate 3 events and took comand of gate when ever I could because well it was something I new how to do and knew that it would relieve anyone that was autocrating of that resposibility. HAving been an autocrate I know that help is sometimes hard to find and If I could make someones load lighter it would be a good thing. I now have stepped down and looking back at what I did accomplish and what I didnt I know I could only do what was in my power to do. Loaner garb is still a big mess but I've found that in the three years our loner garb was now really used and usally poeple that are serious about joining usally end up making thier own. I loaned out my own garb at times and help people find avenues to make it.
Chief LAdy in waiting was ....well it was a struggle for many reasons. ITs not something I think I did well but I gave it my best with what little I had given to me. I was blessed in the last few months to be given two amazing women that wanted to help and learn and take care of our baroness and did it with a smile and never a single complaint. I was blessed to have Gwenna there to pat me on the back and incourage me and guide me at times when I felt I was doing nothing but walking into walls.
IT also gave me the oppurtunity to get to know a few poeple I didnt or that would of never given me the time of day if I wasnt in this position.
Anniversary I had one goal and one goal only and that was to beat my reacord in raising money for the barony...and I did that and at no cost to the barony. AMEN. That made me proud. But I left the event sad empty and feeling and a bit frustrated. I cryed on my way home cause I felt drianed and to be honest....overlooked and selfish for feeling that.
I had poeple come up to me with negative rants and all I could do was listen and keep my mouth shut . I think sometimes the advice my mother gave me was the best advice ....If you have nothing nice to say ...dont say anything at all. Over the past year I've had to be positive and patient and at times just sit there and take the rantings of poeple and just let it all go. Im glad for the experiance I learn alot about what it means to be a protector and to at times learn to put some people in thier places and to make sure people respect and understand that we are human and have to grow at our own pace. Instead of complianing be the change and the creator of positive things. Respect others as you would want to be respected. Now that I was empty without a position a duty and basicaly no reason to be there I had to take the time to reflect and ask myself why am I there ? Where do I go now ? I now have time on my hands and no resposibiltys other than to myself. Now I can dive into the things I've put off because I put others before myself. Im looking forward to learning as much as I can about illumination....sewing more garb and doing what ever makes me happy. I've learned alot...seen the ugly side of the SCA and also the politics that can sweep you up into it and make you feel crazy. I was told to take some time off....when I was told that it hurt me because I've known nothing but work and that work gave me a reason to be there. But over the past few months I can see that I do need to walk away and take another path and explore the other avenues that are before me. Im grateful for those who have incouraged me and suported me and gave me the oppurtunitys to show that I can do anything if given the right tools and the freedom to do it my own way. ITs time for me to go out and learn and bring what I will learn back to the barony and hopefully ...be welcome there to share it. I think all always be a chateliane ....I never want to see a newcomer just standing there feeling they dont belong or lost or over welhmed. I think its important to always remember what it felt like at your first event when you didnt know a soul and just wanted to feel like you belong.
IF I could change anything tha tI've done over the past year it would be to hold past to the truths tha tI know to be right. To do things because the reward is in making others happy......Do what you know is right...The respect of your peers and the friendships you make along the way out ways the awards you wear around your neck. Cause when you die you cant take them with you...but you can take the love that you hold in your heart and the knowledge that people will miss you. The friends I've made the smiles I've witnessed and the simple thank yous are my joy and that is priceless.
Chief LAdy in waiting was ....well it was a struggle for many reasons. ITs not something I think I did well but I gave it my best with what little I had given to me. I was blessed in the last few months to be given two amazing women that wanted to help and learn and take care of our baroness and did it with a smile and never a single complaint. I was blessed to have Gwenna there to pat me on the back and incourage me and guide me at times when I felt I was doing nothing but walking into walls.
IT also gave me the oppurtunity to get to know a few poeple I didnt or that would of never given me the time of day if I wasnt in this position.
Anniversary I had one goal and one goal only and that was to beat my reacord in raising money for the barony...and I did that and at no cost to the barony. AMEN. That made me proud. But I left the event sad empty and feeling and a bit frustrated. I cryed on my way home cause I felt drianed and to be honest....overlooked and selfish for feeling that.
I had poeple come up to me with negative rants and all I could do was listen and keep my mouth shut . I think sometimes the advice my mother gave me was the best advice ....If you have nothing nice to say ...dont say anything at all. Over the past year I've had to be positive and patient and at times just sit there and take the rantings of poeple and just let it all go. Im glad for the experiance I learn alot about what it means to be a protector and to at times learn to put some people in thier places and to make sure people respect and understand that we are human and have to grow at our own pace. Instead of complianing be the change and the creator of positive things. Respect others as you would want to be respected. Now that I was empty without a position a duty and basicaly no reason to be there I had to take the time to reflect and ask myself why am I there ? Where do I go now ? I now have time on my hands and no resposibiltys other than to myself. Now I can dive into the things I've put off because I put others before myself. Im looking forward to learning as much as I can about illumination....sewing more garb and doing what ever makes me happy. I've learned alot...seen the ugly side of the SCA and also the politics that can sweep you up into it and make you feel crazy. I was told to take some time off....when I was told that it hurt me because I've known nothing but work and that work gave me a reason to be there. But over the past few months I can see that I do need to walk away and take another path and explore the other avenues that are before me. Im grateful for those who have incouraged me and suported me and gave me the oppurtunitys to show that I can do anything if given the right tools and the freedom to do it my own way. ITs time for me to go out and learn and bring what I will learn back to the barony and hopefully ...be welcome there to share it. I think all always be a chateliane ....I never want to see a newcomer just standing there feeling they dont belong or lost or over welhmed. I think its important to always remember what it felt like at your first event when you didnt know a soul and just wanted to feel like you belong.
IF I could change anything tha tI've done over the past year it would be to hold past to the truths tha tI know to be right. To do things because the reward is in making others happy......Do what you know is right...The respect of your peers and the friendships you make along the way out ways the awards you wear around your neck. Cause when you die you cant take them with you...but you can take the love that you hold in your heart and the knowledge that people will miss you. The friends I've made the smiles I've witnessed and the simple thank yous are my joy and that is priceless.