(no subject)
went over to the patio lastnight to watch the weekly battle of the bands. it wasnt too bad. I was in and out, mainly went to see Opiate..Gabe's friends' band. They were pretty good. Alot of energy from the guitarist, and the singer had good crowd interaction. slipped over to the Alley Cat for a minute..there was a band playing there..they werent bad, im not huge on punk, but they were alright.
Anyway, i've been down lately..Can't find a job. The ones that are hiring, interview me then never call..thats fine if the interview went bad but they didnt..so thats annoying. I have no place to stay come June 1st, and my 1800 bucks in the bank has been dropping since im unemployed right now. its at about 1 grand. thats not good.
The more I'm around Katie, the more I get confused, and upset..She has no idea, and neither does anyone really other than Josh. I just feel invisible to her at times..not that she doesnt agknowledge me, but she sees me differently now, and i dont know what i did wrong to make her feelings just stop for no reason... its shitty feeling.
Now that my small amount of money is shrinking, I really dont think I can move out to LA now...fucking figures. My only options now that are realistic...well fuck i have none. Not within the time I have. Maybe im blinded by my emotions..all i know is that there is soo much more to what has been going on in my life that i DONT post at all..i just post some things..
You know what really sucks...I found out that one of my close friends from the east coast, has been diagnosed with Throat Cancer...he might not live past 28..He's 25 now. Great. fucking great.
On top of that, my friend Joe, that was hit by a truck, as ive posted before, hes getting better but, will most likely never play soccer again, and if he can it wont be pro like he was so close to getting..life is not fair. it's cruel.
What I hate, is that I know in my heart that if I were to dissapear from everyone I know, and never come back...it wouldn't make a lasting impact. They'd mourn for a short amount of time, and those that I'd wish to care the most, would most likely care the least. But, the hard part on that, is My mom..I know it would absolutely devistate her beyond words, it would kill her. So, that alone, forces me to stay around. I guess that's good, but it's not very comforting that the only person that cares is the one who gave me life..That may sound selfish and wrong, but, think about it...that's not at all how I am trying to think about it. I wish i could just dissapear. But, I'd really like to be able to see how it affects those i care about.
Anyway, i've been down lately..Can't find a job. The ones that are hiring, interview me then never call..thats fine if the interview went bad but they didnt..so thats annoying. I have no place to stay come June 1st, and my 1800 bucks in the bank has been dropping since im unemployed right now. its at about 1 grand. thats not good.
The more I'm around Katie, the more I get confused, and upset..She has no idea, and neither does anyone really other than Josh. I just feel invisible to her at times..not that she doesnt agknowledge me, but she sees me differently now, and i dont know what i did wrong to make her feelings just stop for no reason... its shitty feeling.
Now that my small amount of money is shrinking, I really dont think I can move out to LA now...fucking figures. My only options now that are realistic...well fuck i have none. Not within the time I have. Maybe im blinded by my emotions..all i know is that there is soo much more to what has been going on in my life that i DONT post at all..i just post some things..
You know what really sucks...I found out that one of my close friends from the east coast, has been diagnosed with Throat Cancer...he might not live past 28..He's 25 now. Great. fucking great.
On top of that, my friend Joe, that was hit by a truck, as ive posted before, hes getting better but, will most likely never play soccer again, and if he can it wont be pro like he was so close to getting..life is not fair. it's cruel.
What I hate, is that I know in my heart that if I were to dissapear from everyone I know, and never come back...it wouldn't make a lasting impact. They'd mourn for a short amount of time, and those that I'd wish to care the most, would most likely care the least. But, the hard part on that, is My mom..I know it would absolutely devistate her beyond words, it would kill her. So, that alone, forces me to stay around. I guess that's good, but it's not very comforting that the only person that cares is the one who gave me life..That may sound selfish and wrong, but, think about it...that's not at all how I am trying to think about it. I wish i could just dissapear. But, I'd really like to be able to see how it affects those i care about.